50 stories for 50th birthday
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How about GLaverton reminding of the details of his single engine failure in a Lynx with Gibbo(?) in NI in 84. I'm sure the pax refused to board the Wessex to take them from whence they came!
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Anyone remember Fred Perry? Tasked to fly a general to take a parade in a Gz. Arrived at HLS which was the unit parade square. Square contained the RTR regt the general was going to inspect. Fred decided to land in a small square of 4 tennis courts ( no fencing between courts only round the perimeter) next to the square. General got out, Fred lifted to refuel at a nearby airfield. You guessed it, tennis court locked...................... True story.
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1) Hohne 93
663 on Ex at Hohne are tasked to send a Gazelle back to Soest to pick up the Brigade Comd so that he can watch the TOW shoot later that day.
RHQ give a go the day before, but that morning the weather is not as forecast, with strong winds (40knts +) in Hohne and low cloud on the ridges to the South.
The OC selects a crew and informs them that it will be on limits but could they give it a go, he will assist with the start by giving thumbs up when he feels the wind has dropped below 40knts and it is safe to start rotors. This works and the Gazelle departs on route.
The intial stage is fine, the strong wind keeps the cloud base above limits and the crew use the Minden Gap as their first crossing to pick up the Autobahn south bound, as they get closer to the teutoburg the wind slackens and they find the usual gaps around Bielefeld blocked, But the Comd remembers a little known crossing point around Halle that was used by 662 pilots based at Munster flying to Bunde, they aim for this point and find it clear.
With 300ft and 1ks vis (ish) they continue towards Gutersloh, now talking to the Tower they are given permission to cross the centreline and what is their position? whilst unsure the Comd reads off the LWNA '2 miles', then the Pilot corrected him with '50 metres' as he sees the Tower looming out of the mist.
The rest of the flight is in low ground and they arrive at Soest Airfield. with no groundcrew around they help themselves to fuel and depart for San Sabastian Bks to pick up the Brig. This done they start back for Hohne using the same route they had just come.
As they are lifting the Brig, 662 Ops who are waiting at Soest Airfiled receive the following call from the Chief of Staff.
COS 'I thought you said the weather is too bad to fly'
Ops ' Yes, Sir it is'
COS 'Too bad for Colonels but not for Brigadiers then, Listen', and he held up the handset for the Ops to hear 'The roar of the Mighty Gazelle' (or something like that but you get the gist) 'As the Gazelle has just come from Hohne and is now going back the weather must be OK'.
At this 662 were spured into action and prepared to launch the Sqn to pick up the COS and join the TOW shoot.
An hour or so later the Gazelle arrived at Hohne to be asked if they had seen any Lynx, Other than the 8 on Soest dispersal the crew said no.
They found out later that the Lynx had launched to follow them, only to have too divert to Gutersloh, Detmold, in fields etc, as they couldn't find any gaps.
2) NVG Recce Benson to Lydd back to Benson.
Weather mainly sunny with rain showers,
Gazelle arrives at Benson and picks up 28 sqn pilot for recce, they depart on the recce routing south of Odiham then turn eastbound towards crowbrough, on arrival at crowbrough they find the cloud base on the high ground and very little visibility due to heavy rain.
Lydd ATC informs them that they are also in a heavy shower so it is decided to cancel the refuel and pick up the rest of the route westbound. as they get past Midhurst they dial up Odiham and hear them trying to make contact with Swallow formation.
The weather to the west of Midhurst has also turned into heavy showers with cloud base and vis reducing, The crew pickup the A272 towards Petersfield, with local knowledge and good map reading from the 28 Sqn pilot, they get through the Gap to the west and as they clear the wires at the highest point en route they see in a large field to the North 3 Griffins static but burning and turning.
Deciding that this was the missing Swallow Formation they try to call Odiham to let them know their position, only to be stepped on by the following
'ODiham this is Swallow ** 20 NMs to the south of your field, climbing through 900 ft to 3000ft inadvertant IMC request pickup and poisitioning for a recovery.'
followed by the other 2 straight after.
The 28 sqn pilot turned to the gazelle pilot and said 'thats what happens when you try following Gazelles you have no idea how much they know'
Morale of the stories: Don't follow another aircraft unless you know who it is and what they know.
