Hi!

Veeeeery easy:
CO writes down the given and coordinated dircet clearance onto the strip - done!
This can be done even in the busiest environment and nobody HAS to talk to each other if everybody is so busy! It can be soooo easy...and safe!:ok:

What if the pilots had found an intersection with sounds like MINTI and had selected a heading towards this unknwown fix......uhhhh...:=

==============

Back to topic:
This day a belgium Avroliner called in: "......leveling off FL 440!"
:D:)

It happened at Maastricht UAC; Flight Data mini strips were updated by a Co-ordinator who was not sat next to the executive. The strips were about 14 cm long and had no place to put this info on.

not a lot, The controllers at Maastricht concentrate on a dynamic display, not a collection of scraps of paper which may, or may not, represent the actual situation, Again, this is a thread for humour - to quote something often heard there in the past, "German humour is not a laughing matter.":) Let's just drop it.

Some time ago:

"Ah, tower, I think there is something wrong with your PAPIs. They are all showing red..."

To the airline pilot who recently told me, "personally I would have used the word arse, but you're far politer then I am..."

I salute you Sir! :p:):D

Was this at Fort Pierce in May/June 2005? If so, I was flying that day too - "Report the Turtle in sight" :O

And to chip in with my own experience from flying round the US last summer..

1) En route from Crystal River to Sarasota, we decide to check in for flight following.

Me: Miami Centre (I think it was), Skyhawk N961MC...
MC: Skyhawk 1MC, go ahead
Me: Blah blah...
MC: 1MC, I have you on radar, squa.......(silence)

10 or 15 seconds later he comes back on frequency

MC: Sorry about that 1MC, we're having a bit of fun here today, and somebody unplugged me :eek:

Mint Tea? Rather posh..............

Air Blue XXX, Bavarian captain: ahh departures, is zer some kind of strange, funny noise coming through viss my transmissions?

Departures: I would never say that about your accent, sir!

Luckily, he had a SOH.

The usual fairly busy comms at Headcorn.

G-XXXX good afternoon, inbound from yyy request joining information

G-XXXX 11 left QFE 1030

etc

All measured and pleasant, vaguely as per the book.

Then, equally pleasant, but a shock to all sensitive ears:

HEADCORN RADIO, G-ZZZZ RADIO CHECK

G-ZZZZ readability 6


Thanks Pat, I enjoyed that.

Better than 2 by 2


Too loud
Too often

Boulmer "Hi, we're launching Q for an intercept against ABC123"

LATCC "Roger"

Boulmer "We'll be coming out hdg 180"

LATCC "Confirm ABC123?"

Boulmer "Yes, coming out hdg 180"

LATCC "Can I suggest hdg 350 and a handover to Scottish?"

I guess you had to be there.:ooh:

The readability scale from one to six has the following meaning:

1. unreadable;
2. readable now and then;
3. readable with difficulty;
4. readable;
5. perfectly readable; and
6. unbearable.

New student with instructor onboard strayed into the TMA,

TWR: S-XX you are penetrating my TMA
Student: Penetrating your TMA, S-XX

Happily unaware of what he just did :\ Guess the instructor had to sort out the paperwork.

Aircraft on 4nm final approach, just been issued clearance to land.

Pilot: Tower, is there going to be a delay for our outbound flight to XXX

Tower: Affirm, they need 15 minutes between departures.

Pilot: Uh, copied..... Request push back and start!:D

As told by a now pensioned controller:

Controller: 'ABCxxx, confirm visual with traffic on righthand side'
ABCxxx: 'Ehh, negative..'
Controller: 'Roger, juuuuust keep looking right'






(Hint, this was before TCAS :E)

To the Camden Tower controller today who told a Twin Commanche that his inbound call was 'about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike': I am still wiping the tears from my eyes! I salute you!

Funny as it may seem, but I did have an ashtray on my BMW K100 motorcycle :ok:

Simulator stuff...
 

