How do you know you're an Ascoteer?
Join Date: May 2001
Location: uk
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You know you're an Ascoteer when....
You realise that anyone and everyone can do your job much better than you, knows your GASOs and the intricacies of your ac performance to an above average standard and that having any type of AT ac or crew is an utter waste of time and money because you might as well get some CH47 crewman to fly the things on their day off. 'Cos that's what BA do, right?
On the other hand, I realised I was an absolute cock when...
I started preaching to some harrier mates about medium level CAS and told some CH47 geezer how FDAD was much easier than they kept making out.
Anyway, back to the fun...
1. You pitch up at a civil airport and expect at least one of your crew to cause a scene at security because he's carrying a leatherman.
2. You know that any estimate of a GEs age should be reduced by at least 15 years to get anywhere near.
3. Anyone who tells you Gander is a good night stop is certainly a GE.
4. You've considered stealing your aircraft and flying to Brazil when it was full of drugs/money or maybe both!
5. Nothing the Royal Gurkha Rifles do in the back of the ac surprises you...
You realise that anyone and everyone can do your job much better than you, knows your GASOs and the intricacies of your ac performance to an above average standard and that having any type of AT ac or crew is an utter waste of time and money because you might as well get some CH47 crewman to fly the things on their day off. 'Cos that's what BA do, right?
On the other hand, I realised I was an absolute cock when...
I started preaching to some harrier mates about medium level CAS and told some CH47 geezer how FDAD was much easier than they kept making out.
Anyway, back to the fun...
1. You pitch up at a civil airport and expect at least one of your crew to cause a scene at security because he's carrying a leatherman.
2. You know that any estimate of a GEs age should be reduced by at least 15 years to get anywhere near.
3. Anyone who tells you Gander is a good night stop is certainly a GE.
4. You've considered stealing your aircraft and flying to Brazil when it was full of drugs/money or maybe both!
5. Nothing the Royal Gurkha Rifles do in the back of the ac surprises you...
Join Date: Dec 2002
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Some of what you say is flannel
Of course things will go wrong. Of course AT guys will screw up just like any other category of pilots. Of course the expected level of service we all think we're entitled to fall short sometimes, even more so when the AT fleet is working beyond it's means.
The problem is that people expect British Airway / Virgin schedule keeping / results on a military budget. Which doesn't fit.
So my question to you is surely someone from the same colour uniform and shared ethos and values is also able to recognise these points and not make a blanket statement about all AT pilots ?
I'm sure the guys that have been Comp A'd from overseas will have a different story (as the letter and cards of thanks that arrive on my Sqn weekly seem to show)
Join Date: Nov 2000
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Moan moan moan
May 2001, Tristar to Brisbane.
3 Hours at Muscat, stood in the sand at the edge of an unlit parling bay at 3am.
Night stop in Singapore, different hotel to the crew, no explanation of transport for the following day, no arrangements for meals, nil.
Tristar then has a tire blow at Sydney (GE openly admits it could have made it back) followed by 6 day wait whilst 150 pax sit in a barracks.
But you know you're an Ascoteer when you've learned to live with whingers like that.
And you have a piece of string as long as your attic door is wide.
Last edited by D-IFF_ident; 30th Dec 2007 at 23:25. Reason: Spollingp
Join Date: May 2001
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I'll keep biting.....
Rather be a chopped bus-driver than a never-tried-it bus conductor!
Note that your (sic) busy for the next few days, so will utilise the time to study up my big book of how to do other peoples jobs. That RTES stuff looks a right piece-of-piss...Maybe I can tell you a few things about it when you get back.
Or maybe I can tell you about being stranded by a CH47 on exercise once. I couldn't believe they didn't ring me directly to tell me they weren't coming to pick me up. Maybe they were looking for their aft pylon somewhere in the desert though.
Still rubbish comms though!
Rather be a chopped bus-driver than a never-tried-it bus conductor!
Note that your (sic) busy for the next few days, so will utilise the time to study up my big book of how to do other peoples jobs. That RTES stuff looks a right piece-of-piss...Maybe I can tell you a few things about it when you get back.
