I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
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many moons ago was told this tale from an old n bold a1 bulldog qfi who was trying to impart knowledge of r/t procedure.
"just tell them who you are, where you are and what you want..."
"hallo w**ton, I'm Ginny..."
"just tell them who you are, where you are and what you want..."
"hallo w**ton, I'm Ginny..."
Just beating the air into submission!
Join Date: Jul 2000
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Back to the top yet again:
Back in the days of BFG, 1987, returning to Soest from a day out in the Lynx sim at Wetmold. Heading westbound out of the Horn Gap I speak to Gutersloh Zone, “ Gutersloh Zone, this AAC711, Lynx, 2 POB, low level, Detmold to Soest, exiting the Horn Gap, requesting a FIS. Back came the reply “ FIS, whats your heading?” Feeling jovial I reply, “Its in a green helmet, with a black visor, a pigtail and a microphone on the front………..” A short period of silence is followed by “This is SATCO, call me on landline when you land at Soest! 20 minutes later rollicking delivered by irate SATCO with no sense of humour.
Back in the days of BFG, 1987, returning to Soest from a day out in the Lynx sim at Wetmold. Heading westbound out of the Horn Gap I speak to Gutersloh Zone, “ Gutersloh Zone, this AAC711, Lynx, 2 POB, low level, Detmold to Soest, exiting the Horn Gap, requesting a FIS. Back came the reply “ FIS, whats your heading?” Feeling jovial I reply, “Its in a green helmet, with a black visor, a pigtail and a microphone on the front………..” A short period of silence is followed by “This is SATCO, call me on landline when you land at Soest! 20 minutes later rollicking delivered by irate SATCO with no sense of humour.
Dir. PPRuNe Line Service
Sorry folks, due to the length of this thread I am going to close it. The new UBB software doesn't handle long threads very well...
Please, please start another thread with the same topic, this thread is one of the funniest things on the internet...
---PPRuNe Dispatcher
Please, please start another thread with the same topic, this thread is one of the funniest things on the internet...
---PPRuNe Dispatcher
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: N51:37:39 W1:19:16 Feel free to use as a waypoint.
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Cheer up chaps
What with shutting down of perfectly good airfields and some chaps daring to wear non regulation uniforms, this place has become a bitch fest.
So cheer up and read through this again, life aint that bad (well it is really but theres sod all we can do about it)
So cheer up and read through this again, life aint that bad (well it is really but theres sod all we can do about it)
Join Date: Mar 2003
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Overheard on a British Midland 737 enroute from London to Glasgow the same evening Scotland were playing Morocco in the 1998 World Cup.... The Captain was clearly an Englishman savouring the gubbing Scotland were getting from the other Foreigners.
Bing Bong...Ladies and gentlemen, Scotland have just gone one goal down, followed soon after by Bing Bong....and Scotland are now two goals down, and thereafter, Bing Bong....George Burley has been sent off for a vicious tackle on a Moroccan forward, soon followed by Bing Bong .....and Scotland are now three goals down.
About ten minutes later, Bing Bong...... and a Jock up front turned round and said F%£k, I hope he's going to tell us we're on fire !!
Bing Bong...Ladies and gentlemen, Scotland have just gone one goal down, followed soon after by Bing Bong....and Scotland are now two goals down, and thereafter, Bing Bong....George Burley has been sent off for a vicious tackle on a Moroccan forward, soon followed by Bing Bong .....and Scotland are now three goals down.
About ten minutes later, Bing Bong...... and a Jock up front turned round and said F%£k, I hope he's going to tell us we're on fire !!
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: A bit of a gypsy of late!
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gulf war 1, secret base somewhere secret.
early morning, siren sounding. soldier A sticks head in tent and shouts over siren 'scud warning!'
slightly deaf major shouts 'good morning to you too, young man!'
enjoy
lead follow or get out of the f**cking way!
early morning, siren sounding. soldier A sticks head in tent and shouts over siren 'scud warning!'
slightly deaf major shouts 'good morning to you too, young man!'
enjoy
lead follow or get out of the f**cking way!