663 on Ex at Hohne are tasked to send a Gazelle back to Soest to pick up the Brigade Comd so that he can watch the TOW shoot later that day.
RHQ give a go the day before, but that morning the weather is not as forecast, with strong winds (40knts +) in Hohne and low cloud on the ridges to the South.
The OC selects a crew and informs them that it will be on limits but could they give it a go, he will assist with the start by giving thumbs up when he feels the wind has dropped below 40knts and it is safe to start rotors. This works and the Gazelle departs on route.
The intial stage is fine, the strong wind keeps the cloud base above limits and the crew use the Minden Gap as their first crossing to pick up the Autobahn south bound, as they get closer to the teutoburg the wind slackens and they find the usual gaps around Bielefeld blocked, But the Comd remembers a little known crossing point around Halle that was used by 662 pilots based at Munster flying to Bunde, they aim for this point and find it clear.
With 300ft and 1ks vis (ish) they continue towards Gutersloh, now talking to the Tower they are given permission to cross the centreline and what is their position? whilst unsure the Comd reads off the LWNA '2 miles', then the Pilot corrected him with '50 metres' as he sees the Tower looming out of the mist.
The rest of the flight is in low ground and they arrive at Soest Airfield. with no groundcrew around they help themselves to fuel and depart for San Sabastian Bks to pick up the Brig. This done they start back for Hohne using the same route they had just come.
As they are lifting the Brig, 662 Ops who are waiting at Soest Airfiled receive the following call from the Chief of Staff.
COS 'I thought you said the weather is too bad to fly'
Ops ' Yes, Sir it is'
COS 'Too bad for Colonels but not for Brigadiers then, Listen', and he held up the handset for the Ops to hear 'The roar of the Mighty Gazelle' (or something like that but you get the gist) 'As the Gazelle has just come from Hohne and is now going back the weather must be OK'.
At this 662 were spured into action and prepared to launch the Sqn to pick up the COS and join the TOW shoot.
An hour or so later the Gazelle arrived at Hohne to be asked if they had seen any Lynx, Other than the 8 on Soest dispersal the crew said no.
They found out later that the Lynx had launched to follow them, only to have too divert to Gutersloh, Detmold, in fields etc, as they couldn't find any gaps.
2) NVG Recce Benson to Lydd back to Benson.
Weather mainly sunny with rain showers,
Gazelle arrives at Benson and picks up 28 sqn pilot for recce, they depart on the recce routing south of Odiham then turn eastbound towards crowbrough, on arrival at crowbrough they find the cloud base on the high ground and very little visibility due to heavy rain.
Lydd ATC informs them that they are also in a heavy shower so it is decided to cancel the refuel and pick up the rest of the route westbound. as they get past Midhurst they dial up Odiham and hear them trying to make contact with Swallow formation.
The weather to the west of Midhurst has also turned into heavy showers with cloud base and vis reducing, The crew pickup the A272 towards Petersfield, with local knowledge and good map reading from the 28 Sqn pilot, they get through the Gap to the west and as they clear the wires at the highest point en route they see in a large field to the North 3 Griffins static but burning and turning.
Deciding that this was the missing Swallow Formation they try to call Odiham to let them know their position, only to be stepped on by the following
'ODiham this is Swallow ** 20 NMs to the south of your field, climbing through 900 ft to 3000ft inadvertant IMC request pickup and poisitioning for a recovery.'
followed by the other 2 straight after.
The 28 sqn pilot turned to the gazelle pilot and said 'thats what happens when you try following Gazelles you have no idea how much they know'
Morale of the stories: Don't follow another aircraft unless you know who it is and what they know.
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658 Sqn. circa 1984 returning from a big NATO exercise in BAOR - Scout flight departed Minden following the standard route back to the UK but the weather deteriorated and there was an impromptu stop at Antwerp. The flight landed what seemed to be miles away from the terminal building on a huge expanse of nice clean concrete. Everyone piled off for a brew whilst the OC and others decided upon the next course of action.
The visibility was fairly good under a low but uniform cloud base and the decision was made to push on to Manston via Calais as planned. There they were, 6 Scouts all burning and turning when it was noticed that the OC had got out of his aircraft and was running towards one of the others down the line chopping his hand across his throat giving the recognised signal to cut engine. Everyone wound down to ground idle and crews craned their necks to see what the problem was.
