I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
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Black Hawk in Hangar. American crew proudly showing to crews from plastic bladed (recently)RAF Helicopter Sqn somewhere near the Miele washing machine factory. Serious NCO loadie (for once) 'Does it have systems redundancy? ' Reply from American who could hardly contain his enthisiasm ' Man - the WHOLE aircraft is redundant ! !
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Early days at Shawbury, eager young stude Crewman keeps referring to the cpatain as "Pilot".
"OK, Pilot, next we're gonna pick up a netted load of...."
"Clear door, Pilot?"
and so on.
During one sortie this gets too much for the staff crewman who interjects...
"very good so far sgt X but do you think you could call the captain 'Captain' and not 'Pilot'?"
"Oh right ok, did you get that, Pilot? I'll be calling you Captain from now on"
"OK, Pilot, next we're gonna pick up a netted load of...."
"Clear door, Pilot?"
and so on.
During one sortie this gets too much for the staff crewman who interjects...
"very good so far sgt X but do you think you could call the captain 'Captain' and not 'Pilot'?"
"Oh right ok, did you get that, Pilot? I'll be calling you Captain from now on"
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SAAF (South African Air Force) C-47 on final into JHB International. SAA 747 long final waaay behind them:
ATC: Tango xxx clear to land"
747: "Confirm that's an Army Dakota?"
C-47: (Who hate being called army) "Roger, confirm that's a Railways Boeing?"
ATC: Tango xxx clear to land"
747: "Confirm that's an Army Dakota?"
C-47: (Who hate being called army) "Roger, confirm that's a Railways Boeing?"
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Following the epic tale of frozen chickens used for windscreen/birdstrike tests, there is documented evidence of a well-known US aircraft company smashing a windscreen after having left the frozen chicken in the 'cannon' overnight to thaw. Unfortunately, a cat had entered the cannon barrel early in the morning, eaten most of the chicken, and settled down for a nice kip.....
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One I dug out from our Op Jena mini-linebook (which I've just found again):
The initial phase of deploying patrols from B Sqn into Iraq, then launching several times to try and find B20, had finished. Crew 2 were now preparing for an admin resupply for either A or D Sqn - I forget which - totalling 6.5 tonnes of rations, ammunition, Land Rover half-shafts and so on. The 2 operating pilots had finished the route planning, so it was time for the sortie brief prior to final preparation of the aircraft. The captain had got to the bit where he outlined the 'cover story', and it was obvious that this hadn't received the same massive attention to detail as the rest of the plan:
Captain:
"Right, well we say we're on CSAR for a downed F16 pilot..."
Ginger-haired crewman - mindful of the load he's just put on board the aircraft:
".. and he's f**king hungry.."
The initial phase of deploying patrols from B Sqn into Iraq, then launching several times to try and find B20, had finished. Crew 2 were now preparing for an admin resupply for either A or D Sqn - I forget which - totalling 6.5 tonnes of rations, ammunition, Land Rover half-shafts and so on. The 2 operating pilots had finished the route planning, so it was time for the sortie brief prior to final preparation of the aircraft. The captain had got to the bit where he outlined the 'cover story', and it was obvious that this hadn't received the same massive attention to detail as the rest of the plan:
Captain:
"Right, well we say we're on CSAR for a downed F16 pilot..."
Ginger-haired crewman - mindful of the load he's just put on board the aircraft:
".. and he's f**king hungry.."
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To all you military types, Thanks for all your ancecdotes. I am a Civilian but often share the F/D with your ex-colleages, and as some of the stories include Speedbird etc, I thought you might appreciate the following.
I started out flying as a Cadet in the CCF, our local RAF station was near Salisbury, We had a very large lad in our ranks, who at the age of 14 was about 15st. The Chipmonk set off groaning with the weight. As they climbed out the RAF type in front said "what do you want to do Laddie" Oh aerobatics please sir. They started his routine with a spin! The Chipmonk "sans Strakes" flattened out. "I think we'll have to leave this Laddie" came the message from the front. A brief dicussion of what was to follow ensued. Laddie undoes his seat harness and Jack-plug, the canopy is slid back and our Laddie puts one foot out on the wing. The 15st standing up and the canopy going back, brought the A/C out of its spin. "Its OK now Laddie, you can get back in"
I WISH YOU'D MAKE UP YOUR B~~~~Y MIND came the reply.