Dummy 1
Heard by me on a scanning receiver in about 1984, listening to the then London Mil ICF:
Aircraft: (in an American accent) "London Mil, this is. . . er, oh, I forgot my callsign"
Controller (quick as a flash): "Aircraft calling, adopt the callsign Dummy 1"
Aircraft: "Oh, OK, er, Dummy 1 is an F-111 requesting . . ."
I may even have a recording of that exchange somewhere.
John
Aircraft: (in an American accent) "London Mil, this is. . . er, oh, I forgot my callsign"
Controller (quick as a flash): "Aircraft calling, adopt the callsign Dummy 1"
Aircraft: "Oh, OK, er, Dummy 1 is an F-111 requesting . . ."
I may even have a recording of that exchange somewhere.
John
The Spams were always very good at making the 'entering low level' calls into the UK LFS.
One day though, the following was heard:
"(c/s), enterin' low level 250 ft 480 kts x miles from Lanin....Landrin...Lanrindod...Ladrindnod.......ahh, the Hell with it. Enterin' low level just southa Boolth Wells"
One day though, the following was heard:
"(c/s), enterin' low level 250 ft 480 kts x miles from Lanin....Landrin...Lanrindod...Ladrindnod.......ahh, the Hell with it. Enterin' low level just southa Boolth Wells"
English Spamcan pilot wants to transit Edinburgh zone from the north and is asked to report passing Loch Leven:
Spam: "Say again reporting point"
EDI: "Loch Leven"
Spam: "Say again please"
EDI: "Report passing the big lake in Fife"
Spam: "Say again reporting point"
EDI: "Loch Leven"
Spam: "Say again please"
EDI: "Report passing the big lake in Fife"
And at Incirlik AB,
"Then you turn right at this place, Kahramanmaras. Those who are too dim to learn the correct pronunciation call it 'K-town' ".
"Then you turn right at this place, Kahramanmaras. Those who are too dim to learn the correct pronunciation call it 'K-town' ".
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Nottingham UK
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“I wish I hadn’t said that” but to go on is even worse.
Several years ago as Orderly Officer inspecting the 2200 hour Parade of Defaulters on Restriction of Privileges (ROP) I was faced with a Driver in what should have been his best No 2 Dress. His trousers were a complete mess.
Orderly Officer. “When did your trousers last see the bottom of an iron?”
Soldier. “ Don’t know, Sir”
Orderly Officer. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
Soldier. “Not my trousers, Sir”
I should have shut up there!
Orderly Officer. “Where are your trousers?”
Soldier. “Don’t know, Sir”
Several years ago as Orderly Officer inspecting the 2200 hour Parade of Defaulters on Restriction of Privileges (ROP) I was faced with a Driver in what should have been his best No 2 Dress. His trousers were a complete mess.
Orderly Officer. “When did your trousers last see the bottom of an iron?”
Soldier. “ Don’t know, Sir”
Orderly Officer. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
Soldier. “Not my trousers, Sir”
I should have shut up there!
Orderly Officer. “Where are your trousers?”
Soldier. “Don’t know, Sir”
Nixor ut Ledo
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Wittering between 85 and 90. First I was posted there and in my war role was Gnd Def Cdr for Sector 1 then, after an 18 month gap, my wife who was still using her maiden name professionally was posted there in the same job. During one of the inevitable lulls in a TACEVAL she was chatting with the FS from the Sim who was a defence controller (or something like that). He merrily related stories of the days when "Charge the Bastard H****w" was Gnd Def Cdr. She let him finish and then calmly told him that I was her husband!!
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The fitters had made a conscious decision not to start breeding until we'd seen the world, driven the car and generally had an awesome time.At a formal dinner a few years I was sat opposite a rather tiresome wife of droning on about children. She then said to me:
" And why don't you have any children ?"
my reply:
"It's because I've got congenital syphillis and any child I reared would be a mutant"
Guest opposite spat out his steak, another choked and 4fitter felt very smug.
