Airline Pilots and Divorce
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I didn't realise I saved hundreds of lives every time I went to work. Coo, lumme. There I was thinking that my job was taking people from A to B, and all the time what I was really doing was saving their lives! 
Um, could you tell me what they were going to die of?
Perhaps I'll apply to the NHS as a mass-production life-saver. I'll probably save them lots of money as well!
Or are we perhaps overstating the case, somewhat, Bananas?
Um, could you tell me what they were going to die of?
Perhaps I'll apply to the NHS as a mass-production life-saver. I'll probably save them lots of money as well!
Or are we perhaps overstating the case, somewhat, Bananas?
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LOL Digitalis , good reply ,perhaps thats the problem - pilots can be a bit precious 
I think that some women purposely go out with a pilot knowing they will be very well provided for,and have the perks of concessions etc too !! /and alot of time to themselves to spend all that lovely money
I know of 2 girls who did that for that reason,3 years down the line they are divorced
However , if they truely love each other, none of that will count.
I think its important to spend time with each other mainly.
I work my roster so that i do have alot of time at home, and it works. Its hardgoing travelling wise/ but its worth it.
I'm also shorthaul, my other half has said that they wouldn't have evn bothered if i was longhaul - strangely my only pals that are single are longhaul too . . so maybe thats a warning sign ??
I think that some women purposely go out with a pilot knowing they will be very well provided for,and have the perks of concessions etc too !! /and alot of time to themselves to spend all that lovely money
I know of 2 girls who did that for that reason,3 years down the line they are divorced
However , if they truely love each other, none of that will count.
I think its important to spend time with each other mainly.
I work my roster so that i do have alot of time at home, and it works. Its hardgoing travelling wise/ but its worth it.
I'm also shorthaul, my other half has said that they wouldn't have evn bothered if i was longhaul - strangely my only pals that are single are longhaul too . . so maybe thats a warning sign ??
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Interesting comments. I wonder if it works the other way around - if the wife is the pilot and the husband has a "normal" job?
gatwickflyer - I think your comments are pretty accurate.
I think pilots think of their time off as very precious, so if their partner wants them to do something a bit boring (like choosing furniture, whatever) during their days off then they get a bit miffed.
My other half has plenty of interests and I make sure that if I happen to be off when he is, that I don't expect him to stop doing his usual hobbies just because I happen to have a weekend off.
However, we do make a point of planning some time together when we know that we will both be off.
It is very easy to lead completely separate lives when one of you is a pilot, so you do need to make sure that you don't just drift along not really seeing each other and then 5 years down the line realise that you don't really know each other any more.
gatwickflyer - I think your comments are pretty accurate.
I think pilots think of their time off as very precious, so if their partner wants them to do something a bit boring (like choosing furniture, whatever) during their days off then they get a bit miffed.
My other half has plenty of interests and I make sure that if I happen to be off when he is, that I don't expect him to stop doing his usual hobbies just because I happen to have a weekend off.
However, we do make a point of planning some time together when we know that we will both be off.
It is very easy to lead completely separate lives when one of you is a pilot, so you do need to make sure that you don't just drift along not really seeing each other and then 5 years down the line realise that you don't really know each other any more.
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BANANAS
Gp's, Surgeons, AME's and the like will now have to undergo a form of 'base-check' in the future.
This has come about due to the antics of Dr. Harold Shipman.
To give me two-pence for the thread;
I was brought up by a long-haul family. My Dad was away from home for half of the year. My parents then divorced when I was eight - my Dad was an alcoholic and my mum had an affair. My Dad remarried about ten years later but that was on the rocks four years later. After 25 years of long haul he eventually took his own life ten years ago. (Sorry for all the numbers!)
Other 'long-haul' family friends I have known have had their marriages end in divorce, separation or had an affair somewhere along the way. If that hasn't happened, they have been completely put off flying - complain about constantly living out of a suitcase, large time differences, back-to-back flights and so on.
