AAC 50th birthday, looking for 50 cracking good stories
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AAC 50th birthday, looking for 50 cracking good stories
I am looking for stories from past exploits in the AAC. What was your best story, personal or folklore.
PM me or email [email protected] or just post it here.
Jeep
PM me or email [email protected] or just post it here.
Jeep
There are no limits
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And of course the group of 50 would be incomplete without the 'flashing white glove'
BAOR 1980's, baby pilot and baby aircrewman are practicing forced landings in a Gazelle.
'Practice Engine Failure - GO!'
Why has it gone quiet?
When I said 'In the event of.... operate the fuel shut off lever.... thats not what I meant!!'
Good engine-off landing though!
BAOR 1980's, baby pilot and baby aircrewman are practicing forced landings in a Gazelle.
'Practice Engine Failure - GO!'
Why has it gone quiet?
When I said 'In the event of.... operate the fuel shut off lever.... thats not what I meant!!'
Good engine-off landing though!
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Flung,
I dont have to be in them
Jeep
I have a few on the list so far, details would be handy though
JB delivering the mail to monaghan
BG telling the sim instructor that of course he cant smell fuel, its a simulator
The crew that were cursing and swearing at a radio transmission they heard the senior pax on the Lynx intercom could only hear them, so he thought they were talking about him.
The Army crew that got stuck somewhere without dosh and blagged their way to accomodation by saying they were BA (British Army).
The airtrooper burning the scout because Avtur doesnt burn.
Come on chaps, you know you want to tell all.
Jeep
I dont have to be in them
Jeep
I have a few on the list so far, details would be handy though
JB delivering the mail to monaghan
BG telling the sim instructor that of course he cant smell fuel, its a simulator
The crew that were cursing and swearing at a radio transmission they heard the senior pax on the Lynx intercom could only hear them, so he thought they were talking about him.
The Army crew that got stuck somewhere without dosh and blagged their way to accomodation by saying they were BA (British Army).
The airtrooper burning the scout because Avtur doesnt burn.
Come on chaps, you know you want to tell all.
Jeep
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Jeep,
I'm not sure if this is what you're after - these stories are funny to me because I can still see the faces of those involved, they may not be funny to anyone else.
1. Jim Chapelle and I flying a Lynx into Angelo in 1981, I'm flying, I made a blind call to the effect that we would be there in a few minutes and got a reply from someone else who said he'd also be there in a few minutes. We spent the next few minutes looking for the other aircraft and could not raise him on the radio. Yep, it was Jim and I making radio calls to each other from the same cockpit.
2. 1984, Al Blowers and I flying in Germany on an observation ex. The foot switch on the left side of the Gazelle had always been to activate the intercom but with the introduction of the GOA, they were being modified to become transmit switches. We had a modified switch.
We heard Army Air 005?? (the boss from HQ who sounds like a town in Kent) make a radio call and Al told me what a pratt he thought 005 was.....to which, and to my complete horror, Army Air 005 said... "who said that? Who made that call? What is your callsign?" ....... "Shutup Al, don't say another word...and don't touch that f^&*ing switch."
3. Christmas time, Hildesheim, 1984/85/86??? The CO was to brief the regiment and the regiment was formed up in 661's hangar facing the closed doors/windows, (it was snowing outside). The RSM, Adjutant and other officers were facing the regiment with their backs to the doors/windows.
The CO's car pulled up, the regiment could see out through the tiny windows in the hangar doors and we could see the CO walking back and forth along the frontage of the hangar trying to find a way in. He was trying to get his fingers in between these huge doors just to get some leverage but he could not move the securely locked doors. He found the wicket door locked also and the regiment could see the frustration on his face as he stared in through the windows, and the tittering began. It all happened quickly and eventually someone came forward and opened the wicket door. I can still see the look on his face and it still makes me laugh after 20 years.
4. The flashing white glove story.
I have so many fond memories of the Corps and many moments that still make me laugh to this day. pm me if this is what you want.
I'm not sure if this is what you're after - these stories are funny to me because I can still see the faces of those involved, they may not be funny to anyone else.
1. Jim Chapelle and I flying a Lynx into Angelo in 1981, I'm flying, I made a blind call to the effect that we would be there in a few minutes and got a reply from someone else who said he'd also be there in a few minutes. We spent the next few minutes looking for the other aircraft and could not raise him on the radio. Yep, it was Jim and I making radio calls to each other from the same cockpit.
