How do you know you're an Ascoteer?
 

A mate of mine recently commented on how I was a typical 'Ascoteer.' This got me thinking and in the spirit of a bit of New Year fun I am asking the question, "How do you know you're an Ascoteer?"
To start the ball rolling:
1. Some of your electrical items have two-pin plugs.
2. Your bathroom cabinet has the world's supply of a wide variety of anti-malarials.
3. There's a Weber in your back garden.
4. Not all your DVDs are Region 2...
5. ...Neither are all your DVD players.
6. Your copper jar is full of completely useless (if not restricted) coinage from a number of nations.
7. At least some of your tools in the shed came from Canadian Tyre.
8. There's Halloumi in the fridge.
9. Your stationery consists of Hotel notepads and pens. The more exotic, the better!
10. You now have a specific drawer called the "F**king Imprest/JPA Receipt Drawer!"
:)

You know where to get the strongest coffee on the planet.

Thirteen of you can't decide where to go for a beer/burger/lapdance so you shuffle around for hours until you find an Irish bar! :)

You wear your desert flying suit and Telic medal with pride, even though the closest you got to the FLOT was Al Udeid.

Mike's poor attempt at banter neither surprises you nor riles you.

1. You check in, rather than dig in.
2. 10% Carlos (in Lajes), Chris-the-son-of-Chris (in Akrotiri), Jean-Luis (in Dakar) and various other 'agents' greet you like a long-lost friend, find you the best rooms available and consign the Untermensch (pongos, fast jet pukes and the like) elsewhere.
3. You actually look forward to going to $hitholes like Gander, because you have an 'Auntie' who lives there....:eek:
4. You haven't spent a night in a tent since Officer Training days.
5. You haven't had to buy shampoo or shower gel for years.
6. All the drink in your booze cabinet is export strength.
7. You NEVER go U/S anywhere where you might be required to stay (or rather, 'exist') on base.....

Please tell me it's still so?

Your son has no street cred in the swing park coz he rides a 'Huffy' mountain bike !

BEagle.."You haven't spent a night in a tent since Officer Training days."

Not so these days I'm afraid !

Sorry, in that case you're not a real Ascoteer!

One simply doesn't do 'tents'....:eek:




Whatever those are....:hmm:

Tents...
 

BEagle:

If you foresee it getting ripped, it's a portent! Boom Boom.

Timex, it's an extent.

Any more?

CG

Oh, oh, If your reminisce about them they're past-tentse

Hat, coat...

Hmm, think my experiences tick all the boxes mentioned.

Result!

The only 'tent' a proper Ascoteer knows about is the Hotel Intercontinental....

Presumably those awful working class desert $hitholes offer room service?

****, I've paid (my own) real money to get out of a tent and stay in a hotel -THAT's ASCOTEERING!

How do you know if your a real ascoteer?
 

From my experience of AT, the ability to put yourself first, and your customers second normally sets you apart.

(waits for tumbleweed to exit stage right....)

How cute. A timely and fatherly reminder of our responsibilities as Ascoteers :rolleyes:

Anyway, back to the fun......

1) You bore everyone at the local BBQ with "Brandy Sours never taste the same outside of Akrotiri"
2) You become the worldwide authority on the quality of every BX in the world, e.g " The BX at Lajes is OK, but the one at Travis is huge and has IPOD's for only $50"
3) You start every sentence down route with "Well, the last time I was here..."
4) You can say hello / goodbye / thank you in most languages and use it at every opportunity with foreign ATC

More to follow....

Hmmm,

May 2001, Tristar to Brisbane.

3 Hours at Muscat, stood in the sand at the edge of an unlit parling bay at 3am.

Night stop in Singapore, different hotel to the crew, no explanation of transport for the following day, no arrangements for meals, nil.

Tristar then has a tire blow at Sydney (GE openly admits it could have made it back) followed by 6 day wait whilst 150 pax sit in a barracks.

How many more examples do you want?

Hundreds. And Im sure your all great at heart, but a word of warning, the RAAF used to opearte helicopters, and operated along similar lines to the way our AT fleet do (or don't dependant on viewpoint) business. They don't opereate helicopters anymore...the Army do.

Much as I think your all a bunch of money grabbing slackers, I'd rather you were operating the AT Fleet than the RLC/AAC, so be good chaps and get a grip.

I'll have a go at some kind of defence for them (even if they are / were 3*'s)

Firstly, Did you have a PRO / Senior person who was designated your POC on the trip for starters ? How often did they speak to you all as passengers ?That will determine how much of the mushroom effect you experienced.

3 hrs in Muscat. I assume it was a quick turn before heading off east some more ? Or was there some issue that they needed everyone off the jet while they worked it ? Maybe they expected the stop to be shorter than it was and risked running out of crew duty if the pax went into the terminal ? Maybe there was no support to move everyone at 3 a.m for the refuel ? In every case, I doubt very much if the crew's intentions were to try and f**k you over for the sake of it.

Different hoel to the crew is normal / preferred. When things go wrong, having 90 pax at your door asking when the planes going to be fixed and how they are going to get back for their rugby tournament is beyond your job. Never helps to have a load of pax out all night and waking you up 4 hrs before wheels in the hotel after the final night out before departing. RAFLO's deal with all this or in their physical absence, the Co / Loadmaster pays for all the rooms / meals and all this is explained to the PRO who should brief every pax. Has happened like that on every trip I've broken down on.

Tire blows on landing. GE reckons it could take off and make it back ? You sure you were speaking to the GE ? I'd laugh him out of the flight deck if he came up ther spouting sh!t like that. You blow a tire on the M4 at Bristol. You keep driving to London ?

6 day wait. Bearing in mind the time changes, I guess that's how long it took to call back to Brize, get the wheel, decide how to send it, get it out there, CLEAR CUSTOMS (which can be the biggest pain in the ass of it all) and then fit it. Given the state of our air force, 6 days for a tire to Sydney doesn't sound to bad ...

150 pax sit in barracks. I'm getting the feeling it's the "sit in barracks" part that's annoying you here. I'll say only this.

When I'm sat down the back, landing at an airfield with poor vis / bad weather / tricky crosswinds and with a crew that have potential crossed multiple time zones with minimum time on the ground, I never want the cost of that pilots hotel room to be a factor. $60 saved on putting them in the barracks also is a false economy when we lose an aircraft / lives due to fatigue. So, IMO, put them up in the Ritz for all I care. As long as they are in the best possible condition to land that plane and keep my life going, I'm happy.

Some of what you say is flannel, though some good explanations of subjects I am already aware of.

The point is, I am fellow aircrew and find it hard to either rationalise or explain/defend an AT crews atitude from time to time. I share the same colour uniform, supposed ethos and values.

If I find it difficult (not always) , what about the Army/RN/Civvies you carry?

Either you are stuck in the heydays, or you have a comms snag between yourselves and the customer. Your gonna have to confront one.

Anyway, I hope you all have a happy new year, wherever you are!

MGD