The OC entered the disc of '3' and immediately walked to the side of the aircraft where there was a large clear puddle on the otherwise nice dry concrete under the aircraft near the rear cross tube.
Now as everyone knows, the old Scout had a decking well, under the engine that vented to the ground beneath in the area of the rear cross tube. It was common for accumulated water - or spilt fuel - to gather in the well and then vent to the ground.
The OC bent over and dabbed his finger into the liquid and then pushed it to his nose to smell and lick. Clearly concerned that there might be a fuel leak.
Satisfied that it was not fuel, the OC gave the thumbs up and retired back to his aircraft. The flight duly departed a few minutes later. How anyone in the flight managed to stay sensible for that trip to Manston is a wonder, each aircraft visibly 'bounced along' as the crew's tried to stay in control, gripped by fits of uncontrollable laughter. The 'chat' frequency [different from the one the OC believed to be in use] was buzzing the whole way.
In planning at Manston the OC's expression made it perfectly clear he had been informed the puddle he'd inspected diligently at Antwerp was in fact where the crew had had a last minute wazzz before take off.
It is not clear whether the OC [Nookie Nick the tumbler of Tumbledown - another story] was more annoyed at the event or the fact that everyone knew except him.
Soon the rest of the Sqn and the whole of Netheravon heard the tale and the following appeared on routine orders early the following week:
'WEF from [insert date] members of the squadron are forbidden to urinate or defecate anywhere except approved facilities whether in the field on exercise or at other location. Offenders will be dealt with severely.'
The visibility was fairly good under a low but uniform cloud base and the decision was made to push on to Manston via Calais as planned. There they were, 6 Scouts all burning and turning when it was noticed that the OC had got out of his aircraft and was running towards one of the others down the line chopping his hand across his throat giving the recognised signal to cut engine. Everyone wound down to ground idle and crews craned their necks to see what the problem was.
The OC entered the disc of '3' and immediately walked to the side of the aircraft where there was a large clear puddle on the otherwise nice dry concrete under the aircraft near the rear cross tube.
Now as everyone knows, the old Scout had a decking well, under the engine that vented to the ground beneath in the area of the rear cross tube. It was common for accumulated water - or spilt fuel - to gather in the well and then vent to the ground.
The OC bent over and dabbed his finger into the liquid and then pushed it to his nose to smell and lick. Clearly concerned that there might be a fuel leak.
Satisfied that it was not fuel, the OC gave the thumbs up and retired back to his aircraft. The flight duly departed a few minutes later. How anyone in the flight managed to stay sensible for that trip to Manston is a wonder, each aircraft visibly 'bounced along' as the crew's tried to stay in control, gripped by fits of uncontrollable laughter. The 'chat' frequency [different from the one the OC believed to be in use] was buzzing the whole way.
In planning at Manston the OC's expression made it perfectly clear he had been informed the puddle he'd inspected diligently at Antwerp was in fact where the crew had had a last minute wazzz before take off.
It is not clear whether the OC [Nookie Nick the tumbler of Tumbledown - another story] was more annoyed at the event or the fact that everyone knew except him.
Soon the rest of the Sqn and the whole of Netheravon heard the tale and the following appeared on routine orders early the following week:
'WEF from [insert date] members of the squadron are forbidden to urinate or defecate anywhere except approved facilities whether in the field on exercise or at other location. Offenders will be dealt with severely.'
Dog swallows bullet (Northern Ireland)
would frequently force-feed the Rodney's dogs with butter and eggs.
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digin,
The story I am after is the one about the officers dog that was annoying everyone with peeing on legs and other such stuff. Pilot is loading his magazine, and can only count 9 rounds and states 'that dog ate one of my rounds'. The dog is whisked off to the vet and gets on the operating table before the round suddenly gets found again? something like that. someone knows it.
Jeep
The story I am after is the one about the officers dog that was annoying everyone with peeing on legs and other such stuff. Pilot is loading his magazine, and can only count 9 rounds and states 'that dog ate one of my rounds'. The dog is whisked off to the vet and gets on the operating table before the round suddenly gets found again? something like that. someone knows it.