2. 1984, Al Blowers and I flying in Germany on an observation ex. The foot switch on the left side of the Gazelle had always been to activate the intercom but with the introduction of the GOA, they were being modified to become transmit switches. We had a modified switch.
We heard Army Air 005?? (the boss from HQ who sounds like a town in Kent) make a radio call and Al told me what a pratt he thought 005 was.....to which, and to my complete horror, Army Air 005 said... "who said that? Who made that call? What is your callsign?" ....... "Shutup Al, don't say another word...and don't touch that f^&*ing switch."
3. Christmas time, Hildesheim, 1984/85/86??? The CO was to brief the regiment and the regiment was formed up in 661's hangar facing the closed doors/windows, (it was snowing outside). The RSM, Adjutant and other officers were facing the regiment with their backs to the doors/windows.
The CO's car pulled up, the regiment could see out through the tiny windows in the hangar doors and we could see the CO walking back and forth along the frontage of the hangar trying to find a way in. He was trying to get his fingers in between these huge doors just to get some leverage but he could not move the securely locked doors. He found the wicket door locked also and the regiment could see the frustration on his face as he stared in through the windows, and the tittering began. It all happened quickly and eventually someone came forward and opened the wicket door. I can still see the look on his face and it still makes me laugh after 20 years.
4. The flashing white glove story.
I have so many fond memories of the Corps and many moments that still make me laugh to this day. pm me if this is what you want.
Stood on the top pan at Bessbrook (1975) alongside a Wessex commander and his number two contemplating an overcast day with the tops of the surrounding hills invisible.
They declare the day unflyable and turn to head off back to the mess.
Out of the clagg appears a Sioux being flown on that natty little side instrument pack.
Clearly visible is a large dayglow superman S on the pilots body armour (Graham Laverton?)
RAF crew stalk off muttering to themselves.
Happy days
They declare the day unflyable and turn to head off back to the mess.
Out of the clagg appears a Sioux being flown on that natty little side instrument pack.
Clearly visible is a large dayglow superman S on the pilots body armour (Graham Laverton?)
RAF crew stalk off muttering to themselves.
Happy days
Last edited by ericferret; 2nd Aug 2007 at 17:39.
The singlies block at Soest had one major failing, no washing machine.
A plot was hatched over a number of beers with the man running the Long Kesh facilities account to acquire an industrial wachine machine by the simple expedient of transferring one on paper from 660 squadron to 4 Field workshops.
The now surplus machine was transferred to the hangar for onward freight to Germany.
While in the process of packing the stolen washing machine in walks the squadron commander.
What are you doing there?
Packing a box sir.
Oh what is in it?
Dont know sir,
(Peering closely) It looks like a washing machine!!!
Does it sir!!
I'm not supposed to know about this am I corporal?
No Sir!!!
Carry on Corporal.
A plot was hatched over a number of beers with the man running the Long Kesh facilities account to acquire an industrial wachine machine by the simple expedient of transferring one on paper from 660 squadron to 4 Field workshops.
The now surplus machine was transferred to the hangar for onward freight to Germany.
While in the process of packing the stolen washing machine in walks the squadron commander.
What are you doing there?
Packing a box sir.
Oh what is in it?
Dont know sir,
(Peering closely) It looks like a washing machine!!!
Does it sir!!
I'm not supposed to know about this am I corporal?
No Sir!!!
Carry on Corporal.
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Nice one EF.
I remember sitting next to lavers at a refuel point. The nice groundie plugged in the petrol pipe and came and stood next to the window. Lavvers looks at him and smiles and the groundie walks back to the pipe. On his next visit about 15 seconds later, he offers lavvers him a set of webbing (the webbing that belonged to lavvers), which had been on the front of the TOW boom during the previous flight. Thank god for groundies.
Reminds me of walking out to go fly at Bessbrook. I point to a tree in the distance and ask the bronnimonster how far he reckons the tree is. He says 600m. I say are you sure? They call that 1 K tree you know. Really? Nah, about 600m. Well I says, hang on a minute, why do you think they call it 1 K tree? He says dunno, but its not a K. Funny says I, Ive always used it as a weather guage. So I ask the gathered patrol waiting to get on the Lynx and we play soldiers for a second and I ask them all the same question. The average was 700m. I then ask my door gunner, he says dunno, so i remind him of the length of a football pitch and ask him to tell me how many football pitches between us and the tree - 1 K tree. He says about 5. I then remind them that there is some dead ground between us and 1 K tree, the light is strong around midday, and give Bronners another stab, just to be sporting. Sticks to his story 650m. So we went flying. Got back, got the map, measured the distance. Any guesses?