I'm sure, as Capt. Airclues points out, there are many examples of where this isn't the case, but a lot of people I meet who think that long-haul is a bed of roses are sadly mistaken, and are in need of education regarding the life you lead as long haul crew.
This has come about due to the antics of Dr. Harold Shipman.
To give me two-pence for the thread;
I was brought up by a long-haul family. My Dad was away from home for half of the year. My parents then divorced when I was eight - my Dad was an alcoholic and my mum had an affair. My Dad remarried about ten years later but that was on the rocks four years later. After 25 years of long haul he eventually took his own life ten years ago. (Sorry for all the numbers!)
Other 'long-haul' family friends I have known have had their marriages end in divorce, separation or had an affair somewhere along the way. If that hasn't happened, they have been completely put off flying - complain about constantly living out of a suitcase, large time differences, back-to-back flights and so on.
I'm sure, as Capt. Airclues points out, there are many examples of where this isn't the case, but a lot of people I meet who think that long-haul is a bed of roses are sadly mistaken, and are in need of education regarding the life you lead as long haul crew.
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Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone. Some inspiring, some altogether more worrying!
There's no doubt it will be hard. We've been through tough times before, had huge raging rows, but still managed to come out of them to tell the tale (and that was when I was working in a regular 9-5 in Sainsbury's). I guess the good thing, (although some may beg to differ) is that we knew each other before I started flying professionally. I am determined to make it work, but I would imagine almost every person who has ever married has expressed similar sentiments at the time.
Anyway, keep the information and experiences coming. They're all very useful. I fly shorthaul by the way, which means in my company being away from base on average 8 nights a month.
Thanks again!
There's no doubt it will be hard. We've been through tough times before, had huge raging rows, but still managed to come out of them to tell the tale (and that was when I was working in a regular 9-5 in Sainsbury's). I guess the good thing, (although some may beg to differ) is that we knew each other before I started flying professionally. I am determined to make it work, but I would imagine almost every person who has ever married has expressed similar sentiments at the time.
Anyway, keep the information and experiences coming. They're all very useful. I fly shorthaul by the way, which means in my company being away from base on average 8 nights a month.
Thanks again!
Well, we all have our take on this issue.
I think airline pilots have two issues to deal with in married life.
First, is their own nature. The job requires that you can remain emotionally detached from your own situation in order to make safe decisions. Imagine the scenario where your family are on a board and you are hi-jacked for example. Your duty is to look after the interests of the majority never mind your own personal concerns. Also, the lifestyle requires you to detach yourself from family circumstances at any time of the day or night at your employers whim. What your family want (or need) will have to come second.
I think the job can make it difficult for a lot of individuals to form close, emotional, relationships.
Second, of course, is the wretched lifestyle. I think the problem is not so much the going away - it is what you are like when you get back after a trip. I asked my wife about this point. She feels that women need to off load, be listened to and feel included when a husband returns from a trip. Often, due to jet lag, tiredness, stress and fatigue, the pilot can be very 'off message' for a day or too.. The relationship can suffer at this point. Then is time to go away again . . .
I pulled out of the airline industry when we started a family. It took a couple of years to get established in a new direction. We are poorer but I now have the time with family that is needed to keep everyone happy.
My position on the whole issue? If you want to go airline flying then consider it a short career to be completed by your mid thirties. Plan a second career and don't look back.
I think airline pilots have two issues to deal with in married life.
First, is their own nature. The job requires that you can remain emotionally detached from your own situation in order to make safe decisions. Imagine the scenario where your family are on a board and you are hi-jacked for example. Your duty is to look after the interests of the majority never mind your own personal concerns. Also, the lifestyle requires you to detach yourself from family circumstances at any time of the day or night at your employers whim. What your family want (or need) will have to come second.
I think the job can make it difficult for a lot of individuals to form close, emotional, relationships.
