You might be an aircraft engineer if.....
..when, on detachment, your shift of villains rather kindly takes the somewhat naiive JEngess out 'for a quiet meal and a couple of drinks with the lads'...
How did you know that we had an early take-off the next day? And hence that Bob-the-JEngess would have to go to the Gp Capt's morning brief, as the DetCo would be grinning to himself somewhere between Turkey and Iraq at the time.
(Although the Gp Capt later told me that she did look rather green, poor girl...
)
How did you know that we had an early take-off the next day? And hence that Bob-the-JEngess would have to go to the Gp Capt's morning brief, as the DetCo would be grinning to himself somewhere between Turkey and Iraq at the time.
(Although the Gp Capt later told me that she did look rather green, poor girl...
)
Last edited by BEagle; 29th Mar 2009 at 20:38.
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You might be an aircraft engineer if.....
Sitting in the crew room at Brize on exercise..
A di staff throws a thunderflash outside the window, walks in mid programme and announces to the world an inject, you, you and you are dead, you, you and you are injured and you to one who should remain nameless are OK, right deal with it..........
Cool as a cucumber in the middle of his favourite show he walks over to where his musket is propped against the wall, cocks it, points it at where his wounded mates lie and goes Bang... Bang.... Bang.
The promptly sits down and carries on watching his favourite show even though by now everone bar the red faced di staff are curled up in hysterics..........
His answer to the irate Distaff was that they would only be a drain on resources and tie up valuable manpower and assessing the injuries on the inject he decided the easiest way was to remove the burden from the system and if it was ok, could he please get back to his TV programme......
A di staff throws a thunderflash outside the window, walks in mid programme and announces to the world an inject, you, you and you are dead, you, you and you are injured and you to one who should remain nameless are OK, right deal with it..........
Cool as a cucumber in the middle of his favourite show he walks over to where his musket is propped against the wall, cocks it, points it at where his wounded mates lie and goes Bang... Bang.... Bang.
The promptly sits down and carries on watching his favourite show even though by now everone bar the red faced di staff are curled up in hysterics..........
His answer to the irate Distaff was that they would only be a drain on resources and tie up valuable manpower and assessing the injuries on the inject he decided the easiest way was to remove the burden from the system and if it was ok, could he please get back to his TV programme......
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Over taking the SATCO on the taxiway in the landy at twice the speed limit whilst getting to the end of the runway to put the pins in the returning Q kite, then getting back and getting a bo**ocking from the jengo
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You are an engineer if.....
You ride your motorbike around the front of the hangers at Leeming on the apron and incur the wrath of a Winco Eng whilst pointing out you are looking for the Line Office....... Post Bollocking for not only that, but walking across "HIS" grass eventually find the Line Office..
Regail the tale to them as I am there to meet one of our Chinooks that is calling in for fuel and to pick me up, Quick chat to SATCO on phone and permission given to ride out to the said Chinook when it arrives.
Just about to head across the Apron when Staff Car with some BrownJob with pennants flying drives past to some visiting Aircraft, followed by Staishes Car then a RAF Mini with said Winco in it, so join on end of procession,
follow them out across the Apron...... pulled over again for another rant for same thing in front of visitor at which point I say BUT I have permission.... 
Pulled up by SWO at Gutersloh for wearing Combat Jacket and given the Station Standing Orders blurb, only to be worn on Detachments or exercise etc speech......
you point out you are on Detachment, so then falls back on the Haircut and in my office at 3.00 PM, look at watch.... Hmmm 9.30 AM, should be in the bar back in UK by 3 PM........ wonder if he is still waiting for me
Regail the tale to them as I am there to meet one of our Chinooks that is calling in for fuel and to pick me up, Quick chat to SATCO on phone and permission given to ride out to the said Chinook when it arrives.
Just about to head across the Apron when Staff Car with some BrownJob with pennants flying drives past to some visiting Aircraft, followed by Staishes Car then a RAF Mini with said Winco in it, so join on end of procession,
follow them out across the Apron...... pulled over again for another rant for same thing in front of visitor at which point I say BUT I have permission.... Pulled up by SWO at Gutersloh for wearing Combat Jacket and given the Station Standing Orders blurb, only to be worn on Detachments or exercise etc speech......
you point out you are on Detachment,
so then falls back on the Haircut and in my office at 3.00 PM, look at watch.... Hmmm 9.30 AM, should be in the bar back in UK by 3 PM........ wonder if he is still waiting for me
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You are an engineer if.....
You accidently drop the flight line office door stop (3-4kgs) into the boggies helmet bag, and then direct him to his jet at the far end of the line.
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you realise how quickly time flies when you're up the front end trying to fix a Nimrod autopilot snag while the back fills up with smoke from the pitzas you found in the galley, put in the oven and then forgot about.
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You might be an Engineer if.....
