Things I always wanted to know as a PILOT

[Slasher]

10 questions Ive always wanted to know the answers to -

1. SLFs sometimes wont lock an aircraft toilet door yet theyll unfailingley lock it in a public dunny. Why?

2. Most pax cant be bothered watching the Pre-TO Emergencey brief while the intellegent few do. This usualy determines who most likely will be still alive after the evac and wholl be dead. Is it a macho thing to ignore the brief or somethin?

3. Why do SLFs complain about the legroom and pitch of cattle-class seats? Your stuffed in seats like sardines in return for a lower fare and Economy class is named because its exactley that - ECONOMY!

4. Why do pax insist on flying with carriers who have dangerus safety records? Do cheap airfares override survival instincts? Would you do the same and ride with a dangerus bus or taxi company?

5. Why the rush to disembark? You could be standing in the isle for 20mins if the Manifest isnt accurate or the Traffic guy is an inexperienced snot-nosed kid.

6. Is an aircraft toilet realy more complicated to use than a reguler dunny? The flush button is in the same spot like any other thunderbox, and the tap/sink doesnt require a PhD to figure out.

7. If you slop up your dunny at home you clean it up. So why do you expect the stewardesses to clean YOUR ungodley mess up?

8. Do some of you think pilots fly through severe turbulence because we WANT to?

9. Why do you believe a smooth greazey touchdown on landing is somehow the measure of a pilots total skill?

10. If you depart early you arrive early at your destination. Why is there ALWAYS the bloodey annoying 1% who insist on boarding at the last minute after everyone else has been on-board for the last 20?

[SA_C185]

I wish I could have had the answers to those questions myself! Some people do make it unpleasant for others sometimes by not cleaning after themselves.

[redsnail]

Ah, he's back. How's the airboos?

[10secondsurvey]

Here's my tuppence worth.

3. Seat pitch. That old chestnut. Most non ff pax have no idea about this, in fact many believe the pitch is set by the manufacturer, i.e "oh, if you fly on a boeing 737 you won't get much legroom". They don't know the seat pitch is set by each specific airline.

In addition, most non ff pax purchase an airline ticket ASSUMING no airline would be dumb enough to put seats so close together that it is impossible to sit in them. Unfortunately airlines can and do.

In regards to ff pax, just look at the success of premium economy classes or similar. People want a comfy seat, but do not really see a need for full business class. I personally just want a comfy seat with some legroom, I don't need champagne, priority boarding, enhanced meals, free alcoholic drinks etc.. Unfortunately, up until recently, the only choice has been cattle class or the super luxury of business class.

I happily choose airlines with larger legroom generally anyway, as firstly, it means there are fewer seats per given amount of space, which means that de-planing can be quicker, and there is more space in overhead lockers. Go on a charter with 28 inch pitch throughout, and you'll regularly find insufficient space overhead for even a modest amount of carry-on.

4. I agree. Sadly most pax can't easily access safety records, so they cannt make an INFORMED decision.

10. The clue is in the end of your question. I see no reason to pre-board a flight lasting eight hours in order to sit in my seat early (for 20 mins or more). In my experience, nowadays, airlines like to board pax early, so they can pull back from the gate on time (keeping their stats looking good), and then once the doors are closed, announce;"sadly ATC have changed our slot to approximately two hours from now, but we're hoping to leave earlier (yeah right!) so had you all board the aircraft now." That is exactly why ff pax don't board early. When I fly club, I never understand the notion of early boarding, to me it is common sense to stay out of the plane for as long as possible. Most ff pax learn from airline lies.

2. You know, when I'm on a really cramped econ short haul flight, I just chuckle when I hear crew say the main concern of the airline is our safety. If that were the case, we wouldn't have seats at wing exit rows, and we wouldn't be crammed in like sardines. Personally, I always watch the safety brief, and check the number of rows to exits in front and behind.

There is a more serious side to this, I've heard many people say this before. Many non ff pax believe if the plane is going down, then they'll all die anyway, and the safety brief is just to make people feel they will be safe, whereas in reality, they'll all be gonners. I know that isn't the case, and that somewhere between 70 and 80 percent survive aircrashes overall, but many folks do think that most people get killed in air crashes, regardless of the safety briefing.