Or maybe I can tell you about being stranded by a CH47 on exercise once. I couldn't believe they didn't ring me directly to tell me they weren't coming to pick me up. Maybe they were looking for their aft pylon somewhere in the desert though.
Still rubbish comms though!
Champagne anyone...?
lol
Singapore??? Fook me, 12 years odd at Lyneham and I've only ever seen it once... deadheaded in and out...
Sydney???? Never been there..... I'm clearly doing something very wrong
Not biting mind - someone bearing a grudge about not getting a wake up call six years ago? Brilliant!
Singapore??? Fook me, 12 years odd at Lyneham and I've only ever seen it once... deadheaded in and out...
Sydney???? Never been there..... I'm clearly doing something very wrong
Not biting mind - someone bearing a grudge about not getting a wake up call six years ago? Brilliant!
Join Date: Oct 2002
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You know you are an Ascoteer when;
Chocks are always between 2300 an 0300 coming or going.
You never landed at Akrotiri in the afternoon
You are not allowed to fly beyond 30W because MOD has run out of money
Lyneham runs out of 6mil charts for across the US
When on Argosies (what's that?) you knew the name of every mountain on the north Cento route
On Hercs you asked, "What mountains?" on the north Cento route
On Argosies it took you 4 days (Malta night stop, Akrotiri night stop, Teheran night stop)
to get to Bahrain, and you looked in awe? at a Herc man because "We can do it non-stop!!
When a Co could handle an imprest, giving you enough to have a good time and still hand you a fiver as you left the aircraft at home.
Chocks are always between 2300 an 0300 coming or going.
You never landed at Akrotiri in the afternoon
You are not allowed to fly beyond 30W because MOD has run out of money
Lyneham runs out of 6mil charts for across the US
When on Argosies (what's that?) you knew the name of every mountain on the north Cento route
On Hercs you asked, "What mountains?" on the north Cento route
On Argosies it took you 4 days (Malta night stop, Akrotiri night stop, Teheran night stop)
to get to Bahrain, and you looked in awe? at a Herc man because "We can do it non-stop!!
When a Co could handle an imprest, giving you enough to have a good time and still hand you a fiver as you left the aircraft at home.
Join Date: Jan 2007
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You know you're an Ascoteer when....
Listening to some FJ and RW guys talk about their Afghan experiences and how great they all are, you remind them that you were there 5 years previously and couldn't remember seeing them anywhere!!!
On a lighter note:-
1. You know the routing from the UK to Akrotiri without an ERC.
2. As a smoker you can always arrange to have the only smoking suite in the 5* hotel.
3. You can make $10 of chips last long enough to drink your own body weight in Long Island Ice Teas.
4. You can find the only nightclub/w***ehouse in American Samoa.
5. You let purile banter go over your head because everbody else is jelous and you get a free ATPL!
Listening to some FJ and RW guys talk about their Afghan experiences and how great they all are, you remind them that you were there 5 years previously and couldn't remember seeing them anywhere!!!
On a lighter note:-
1. You know the routing from the UK to Akrotiri without an ERC.
2. As a smoker you can always arrange to have the only smoking suite in the 5* hotel.
3. You can make $10 of chips last long enough to drink your own body weight in Long Island Ice Teas.
4. You can find the only nightclub/w***ehouse in American Samoa.
5. You let purile banter go over your head because everbody else is jelous and you get a free ATPL!
Last edited by Truckkie; 3rd Jan 2008 at 12:02.
Join Date: Nov 2007
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You know you are an ascoteer when you can remember the old days when the loadie did the DF draw on days trips to Europe. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're not a true ascoteer.
Thread Starter
You know you're an Ascoteer when:
1. You can enter into a bit of mildly self-depreciating banter whilst all the time remembering its just in the name of fun.
2. You can ignore the willy waving, 'I've been in the desert longer than you', 'You guys annoy me because.....' diatribes and enjoy your first New Year off ops since 2003.
1. You can enter into a bit of mildly self-depreciating banter whilst all the time remembering its just in the name of fun.
