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Jaguar handling

Old 18th Jun 2007, 10:51
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32 mR of course: 25 mR for fixed gun line and 7 mR gd at 2500 ft.
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Old 18th Jun 2007, 13:29
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PJTH,

Never dropped a 1000 pounder inert at Nordhorn - wrong guy.

Since I have PM'd you and you now know who I am, any chance of reciprocating - this has become a great banter thread. I'm surprised Newt ain't saying more, but it's probably because he can only type one word per minute.

Aye,

JP
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Old 18th Jun 2007, 16:04
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JP:

So, you have been checking your logbook! OK! Maybe I was overstating the size of the weapon; it was just a bit of spin to get your attention! It was, in fact, a 3Kg bean can that, with malice afore'thought, you threw at the RSO rather than Tgt 3; as you just stuck to the rules! I remember acting as moderator in the aftermath between you and the totally unexcitable 'Wing Nut'! There, is that enough of a clue as to my identity, or am I consigned to that part of your memory that cannot find the PTR switches?!

I am aware of your PM, thanks (and, indeed, I knew who you were before it!), but I am not going to make it that easy for you!

Newt is probably bashing a river to death in Scotland as he builds up his strength for the Jaguar Finale!
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Old 18th Jun 2007, 20:53
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PHJAG etc

Nope. Try a 28 lb slick. It was a new target (single deck bus newly painted as per the old one) parked near the RSO enclosure. Kinnell, 3K vis and only one degree off attack track. WTFO.

Howcome you knew who I was before my PM?

Arggh - Wingnut.

Met him again at the Volvo PGA golf Championship at Wentworth two years ago. He didn't at first remember me so I'm obviously easily forgotten! He's not though is he?

Prancing around with with some kind of stick and weird hat - driving a Volvo for f*%! sake and unimpressed with my Merc. No taste.

Never overestimate the size of your weapon.

"...this ....is fivestar...!"

By the way, did you participate in the Bruggen v Gutersloh competition where we had to bomb a piano sitting on top of target 3 at Nordhorn and the F4 mates were challenged to A to A and shoot the flag off? They didn't crack it, but at least I did in a Hunter F6 some years previously.

f+^&i$ QFIs.

I'm getting there.


JP

Last edited by Jaguar Pilot; 18th Jun 2007 at 21:08.
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Old 18th Jun 2007, 21:19
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Wing Nut

Excuse a foreign Jag chap chipping in - is WingNut otherwise known as "Dick-Dick" and earlier in his life was he known as The Voice Rotating Beacon and is he very tall? Just background you understand?
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Old 18th Jun 2007, 21:23
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JP

Just back from the river with nothing to report! Still not worked out who it is yet? I could tell but that would spoil the thread!!

So the "Nut" did not recognise you!! I do recall he always drove a Volvo. At least his good lady did. I remember she tried to drive us all home one Friday night. Kept dragging us from the bar and loading us into the car! We naturally slid across the back seat and out of the other door to return to the bar via the patio doors! It was quite sometime before she gave up and left us to another jug of Harvey Wallbanger!!


Happy Days.

PS How was Q at the weekend?
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Old 18th Jun 2007, 21:33
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Jaguar PTR

My recollection is that PTR was a device to bridge the thrust gap, when on one engine, between max dry thrust, not enough, and min reheat, too much, in some configurations and weights. The reheat was thus able to light when the engine was at or above about 80%. I had an Omani student who was the first thru Lossie Ground School and he had had some 2 seater trips while were working up an Jag Aeros team (Pause for laughter and no it never did happen). However, we used PTR and a bit of flap and a good time was had by all. When this worthy was asked, in engine groundschool, what the PTR was for he replied that it was for formation aeros which produced reactions between deep shock and hysterical laughter! An excellent man, being groomed for high rank and killed himself flying a Defender up in Mussandam - a great loss.
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Old 19th Jun 2007, 08:12
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A2QFI,

....is WingNut otherwise known as "Dick-Dick" and earlier in his life was he known as The Voice Rotating Beacon and is he very tall? Just background you understand?

Got it in one!