Jeep
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Team snake are on exercise and we have caused chaos with a weapon called HELARM NOW. The german cows are everywhere, washing has been dusted, kids blown into the lake ... you name it, we caused it. The CO is livid. He is one of them rare COs who is also a real pilot and didnt make any noise or downwash when he was flying Bell 47. He thinks up this wizzard idea, send the pilots out to apologise to the farmers. Team snake is the 659 party that has to take a driver and go and visit a particularly nasty noise complaint at a farm about 20 klicks away. As we get there i am thinking we are in a for a load of hurt but the farm complex looks quite plush, typically smelly and quite deserted.
Ring ring on the bell and out comes herman the farmer. I can parle a little sausage so i explain that we (3 grotty smelly exercise stinking lynx pilots) are the guilty bas_stards that scared his cattle earlier and we have come to apologise. He is amazed. Calls his frau and orders her to get the coffee. We are invited in, given a shower, fed some sausage and green stuff, enough beer and schnapps to kill a german elephant and after 3 hours of stories, drinking and admiring the stuffed game hanging from his wall, we are sent on our way with offers of a fresh visit the next night.
Back at the CP we report to our OC and explain that the noise complain is solved and that if he needs any more similar duty the next night, we are his men. Strangely enough we werent asked to do that again even though I was flying even lower the next day
Them wer't days.
Jeep.
Ring ring on the bell and out comes herman the farmer. I can parle a little sausage so i explain that we (3 grotty smelly exercise stinking lynx pilots) are the guilty bas_stards that scared his cattle earlier and we have come to apologise. He is amazed. Calls his frau and orders her to get the coffee. We are invited in, given a shower, fed some sausage and green stuff, enough beer and schnapps to kill a german elephant and after 3 hours of stories, drinking and admiring the stuffed game hanging from his wall, we are sent on our way with offers of a fresh visit the next night.
Back at the CP we report to our OC and explain that the noise complain is solved and that if he needs any more similar duty the next night, we are his men. Strangely enough we werent asked to do that again even though I was flying even lower the next day
Them wer't days.
Jeep.
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Wizard Wheeze
detmold..stardate who gives a ****
oz exchange offr asks gz flt comdr and 1 other to take oz tankie cpl flying...no probs he's told. oz cpl (to be known as Bruce from here on) turns up and meets crew..a SSgt and a Sgt. bruce assumes ssgt is pilot & sgt is a crewman..and ignores sgt who is actually AC. off they go for a bimble. after 10 minutes or so AC asks if he can have a go on the sticks again. HP after much thought explains to bruce that there had been a slight accident last time lhs had been allowed to fly but he thought it would do him good to get his hand back on the stick again before he goes on his pilots course. Bruce slightly alarmed agrees to it after much reasurrance from HP. so control is handed over and the ac starts to pitch and roll around the sky under supervision from rhs.
Eventually some sort of control is regained and things settle down. conversation gets on to previous nites flying and how a very expensive nvg torch had been lost in a field, its was agreed that they should go and have a look for it, so a very dodgey approach was made by the ac to a very large field not too far from an ammo compound on the side of a hill. RHS explains to bruce that he is going to look for said torch and instructs LHS not to do anything whilst ensuring his harness is done up and door shut. off goes SSgt to look.
meantime lhs tells bruce that he thinks he can see the torch and was going to move for a better look........... bruce says he thinks this is a very very bad idea which is quickly confirmed as the aircraft lurches into the air, turbine squealing and proceeds down the field sideways at an alarming rate with the pilot assuring him that all is well, at the end of the field a full power climb is initiated to about 400ft whereupon the pilot declares to bruce (in a very shrill voice) he has lost it and throws in a very out of balance wingover, stuffs the nose down and screams "we're all going to die" as they race towards the deck.