You've beaten the padlock on the front of the aircrew rations locker, by simply turning the locker round, de-riveting the back, half emptying the goodies, securing the back with Harry Black and putting locker back in original place.
Unfortunatly, you might also be an Engineer if you've tried to eat 15 of the aircrew's Mars bars, from the locker, on a night shift.
Unfortunatly, you might also be an Engineer if you've tried to eat 15 of the aircrew's Mars bars, from the locker, on a night shift.
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Detachments...
...you're on Det in Australia (Darwin) for Ex Pitch Black. Your C stores, LRU's and everything else needed to service eight tornados are on a boat somewhere between "Singapore and Sydney". The first wave has just returned and you've got SMS snags. At that point your ex-bay lecky JNCO traces the problem to a circuit board in the Pylon Decoder Unit. As the spares are still afloat somewhere, he calmly unscrews the PDU, fabricates a board puller from a wire coathangar (and the ubiquitous Leatherman), nips out to Radio Shack buys a soldering iron and some solder, resolders the errant diode, resistor or whatever it was, reassembles the PDU, puts it back in the pylon, carries out a WPU BITE and signs the aircraft up in time for the night wave! You just can't teach that kind of ingenuity.
You're on Red Flag at the end of the runway and the same JNCO decides to use a chock to fix an SMS snag! Takes the chock and smartly raps the pylon quite hard to reseat the board in the PDU. WPU BITE carried out fault clears and jet launches. Fellow end of runway crews from the USN and USAF looking-on amazed finally come over to ask if he really just hit the aircraft with a chock. Calm reply is paraphrased from another great engineer tale - I charge a hundred bucks for that fix, one dollar for hitting the pylon, ninety-nine dollars for knowing where to hit it!
You're on Red Flag at the end of the runway and the same JNCO decides to use a chock to fix an SMS snag! Takes the chock and smartly raps the pylon quite hard to reseat the board in the PDU. WPU BITE carried out fault clears and jet launches. Fellow end of runway crews from the USN and USAF looking-on amazed finally come over to ask if he really just hit the aircraft with a chock. Calm reply is paraphrased from another great engineer tale - I charge a hundred bucks for that fix, one dollar for hitting the pylon, ninety-nine dollars for knowing where to hit it!
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You might be an aircraft engineer if...
...you completed a 3 year apprenticeship resulting in an ONC in Aeronautical Engineering.
Otherwise you'd only be a Technician, Fitter or Mechanic
Standing by...
(awful lot of Dog F**kers contributing to this thread)
Otherwise you'd only be a Technician, Fitter or Mechanic
Standing by...
(awful lot of Dog F**kers contributing to this thread)
SPLH
Would that not be Engineer then, rather than engineer?
After all the DF Cpl did engineer/wangle/contrive a solution.
We know we are only Technicians, (for the most part) it's the Aircrew who insist upon calling us engs, gingerbeers, engineers etc.......
ps you know when.................. you can set an adjustable in the dark by the size of indent on your hand.
Would that not be Engineer then, rather than engineer?
After all the DF Cpl did engineer/wangle/contrive a solution.
We know we are only Technicians, (for the most part) it's the Aircrew who insist upon calling us engs, gingerbeers, engineers etc.......
ps you know when.................. you can set an adjustable in the dark by the size of indent on your hand.
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Engineer...
Capital E. Said JNCO already had his HNC, went on to complete his degree and now has the right to put IEng after his name. In fact if it wasn't for the fact that he's still serving (teaching at Cosford) he'd be able to put CEng after his name.
Flightester ex DF
Maybe DF's are just smarter than your average engineer? Ducks down below the wall
Flightester ex DF
Maybe DF's are just smarter than your average engineer? Ducks down below the wall
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You might be an aircraft engineer if.....
Seeing off a VC10 full of passengers the Pilot informs you the final engine, No 1 engine will not start, you pull a safety raiser over under the Engine, jack it up and drop the door, using the same jacking handle you lay into the air start valve with relish and are comforted to hear it move over and the engine wind up, closing the cowl and crouching down you glimpse up to see an aircraft full of worried passengers faces glued to the window watching you beat the crap out of their Engine........
Seeing off a VC10 full of passengers you find the towbar pin is stuck in the leg, so taking the tugs towbar pin you proceed to beat it out of the hole, on the intercom you hear the pilot explaining to the passengers of a slight technical hitch that the engineers are presently rectifying over the noise of our efforts echoing down the cabin like lucifer banging on the gates of Hell..
Seeing off a VC10 full of passengers you find the towbar pin is stuck in the leg, so taking the tugs towbar pin you proceed to beat it out of the hole, on the intercom you hear the pilot explaining to the passengers of a slight technical hitch that the engineers are presently rectifying over the noise of our efforts echoing down the cabin like lucifer banging on the gates of Hell..