" And why don't you have any children ?"
my reply:
"It's because I've got congenital syphillis and any child I reared would be a mutant"
Guest opposite spat out his steak, another choked and 4fitter felt very smug.
Very huffy VC10 captain some years ago perplexed that his a/c was u/s:
"What's wrong with it, airman?" he pompously asked the lad who had been wrestling with the recalcitrant autopilot dual amp controller for the previous hour...
"It's f*cked, sir" came the exasperated response.
"Be more specific!" ordered Captain Speaking.
"Well this box is well f*cked, there aren't any spares, so the whole f*cking f*cker is totally f*cked, sir!", quoth the fairy.
"Right. I'm a Sqn Ldr and I will NOT be spoken to like that. I require a full report, get it written up, checked by your line chief and sent to to the JEngO." choked the old fool.
A few hours later, in comes the SEngO with an armful of Vol 1s, circuit diagrams etc. "Ah - Sqn Ldr ****. You wanted to know what the snag was with ZA ***!"
"Yes - now, what was the real problem"
"Well, not to put too fine a point on it, mate, just as the techie told you, IT WAS F*CKED!"
Crewroom in hysterics, exit one mumbling Sqn Ldr!
We had people in crew rooms back then........
"What's wrong with it, airman?" he pompously asked the lad who had been wrestling with the recalcitrant autopilot dual amp controller for the previous hour...
"It's f*cked, sir" came the exasperated response.
"Be more specific!" ordered Captain Speaking.
"Well this box is well f*cked, there aren't any spares, so the whole f*cking f*cker is totally f*cked, sir!", quoth the fairy.
"Right. I'm a Sqn Ldr and I will NOT be spoken to like that. I require a full report, get it written up, checked by your line chief and sent to to the JEngO." choked the old fool.
A few hours later, in comes the SEngO with an armful of Vol 1s, circuit diagrams etc. "Ah - Sqn Ldr ****. You wanted to know what the snag was with ZA ***!"
"Yes - now, what was the real problem"
"Well, not to put too fine a point on it, mate, just as the techie told you, IT WAS F*CKED!"
Crewroom in hysterics, exit one mumbling Sqn Ldr!
We had people in crew rooms back then........
Red On, Green On
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My father - then an RN 1*, was hosting a dinner at Northwood.
It was summer of '76, endless very hot days and humid nights. Much talk about said weather, and the trouble sleeping....
lady wife of RAF 2* "Since we moved to the new house I find I'm very hot in bed whatever the weather"
Old man struggled hard to keep his compusure for the rest of the evening.
It was summer of '76, endless very hot days and humid nights. Much talk about said weather, and the trouble sleeping....
lady wife of RAF 2* "Since we moved to the new house I find I'm very hot in bed whatever the weather"
Old man struggled hard to keep his compusure for the rest of the evening.
Join Date: Jul 2003
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This was apparently in the Washington Post... the title of the article
was "Best Come Back Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County
police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer
Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's... just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'"
" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then looked me straight in the face and said,
"A pumpkin? F*ck me... is it midnight already?"
was "Best Come Back Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County
police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer
Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's... just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'"
" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then looked me straight in the face and said,
"A pumpkin? F*ck me... is it midnight already?"
Nixor ut Ledo
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Cessna 172, just finished engine overhaul, paint job (removal of all moving surfaces), transparency replacements and some interior trim changes.
Company pilot requested to take it for a test flight. Starts it up and gives a decent interval for engine warm up. Thoroughly checks engine and control column responses. Transmits taxi call (at remote unlicensed airfield - CTAF) and gets airborne. Transits to local training area and gives the said 172 a good thrashing to put it through its paces to make sure that nothing is untoward. Makes sure that position reports are given frequently (descent area into P**h and local skydiving mob). Finally rejoins circuit and finds/hears a number of aircraft in the circuit, including a RAAF PC9, but fails to get any of them to acknowledge. Gingerly joins the circuit, lands and proceeds to tear a strip off the engineers for the fact that the PTT is not working.
