Indifferent partner

[Lister Noble]

AOB9

Pace probably has it spot on.
Your wife is terrified that something will happen to you,when I was car racing my wife never said much,but when I stopped she said how worried she used to be.
When ever I go flying she asks me to be careful,so I always tell her that apart from her,I'm the most important person and I don't want to peg out just yet.
Let her know you won't take risks,show off,chance the weather etc.
You do need to sort it out because she is not too happy at the moment.
Good luck to you both.
Lister

[Genghis the Engineer]

Surely this management of expectations is there in pretty much any activity in a relationship.

I have two passions in my life (three if you include my wife), aviation and martial arts.

My wife is fascinated by aviation, both the technical aspects (she's an engineer) and quite likes going on trips so long as:-

(a) turbulence is minimal
(b) the aeroplane has doors, a windshield, and a cabin heater
(c) she has her camera.

I can handle that, and have learned that telling anecdotes involving engine failures from failed loops in vintage aeroplanes in her hearing is unwise. I also just smiled and signed the life insurance policy that she insisted upon.


In martial arts, she also shares my fascination - but given a choice of a 2 hour hard training session, or a 2 hour technical lecture on MA history, she'll take the latter. She also is much happier on her feet with a sword in her hand, than grappling on the floor in a dojo. So we do sword based stuff together, and I go off and teach Jiu Jitsu on my own. Not a problem either.


All about understanding the person you share your life with and their personal motivations really.

G

[Twinnshock]

Is this a problem?
I have held a PPL since 1980 which is prior to meeting my wife. We have been married for 25 years and in all this time she has never flown with me or expressed a whish to do so, if fact the very oposite.
But whilst indifferent to me when I return home with tales of dairing do and greased 3 pointer landings in the cub, I find she oftain talks to her friends regarding my latest exploit and I think she is thankfull that I do not follow the more usual hobbies of her friends husbands and partners as this gives her a topic of conversation!


Stuart

[Charles E Taylor]

If your wife is interested in travel?



You might try this to interest her in Flying.

We're off - Cannes, France Travel Blog




Good Luck




Charlie

[Gertrude the Wombat]

learned that telling anecdotes involving engine failures from failed loops in vintage aeroplanes in her hearing is unwise

I've decided that on balance telling the truth about "interesting" occurrences works out better. It probably helps that I've got across the general safety culture, and she is aware that for most eventualities there are several levels of backup plan available, and that most people walk away from a forced landing.

Now that she's actually seen a real life in flight emergency for herself (we sorted the problem and completed the trip as planned, but it was real while it lasted) I can't actually tell whether she's more worried or less worried than she used to be ...

[MichaelJP59]

My problem is the opposite - my other half really loves flying, in fact she doesn't really like me going without her. It's also costing us a lot more because she's doing her PPL and I'm sure when she completes it I'll be relegated to the RHS half the time

Oh, and she has very expensive tastes and doesn't see why the interior of an aircraft shouldn't be at least as luxurious as the equivalent price car!

Ah well, could be worse

[Pace]

Lister Noble

when I was car racing my wife never said much,but when I stopped she said how worried she used to be.

We must come from the same mould! with me Formula Ford, Formula 3 and Clubmans (Mallock) Lost sponsor, pregnant girlfriend/ then wife meant flying as and when £££

Pace

[AOB9]

MichaelJP59.........""Oh, and she has very expensive tastes and doesn't see why the interior of an aircraft shouldn't be at least as luxurious as the equivalent price car!"

Now that's a problem that will need some discussion.

[Genghis the Engineer]

Originally Posted by AOB9

MichaelJP59.........""Oh, and she has very expensive tastes and doesn't see why the interior of an aircraft shouldn't be at least as luxurious as the equivalent price car!"

Now that's a problem that will need some discussion.

Particularly since it's almost certainly true.

G

[Floppy Link]

It's obvious...
she's pissed off you chose fixed wing rather than helicopters!

[dublinpilot]

Is their really anything wrong with her not being interested in something you do?

I don't mean to be smart, but why should she be interested in aviation simply because you are?

If she comes home and wants to tell you about the great new shoes that she boughts and wants to tell you all about them do you show great interest? Maybe you'll be polite and show some interest for a few minutes. How about when she's still talking about them an hour later and about the ones that she was going to buy instead of these ones?

Then how about when this becomes a weekly event? How long before you start to try and polietly show her that you really aren't interested and that she should talk to her 'girl friends' about this sort of stuff?

You can subsitute shoes for pretty much anything else that girls found more exciting than men, or that another man finds more exciting than you.

I don't think that it's really any harm that she doesn't find aviation interesting.

Someone else described here what they do with their wife that has no interest in flying, and I thought it a lovely way to handle the situation. Whenever they go flying, they make sure to arrive home in exceptionally good humour, bringing a bunch of flowers for her (or chocolates whatever) and then makes her dinner, and all in all makes her feel special for the rest of the day. It didn't take long before he wife was suggesting that he should go flying this weekend, and she could easily see the benefits to her What a good way of handling things

dp

[Miroku]

make sure to arrive home in exceptionally good humour, bringing a bunch of flowers

I did that and they were sniffed at as they were 'supermarket flowers'!