[Mark1234]

1) Pass
2) 'Cos I've seen the content (which doesn't change) 100 times before. In my case, I already looked on the way in where the exits were, and had a quick think where I'm going if, and usually count seat backs to the exit. I don't need to be told how to put on a lifejacket, or use the oxygen mask (again). Hope that doesn't sound too arrogant!
3) Because economy still costs reasonable money, and I'm compelled to fly economy by the penny pinching accountants where I work... I'm going to do everything I can to get the best out of that.. so I'll fly with the best economy I can find!
4) Do my best not to!
5) Because if you've been sat in 'economy' for 20+hrs, you'd do anything to stand up, or otherwise get out of that metal tube Also, (particularly short haul), I tend to fly hand baggage only.. added incentive to get off and running.
6) Never had a problem with it
7) I don't.. the inconsiderate few I'm sure
8) See 7 - I thought you magic it up on demand whenever I either have a cup of tea, or go to the dunny
9) Well, it's the most visible/measurable for us poor SLF. But I do appreciate that a greaser is not always the aim.
10) I have no idea.. would like to slap them myself..

Hope that was of some help

[groundhand]

Re 4

How am I to know, unless there has been a publicised incident, whether this airline is safer than the other?
Are you really saying that lo-co = unsafe?
Where's your evidence of this? or are you of the school that thinks anyone who books loco is not worth bothering about?


Re seat pitch.
Some of the legacy carriers have the worst Y seat pitch, unfortunately many of us are forced into these as our employers won't pay the hugely over inflated C fares on short haul. Like the earlier comment, I want decent leg room (I wear leg 37ins trousers) - and will pay for it BUT without all the other cr*p.

[TightSlot]

10SS

Apologies, but if I may pick you up on something...

You know, when I'm on a really cramped econ short haul flight, I just chuckle when I hear crew say the main concern of the airline is our safety. If that were the case, we wouldn't have seats at wing exit rows, and we wouldn't be crammed in like sardines.

After the Manchester 737 Fire, a lot of work was done on evacuations, mostly at the Cranfield Institute of Technology but also at other agencies including the FAA.

I'm afraid both documents linked to are quite lengthy - for the purposes of this thread though, it is worth pointing out that, surprisingly, fewer seats at the over-wing exit rows do not necessarily mean faster evacuation times, and 28" seat pitch (i.e. minimum) does not necessarily mean a lesser chance of survival. Please remember that all large transport aircraft have to perform a full evac trial, in 90 seconds, using only half the exits, at the maximum passenger capacity

[PAXboy]

Like the earlier comment, I want decent leg room (I wear leg 37ins trousers) - and will pay for it BUT without all the other cr*p.

I think that illustrates the point very well. Naturally, every pax want more space for as little cash as possible (irrespective of who pays) but by linking space to 'luxury' it allows the carrier to separate the space and the cost. If they just charged a bit more, then more would take it but that would lower the overall number of seats and revenue.

For enough years, they have been able to get people to pay the Y fares and put up with it, so they have no incentive to change. AA tried to change this a few years ago (about 5 or 6, I think). As I recall, they made a huge advertising push about giving more leg room in Y, including long haul, of about 2 inches or possibly more. The adverts showed rows of seats being physically taken out. A couple of years later, I read (in PPRuNe) that they were quietly putting the rows back in because it had not generated enough extra bookings. QED.

I like the 10 questions, some of which might be tongue in cheek?

1. Not locking loo door: I didn't know they did this.
2. Not watching saftey demo: I have always been mysitifed by the way they ignore it. Even though I know it, I always watch. The idea that some folks are avoiding thinking about a crash seems likely.
3. As per longer answer above: Price wins but complaining has become a SOP for pax.
4. Dangerous carriers: My guess is that 99% of pax do not know where to find safety statistics and airlines don't use this in their advertising. The CAA do not publicise this. Also, Price Wins.
5. Rush to disembark: Herding instinct.
6. Looks as if the flush button has to have a flashing neon ring around it.
7. Messing up the loo: Standards of public behaviour have been dropping for decades.
8. Pilots love turbulence: They certainly do!
9. Smooth touchdown: They do not know any better.
10. Late boarding: Again, I think we may see examples of fear and those who do not want to get on the machine, even though they want to get to their destination.

[840]

I'll try answering 5.

On Monday morning, I was travelling out hand baggage only, so I selected my seat online right at the front of the aircraft. I knew there was a train leaving the airport 20 minutes after my flight was due to land, there was a one hour wait for the next one.

So I wasn't going to be waiting for bags and getting that train was important. I managed to be first off the plane and after clearing immigration made the train with two minutes to spare.

For many of us, the plane is only part of the journey and we're keen to get moving on the next part ASAP.

[goudie]

Slasher, learn to love and respect your customers. Without them, no job no pay!