Engineer points out that the switch at the top of the coaming which has selections "Speaker", "Mic" and "off" is set to "off"
Any relationship to real living people (ie myself) is purely coincidental[SIZE=1]
Company pilot requested to take it for a test flight. Starts it up and gives a decent interval for engine warm up. Thoroughly checks engine and control column responses. Transmits taxi call (at remote unlicensed airfield - CTAF) and gets airborne. Transits to local training area and gives the said 172 a good thrashing to put it through its paces to make sure that nothing is untoward. Makes sure that position reports are given frequently (descent area into P**h and local skydiving mob). Finally rejoins circuit and finds/hears a number of aircraft in the circuit, including a RAAF PC9, but fails to get any of them to acknowledge. Gingerly joins the circuit, lands and proceeds to tear a strip off the engineers for the fact that the PTT is not working.
Engineer points out that the switch at the top of the coaming which has selections "Speaker", "Mic" and "off" is set to "off"
Any relationship to real living people (ie myself) is purely coincidental[SIZE=1]
Join Date: May 2004
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Excellent comment on tv just now, whilst reading the paper, TV on in background, removals man close to where I live was being interviewed by camera crew,
''This house move was something else, they were a strange family, they had quardupled everything, THREE lawn mowers THREE kettles, THREE tv's.''
Bless him, thats why he does the removals I guess!
''This house move was something else, they were a strange family, they had quardupled everything, THREE lawn mowers THREE kettles, THREE tv's.''
Bless him, thats why he does the removals I guess!
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I'm Hungarian military female officer, but when I was a cadet, I was lucky to spend a schoolyear in the US, where I got into embarrassing situations sometime...I often quickly translated Hungarian idoms, expression without thinking what it may mean in English. Once a general from my country visited this military institute where I attended, and I found him a pretty cool guy. When I talked about him with the American cadets. I noted that " hey I know him personally he's really a good head". The cadets stopped talking in the room and stared at me in a very strange way. they asked me how I could tell them so openly and innocently....well, in Hungary if you want to say someone is cool, you say literally "she's/he's a good head".. after they had explained me its meaning over there, I avoided using it
Another story was , when in the beginning of the schoolyear a male cadet took me to do shopping. When my cart was full, he asked (since guys don\'t like shopping) "Do you want anything else? " I wanted to buy resealable plastic bags for lunch, but then I didn\'t know too many words in English, so I used the word"sacks" intead of "bags" As I had an accent, for him my reply sounded like this: " yes, I want sex" he was shocked :"Here, in the middle of the W------?" he asked. " Yes, anywhere, where I can get. I almost forgot it. Let\'s go back for sex, I won\'t go back to school until I get some. I want at least 100 pieces"- and I walked back to the shelves very determinedly. He followed me a little bit unwilingly and amused. When I put two packages of plastic bags into my cart, he understood everything
Needless to say after this incident he teased me all the time with it 
Another story was , when in the beginning of the schoolyear a male cadet took me to do shopping. When my cart was full, he asked (since guys don\'t like shopping) "Do you want anything else? " I wanted to buy resealable plastic bags for lunch, but then I didn\'t know too many words in English, so I used the word"sacks" intead of "bags" As I had an accent, for him my reply sounded like this: " yes, I want sex" he was shocked :"Here, in the middle of the W------?" he asked. " Yes, anywhere, where I can get. I almost forgot it. Let\'s go back for sex, I won\'t go back to school until I get some. I want at least 100 pieces"- and I walked back to the shelves very determinedly. He followed me a little bit unwilingly and amused. When I put two packages of plastic bags into my cart, he understood everything
Needless to say after this incident he teased me all the time with it