AAC 50th birthday, looking for 50 cracking good stories
Join Date: Mar 2009
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UK 1986. Newly arrived Gazelle pilot reading Sqn DRO's spies a need for a volunteer to attend a CSRO course. Sees a nearby old and bold Lynx pilot:
Gazelle Pilot: 'What's a CSRO course?
Lynx Pilot: 'Get your name down for that laddie - it's a 2 week Flight Safety Officers course in London. You stay in a hotel and get £25 a day LOA'
Gazelle Pilot (thinks): 'That's the course for me!'
2 weeks later Gazelle Pilot is spread eagled against the wall of castle in Cornwall, wet, very cold and very hungry with a bag on his head listening to white noise having volunteered for a Combat Survival and Rescue Officers course.
Gazelle Pilot: 'What's a CSRO course?
Lynx Pilot: 'Get your name down for that laddie - it's a 2 week Flight Safety Officers course in London. You stay in a hotel and get £25 a day LOA'
Gazelle Pilot (thinks): 'That's the course for me!'
2 weeks later Gazelle Pilot is spread eagled against the wall of castle in Cornwall, wet, very cold and very hungry with a bag on his head listening to white noise having volunteered for a Combat Survival and Rescue Officers course.
There are no limits
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Shrewsbury, England.
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The CSRO course in Cornwall - That must have been the easy one. I did the hard one - the one in Devon.
That one in Bad Kohlgrub, that was hard too until we had to ski for 4 days to acclimatize then spend a night in a poncho bivvy with a sleeping bag.
My how we sniggered at the Crabs struggling with parachutes and dinghies.
Last laugh was on us though as crab plus matey ascertain that its only a short tab back to the village so guess where they spent the night!
That one in Bad Kohlgrub, that was hard too until we had to ski for 4 days to acclimatize then spend a night in a poncho bivvy with a sleeping bag.
My how we sniggered at the Crabs struggling with parachutes and dinghies.
Last laugh was on us though as crab plus matey ascertain that its only a short tab back to the village so guess where they spent the night!
Join Date: Jul 2005
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That reminds me of another one!
3 Flt supporting Kilt wearing regiment exercising in Kenya late 85.
All based at the racecourse (?) in Nanuyki, and after usual famils around the different training areas settled into routine. A couple of weeks later a detachment of RMP travel up country from Nairobi to have a 'look around!' i.e. check on the boys. Col in a skirt suggests the Flt 'might like to take them around the areas'. So we gear up for another afternoon of cooks tours!
When breifing said monkeys, we gave them the usual do's and don'ts and stressed that "If you feel sick..... use your berets,as we don't want to have a cabin full of carrots!"
First 2 trips, no problems. 3rd trip, after doing the training areas we headed for Mt Kenya to go look for some Hefalumps. Soon a tiny voice was heard from the back "I don't feel very well!". "OK" says I "hang on a minute". Executed a brill quick-stop with 90deg into field and lands
. "Right, out you get lad". So Monkey jumps out and legs it to the corner of the field. 4 pairs of eyes looked on in amazment as he took his beret out of his combat jacket pocket and................................YES! threw up into it! 
He then carefully folded his beret again, put it back in his pocket and came back saying "Great, I feel better for that!"
I did try to explain that the reason for landing in a field was that he could be sick outside the aircraft, but the howls of laughter from the others won! So it was a cr@p take-off due to the tears in my eyes.
Got a few beers recounting that one in the mess that night tho'
All based at the racecourse (?) in Nanuyki, and after usual famils around the different training areas settled into routine. A couple of weeks later a detachment of RMP travel up country from Nairobi to have a 'look around!' i.e. check on the boys. Col in a skirt suggests the Flt 'might like to take them around the areas'. So we gear up for another afternoon of cooks tours!
When breifing said monkeys, we gave them the usual do's and don'ts and stressed that "If you feel sick..... use your berets,as we don't want to have a cabin full of carrots!"
First 2 trips, no problems. 3rd trip, after doing the training areas we headed for Mt Kenya to go look for some Hefalumps. Soon a tiny voice was heard from the back "I don't feel very well!". "OK" says I "hang on a minute". Executed a brill quick-stop with 90deg into field and lands
. "Right, out you get lad". So Monkey jumps out and legs it to the corner of the field. 4 pairs of eyes looked on in amazment as he took his beret out of his combat jacket pocket and................................YES! threw up into it! He then carefully folded his beret again, put it back in his pocket and came back saying "Great, I feel better for that!"I did try to explain that the reason for landing in a field was that he could be sick outside the aircraft, but the howls of laughter from the others won! So it was a cr@p take-off due to the tears in my eyes.
