You might be an aircraft engineer if.....
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You've ever snapped a tow bar shear pin and thought frantically if you can blame anyone else...
You've cursed the tosspot who's taken a tool without tagging it as the call for "all tools in" comes again, only to find you are that tosser.
You've played 'first to 1000' in Hunt the C*nt.
If you know that 'Marshalls' is a swear word.
You've cursed the tosspot who's taken a tool without tagging it as the call for "all tools in" comes again, only to find you are that tosser.
You've played 'first to 1000' in Hunt the C*nt.
If you know that 'Marshalls' is a swear word.
Join Date: Sep 2007
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I am quite happy to be referred to as a fitter or a mech, after all engineers are the 
s who sit in a nice warm office, have no idea what an aircraft looks like from the inside, and promise '8 for the morning' which was always supplied by the efforts of the Mechs and fitters. It should also be remembered that Chief Tech is the most technically qualified rank in the Royal Air Force, so there! 
Loved every minute (mostly)
s who sit in a nice warm office, have no idea what an aircraft looks like from the inside, and promise '8 for the morning' which was always supplied by the efforts of the Mechs and fitters. It should also be remembered that Chief Tech is the most technically qualified rank in the Royal Air Force, so there! Loved every minute (mostly)
Join Date: Dec 2007
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You've super glued a nut & washer to your finger to get it onto an inaccessible bolt, & would rather rip the skin off your finger than start again.
You've mixed up a tin of PRC, tipped it on its side & let it set, carefully taped up the underside of the 'mess' & left it on someones best hat just before a parade.
You've mixed up a tin of PRC, tipped it on its side & let it set, carefully taped up the underside of the 'mess' & left it on someones best hat just before a parade.
When you've had the chance to correct a pedantic fvcker!
That would be 'bomb bay',without the capitals. Just thought I'd return the favour to a fellow pedant!
You've lost a torch in a Bucc's Bomb Bay and decide to tie the lowest resistance mechanic to the door and then roll it closed to see if he can find it!
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You have ever been bollo**ed by your chief for deleting a file the Jengo was working on using the det laptop.......
You have ever used a land rover, two drip trays and some lashing tape on a snowy pan for " fun"
You have ever launched the Q jet in your underwear and boots....
You can never get to PSF when you are needing to.
You have ever used a land rover, two drip trays and some lashing tape on a snowy pan for " fun"
You have ever launched the Q jet in your underwear and boots....
You can never get to PSF when you are needing to.
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You are on Engineer out in the Far East when HRH arrives for a stop over and you ask the RAF Hospital for a selection of Specimen Bottles before emptying the loo!!
I know because I supplied the bottles
I know because I supplied the bottles
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The land of prince bishops....looking up
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When Swarfega was "legal"
You empty the contents of the Swarfega tin onto some news paper, answer the call of nature (Solids - into the tin) and replace the Swarfega. Replace tin and retire to safe distance..
Join Date: Feb 2006
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You might be an aircraft engineer if.....
You have rushed out to a vc10, opened the bog panel, opened the bog valve to back a goodly supply behind the cap, then closed both and stood back and awaited the arrival of the new Rigger to open the just above head height Bog cap prior to emptying the tank............... 
Thread Starter
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Quote "You have ever used a land rover, two drip trays and some lashing tape on a snowy pan for " fun"" Unquote
I still have pictures somewhere of one of our armourers in Gibralter, who utilised an ejection seat stand (the one with three wheels), two broom handles and a couple of opened out poly bags to make quite a decent wind surfer.
Also from Gib but seen on other locations, politely telling the RAFP dog handler who is watching the jets starting to "take your hat off", then have the Chief come out on your side when said RAFP tries to charge you after the ensuing argument!
I still have pictures somewhere of one of our armourers in Gibralter, who utilised an ejection seat stand (the one with three wheels), two broom handles and a couple of opened out poly bags to make quite a decent wind surfer.
Also from Gib but seen on other locations, politely telling the RAFP dog handler who is watching the jets starting to "take your hat off", then have the Chief come out on your side when said RAFP tries to charge you after the ensuing argument!
re post #93 and RAFP
your mistake was a basic one, you should have addressed the dog!
Better still was to find out which hangar fire lane the dog handler was trying to sleep in, hoping he was hidden in the shadows, then turn up in landrover and sound horn every 15 minutes, until he moves on! Repeat until end of shift.
your mistake was a basic one, you should have addressed the dog!
Better still was to find out which hangar fire lane the dog handler was trying to sleep in, hoping he was hidden in the shadows, then turn up in landrover and sound horn every 15 minutes, until he moves on! Repeat until end of shift.