1000m. Thats why they call it 1 K tree Ahhh, them wert days.
Not good enough for the top 50 but might spurn you old sweats to fingerpeck a little and give us your dits.
Jeep
I remember sitting next to lavers at a refuel point. The nice groundie plugged in the petrol pipe and came and stood next to the window. Lavvers looks at him and smiles and the groundie walks back to the pipe. On his next visit about 15 seconds later, he offers lavvers him a set of webbing (the webbing that belonged to lavvers), which had been on the front of the TOW boom during the previous flight. Thank god for groundies.
Reminds me of walking out to go fly at Bessbrook. I point to a tree in the distance and ask the bronnimonster how far he reckons the tree is. He says 600m. I say are you sure? They call that 1 K tree you know. Really? Nah, about 600m. Well I says, hang on a minute, why do you think they call it 1 K tree? He says dunno, but its not a K. Funny says I, Ive always used it as a weather guage. So I ask the gathered patrol waiting to get on the Lynx and we play soldiers for a second and I ask them all the same question. The average was 700m. I then ask my door gunner, he says dunno, so i remind him of the length of a football pitch and ask him to tell me how many football pitches between us and the tree - 1 K tree. He says about 5. I then remind them that there is some dead ground between us and 1 K tree, the light is strong around midday, and give Bronners another stab, just to be sporting. Sticks to his story 650m. So we went flying. Got back, got the map, measured the distance. Any guesses?
1000m. Thats why they call it 1 K tree
Ahhh, them wert days.Not good enough for the top 50 but might spurn you old sweats to fingerpeck a little and give us your dits.
Jeep
As I start, it is important to point out that all involved were in on the jape apart from the unfortunate victim.
A Military Policeman, upon awarding of "Wings" was posted to Detmold, for the sake of argument 654 Sqn. Another Military Policeman was already there in a different Squadron, again for the sake of argument, 659 Sqn. After about 4 weeks, the local SIB rang the new boy and asked him to pop in for a chat. Once there it was explained that his posting had been contrived as there was drugs problem in his unit, specifically amongst the aircrew. It wasn't that they were using the stuff, some had been intercepted in Andover that had origins in Germany, the thought was it was being flown back in Army aircraft and then distributed by the pilots. If he heard of anything, he was to report back. When he pointed out there was already someone else from the RMP within the unit, he was told that that individual is among the suspects.
Fast forward 4 weeks or so and the Sqn 2i/c on a Friday tells our victim he is going to UK on Mon to ferry an aircraft back to Oxford. Don't worry about the planning etc, it is all done, just turn up on Mon with an overnight bag. Odd, he thinks, as a nig pilot, I should be doing something; think I will mention it to the SIB.
Mon arrives and off they depart. The aircraft has overnight kit and some "essential spares". They have to go to Gutersloh to draw immersion suits and LCJs. Our victim is told to monitor the refuel whilst the 2i/c gets the kit and files the flight plan. Whilst on the pan, the RAFP turn up and ask for a look around, certainly is the reply. No, we really do want to have a thorough look round. They come to the "essential spares" and open the box, the pan is covered in granulated coffee (used to disguise the smell from dogs) and a bag of white powder drops onto the floor.....at just about the same time as our victims jaw does the same. As composure is trying to be recovered, the 2i/c turns up and announces that all the packing had been done by the victim (who now resembles a codfish). Both are arrested and marched off to the Police Station.
Once in separate cells, the 2i/c is immediately released, jumps in the cab and flies back to Detmold. Our victim however is interrogated at length by the RAFP. 4 hours. At one point, the Station Commander and the Station Warrant Officer put their head in and say, "Is that him? Good, carry on", and then march out. Our victim tries to get hold of the three people who can corroborate his story, the SIB individual, the CO and the Adjt. SIB is on the golf course, the CO and Adjt are on the road to JHQ. This was all before mobile phones. Our victim is stuffed.
Eventually, he is released to Army custody, the biggest Cpl in the RMP we could find and he escorted by him and a huge RAFP through the arrivals and departures lounge of RAF Gutersloh, in a flying suit, in handcuffs. Once on the pan he asks where his aircraft is whereby he is told it now form part of a criminal investigation and is in a hangar pending forensics. What about the 2i/c? He has been released to the OC HQ Sqn about 2 hours ago.