[Final 3 Greens]

1. Never seen this, but then again I’ve only taken 1,000+ commercial flights

2. If it is so important, how come a deadheading captain and FO opposite me talked very loudly all the way through it recently and the CC didn’t intervene?

3. Because the airlines (e.g. your employer) never show the reality in their advertising, only beautiful things

4. Code share is one reason – you book one carrier and travel on another

5. (a) most people don’t like planes and can’t wait to get off them, (b) some peeps have places to go to – e.g. FF with hand baggage

6. Please explain this to your FO next time, he is used to automatics on an Airbus

7. Have you got a toilet obsession???? On second thoughts, I guess Australia only got proper dunny’s recently, so the novelty hasn’t worn off yet

8. No, we think some of you are idiots who fly through severe turbulence because you departed at night with wx radar u/s or switched it off in VMC (even though convective activity was forecast) and also wrote off the nose radome due GR

9. I don't judge pilot's skill on greasers, which are just good luck

10. (a) because the exec lounge is 20 minutes from the gate and the gate staff called the lounge at the last minute, (b) because the FIDS in the exec lounge froze, the lounge doesn’t make calls and no one form the gate cross checked and also (c) your First/biz class passengers pay a big premium to board later

[MrSoft]

(5) Think on, fellow pax. My favourite example of this thinking is any inbound from Rep. of Ireland. In my experience you never get an airbridge, but a free bus ride round the airport (never understood why). Last off the plane = last on the bus. Last on the bus = first off the bus. Up up and away.

[tezzer]

No 7

The difference, and beleive me, this doesn't excuse it, is that at home, I have a discreetly placed brush in each of our dunnies, for cleaning up, if there has been "a moment".

With what am I supposed to clean it in the on-board facilities, in rhe never happened case that I am forced to go on board, after curry / guinness / both ?

Now, I can honestly say that I have never done a no. 2 on a plane, always making a point of doing it before leaving home / hotel / lounge, but I have certainly been in there after some other dirty bd has !

[AirwayBlocker]

Could I suggest placing toilet paper in the bowl before attempting a number two. Makes it go down like a spoonful of sugar does the medicine.

I have seen an F/A who used to carry a can of Spray and Cook with her which she used to spray the loo bowls with to make things easier for herself when it came to cleaning up after those with less than perfect toilet abilities.

[lexxity]

10. (a) because the exec lounge is 20 minutes from the gate and the gate staff called the lounge at the last minute, (b) because the FIDS in the exec lounge froze, the lounge doesn’t make calls and no one form the gate cross checked and also (c) your First/biz class passengers pay a big premium to board later

It's rarely the biz/first/FF pax who are late to the gate. It's Mr and Mrs Jones who can't understand that the flight needs to go when the airline says and not when they have finished drinking/shopping/visiting the wrong gate/gates because the tv screens and signs aren't clear enough and they need handholding to the gate/being last through security because they thought they would visit all the shops landside before making their way through at -15mins, I could go on, but as I said it's rarely the premium pax, so rare is it that I can clearly recall the times it has been!

[10bob]

Re 2 - I've always thought that some people want others to know that they are a frequent, experienced traveller as this somehow makes them look richer / more important / not scared of flying or whatever.
They do this by reading a book, newspaper or chatting with friends or colleagues etc. rather than watching the safety demonstration. Sometimes quite conspicuously
They are missing out in my view (either that or I've just developed an unhealthy obsession with the animated, coffee drinking, brunette in the BA version )

[IB4138]

In answer to question 5, have a look here:

http://www.ukairportdelays.co.uk/Immigration

Also look at some of the comments from pax about offending airports immigration contols.

[RevMan2]

Things I've always wanted to know as a WHATEVER

1. Where do pilots learn how to spell and punctuate?

2. Where do pilots learn how to spell and punctuate?

3. Where do pilots learn how to spell and punctuate?

4........

[Hartington]

Number 4

The only reason I have done it in the past has been after a personal risk assessment and the decision that I want to be where the plane will take me. I go into it with my eyes open. The risk assessment usually boils down to the fact that even an airline with a bad safety record is probably safer than the alternative.

But I'll go along with Paxboy that 99% of people probably don't even think about it.

[Married a Canadian]

With regards to question 8

Not enough of you fly through severe turbulence now. Pilots seem to squawk anytime they go near a fluffy white cloud now.

You fly through turbulence cos the planes are built to take it...and it stops passengers getting up and messing up the washrooms that you worry about.