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When you've had the chance to correct a pedantic fvcker!
Quote:
You've lost a torch in a Bucc's Bomb Bay and decide to tie the lowest resistance mechanic to the door and then roll it closed to see if he can find it!
That would be 'bomb bay',without the capitals. Just thought I'd return the favour to a fellow pedant!
Quote:
You've lost a torch in a Bucc's Bomb Bay and decide to tie the lowest resistance mechanic to the door and then roll it closed to see if he can find it!
That would be 'bomb bay',without the capitals. Just thought I'd return the favour to a fellow pedant!
PKB
"When Albert jumps the chocks on "brakes off" on bay 43 and rolls towards the bund road and your pension appears to be rolling away in front of your eyes."
Or The Brit' That decides it has taken a liking to the firebottles during a ground run, jumps the chocks and the spits bits of broken prop through the pressure hull of the Comet 4 in the next bay
"When Albert jumps the chocks on "brakes off" on bay 43 and rolls towards the bund road and your pension appears to be rolling away in front of your eyes."
Or The Brit' That decides it has taken a liking to the firebottles during a ground run, jumps the chocks and the spits bits of broken prop through the pressure hull of the Comet 4 in the next bay
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You know you're an engineer/techie/fitter/mech if......
.....on a towing team you discover that the difference between "partial" and "total plus" fuel states is about 2 inches clearance in the vertical at 1 foot inside the crossing wingtips.
.....you discover that the hazard light pole on the back of a tractor has similar strengh characteristics to a Jaguar pitot probe. You realise that your new best mates are the rigger/lecky/insty who "find" and fit a probe to replace the bent one.
.....you discover that the hazard light pole on the back of a tractor has similar strengh characteristics to a Jaguar pitot probe. You realise that your new best mates are the rigger/lecky/insty who "find" and fit a probe to replace the bent one.
You might be an aircraft engineer if.....
You finally tidy that box of bits you have in the back of the cupboard, and find 3 aircrew kneepad white cards and plastic covers that you used in 1993 when taking part in the UNHCR airlift in Sarajevo.
...So if anybody out there has a requirement for these please PM me with your details, first three can have one each, unless otherwise begged.
Price each is £0.00 (ie FREE).
...So if anybody out there has a requirement for these please PM me with your details, first three can have one each, unless otherwise begged.
Price each is £0.00 (ie FREE).
Join Date: Nov 2007
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A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, an officer from the local RAF base came in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take one of those monkeys, please".
The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and lead on the animal and handed it to the officer saying, "That'll be £2000, please."
The officer paid and left with the monkey.
The surprised tourist went up to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answeread, "Ah, that's a special 'Technician' monkey; he can rig aircraft flight controls, pass the RAF fitness test, set up a perimeter defence and perform the duties of any Warrant Officer with no back talk or complaints; it's well worth the money."
The tourist then spotted another monkey in another cage. "That's even more expensive! £10000!! What does it do?", he asked.
"Oh, that one", replied the shopkeeper. "That's an 'Engineer Officer' monkey. He can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at Unit, intermediate and Depot level and even does all the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed."
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. This time the price tag was £50000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one costs more than the other two combined! What in the world can it do?"
"Actually," said the shopkeeper,"I've never really seen him do anything but drink beer, play with his dick and wind-up the other monkeys, but his papers say he's a Pilot."
The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and lead on the animal and handed it to the officer saying, "That'll be £2000, please."
The officer paid and left with the monkey.
The surprised tourist went up to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answeread, "Ah, that's a special 'Technician' monkey; he can rig aircraft flight controls, pass the RAF fitness test, set up a perimeter defence and perform the duties of any Warrant Officer with no back talk or complaints; it's well worth the money."
The tourist then spotted another monkey in another cage. "That's even more expensive! £10000!! What does it do?", he asked.
"Oh, that one", replied the shopkeeper. "That's an 'Engineer Officer' monkey. He can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at Unit, intermediate and Depot level and even does all the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed."
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. This time the price tag was £50000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one costs more than the other two combined! What in the world can it do?"
"Actually," said the shopkeeper,"I've never really seen him do anything but drink beer, play with his dick and wind-up the other monkeys, but his papers say he's a Pilot."
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Huh? Gorilla Snot's illegal?
Not unless any of the following ingredients are illegal:-
Creme de Menthe
Baileys
Woods Rum
add coke for the curdle, consume quickly to avoid a crust forming
Combined, they should be made illegal.
Standard 'Arsehole of the Week' drink for the Bulldog Club, TGIF, RAF(U) Goose Bay, circa late 80's
Against regulations on at least two counts.