Another aircraft is there to collect him; there was no conversation between the crew and the victim. On arrival at Detmold, the victim is to report, under escort to the Regt 2i/c office pending the COs return. To get there he has to walk through 659 Sqn's hangar, as the doors are open, his Sqn is on parade with our hero at the front with a 6' tall clockwork key for the biggest wind up of the year.
That was 16years ago, SL has been looking over his shoulder ever since.
A Military Policeman, upon awarding of "Wings" was posted to Detmold, for the sake of argument 654 Sqn. Another Military Policeman was already there in a different Squadron, again for the sake of argument, 659 Sqn. After about 4 weeks, the local SIB rang the new boy and asked him to pop in for a chat. Once there it was explained that his posting had been contrived as there was drugs problem in his unit, specifically amongst the aircrew. It wasn't that they were using the stuff, some had been intercepted in Andover that had origins in Germany, the thought was it was being flown back in Army aircraft and then distributed by the pilots. If he heard of anything, he was to report back. When he pointed out there was already someone else from the RMP within the unit, he was told that that individual is among the suspects.
Fast forward 4 weeks or so and the Sqn 2i/c on a Friday tells our victim he is going to UK on Mon to ferry an aircraft back to Oxford. Don't worry about the planning etc, it is all done, just turn up on Mon with an overnight bag. Odd, he thinks, as a nig pilot, I should be doing something; think I will mention it to the SIB.
Mon arrives and off they depart. The aircraft has overnight kit and some "essential spares". They have to go to Gutersloh to draw immersion suits and LCJs. Our victim is told to monitor the refuel whilst the 2i/c gets the kit and files the flight plan. Whilst on the pan, the RAFP turn up and ask for a look around, certainly is the reply. No, we really do want to have a thorough look round. They come to the "essential spares" and open the box, the pan is covered in granulated coffee (used to disguise the smell from dogs) and a bag of white powder drops onto the floor.....at just about the same time as our victims jaw does the same. As composure is trying to be recovered, the 2i/c turns up and announces that all the packing had been done by the victim (who now resembles a codfish). Both are arrested and marched off to the Police Station.
Once in separate cells, the 2i/c is immediately released, jumps in the cab and flies back to Detmold. Our victim however is interrogated at length by the RAFP. 4 hours. At one point, the Station Commander and the Station Warrant Officer put their head in and say, "Is that him? Good, carry on", and then march out. Our victim tries to get hold of the three people who can corroborate his story, the SIB individual, the CO and the Adjt. SIB is on the golf course, the CO and Adjt are on the road to JHQ. This was all before mobile phones. Our victim is stuffed.
Eventually, he is released to Army custody, the biggest Cpl in the RMP we could find and he escorted by him and a huge RAFP through the arrivals and departures lounge of RAF Gutersloh, in a flying suit, in handcuffs. Once on the pan he asks where his aircraft is whereby he is told it now form part of a criminal investigation and is in a hangar pending forensics. What about the 2i/c? He has been released to the OC HQ Sqn about 2 hours ago.
Another aircraft is there to collect him; there was no conversation between the crew and the victim. On arrival at Detmold, the victim is to report, under escort to the Regt 2i/c office pending the COs return. To get there he has to walk through 659 Sqn's hangar, as the doors are open, his Sqn is on parade with our hero at the front with a 6' tall clockwork key for the biggest wind up of the year.
That was 16years ago, SL has been looking over his shoulder ever since.
August 31 1997. Bessbrook. Sunday morning and all the lynx crews (less Lynx 5 commander - Mr Logic) are inspecting their eyelids in their maggots in the sanctum sanctorum, when the door opens (a bit early thought I) and Mr Logic - his face grave - walks in and in a stentorious voice - and a manner uncannily like Sam the Eagle from the muppet show - says
"Gentlemen - sad news. Earlier this morning Princess Diana of Wales died in a car crash"
cue gasps of disbelief and some shaking of heads until Snakey pipes up with,
"That's it lads, the Royal Family's ugly again!"
Mr Logic/Sam didn't see the funny side of that for some reason.
"Gentlemen - sad news. Earlier this morning Princess Diana of Wales died in a car crash"
cue gasps of disbelief and some shaking of heads until Snakey pipes up with,
"That's it lads, the Royal Family's ugly again!"
Mr Logic/Sam didn't see the funny side of that for some reason.
Lavvers webbing
Message from the tower (Soest) XW89? is on the way in and is going to land on the washdown.
The said Gazelle flies directly to the washdown followed by a cloud of flies.
Exit pilot (Rod Scott) into the hot summer sunshine head to foot in spew courtesy of a back seat passenger.
