I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: uxbridge
Posts: 19
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Not really I wish I hadn't said that, but funny all the same. Unfortunately, the website prevents copying it's text, so here is the site.
http://www.joke-archives.com/apps/mc...lassurvey.html
http://www.joke-archives.com/apps/mc...lassurvey.html
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Aberdeen or Santa Barbara
Posts: 92
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Can't remember whether Mike V or Grumpy Pete M told this story ..but anyway..
Young Fg Off walking up the hill at St Mawgan in torrential rain, with no hat to avoid it being blown off. Stn Cdrs car goes past & stops. Young Fg Off runs to car, opens door and says "Thanks very much for stopping to give me a lift Sir - staish replies " get your fu&k*ng hat on!"
Young Fg Off walking up the hill at St Mawgan in torrential rain, with no hat to avoid it being blown off. Stn Cdrs car goes past & stops. Young Fg Off runs to car, opens door and says "Thanks very much for stopping to give me a lift Sir - staish replies " get your fu&k*ng hat on!"
Short Blunt Shock
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 631
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Albert doing VIP lift fron hot & sandy place to certain well-heeled gulf country. PM & Mrs PM on flt deck & on headset.
The Nav, spotting a Gulf Air / Emirates 747 just landing:
"Eh up, the f@nny bowser's here"
Colour drains from capt's face as he tries to disappear up his own @rsehole, as Mrs PM gives the Nav a knowing smirk!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Linton crewroom, usual winter hyper-fog, bored studes. Talk is of jobs outside the mob - it\'s shortly after Options For Shafting, and the airlines are recruiting again. One young Plt Off answers the telephone. The conversation we could hear went something like this:
Ring Ring....
P/O: "BA Recruiting office!.............errrr, no, no, Sir, this IS the X Sqn crewroom, err......sorry Sir, just a little crewroom joke, sorry sorry, crawl, grovel, ...." etc etc.
Caller was an Air Chief Marshall, wishing to speak to his son who was on BFT at the time.............
The Nav, spotting a Gulf Air / Emirates 747 just landing:
"Eh up, the f@nny bowser's here"
Colour drains from capt's face as he tries to disappear up his own @rsehole, as Mrs PM gives the Nav a knowing smirk!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Linton crewroom, usual winter hyper-fog, bored studes. Talk is of jobs outside the mob - it\'s shortly after Options For Shafting, and the airlines are recruiting again. One young Plt Off answers the telephone. The conversation we could hear went something like this:
Ring Ring....
P/O: "BA Recruiting office!.............errrr, no, no, Sir, this IS the X Sqn crewroom, err......sorry Sir, just a little crewroom joke, sorry sorry, crawl, grovel, ...." etc etc.
Caller was an Air Chief Marshall, wishing to speak to his son who was on BFT at the time.............
Last edited by 16 blades; 13th Dec 2004 at 01:34.
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Up North
Posts: 801
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A certain OC Admin, dining out from the RAF at a certain station some years ago, giving his speech...
(paraphrase) "...And I'd like to say thanks to Fg Off (Female), the Adj with the Vag..."
Cue much shock and uproar!
OC A had heard the term used in the bar, noted the associated humour but did not know the exact meaning! He was a grizzled veteran of many years and the speech had some excellent and highly amusing stories, usually with himself as the protagonist.
The Adj was the recipient of a bunch of flowers after OC A realised what the term meant!
(paraphrase) "...And I'd like to say thanks to Fg Off (Female), the Adj with the Vag..."
Cue much shock and uproar!
OC A had heard the term used in the bar, noted the associated humour but did not know the exact meaning! He was a grizzled veteran of many years and the speech had some excellent and highly amusing stories, usually with himself as the protagonist.
The Adj was the recipient of a bunch of flowers after OC A realised what the term meant!
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Formerly resident of Knoteatingham
Posts: 959
Received 127 Likes
on
66 Posts
Not so much of "I wish I hadn't said that" but more of a "I wish I hadn't written that."
I left the RAF in 92 and spent almost 2 years out of aviation and eventually decided to see if I could rejoin so was composing a suitable grovelling letter to send to their airships.
Part of what the officer meant to write was "Should this application to rejoin the RAF be successful I will do so with a hard won (start new page)
sense of appreciation .....etc.
Unfortunately I missed the "w" off the won and the last line of page one read
"Should this application to rejoin the RAF be successful I will do so with a hard on"
Laugh! I nearly bought a round.
I left the RAF in 92 and spent almost 2 years out of aviation and eventually decided to see if I could rejoin so was composing a suitable grovelling letter to send to their airships.
Part of what the officer meant to write was "Should this application to rejoin the RAF be successful I will do so with a hard won (start new page)
sense of appreciation .....etc.