Bruce by this stage has nearly ripped the pilots seat out of the floor with the vulcan death grip and is screaming just as loud for the pilot to do something, having watched the pilot being given effects of control lessons before he has enough presense of mind to tell him to pull the middle stick back and level the aircraft. this is duly done and the aircraft levels out just above the field and bruce is able to instruct the pilot how to slow down allowing them to come to a very bumpy run on landing.
the SSgt who was seen to be jumping up and down in the field screaming at the pilot come running over to see a very pale bruce almost in tears in the back seat. Jumping in and assuming control he berates the pilot for being so stupid and sets off home. on the way he asks bruce if its ok for lhs to have another go on the sticks just to get his confidence back, bruce isnt convinced but after a bit of persuasion agrees and a very shaky pilot takes over. as they chat the flying gets better and better and soon the lhs is performing all sorts of very smooth almost pilot like manoervers. Bruce fails to take in the ssgt telling him on a number of occasions that unlike the oz army the brits fly with 2 fully trained....ish.. pilots up front.
suddenly the penny drops and a most indignant bruce utters something about pommie bastards much to the merriment of the 2 scrotes up front. on arrival at detmold bruce departs before the rotors stop and without as much as a thank you.
witnesses in the crewroom were very surprised when an oz cpl storms into the crewroom, helps himself to a beer out of the fridge, downs it in one, throws the bottle in the corner and rushes out without a word. Just goes to show these bloody colonials have no manners whatsoever.
meantime 2 very amused pilots up on the pan were discussing their latest wizard wheeze, after seeing the funny side of it thoughts turned to what ifs......ie bruce had grabbed the controls or the pilot...worse still, what if he had had a heart attack
the only thing they could think of in that scenario would have been walking bruce down the pan between them and dumping him in the big green wheelie bin and insisting he had been ok when he left the aircraft.
it just goes to show how ungrateful some people can be though
Seriously though...if you are ever tempted to try something like this again,,,,,,,,,,,,,make sure there is a f***ing big wheelie bin around when you get back
oz exchange offr asks gz flt comdr and 1 other to take oz tankie cpl flying...no probs he's told. oz cpl (to be known as Bruce from here on) turns up and meets crew..a SSgt and a Sgt. bruce assumes ssgt is pilot & sgt is a crewman..and ignores sgt who is actually AC. off they go for a bimble. after 10 minutes or so AC asks if he can have a go on the sticks again. HP after much thought explains to bruce that there had been a slight accident last time lhs had been allowed to fly but he thought it would do him good to get his hand back on the stick again before he goes on his pilots course. Bruce slightly alarmed agrees to it after much reasurrance from HP. so control is handed over and the ac starts to pitch and roll around the sky under supervision from rhs.
Eventually some sort of control is regained and things settle down. conversation gets on to previous nites flying and how a very expensive nvg torch had been lost in a field, its was agreed that they should go and have a look for it, so a very dodgey approach was made by the ac to a very large field not too far from an ammo compound on the side of a hill. RHS explains to bruce that he is going to look for said torch and instructs LHS not to do anything whilst ensuring his harness is done up and door shut. off goes SSgt to look.
meantime lhs tells bruce that he thinks he can see the torch and was going to move for a better look........... bruce says he thinks this is a very very bad idea which is quickly confirmed as the aircraft lurches into the air, turbine squealing and proceeds down the field sideways at an alarming rate with the pilot assuring him that all is well, at the end of the field a full power climb is initiated to about 400ft whereupon the pilot declares to bruce (in a very shrill voice) he has lost it and throws in a very out of balance wingover, stuffs the nose down and screams "we're all going to die" as they race towards the deck.
Bruce by this stage has nearly ripped the pilots seat out of the floor with the vulcan death grip and is screaming just as loud for the pilot to do something, having watched the pilot being given effects of control lessons before he has enough presense of mind to tell him to pull the middle stick back and level the aircraft. this is duly done and the aircraft levels out just above the field and bruce is able to instruct the pilot how to slow down allowing them to come to a very bumpy run on landing.
the SSgt who was seen to be jumping up and down in the field screaming at the pilot come running over to see a very pale bruce almost in tears in the back seat. Jumping in and assuming control he berates the pilot for being so stupid and sets off home. on the way he asks bruce if its ok for lhs to have another go on the sticks just to get his confidence back, bruce isnt convinced but after a bit of persuasion agrees and a very shaky pilot takes over. as they chat the flying gets better and better and soon the lhs is performing all sorts of very smooth almost pilot like manoervers. Bruce fails to take in the ssgt telling him on a number of occasions that unlike the oz army the brits fly with 2 fully trained....ish.. pilots up front.
suddenly the penny drops and a most indignant bruce utters something about pommie bastards much to the merriment of the 2 scrotes up front. on arrival at detmold bruce departs before the rotors stop and without as much as a thank you.