We were simulating some unusual occurances:

Pilot (a girl...): Maastricht, mayday, we have smell of co%k in the cockpit!!"

ATC: -no comment-

Instructor: Laughing his head off..

That is ABSOLUTELY superb

lost on freq...
 

A spanish pilot got lost on our frequency, so, since we couldn't speak to him, we thought that he might be in rcf:

ATC: "C/S123, is you read, squawk ident."

A/C: "Roger, squawking ident, C/S123."

:ok:

An american pilot flying over southern england

atc: xxx report your position

a/c: currently 10miles west of Looga burooga

ATC: Ah that will be Loughborough sir

ITYF it makes more sense if you spell "Loughborough" correctly :D

sorry I am Scottish, thought it was the same way as Edinburgh was spelt or Edinboro as the yanks say

The American cousins found a few new places in days gone by; Saint Rumble = Strumble was a favouritr

I had an American VFR pilot call up and ask for the weather at (phonetically) "Mara - Ka - Dor - e"


had me scratching my head until I figured out he meant Maroochydore. (Ma-roo-chee-door):ok:

I believe the old story was of a flight of F-111s on a navex.

ATC - "what's your next waypoint and estimate"

F-111 - "St Rumble at xxxx"

ATC - "you must mean Strumble, and where after that?"

F-111 - "then Stabbs at time xxxx"

ATC - "that would be St Abbs...."

Scooby - pretty good navs then. Two TACANs about 350nm apart. in different countries:hmm:

Not that it ever came up as regards ATC, but just down the road from St Rumble, sorry, Strumble, is Stan's, sorry, St Annes.

OR POSSIBLY St Aines??

Wasn't he a seaman in Captain Pugwash? :ok:

Lon - if an F-111 can fly all the way from Lakenheath to Libya with multiple inflight refuels, and still find the French embassy, I'm pretty sure 350 nm was no problem for them at all. And I did say it was a story. Search under "life: getting a". :E

Walls-eye was a common one from Americans, maybe still is. And I once heard Cree-wee for Crewe!

And of course there was always Dodger Bank in the middle of the North Sea
( that is going back a few years )

Ian

ATIS recording at Gillespie the other day:

"...advice on initial contact you have information Echooo... Echooo... Echooo"

Gotta cheer those Yankees for some brilliant humour in between all screaming and shouting!!

American B52 on a training flight and Instructor pulls an engine on approach

B-52: 30miles out, simulated engine failure for the ILS

ATC: Ah the dreaded seven engine landing, cleared for the approach.

On PAR - "4 miles, Cxxxx to roll and join"

tower - "call by 2"

PAR - "2 1/4 miles, Cxxxx to roll and join"

tower - "break off the approach, idiot on the runway"

i just started laughing, probably one of those situations you just had to be there :ouch:

Overheard the other day by one of our more experienced controllers...

"ABC123, maintain 210kts, standby for the reduction!":eek:

I can only imagine what the pilot thought

I must add quickly, that although his R/T is somewhat less than standard, the old guy can still move traffic:)

flying along in the mighty R22 at all of 90kts.. HK's airspace split into reporting "Zones" and the route was New Town - Tolo - Port Shelter.

I call New Town and then have a brain fart and call entering Port Shelter. Controller says "fastest 22 i've ever seen" .... :D

DLH XXX, turn left heading 315, report new heading :D:D:D

I've read through many, many pages here but must confess I have not read ALL 57 pages...yet. So, I hope something similar has not been posted already.

One of my favorites, and, true:

Years ago when the transition from (Statute) Miles per Hour to (Nautical) Miles per Hour was taking place in the aviation industry there were obviously airplanes with the "older" MPH Airspeed gauges still installed.
One such airplane was Twin Bonanza 5636D.

Seems like 36 Delta was enroute somewhere and the Center asked him for his airspeed.

36 Delta replied, "150 Miles Per Hour, Sir."

The Controller came back with, "What is that in Knots?"

36 Delta replied: "I dunno, this is a Beechcraft, not a Chris Craft, you figure it out!"