Unfortunately I missed the "w" off the won and the last line of page one read
"Should this application to rejoin the RAF be successful I will do so with a hard on"
Laugh! I nearly bought a round.
In the early days of inter-office e-mail, my brother's secretary-to-be was surprised to read "Dear Miss *****. I understand that you will shortly be joining me as my new secretary. I look forward to working with you, my pen is poised!"
Unfortunately the space between pen and is had been left out......
Or so he claimed!
Unfortunately the space between pen and is had been left out......
Or so he claimed!
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Near Stalyvegas
Age: 78
Posts: 2,022
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Passing out parade, RAF Innsworth. Due to the small nubers of recruits, we did the parade in the hangar. All went well intil the final "Line, by the centre" etc towards the dias [and doting parents] The Flight Cndr gave the "Halt" on the wrong foot......in the following silence we ALL heard the DS mutter "Wrong f*****ng foot the you stupid Tw*t"
watp,iktch
watp,iktch
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Well North of the M25
Posts: 67
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
ILS's at Brize while still a stude, sortie going well for me and air trfficer alike - the type with a sultry voice that you just have to imagine she looks a little like a goddess..... Anyhoo, some Harrier boys join the fun with callsign 'Blackbox'. Poor grilie trafficer can't keep the giggle out of her voice for the next 20 min...... The harrier mates have the manners to apologise for the callsign as they depart ... then an unidetified person quips ' but it's not as bad as gingerbox.......
Instructor didn't notice much for the rest of the sortie... still wiping tears from the eyes!!!
Instructor didn't notice much for the rest of the sortie... still wiping tears from the eyes!!!
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Well North of the M25
Posts: 67
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Apologies if this one has already been raised, but in the line book of one of the Shawbury Squadrons is a gem....
Beefer to stude- 'all I want you to do is a spot turn, turning about the tail, keeping the tail on the white line....'
Stude (looking incredulous) to Beefer- 'Sir, it's a cyclic stick, not a fuc%$ng magic wand!!!'
Awesome......
Beefer to stude- 'all I want you to do is a spot turn, turning about the tail, keeping the tail on the white line....'
Stude (looking incredulous) to Beefer- 'Sir, it's a cyclic stick, not a fuc%$ng magic wand!!!'
Awesome......
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Blank, featureless desert
Posts: 1
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Best SATCO the airfield has seen in many years, sat in a meeting at SHQ. Our hero, who's as bald as a coot, is sat next to a particularly pompous S/L. The other side of the S/L is a similarly bald chap. As the meeting draws to a close......
S/L: Well I must just say that sitting between these two is like sitting between two @rse cheeks!!!
SATCO: And we all know what sits between two @rse cheeks, sir!
S/L: Well I must just say that sitting between these two is like sitting between two @rse cheeks!!!
SATCO: And we all know what sits between two @rse cheeks, sir!
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 11
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Picture the scene: A well known air base near a cool pool recently, Boss rings ATC to ask about the JBI for the obviously icy runway... ATC replies "Can't tell you, I'm afraid the JBI truck has just slid off the runway..." DOH!!
Mid 80's, RW Sqn crewroom, RAFG.
In connection with the then latest Westland POS, the WG 30, the company were unofficially canvassing opinions as to a suitable name.
They wanted a 'W' name, to follow the Whirly, Wessex, and even Wapiti I suppose- aliterative and stuff...
Big, seemingly perpetualy grumpy jock pilot pipes up, "The Wardrobe!"
Suitable sucker asks why Wardrobe? (also aliterative)
"Cos just like the furniture, when there's anything in the f%^&er you can't shift it!"
Mekks me laff
In connection with the then latest Westland POS, the WG 30, the company were unofficially canvassing opinions as to a suitable name.
They wanted a 'W' name, to follow the Whirly, Wessex, and even Wapiti I suppose- aliterative and stuff...
Big, seemingly perpetualy grumpy jock pilot pipes up, "The Wardrobe!"
Suitable sucker asks why Wardrobe? (also aliterative)
"Cos just like the furniture, when there's anything in the f%^&er you can't shift it!"
Mekks me laff
Guest
Posts: n/a
Strong Express, early 70's,
50/50 Britannia with Pax & Pallets returning to Blighty.
Lines up, drops brakes and goes.
Halfway down the runway, chops power, full reverse, stands on brakes and exits stage right.
Onboard Techy leaps to the hatch in the floor at the cockpit door and disappears below with a large adjustable
spanner. Bang, Bang, Bang sound of spanner hitting metal, Brit by now taxing across the ramp in hopes of a relaunch.
At the hold, Techy reappears from the nether regions and announces to driver "Can we try that again".
