ATC Humour (Merged)

[foxyankee]

Hi!

2. just how would little pieces of paper have prevented this misunderstanding?

Veeeeery easy:
CO writes down the given and coordinated dircet clearance onto the strip - done!
This can be done even in the busiest environment and nobody HAS to talk to each other if everybody is so busy! It can be soooo easy...and safe!

What if the pilots had found an intersection with sounds like MINTI and had selected a heading towards this unknwown fix......uhhhh...

==============

Back to topic:
This day a belgium Avroliner called in: "......leveling off FL 440!"

[Lon More]

Veeeeery easy:
CO writes down the given and coordinated dircet clearance onto the strip

It happened at Maastricht UAC; Flight Data mini strips were updated by a Co-ordinator who was not sat next to the executive. The strips were about 14 cm long and had no place to put this info on.

What if the pilots had found an intersection with sounds like MINTI and had selected a heading towards this unknwown fix......uhhhh...

not a lot, The controllers at Maastricht concentrate on a dynamic display, not a collection of scraps of paper which may, or may not, represent the actual situation, Again, this is a thread for humour - to quote something often heard there in the past, "German humour is not a laughing matter." Let's just drop it.

[David Horn]

Some time ago:

"Ah, tower, I think there is something wrong with your PAPIs. They are all showing red..."

[niknak]

To the airline pilot who recently told me, "personally I would have used the word arse, but you're far politer then I am..."

I salute you Sir!

[Katamarino]

Originally Posted by FlyVMO

Another time, cleared to land with the advisory "traffic on the runway is a turtle crossing right to left, advise in sight"....

Was this at Fort Pierce in May/June 2005? If so, I was flying that day too - "Report the Turtle in sight"

[Katamarino]

And to chip in with my own experience from flying round the US last summer..

1) En route from Crystal River to Sarasota, we decide to check in for flight following.

Me: Miami Centre (I think it was), Skyhawk N961MC...
MC: Skyhawk 1MC, go ahead
Me: Blah blah...
MC: 1MC, I have you on radar, squa.......(silence)

10 or 15 seconds later he comes back on frequency

MC: Sorry about that 1MC, we're having a bit of fun here today, and somebody unplugged me

[Simonblaine]

Mint Tea? Rather posh..............

[Scooby Don't]

Air Blue XXX, Bavarian captain: ahh departures, is zer some kind of strange, funny noise coming through viss my transmissions?

Departures: I would never say that about your accent, sir!

Luckily, he had a SOH.

[ChampChump]

The usual fairly busy comms at Headcorn.

G-XXXX good afternoon, inbound from yyy request joining information

G-XXXX 11 left QFE 1030

etc

All measured and pleasant, vaguely as per the book.

Then, equally pleasant, but a shock to all sensitive ears:

HEADCORN RADIO, G-ZZZZ RADIO CHECK

G-ZZZZ readability 6


Thanks Pat, I enjoyed that.

[Lon More]

Better than 2 by 2


Too loud
Too often

[Lurking123]

Boulmer "Hi, we're launching Q for an intercept against ABC123"

LATCC "Roger"

Boulmer "We'll be coming out hdg 180"

LATCC "Confirm ABC123?"

Boulmer "Yes, coming out hdg 180"

LATCC "Can I suggest hdg 350 and a handover to Scottish?"

I guess you had to be there.

[Yankee_Doodle_Floppy_Disk]

HEADCORN RADIO, G-ZZZZ RADIO CHECK

G-ZZZZ readability 6

The readability scale from one to six has the following meaning:

1. unreadable;
2. readable now and then;
3. readable with difficulty;
4. readable;
5. perfectly readable; and
6. unbearable.

[172_driver]

New student with instructor onboard strayed into the TMA,

TWR: S-XX you are penetrating my TMA
Student: Penetrating your TMA, S-XX

Happily unaware of what he just did Guess the instructor had to sort out the paperwork.

[Skyjuggler]

Aircraft on 4nm final approach, just been issued clearance to land.

Pilot: Tower, is there going to be a delay for our outbound flight to XXX

Tower: Affirm, they need 15 minutes between departures.

Pilot: Uh, copied..... Request push back and start!

[Surferboy]

As told by a now pensioned controller:

Controller: 'ABCxxx, confirm visual with traffic on righthand side'
ABCxxx: 'Ehh, negative..'
Controller: 'Roger, juuuuust keep looking right'






(Hint, this was before TCAS )

[jetstar1]

To the Camden Tower controller today who told a Twin Commanche that his inbound call was 'about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike': I am still wiping the tears from my eyes! I salute you!

[chiglet]

Funny as it may seem, but I did have an ashtray on my BMW K100 motorcycle

[aermacchi]

Simulator stuff...

We were simulating some unusual occurances:

Pilot (a girl...): Maastricht, mayday, we have smell of co%k in the cockpit!!"

ATC: -no comment-

Instructor: Laughing his head off..

[timelapse]

That is ABSOLUTELY superb

[aermacchi]

lost on freq...

A spanish pilot got lost on our frequency, so, since we couldn't speak to him, we thought that he might be in rcf:

ATC: "C/S123, is you read, squawk ident."

A/C: "Roger, squawking ident, C/S123."