Second, of course, is the wretched lifestyle. I think the problem is not so much the going away - it is what you are like when you get back after a trip. I asked my wife about this point. She feels that women need to off load, be listened to and feel included when a husband returns from a trip. Often, due to jet lag, tiredness, stress and fatigue, the pilot can be very 'off message' for a day or too.. The relationship can suffer at this point. Then is time to go away again . . .
I pulled out of the airline industry when we started a family. It took a couple of years to get established in a new direction. We are poorer but I now have the time with family that is needed to keep everyone happy.
My position on the whole issue? If you want to go airline flying then consider it a short career to be completed by your mid thirties. Plan a second career and don't look back.
Last edited by Spartacan; 16th May 2004 at 10:07.
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Any woman who is married to an airline pilot knows, you have to be a pretty strong, secure (in yourself) and independant person. It's Murphy's Law, when hubby is away, the kids will get sick, the electrical appliances will break, the car will play up. You have to be prepared to play the role of mom and dad at times, going to school concerts and sports days alone. You can't afford to start getting bitter and resenting the fact that he is going to far off exotic places, at the end of the day, it is his job and he gets paid for doing it. The pros defnitely outweight the cons
I wouldn't change one aspect of our marriage, when he is away, I get a chance to catch up with friends, sports and hobbies, and when he is at home, we love our time together, we never run out of things to chat and laugh about, we try to go out at least once a week for dinner or a movie. Because of the job he has, we are able to fly often with him to the most amazing countries, and do so on a regular basis. Would I like him be home more often, defnitely, but this is his career and I knew it when we married.
I wouldn't swop my husband, life or marriage for all the tea in China, and I know he feels the same.
I hope that answers your question, airline marriages can work, depending on the two people involved - and how serious they are in wanting it to work.
I wouldn't change one aspect of our marriage, when he is away, I get a chance to catch up with friends, sports and hobbies, and when he is at home, we love our time together, we never run out of things to chat and laugh about, we try to go out at least once a week for dinner or a movie. Because of the job he has, we are able to fly often with him to the most amazing countries, and do so on a regular basis. Would I like him be home more often, defnitely, but this is his career and I knew it when we married.
I wouldn't swop my husband, life or marriage for all the tea in China, and I know he feels the same.
I hope that answers your question, airline marriages can work, depending on the two people involved - and how serious they are in wanting it to work.
k w
Grandpa Aerotart
Yes good on you dumpvalve.
Has anyone considered the fact that high divorce rates may be more to do with the fact that, in evolutionary terms, males and females are not actually built for life long manogamy?
What religon/society has foisted on us in the last few hundred years is a different thing entirely...that being a control mechanism.
Only in relatively recent times have various social factors, education, birth control, social acceptance etc, made it feesible for females to leave their spouses relatively painlessly. It's not so long, perhaps 40-50 yrs, since a unmarried women's potential lifestyle was VERY limited indeed.
My wife left for another pilot so I can hardly blame AIDS for the marriage ending. I was a bush pilot in those days so was home every night. We had a native helper around the house so she was not overworked at home and had a good job as a teacher.
The marriage ended because she, unilaterally, decided that she was not 'in love' with me anymore...and therefore she could bone anyone she wanted too...while I was home being an effectively single Dad to our, then 4 year old, daughter.
Now I'm an airline pilot recently forced by circumstance into long haul. I'm still a single Dad to my now 15 year old and with the help of a full time amah it works pretty well. My daughter is a remarkably well adjusted, mature, very funny, and sometimes very typical teenager. We have a great time together and I feel a lucky man indeed.
I do occasionally wonder if I'm lonely...then I get laid somewhere and that feeling that I'm 'missing' something goes away.
Girlfriends? Yes I've had several over the last 11 years. Perhaps there might be one or two left in me in the future however I'm 42 now and all the women I seem to meet want marriage and children asap.
Chuck.
Editted for the
Has anyone considered the fact that high divorce rates may be more to do with the fact that, in evolutionary terms, males and females are not actually built for life long manogamy?
What religon/society has foisted on us in the last few hundred years is a different thing entirely...that being a control mechanism.