Happy five minutes spraying the sorry aviator with freezing cold water prior to even sorrier engineers attempting to hose out the cockpit without destroying the electrics or breathing.
Aviator heads off to hangar wearing only underpants and flying boots. Probably the only man on the planet who could still look warlike so attired.
The said Gazelle flies directly to the washdown followed by a cloud of flies.
Exit pilot (Rod Scott) into the hot summer sunshine head to foot in spew courtesy of a back seat passenger.
Happy five minutes spraying the sorry aviator with freezing cold water prior to even sorrier engineers attempting to hose out the cockpit without destroying the electrics or breathing.
Aviator heads off to hangar wearing only underpants and flying boots. Probably the only man on the planet who could still look warlike so attired.
On arriving at Aldergrove from Germany squadron personnel are confronted by large number of customs men and a huge quantity of cigarettes are confiscated (rumoured to be in excess of 60,000).
On the next tour all smokers are reminded of the incident and advised to stick to the limits.
Down goes the Herks ramp and on steps all 5 foot nothing of the customs officer.
Have you lads got anything to declare?
A shaking of heads.
Well thats ok then, I'll be off and a good morning to you all.
Cue horrible wailing sound from the nicotine stained brethren.
On the next tour all smokers are reminded of the incident and advised to stick to the limits.
Down goes the Herks ramp and on steps all 5 foot nothing of the customs officer.
Have you lads got anything to declare?
A shaking of heads.
Well thats ok then, I'll be off and a good morning to you all.
Cue horrible wailing sound from the nicotine stained brethren.
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Then there was the crewman showing somebody around a Lynx in Munster and not realising that the fire bottles were live even though the battery was switched off. WHOOSH!
Made more ironic a couple of weeks later when our cab went tits in Manston and we found ourselves a the disco in the RAF Fire Fighting School.
Sorry Ginge
Made more ironic a couple of weeks later when our cab went tits in Manston and we found ourselves a the disco in the RAF Fire Fighting School.
Sorry Ginge
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wizzard,
greetings. I wasnt showing anyone around, i was sat with zip P and he was practising me in the art of emergency drills. I was supposed to mouth the words press the fire extinguisher, except my fingers did it.
Didnt you and I have an engine failure in a scout because of leaves on the chip basket and when we got out, it was your old unit mates dug in around the same clearing? My memory fades as the time goes by, perhaps you want to embelish that one and post it?
Ever bump into purvey up there?
Like i said, I dont have to be in them
Jeep
greetings. I wasnt showing anyone around, i was sat with zip P and he was practising me in the art of emergency drills. I was supposed to mouth the words press the fire extinguisher, except my fingers did it.
Didnt you and I have an engine failure in a scout because of leaves on the chip basket and when we got out, it was your old unit mates dug in around the same clearing? My memory fades as the time goes by, perhaps you want to embelish that one and post it?
Ever bump into purvey up there?
Like i said, I dont have to be in them
Jeep
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Yes, so there I was hover-taxiing up the side of this wood trying to get a good position to see the "red hoards" when I heard this strange noise and noticed the JPT was off the clock. It's all a bit of a blur now but I probably wound off the throttle and cushioned the touchdown (well that's what the book said I should do anyway).
I remember trying to move the blades and when I couldn't I asked you to take the brake off to which you replied "it's off!" OOps - one molten free turbine.
Of course as you say the really strange thing was a voice from below calling me a w*nker for blowing off his camouflage! We'd landed on top of a 3PARA OP and one of my old mates was the commander. They were well and truly compromised now so I gave him my flying gloves and he gave me some brew kit and I've never seen him since.
Nope - haven't seen the Purv
Wiz
I remember trying to move the blades and when I couldn't I asked you to take the brake off to which you replied "it's off!" OOps - one molten free turbine.
Of course as you say the really strange thing was a voice from below calling me a w*nker for blowing off his camouflage! We'd landed on top of a 3PARA OP and one of my old mates was the commander. They were well and truly compromised now so I gave him my flying gloves and he gave me some brew kit and I've never seen him since.
Nope - haven't seen the Purv
Wiz
Well it made me laugh at the time?
On CPX in BAOR, late 60's/early 70's, yes that long ago! Well known former Chief of Standards at MW now believed to be seen occasionally driving a steam engine in Hants along with equally well known PC Plod believed last sighting at the wheel of a limo in central London. "Hello niner, this is zero is that you rogering me over"! All present in CP fall over laughing, well I did say it was funny at the time!
with fraternal greetings, ambi
with fraternal greetings, ambi