How can I afford to go to a proper florist when I have to pay for my flying?

[Whirlygig]

Most women are not interested in aviation in the same way, and for the same reasons, as I am not interested in golf. Just not interested.

Taking me out on a golf course for a day, with some golfing women, would not increase my interest one little bit. Going to a golf dinner would be my idea of a night of hell (almost!).

Would I resent the time and money spent by my other half on golf? Not one bit. But do I want to hear about the birdie at the 16th? No.

As most posters are saying, some people just ain't interested. It's boring and dull.

Cheers

Whirls

[IO540]

Cooking a dinner is, I am reliably advised, a 99% sure way of getting the "desired result"

But seriously, a relationship does involve complementary activities and interests - if both are intelligent people.

Occassionally you will both have similar interests (I mean no dissimilar interests) but that is very rare.

There are relationships, mostly old traditional sorts, where one has little to do in their life and relies on the other one for everything. A woman who has no interests of her own, who saw marriage as the solution to everything, and is now stuck at home with kids (which let's face it is a pretty common scenario) is likely to resent the man flying, or indeed having any fun at all. I don't know of a solution to that - even the application of loads of £££ won't solve that one.

Children are a major major major challenge...

Finally it has to be said that IF you have no kids, and little in the way of common interests, then finding somebody else has to be considered. This is not the 1950s or even the 1980s (when digging out a new partner was a full-time job, so most people - myself included - shacked up with the first person who was interested). It's a lot easier today.

[Molesworth 1]

My girlfriend was delighted to be flown to Ostend but found the actual flying boring.

Try sitting in the right hand seat playing no piloting role whatsoever and I think you'll see her point!

[AOB9]

In response to IO540, I'm delighted to say that I'm not part of a traditional "old style" marriage, nor is my wife "stuck at home with kids"............well actually she is sometimes. But she does have her own interests and since I stopped doing shift work a couple of years ago we have become fairly good at sharing duties. I reckon the big problem here is one of safety, a fear of something unpleasant happening to me and her having to pick up the pieces, literally. As stated in a previous post I will confront the issue over the weekend ( when life is calmer) and report back.

[24Carrot]

Are you sure there is an 'issue' to 'confront'?
The shoes analogy sounded spot-on to me.

My wife was pretty supportive, (she actually persuaded me to keep on going when I had decided I would never learn to flare), but she has never been especially interested in the details.

If there is a safety concern, buy her a trial lesson. Once I got the PPL, I did that before I took my wife up. I wanted her to see what a 'proper pilot' did before she climbed in with me and assumed I was doing it all wrong. (And all right, yes, I did think I might let somebody else find out whether she would get air-sick)

[BackPacker]

If there is a safety concern, buy her a trial lesson.

Actually, don't buy her a trial lesson. Buy her a three-pack of "pilots wife" lessons or whatever you want to call it. For a change, the instructor sits in the LHS, your wife in the RHS and the instructor teacher her what to do when you become incapacitated. Things like tuning 121.5, following vectors and making a safe landing in not-too-challenging conditions.

Throw in a few other easy-to-handle emergencies and if this gives her an idea, at the very least, that she's competent to do something in case of an actual emergency, she'll be a lot happier.

[BeechNut]

Is this a problem?
I have held a PPL since 1980 which is prior to meeting my wife. We have been married for 25 years and in all this time she has never flown with me or expressed a whish to do so, if fact the very oposite.
But whilst indifferent to me when I return home with tales of dairing do and greased 3 pointer landings in the cub, I find she oftain talks to her friends regarding my latest exploit and I think she is thankfull that I do not follow the more usual hobbies of her friends husbands and partners as this gives her a topic of conversation!


Stuart

She's getting even with you. When I started flying (same year as you incidentally), I used to love to brag about it. Then I got sick, at dinner parties, of talking about it: "yes, it's safe. My plane flies at 110 knots. Umm, let's see, about 200 km/h. No, I don't wear a parachute. How far? Let's see about 5 and a half hours endurance, times 200, about 1000 km. No, I don't talk to a control tower all the time, my home base is uncontrolled. Yes, that exists, airports without control towers. Yes, it is safe. No I really don't worry about not having a parachute..." and on and on. Same speech, different party.

So I learned to shut up about it, except that my wife (who actively dislikes my flying but she's a fine gal otherwise...), now says nearly first thing at a party, that I fly so once again: "yes, it's safe. My plane flies at 110 knots. Umm, let's see, about 200 km/h. No, I don't wear a parachute. How far? Let's see about 5 and a half hours endurance, times 200, about 1000 km. No, I don't talk to a control tower all the time, my home base is uncontrolled. Yes, that exists, airports without control towers. Yes, it is safe. No I really don't worry about not having a parachute...".

I'm sure it's to get even for spending our hard earned cash on a spam can

[akaSylvia]

Thank goodness Whirlybird posted because my response was going to be far less polite.