Cue 25-30 pax NNNNNOOOOOOOooooooooo.
We launched with the Techy's feet dangling in the hole in the floor with periodic looks below to see that the bits were still together.
The climbout over the mountains was thought provoking.
Imagegear
50/50 Britannia with Pax & Pallets returning to Blighty.
Lines up, drops brakes and goes.
Halfway down the runway, chops power, full reverse, stands on brakes and exits stage right.
Onboard Techy leaps to the hatch in the floor at the cockpit door and disappears below with a large adjustable
spanner. Bang, Bang, Bang sound of spanner hitting metal, Brit by now taxing across the ramp in hopes of a relaunch.
At the hold, Techy reappears from the nether regions and announces to driver "Can we try that again".
Cue 25-30 pax NNNNNOOOOOOOooooooooo.
We launched with the Techy's feet dangling in the hole in the floor with periodic looks below to see that the bits were still together.
The climbout over the mountains was thought provoking.
Imagegear
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: 2nd biggest country in world
Age: 55
Posts: 60
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Sunday drinks in the mess at Stornoway. Bristow SAR Boys and RAF mingling getting rather drunk when Chief Pilot says "Party at my house who wants to go?" "how are we gonna get there?" My wife (secretary at Bristows) says to her boss "You can come in my pocket if you want!" You had to be there but CP is a vertically challenged person.
Hoist to crew winching over and out!
Hoist to crew winching over and out!
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Soon to be somewhere else...
Posts: 48
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Things you wish you had not ordered...
Out with one of our contractors for lunch at a local pub. Both of us eyed the Specials board and saw a dish that conjured up memories of childhood and home-cooked meals. Salivating at the thought of this dish we waited for the waitress to return with the Nostalga-special. We should have twigged something was up after seeing her having difficulty in keeping a straight face as she left the kitchen. She marched into the middle of the room and in a loud voice said "Which two of you are the Faggots?"
Lesson...hard way...
Didn't taste likes Brains either.
(For the younger reader Faggots used to be a wholesome dish wrapped in a very nice silver foil tray)
Lesson...hard way...
Didn't taste likes Brains either.
(For the younger reader Faggots used to be a wholesome dish wrapped in a very nice silver foil tray)
During a display to local dignitaries (young lady Mayor) of some new thermal imaging kit on a chopper one of the crew standing around in the hangar put a condom filled with hot water down the left leg of his flying suit having tied it to his undies.
Lady Mayor didnt leave his side all afternoon having spied this chaps thermal image on the screen in said helo.
Lady Mayor didnt leave his side all afternoon having spied this chaps thermal image on the screen in said helo.
Avoid imitations
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Wandering the FIR and cyberspace often at highly unsociable times
Posts: 14,599
Received 461 Likes
on
243 Posts
<Big, seemingly perpetualy grumpy jock pilot pipes up, "The Wardrobe!">
Blackie up to his tricks?
Blackie up to his tricks?
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Oop North (where the beer is best)
Posts: 47
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
In Germany on exchange a few years ago, I lived on the same barracks as a cavalry regt.
One saturday morning I drove onto the barracks past a guy walking along with his young son weaving around on his stabilised bike. I drove up to the other Battalion's mess (where I lived) and then jogged down to the NAAFI to pick up the saturday papers:
Other bloke: I say, were you the hooligan who sped past myself and my son. You could have killed us both.
Me: To be fair, I was well over to the other side of the road, and it would have taken a significant effort for you to jump under my wheels.
OB: who the hell are you anyway?
Me: I'm Blah Blah, one of the Blahs. Who are you?
OB: I'm Johnny Triple-Barrelled-Name, I'm one of the Squadron Commanders here.
Me: Oh really, what do you fly? I didn't think we had any RAF aircraft east of Bruggen.
I departed at speed towards the NAAFI, leaving said Major scratching his head.
I hope I reach that level of banter again before I die!
One saturday morning I drove onto the barracks past a guy walking along with his young son weaving around on his stabilised bike. I drove up to the other Battalion's mess (where I lived) and then jogged down to the NAAFI to pick up the saturday papers:
Other bloke: I say, were you the hooligan who sped past myself and my son. You could have killed us both.
Me: To be fair, I was well over to the other side of the road, and it would have taken a significant effort for you to jump under my wheels.
OB: who the hell are you anyway?
Me: I'm Blah Blah, one of the Blahs. Who are you?
OB: I'm Johnny Triple-Barrelled-Name, I'm one of the Squadron Commanders here.
Me: Oh really, what do you fly? I didn't think we had any RAF aircraft east of Bruggen.
I departed at speed towards the NAAFI, leaving said Major scratching his head.
I hope I reach that level of banter again before I die!