Got a few beers recounting that one in the mess that night tho'
Reminds me of the story of a couple of lads out in Alberta on Ex Medicine Man. After an evening sampling the delights of the 'Bin in Medicine Hat they manage to get a taxi to take them back to Suffield.
"Look," says the driver "I know you're full of beer, but this is my taxi, my office, and my home for most of the time. If you feel like barfing, let me know. I'll pull over. You open the door and barf, and we'll be on our way again."
Halfway home and one of the lads is getting the urge. Driver gets the message, slows down and pulls onto the verge. Mate in the back opens the door, discharges the contents of his stomach into his own lap, and closes the door.
"Look," says the driver "I know you're full of beer, but this is my taxi, my office, and my home for most of the time. If you feel like barfing, let me know. I'll pull over. You open the door and barf, and we'll be on our way again."
Halfway home and one of the lads is getting the urge. Driver gets the message, slows down and pulls onto the verge. Mate in the back opens the door, discharges the contents of his stomach into his own lap, and closes the door.
Join Date: Nov 2005
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One of those boring exercises on the plains of northern Germany.
Middle of the night, radio silence, all "cammed" up, SAS in the vicinity.
You know the scenario.
Fred the Airtech decides it is a good time to visit the DTL for a long overdue "compo ration dump"
Armed with his trusty SMG a new bog roll and one of those high powered aluminium torches he sets off.
He reaches his destination and is just about to sit down when he drops his bog roll.
Switches on his high powered torch.
Shout from the guard "Put that f*****g light out.
Fred panics and drops the torch in to the depths of the DTL where it lands with the beam pointing skywards and a clear ray of light reaching to at least half a kilometre !!
Very understanding and kindly SSM.
"I don't care how it happened you are going to sit there until daylight or the battery runs out whichever comes first"
Middle of the night, radio silence, all "cammed" up, SAS in the vicinity.
You know the scenario.
Fred the Airtech decides it is a good time to visit the DTL for a long overdue "compo ration dump"
Armed with his trusty SMG a new bog roll and one of those high powered aluminium torches he sets off.
He reaches his destination and is just about to sit down when he drops his bog roll.
Switches on his high powered torch.
Shout from the guard "Put that f*****g light out.
Fred panics and drops the torch in to the depths of the DTL where it lands with the beam pointing skywards and a clear ray of light reaching to at least half a kilometre !!
Very understanding and kindly SSM.
"I don't care how it happened you are going to sit there until daylight or the battery runs out whichever comes first"
Join Date: Feb 2005
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Forgive the civvie and antipodean intrusion, but it is a tale of the universal barfing procedure.
Two of us mustering for a colorful ex American 'gentleman', and cattle station owner - Charles English Henderson Jn. the III.(Retired ex US Navy the first carrier night fighters)
My offsider has been tasked to carry a station visitor as a favor for 'Charlie'. After a while I hear this exclamation. "Well will yer come and look at this, I've seen everything now".
I tooled over and peered at his pax from close quarters who appeared to be sitting, fat, dumb and happy. "Oh yeah," I says "looks pretty normal."
Well, turns out the pax had done the usual rainbow colour change techniques, every colour except red, which is bad signage, then looks at my mate with a woeful look.
Mate says with strong finger gesticulation, "You spew - you clean."
In his pitiful state he removed his pork pie hat, chundered into it, then not knowing what to do firmly replaced it on his head.
I couldn't see it but by the time I had gotten around there, he had a small liquid trickle curling down his temple. Sat like that until refuel two hours later.
Two of us mustering for a colorful ex American 'gentleman', and cattle station owner - Charles English Henderson Jn. the III.(Retired ex US Navy the first carrier night fighters)
My offsider has been tasked to carry a station visitor as a favor for 'Charlie'. After a while I hear this exclamation. "Well will yer come and look at this, I've seen everything now".
I tooled over and peered at his pax from close quarters who appeared to be sitting, fat, dumb and happy. "Oh yeah," I says "looks pretty normal."
Well, turns out the pax had done the usual rainbow colour change techniques, every colour except red, which is bad signage, then looks at my mate with a woeful look.
Mate says with strong finger gesticulation, "You spew - you clean."
In his pitiful state he removed his pork pie hat, chundered into it, then not knowing what to do firmly replaced it on his head.
I couldn't see it but by the time I had gotten around there, he had a small liquid trickle curling down his temple. Sat like that until refuel two hours later.
