ATC Humour (Merged)
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 36
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From: EBSL / EDYY
Today;
A non-native English speaking pilot:
A/C: "Centre" this is ABC123 climbing FL330
ATC: ABC123 you are identified continue the climb FL370
A/C: Roger continue climb FL370, any directions?
ATC: Forward.
Sorry I couldn't resist.
Later I did give a nice direct.
A non-native English speaking pilot:
A/C: "Centre" this is ABC123 climbing FL330
ATC: ABC123 you are identified continue the climb FL370
A/C: Roger continue climb FL370, any directions?
ATC: Forward.
Sorry I couldn't resist.
Later I did give a nice direct.
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 161
Likes: 0
From: NeverLand
Wind reading
Just had it today on the freq. We needed to know the wind at level 350. We had no-one ther but a guy at FL340...not a native english speaker:
RDR: report wind
AC:tells us their heading
RDR: report wind
AC: responds with FL
RDR: ok, what about the wind?
AC: oh...wind 93 knots
RDR: which direction?
AC: Is coming from the front...
makes me wonder if they lowered the window and stuck the hand out to check...
RDR: report wind
AC:tells us their heading
RDR: report wind
AC: responds with FL
RDR: ok, what about the wind?
AC: oh...wind 93 knots
RDR: which direction?
AC: Is coming from the front...
makes me wonder if they lowered the window and stuck the hand out to check...
Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 144
Likes: 0
From: Bass rock, east side.
A MODEL reply
heard this in Scottish airspace 2 years ago-The aircraft was a Learjet operated by the Finnish biz jet operator "Airfix" aviation.
A/C : "Airfix 106, flight level 220 towards GOW"
scottish : "Airfix 106 decend flight level 100, speed 250 knots"
A/C :Crew readback
Scottish : "ere Airfix 106 what scale are you?"
A/C :say again! airfix 106
Scottish : disregard!
A/C : "Airfix 106, flight level 220 towards GOW"
scottish : "Airfix 106 decend flight level 100, speed 250 knots"
A/C :Crew readback
Scottish : "ere Airfix 106 what scale are you?"
A/C :say again! airfix 106
Scottish : disregard!
Last edited by ALTSEL; 23rd November 2006 at 14:21. Reason: .
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,034
Likes: 1
From: 59°45'36N 10°27'59E
What happens at ATC christmas parties in Norway (apparently)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx4KbTGHxH4
You put your ba**s on the block with this one ENBD ACC!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx4KbTGHxH4
You put your ba**s on the block with this one ENBD ACC!!!
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 40
Likes: 0
From: UK
Heard this one a couple of weeks ago in Scotland,
ATC: ****123 Climb and maintain FL 330 for the cruise,
A/C: Radar, ****123 were actually requesting FL 350 for the cruise,
ATC: Yes i have your request here in front of me.....
A/C: And?
ATC: Well i have ripped it up and ignored it!
ATC: ****123 Climb and maintain FL 330 for the cruise,
A/C: Radar, ****123 were actually requesting FL 350 for the cruise,
ATC: Yes i have your request here in front of me.....
A/C: And?
ATC: Well i have ripped it up and ignored it!
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 24
Likes: 0
From: Belgium
A few years back in Brussels. The ground controller was trying to make a nice sequence at the holding point. The conversation went as follows:
ATC: Midland 123, visual with the 2 Virgin Express 737's from the left?
Midland 123: Affirm
ATC: Roger, you take position in between the Virgins.
Midland 123: Ahhh... I've always dreamt of this...
ATC: Midland 123, visual with the 2 Virgin Express 737's from the left?
Midland 123: Affirm
ATC: Roger, you take position in between the Virgins.
Midland 123: Ahhh... I've always dreamt of this...
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 7
Likes: 0
From: Sweden
TWR: "Gothic 604, after the British Airways Airbus at Sierra Bravo One departing, line up two seven left."
Linn: "After BA Airbus, line up two seven left, Gothic 604."
TWR: "KLM123, after the... uh... after the white one, line up two seven left..."
KLM (laughter): "After the white one, line up two seven left, KLM123!"
TWR: "Sorry about that, I don't know the type."
KLM: "Yeah, us neither."
Captain Henric: "Thanks, guys..." General laughter on freq.
A minute later
TWR: "It's a Beech 350."
KLM: "I thought I recognized it!"
Linn: "After BA Airbus, line up two seven left, Gothic 604."
TWR: "KLM123, after the... uh... after the white one, line up two seven left..."
KLM (laughter): "After the white one, line up two seven left, KLM123!"
TWR: "Sorry about that, I don't know the type."
KLM: "Yeah, us neither."
Captain Henric: "Thanks, guys..." General laughter on freq.
A minute later
TWR: "It's a Beech 350."
KLM: "I thought I recognized it!"
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 36
Likes: 0
From: EBSL / EDYY
A couple of weeks ago.
As DAT and VEX merged into Brussels Airlines we were woundering wat de new callsign would be. Their new livery has a big B in dots on the tail. And DAT is now known as S-tail (big S on their tail).
Anyway I asked an S-tail pilot if I had to call him B-tail from now on forward. He liked it a continued calling himself B-tail123. His colleague still went on with S-tail as he didn't have the new livery yet. A third S-tail pilot followed all before and called in with SMARTIES456.
Must say chearful pilots.
