Posted on another forum by someone who works somewhere in "people-handling" at Gatwick:
"It was one of those nights as I left work. What a sequence:
Mackem: Where de ah gan now?
Me: Where are you going?
Mackem: On holiday.
Me: yes, but where are you actually going?
Mackem: Ah telt ye, on holiday
Me: Different places go from different gates. Where are you going to?
Mackem: Ah ****** telt ye, ah'm gannin on holiday! Are ye ****** deaf or stupid?
Me: Good night then.
Twenty yards further:
Poison dwarf Scot: Where's the pick up?
Me: Pick up for what?
PDS: The ******** hire cars ye daft thick ****
Me: Would you like to be nicked ? I suggest you go away now and calm down
...and five yards further:
Genteel elderly lady: Excuse me sir, but could you tell us where we are?
Me: Er....Gatwick.....
GEL: Oh. I thought so, but we are meant to meet a taxi driver somewhere and we've never been here before
Me: [anger evaporated by lovely old lady's courtesy][detailed directions]
GEL: Oh thank you so much. That other chap was frightfully rude, wasn't he?
I always try and work out how many arseholes one nice person cancels out. It runs at about twenty.
"