Overheard in the London TMA. Female controller with lovely voice to A/C in Lambourne stack. G~~~ Air008 next time over Lambourne could you make it a left turn please--- Like everybody else.
Keep up the good work.
C-C
I started out flying as a Cadet in the CCF, our local RAF station was near Salisbury, We had a very large lad in our ranks, who at the age of 14 was about 15st. The Chipmonk set off groaning with the weight. As they climbed out the RAF type in front said "what do you want to do Laddie" Oh aerobatics please sir. They started his routine with a spin! The Chipmonk "sans Strakes" flattened out. "I think we'll have to leave this Laddie" came the message from the front. A brief dicussion of what was to follow ensued. Laddie undoes his seat harness and Jack-plug, the canopy is slid back and our Laddie puts one foot out on the wing. The 15st standing up and the canopy going back, brought the A/C out of its spin. "Its OK now Laddie, you can get back in"
I WISH YOU'D MAKE UP YOUR B~~~~Y MIND came the reply.
Overheard in the London TMA. Female controller with lovely voice to A/C in Lambourne stack. G~~~ Air008 next time over Lambourne could you make it a left turn please--- Like everybody else.
Keep up the good work.
C-C
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COWPAT
Your nav was a Sqn Ldr instructor I seem to recall.
One of the studes (recent OC AARC)got caught the same way at a dining-in when he uttered the words 'Sir, look at the jugs on that, aren't they great?'
'Yes, @ngus, that's why I married her!'
Your nav was a Sqn Ldr instructor I seem to recall.
One of the studes (recent OC AARC)got caught the same way at a dining-in when he uttered the words 'Sir, look at the jugs on that, aren't they great?'
'Yes, @ngus, that's why I married her!'
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Some years ago, a Nimrod mate of my acquaintance was on some purple reeding and riting course that the General List folk seem to have to do now and again. To preserve his anonymity, I shall call him 'Horrible'. Anyway, amongst the team on the course was an absolutely insufferable bore of a pongo, a weal Woopert of the Wedgiment, who always has to know best and also likes to think of himself as being one of the landed gentry. One coffee break, Woopert is droning on about his "Bwand new Landwover Freelander' and how good it was for "Dwiving awound the estate, old boy" Horrible listens for a while and spots his opportunity. "What sort of Freelander is it, Rupert" he asks....
"A Tdi, old man. Jolly good too"
"TDi - does that mean it's a diesel?"
"Turbodiesel, ektually, Howwible"
"But Rupert, how absolutely ghastly, old chap! Diesel? Fine for tractors and farm machinery, but Woopert, surely your wedgiment must know that diesel is simply NOT an Officers' fuel? It just ISN'T done"
The rest of the team fall about with laughter whilst Woopert storms off red in the face chuntering about "Childish bloody aircrew. Never have them in my Mess, don't you know"
[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 10 January 2001).]
"A Tdi, old man. Jolly good too"
"TDi - does that mean it's a diesel?"
"Turbodiesel, ektually, Howwible"
"But Rupert, how absolutely ghastly, old chap! Diesel? Fine for tractors and farm machinery, but Woopert, surely your wedgiment must know that diesel is simply NOT an Officers' fuel? It just ISN'T done"
The rest of the team fall about with laughter whilst Woopert storms off red in the face chuntering about "Childish bloody aircrew. Never have them in my Mess, don't you know"
[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 10 January 2001).]
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I'm tryng to confirm a story about two Aussie crewmen visiting an RAF sqn a few years ago when they met a pilot whose nickname was FATAL. This pilot seemed to think quite well of himself and took pride in his nickname. The aussie crewman was introduced and when saying hello read his name off his badge on his flying suit but thought it was two words and pronounced it FAT AL, assuming his name was Al and that he was overweight. Apparently the new name stuck and he wasn't impressed.