JP
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Old 19th Jun 2007, 13:18
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JP
The chap I know who flew all 4 types could halso have a hog in his title!!
A fellow 5 star as yourself as well.
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Old 19th Jun 2007, 14:34
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Too Many clues Fact. Keep him guessing. Its much more fun for the rest of us!!
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Old 19th Jun 2007, 15:50
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....'kinnell!
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 09:06
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JP:

It is amazing that despite all the clues that have been put your way, you cannot place me! Perhaps it is just that I was not that well known; a shrinking violet in the Jaguar Force?!! Yeah, right! But it would seem that I have, indeed, been consigned to that part of your brain that lodges items such as PTR switch positions! To use the contemporary phrase: am I bovvered?!

Rest of the World:

I am surprised, however, that A2QFI's 'innocent', but rather well-informed, question about another JF shrinking violet has not sparked off a whole new and potentially highly amusing thread. Tales about the tall, guffawing, noisy, interfering VRB (or Wing Nut, Basil Fawlty, Dick Dick - did ever a man have so many nicknames?!) are legion. Spookily, he too was a QFI; and he was known to deliver the odd wild bomb or bullet to boot!

Newt started with a yarn about his ever-forgiving and delightful wife; was there ever a woman who drew such a short (or is that long?!) straw?! Anyway, the I remember well the 'how many drunks can you get in a Volvo' incident!

I hear tell that a book, along the lines of Nigel Walpole's WIWAB one, is being written about the JF; WIWOJ, I presume! I suspect that it might quickly fill with Wing Nut stories; so, maybe someone should write a stand-alone one about him. Any literary, or literate, volunteers?!

Maybe it should be called WIWOTOWWN - When I Was On Thirty One With Wing Nut! Or how about WMD - Wingnut Manic Diaries?! On second thoughts, leave the acronym in its more traditional form; for Wing Nut most certainly was one!!

There we go! An 'interesting' question from ACW 599 about Jaguar handling, has mutated into a potential book about Wing Nut! But, wait! There were a few stories about his aircraft handlng too; so maybe the subject matter has not changed that much!

Last edited by Phanjagthunhar; 20th Jun 2007 at 12:21.
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 11:05
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We could tell the one about an abandoned takeoff at Jever that blocked the runway for 2 days or the one about using a can of spray paint to touch up the paint job on a Harrier which was part of the static display at TLP when it opened at Jever!! Much to the annoyance of the "Mate" who arrived in it!! Or what about the debacle at end of Minival when all those in 2 Hangar were released back to their Squadrons!! They turned left and a certain person turned right!!

We could go on for ages!!

Anyone like to add some more!! Much more fun than QFI speak about alpha limits and PTR!!
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 12:23
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Or when he decided that, since it was time for my annual sqn commanders check and his sqn QFI check at the same time, we would kill both in one trip.

Me: "whose going to be captain then?"

VRB: "we'll swap over half way through"

Me: "and what's going in the auth sheets and who's authing the trip?"

VRB: "**^#k--"
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 14:58
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A few more Wing Nut dits:

The time he decided that he had to lead from the front and do a full sortie in AR5; it was nothing to do with leading, he was just a rubber fetishist! The sortie was to be done in a T2 as rubber, Wingnut and GR1s did not go together! Donned in all his gear he insisted on doing the pre-flight (after all he would have to do so in a single-seater, right?!) which resulted in a beak-to-beak with the pitot tube! Stunned, he then noticed that he did not have his watch - not that timing was ever one of his strong points! Despite the efforts of (JP: here comes another clue!) yours truly (I was the captain and in tears of laughter in the back seat at this stage!) to persuade him otherwise, as we were already late for the range etc, he insisted on going back and doffing and donning all over again! You can imagine the rest!

Or the time that his whole squadron, with the aid of the ever-accomodating staff at Fortes Village (Sardinia), avoided him for most of an evening. We even had guys in the pool breathing through straws! But we were evntually let down by an ex-Lightning pilot (surprisingly not JP!) whose lookout was unsurprisingly piss poor!