2. You can ignore the willy waving, 'I've been in the desert longer than you', 'You guys annoy me because.....' diatribes and enjoy your first New Year off ops since 2003.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
You know you're an Ascoteer when:
You know where Gateway House is but have never set foot inside.
You know where Gateway House is but have never set foot inside.
Below the Glidepath - not correcting
Most of you Ascot types know this, but there are two types of Army customer, and they will;
1. Get stuck somewhere on an AT Flight, convince the Responsible Officer that it makes sense for everyone to be in the same Hotel as the Aircrew, as anyone can be uncomfortable. Good time had by all.
2. Get stuck somewhere on an AT Flight, immediately lose any sense of command responsibility, spend hours in a transit lounge because that's what everyone else does, develop a burning hatred for anyone and anything that ever came out of Brize/Lyneham and spend the next 22 years whingeing about how crap the RAF are.
All it takes to be type 1 is balls and a sense of responsibility, all it takes to be type 2 are matching chips on each shoulder and a desire to drag everyting down to the lowest common denominator when it comes to comfort.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
1. Get stuck somewhere on an AT Flight, convince the Responsible Officer that it makes sense for everyone to be in the same Hotel as the Aircrew, as anyone can be uncomfortable. Good time had by all.
2. Get stuck somewhere on an AT Flight, immediately lose any sense of command responsibility, spend hours in a transit lounge because that's what everyone else does, develop a burning hatred for anyone and anything that ever came out of Brize/Lyneham and spend the next 22 years whingeing about how crap the RAF are.
All it takes to be type 1 is balls and a sense of responsibility, all it takes to be type 2 are matching chips on each shoulder and a desire to drag everyting down to the lowest common denominator when it comes to comfort.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Join Date: Aug 2003
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'Fraid that goes for all types of "customers" - not just Army - including those that ought to know better. It is ironic that on this occasion the loudest moaning is coming from a part of the Air Force that the Army are often just as disparaging about, with many of the same accusations.
Im sorry Brain.
I won't voice my complaints in future, as I should obviously know better. I'll just await the day when the AAC/civvies take me to the Stan.
Rest assure if the day does arrive, you will all have jobs as personal shoppers. Might need to work on your customer services skills, as not everyone will realise that you know best 100% of the time.
What will we do with all those chopped from FJ/Rotary? I suppose Ops Support will always need people to sharpen pencils.
I won't voice my complaints in future, as I should obviously know better. I'll just await the day when the AAC/civvies take me to the Stan.
Rest assure if the day does arrive, you will all have jobs as personal shoppers. Might need to work on your customer services skills, as not everyone will realise that you know best 100% of the time.
What will we do with all those chopped from FJ/Rotary? I suppose Ops Support will always need people to sharpen pencils.
Join Date: May 2001
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Tarbaby,
Please enlighten us, what's the Cento route?
You know you're an Ascoteer when...
1. You momentarily consider buying a ride-on lawn mower when on holiday with the wife. Then realise 20 kgs baggage allowance won't quite cut it.
2. You've force-fed at least 20 'white-box-fruit cakes' to a mates dog/co-pilot.
3. You know not to bother calling Ascot Ops when you need help...
Please enlighten us, what's the Cento route?
You know you're an Ascoteer when...
1. You momentarily consider buying a ride-on lawn mower when on holiday with the wife. Then realise 20 kgs baggage allowance won't quite cut it.
2. You've force-fed at least 20 'white-box-fruit cakes' to a mates dog/co-pilot.
3. You know not to bother calling Ascot Ops when you need help...
Join Date: Jan 2007
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When it's New Years Eve again and you are still in the same s**thole that you arrived in 6 years ago!
I look forward to when SH are flown by the Army and FJ are flown by the Playstation generation - you'll all still need to get where you're going and be re-supplyed and flown home!!!!
Happy New Year
I look forward to when SH are flown by the Army and FJ are flown by the Playstation generation - you'll all still need to get where you're going and be re-supplyed and flown home!!!!
Happy New Year