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Fay Deck:
That's not the Fat Al who never shuts up about his SF stuff in the Gulf is it?
Onwards about nicknames...
"Hi lads my names Phil but all my mates call me Waddo"
Chorus"Hi Phil"
"So Nige - did you have a nickname on your last squadron that we can put on your coffee mug?"
"Well they all called me Maggot but I didn't like that one"
"OK Maggot"
Morning Prayers. Boss at end of usual blah:
"And finally I have a complaint from Flt Lt xxx who has complained about his nickname. He's getting tired of being called Beaker and has asked me to tell you to stop calling him Beaker. SO from now on no-one is to call Flt Lt xxx Beaker. Got it?"
Pause. Looks at Flt Lt xxx:
"Was that OK Beaker?"
Actually Beaks if you're out there drop us an email... or better yet tell your nouveau country tale before I do.
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Clear above and behind? Ooops I mean white two please, luv.
That's not the Fat Al who never shuts up about his SF stuff in the Gulf is it?
Onwards about nicknames...
"Hi lads my names Phil but all my mates call me Waddo"
Chorus"Hi Phil"
"So Nige - did you have a nickname on your last squadron that we can put on your coffee mug?"
"Well they all called me Maggot but I didn't like that one"
"OK Maggot"
Morning Prayers. Boss at end of usual blah:
"And finally I have a complaint from Flt Lt xxx who has complained about his nickname. He's getting tired of being called Beaker and has asked me to tell you to stop calling him Beaker. SO from now on no-one is to call Flt Lt xxx Beaker. Got it?"
Pause. Looks at Flt Lt xxx:
"Was that OK Beaker?"
Actually Beaks if you're out there drop us an email... or better yet tell your nouveau country tale before I do.
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Clear above and behind? Ooops I mean white two please, luv.
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Heard this from a Marines mate (who used to attend 1 Regt bashes occasionally dressed as a woman for some strange reason) so probably an urban myth, but worth telling anyway
Scene is a Marine in a mess with some Wooperts from a Guards Wedgiment who having attended a "pwoper" school have this silly tradition of wearing a tweed cap in the mess if they want to eat their brekky in peace. Said Booty asks Lt The Hon Woopert Ponsonby-Smythe to pass the salt. Silence awaits. The Marine asks a second time if Woopert wouldn't mind passing the salt, and again, silence. On the third asking, Woopert looks up and says "look here old chap, when a Guards officer wears a cap in the mess it means he does not wish to be spoken to!". Without a word the Marine stands up, walks round to the other side of the table, lifts his leg up and stamps on Wooperts plate full of brekky with the retort "...and when a Royal Marine puts his boot in your breakfast, it means pass the F*&^%$g salt!"
Scene is a Marine in a mess with some Wooperts from a Guards Wedgiment who having attended a "pwoper" school have this silly tradition of wearing a tweed cap in the mess if they want to eat their brekky in peace. Said Booty asks Lt The Hon Woopert Ponsonby-Smythe to pass the salt. Silence awaits. The Marine asks a second time if Woopert wouldn't mind passing the salt, and again, silence. On the third asking, Woopert looks up and says "look here old chap, when a Guards officer wears a cap in the mess it means he does not wish to be spoken to!". Without a word the Marine stands up, walks round to the other side of the table, lifts his leg up and stamps on Wooperts plate full of brekky with the retort "...and when a Royal Marine puts his boot in your breakfast, it means pass the F*&^%$g salt!"
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The bod that was being a pedant and asking about how little cadet about to abandon had heard instructor...
...we're taught just to undo QRF and go, and the pigtail connector will just come undone, since it takes far too much time, especially for an inexperienced cadet, to turn round, find lead and undo it.
I think!
...we're taught just to undo QRF and go, and the pigtail connector will just come undone, since it takes far too much time, especially for an inexperienced cadet, to turn round, find lead and undo it.
I think!