As DAT and VEX merged into Brussels Airlines we were woundering wat de new callsign would be. Their new livery has a big B in dots on the tail. And DAT is now known as S-tail (big S on their tail).
Anyway I asked an S-tail pilot if I had to call him B-tail from now on forward. He liked it a continued calling himself B-tail123. His colleague still went on with S-tail as he didn't have the new livery yet. A third S-tail pilot followed all before and called in with SMARTIES456.
Must say chearful pilots.
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3
Likes: 0
From: Leeds
A/C - (After landing, taxiing to stand) "Tower there appears to be a lump of concrete stuck up from the taxiway"
ATC - "Roger, Airside Ops will inspect, hold postition"
Few minutes pass as inspection takes place
OPS - "Tower the obstruction is now cleared, it was a dead Rabbit"
ATC - "Roger, now cleared taxi to stand"
A/C - "Roger, should that be reported as a Hare miss?"
Cracked me up, took me ages to regain my composure and request return to base!
There again, i did spot a dead bird on the taxiway once, Bird Control went to investigate and reported over the R/T "the dead bird, is a clump of grass, Great caution should be taken, the airfield appears to be covered in the stuff"
Not amused!
ATC - "Roger, Airside Ops will inspect, hold postition"
Few minutes pass as inspection takes place
OPS - "Tower the obstruction is now cleared, it was a dead Rabbit"
ATC - "Roger, now cleared taxi to stand"
A/C - "Roger, should that be reported as a Hare miss?"
Cracked me up, took me ages to regain my composure and request return to base!
There again, i did spot a dead bird on the taxiway once, Bird Control went to investigate and reported over the R/T "the dead bird, is a clump of grass, Great caution should be taken, the airfield appears to be covered in the stuff"
Not amused!
); It is probably Rudolph, sir.Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 86
Likes: 0
From: Gatwick
Similar callsigns
Nice one, WX Man - reminds me of a similar conversation I had a few years ago with Thames Radar while I was receiving a Flight Information Service as I was routing around their zone. Flying G-FA, I had been told to report at the QE2 bridge and I was just monitoring when I heard:
G-ZZFA: Thames Radar, G-ZZFA, [blah blah]
Thames: G-ZZFA, Flight Information Service you have, use full callsign, similar callsign on frequency
G-ZZFA: Use full callsign, G-FA
Thames: Negative, G-ZZFA, use FULL callsign
G-ZZFA: Use full callsign, G-FA
There was a pause at this point, presumably while the controller found something hard to bash his head against. As I had just reached the QE2 bridge, I called in as requested:
Me: G-BBFA, at the QE2 bridge
Thames: Thank God one of you is awake. Break break. G-ZZFA immediate 180 turn - you have entered the control zone without a clearance. Acknowledge
G-ZZFA: Was that for me or the other FA, G-FA?
Some days the controllers in Thames really do earn brownie points for their patience.
MD.
G-ZZFA: Thames Radar, G-ZZFA, [blah blah]
Thames: G-ZZFA, Flight Information Service you have, use full callsign, similar callsign on frequency
G-ZZFA: Use full callsign, G-FA
Thames: Negative, G-ZZFA, use FULL callsign
G-ZZFA: Use full callsign, G-FA
There was a pause at this point, presumably while the controller found something hard to bash his head against. As I had just reached the QE2 bridge, I called in as requested:
Me: G-BBFA, at the QE2 bridge
Thames: Thank God one of you is awake. Break break. G-ZZFA immediate 180 turn - you have entered the control zone without a clearance. Acknowledge
G-ZZFA: Was that for me or the other FA, G-FA?
Some days the controllers in Thames really do earn brownie points for their patience.
MD.
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 942
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From: Thailand
I have to admit that I have not rtead all 42 pages of this thread so this may already have been posted.
I am reliably informed that this occurred at LGW many years ago.
ATC; Monarch 123, give way to the Virgin with a tight slot on Taxiway C.
I am reliably informed that this occurred at LGW many years ago.
ATC; Monarch 123, give way to the Virgin with a tight slot on Taxiway C.
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 15
Likes: 0
From: UK
At EGKK last night:
A/C: "Shuttle xxx Radio Check"
GRD: "Readability 5"
A/C: "We thought we might have a radio problem - we can't pick up the ATIS"
GRD: "The ATIS is unserviceable"
A/C: "Oh. How were we supposed to know that?"
GRD: "Well, we would have put it on the ATIS....."
A/C: "Shuttle xxx Radio Check"
GRD: "Readability 5"
A/C: "We thought we might have a radio problem - we can't pick up the ATIS"
GRD: "The ATIS is unserviceable"
A/C: "Oh. How were we supposed to know that?"
GRD: "Well, we would have put it on the ATIS....."
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 23
Likes: 0
From: happyland, most days
just happened with a colleague who got a new headset:
ATC: UAE88 climb FL330
...
ATC: ok and now you should say ...
ATC: f** why can't these f** f** ever listen %&@##* ???
...
ATC: crap, could be the headset
ATC: oh noooo...
...
UAE88: UAE88, roger climbing to FL330. Seems like your microphone got stuck, Sir.
ATC: UAE88 climb FL330
...
ATC: ok and now you should say ...
ATC: f** why can't these f** f** ever listen %&@##* ???
...
ATC: crap, could be the headset
ATC: oh noooo...
...
UAE88: UAE88, roger climbing to FL330. Seems like your microphone got stuck, Sir.