Or the day during a Bruggen exericse when he seemed to attach himself, via his gazzy bag lanyard, to various items of furniture in the squadron hard. More amazingly, he managed to do the same when the squadron was 'evacuated' to 20 Sqn!

Or the time we went to some USAFE Eifel base for a TFM. Some sorry sod (senior JP, Welsh surname, dark hair, subsequently discovered God!) got another 31 short straw (little did said officer know how we made that happen!) and had to share a room with Wing Nut! Never did a man look so scared! Especially when, one afternoon, said JP entered the room to find his leader stretching himself...bollock naked.....in the window......the window that overlooked the O Club and associated leisure buildings!

Or the time that one of the deputy flight commanders (the flight commanders were always on leave/courses for some reason!) blew up at Wing Nut as he tried, once again, to rearrange the flying programme. The language may have been a little more flowery, but conveyed the general message: 'if you can do it better, then you take over the desk; I am off to the coffee bar!'

Or the time he was set up for a fight with Gonzo at a Happy Hour in the bar! The intro he was 'persuaded' to use was to regurgitate the line made famous by an ex-Canberra pilot, QFI and subsequent Jaguar display pilot (who probably never did find the alpha gauge or the PTR switches!) along the lines of: 'there are too many Gonzos in the world!' Listening, for once, to the brief, Wing Nut: stormed across the bar; pushed Gonzo on the shoulder with such force that he fell to the floor; and recited rather loudly the lines he had so carefully learned! Then he looked back across the hushed and, frankly, stunned bar with the chessiest of grins to claim the accolades from his boys! You guessed it; they were dots on the horizon! But the sight of Gonzo's face as he was forcefully evicted from yet another arse-licking conversation with the Staish, and especially as it had been visited upopn him by the person he probably hated most in the world, was one to remember!

And then there were the Friday afternoon 'Execs' meetings! The only 'Exec', by loose definition, that ever attended was Wing Nut. The flight commanders were, as already stated, always on leave/courses; the SEngO always had a blanket-stackers meeting to attend, and at least one of the deputy flight commanders was always airborne! So, Execs usually consisted of Wing Nut, the Squinto/Adj and Newt (who, of course, used the opportunity to write the Q list!); SOG used to like to attend too because of his vitally important, and tour-long, role in raising funds for the Bruggen Bowl or some equally worthy cause!

And this is just the tip of the Wing Nut yarns iceberg! So many stories; he is a legend in his own bathtub (JP: another cryptic clue!).
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 15:04
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>An 'interesting' question from ACW 599 about Jaguar handling, has mutated into a potential book about Wing Nut!<

ACW599's not complaining either -- haven't laughed so much in ages. Keep 'em coming.
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 16:02
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What a trip down memory lane!!
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 16:13
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Oh hello Farns.

Nice to see you join this thread. How ya doin?

Ah PJTH,

At least I can remember most of the incidents on your last dissertation - highly amusing.

Shall we start a New (!!!) thread? Could be called Jag Banter. This could develop well.

ACW 599 - you started all this!

So, mates, are we now going to start on Gonzo?


JP

.....or shall I change my name to hunlightjag. Old PJTH can't claim one of those I bet!

Last edited by Jaguar Pilot; 21st Jun 2007 at 08:09.
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Old 20th Jun 2007, 20:26
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LETS NOT START A NEW THREAD. This is getting really interesting.
Pjth I think the Ex Lightning pilot with poor lookout might have been Ffffffffffarn....d!!! It looks like he might have just joined the thread too! Oh and before I forget, I only attended the Execs meeting because you were always doing an air test on Friday afternoons. Someone had to be there to see what was going to happen the following week! I still remember seeing your little face at the window behind the Nuts desk and trying to keep a straight face! Will have to get you back next weekend!! Now I know the Alpha limits your quiz will be a doddle!
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Old 21st Jun 2007, 08:22
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OK Newt.

Not another thread. Let's see this where this one goes then.

Now then, are you or Phanjimbo or whatever his name is going to start on Gonzo or is there more to come on VRB?

By the way, have a great time at the farewell and please pass on my regards to everyone. Wish I could be there, but I've already explained why I cannot.

JP
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