Only in relatively recent times have various social factors, education, birth control, social acceptance etc, made it feesible for females to leave their spouses relatively painlessly. It's not so long, perhaps 40-50 yrs, since a unmarried women's potential lifestyle was VERY limited indeed.
My wife left for another pilot so I can hardly blame AIDS for the marriage ending. I was a bush pilot in those days so was home every night. We had a native helper around the house so she was not overworked at home and had a good job as a teacher.
The marriage ended because she, unilaterally, decided that she was not 'in love' with me anymore...and therefore she could bone anyone she wanted too...while I was home being an effectively single Dad to our, then 4 year old, daughter.
Now I'm an airline pilot recently forced by circumstance into long haul. I'm still a single Dad to my now 15 year old and with the help of a full time amah it works pretty well. My daughter is a remarkably well adjusted, mature, very funny, and sometimes very typical teenager. We have a great time together and I feel a lucky man indeed.
I do occasionally wonder if I'm lonely...then I get laid somewhere and that feeling that I'm 'missing' something goes away.
Girlfriends? Yes I've had several over the last 11 years. Perhaps there might be one or two left in me in the future however I'm 42 now and all the women I seem to meet want marriage and children asap.
Chuck.
Editted for the
Last edited by Chimbu chuckles; 18th May 2004 at 11:20.
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Hi Digitalis,
The point I was trying (apparently not very clearly) to make is that if a surgeon is operating on a sick patient and he screws up, his patient can die, if the pilots are presented with a sick aeroplane at zero notice (engine fire etc) and screw up, its 100s of lives at a time. Different contexts I grant you, but the same levels of responsibility.
We have enough pressure from beancounters trying to devalue our jobs without doing it for them.
The point I was trying (apparently not very clearly) to make is that if a surgeon is operating on a sick patient and he screws up, his patient can die, if the pilots are presented with a sick aeroplane at zero notice (engine fire etc) and screw up, its 100s of lives at a time. Different contexts I grant you, but the same levels of responsibility.
We have enough pressure from beancounters trying to devalue our jobs without doing it for them.
Grandpa Aerotart
Bananasetc....I think when we cope with a life threatening emergency (perhaps once in a career, twice if you're blessed ) we are only saving one life...our own, the rest being a nice bonus as if we arrive in one piece there's a better than even chance the pax do too.
That's how I look at it anyway.
Chuck.
) we are only saving one life...our own, the rest being a nice bonus as if we arrive in one piece there's a better than even chance the pax do too.That's how I look at it anyway.
Chuck.
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Point taken, but we get paid to keep the operation safe. That means using our professional skills every day. If those professional skills let us down, then it wouldn't be the first time a perfectly serviceable aircraft was flown into the ground.
The analogy would be a surgeon performing a career of "routine" operations and then having to deal with a patient arresting or other unexpected event. Its "only" the patients life at stake as well, not the surgeons and the rest of the ward.
Incidentally, I fly on a fleet of 8 long haul aircraft and in the last 2 months we have had 2 in flight shut downs (B767) and a pax evac (separate incident).
Perhaps not the best example, but (without getting "precious" about it), I hope it makes the point.
We train hard, initially at our own expense to get where we are. Arrogance is always way out of order but a little pride in our contribution to the safe operation of a lifetime of flying pax around the world is imho well deserved.
Safe flying everyone
The analogy would be a surgeon performing a career of "routine" operations and then having to deal with a patient arresting or other unexpected event. Its "only" the patients life at stake as well, not the surgeons and the rest of the ward.
Incidentally, I fly on a fleet of 8 long haul aircraft and in the last 2 months we have had 2 in flight shut downs (B767) and a pax evac (separate incident).
Perhaps not the best example, but (without getting "precious" about it), I hope it makes the point.
We train hard, initially at our own expense to get where we are. Arrogance is always way out of order but a little pride in our contribution to the safe operation of a lifetime of flying pax around the world is imho well deserved.
Safe flying everyone
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The thought had crossed my mind too!