witnesses in the crewroom were very surprised when an oz cpl storms into the crewroom, helps himself to a beer out of the fridge, downs it in one, throws the bottle in the corner and rushes out without a word. Just goes to show these bloody colonials have no manners whatsoever.
meantime 2 very amused pilots up on the pan were discussing their latest wizard wheeze, after seeing the funny side of it thoughts turned to what ifs......ie bruce had grabbed the controls or the pilot...worse still, what if he had had a heart attack
the only thing they could think of in that scenario would have been walking bruce down the pan between them and dumping him in the big green wheelie bin and insisting he had been ok when he left the aircraft.
it just goes to show how ungrateful some people can be though
Seriously though...if you are ever tempted to try something like this again,,,,,,,,,,,,,make sure there is a f***ing big wheelie bin around when you get back
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Koteburg Runner
having pressed the crew to take her flying the said passenger then proceeded to mock them by telling them they would never be able to do anything in a gaz that would impress her as she had flown in all the fast jets. Knowing when to admit defeat the crew went to the Kote for a coffee. Sitting by the window overlooking the gaz they waited till she ordered coffee and ordered coke for themselves. as soon as the drinks arrived they downed the coke excused themselve to the wee boys room and left through the kitchen paying the bill on the way.
the first the OC's wife knew something was wrong, was when the roar of the mighty astazou attracted her attention to the waving arms of the crew already strapped in to the gaz. by the time she got downstairs the gaz was ready to lift and as she closed the door off it went down the hillside ballsout.
she finally got a headset on and demanded to know what was going on, to be told they had done a runner and not to worry as they were only germans. Naturally she couldnt believe it but agreed not to say anything.
on arrival at detmold the crew informed the rqhi and the oc who then started to make enquiries after a phone complaint about a helicopter that had landed at the kote and done a runner not paying the bill.
True to her word she denied everything and gave the crew an alibi, sticking to her guns right up to the last happy hour before leaving when she was informed of the scam.....she was not a happy chappess
the moral of the story for those who dont know it is......
dont F**K with the baldies
the first the OC's wife knew something was wrong, was when the roar of the mighty astazou attracted her attention to the waving arms of the crew already strapped in to the gaz. by the time she got downstairs the gaz was ready to lift and as she closed the door off it went down the hillside ballsout.
she finally got a headset on and demanded to know what was going on, to be told they had done a runner and not to worry as they were only germans. Naturally she couldnt believe it but agreed not to say anything.
on arrival at detmold the crew informed the rqhi and the oc who then started to make enquiries after a phone complaint about a helicopter that had landed at the kote and done a runner not paying the bill.
True to her word she denied everything and gave the crew an alibi, sticking to her guns right up to the last happy hour before leaving when she was informed of the scam.....she was not a happy chappess
the moral of the story for those who dont know it is......
dont F**K with the baldies
Last edited by empty014; 21st Aug 2007 at 06:00.
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Jeep's A Goodun
Please please no more Jeep stories. Most of these tales seem to be while he was under my command and I'm loosing faith in myself at all the porkies I have clearly been telling to Promotion Boards and the like for him to have got as far as he has!!
LB
LB
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Actually it was during a met check i lost it, and i am forever in debt to winky for spotting it again as we searched. never have i enjoyed cleaning a weapon so much.
We were on exercise that time because 662 were given extra time in the field. I seem to remember that HGS was the OC and on a previous exercise we got a gristogram in the middle of the night and the only sober/awake person in the unit was an airtpr in the CP.
I think Col Jim Orde was the CO at the time. He had previously been my OC and I will never forget him getting me out of the Scots guards nick on Christmas day 79 after the guard found me in the orderly officers bunk trying to use his phone to order a taxi.
I will also never forget being in the Scots guards nick the night reg and I shot mick douglas in the arse with an air rifle while i was on ROPS for being accused by their adjutant of stealing a breadroll from the kitchen i was cleaning - but thats another story.
Thanks for all the contributions so far, keep em coming. Voting takes place at the end of the month, so get your stories in print. Mega prize to be won.
We were on exercise that time because 662 were given extra time in the field. I seem to remember that HGS was the OC and on a previous exercise we got a gristogram in the middle of the night and the only sober/awake person in the unit was an airtpr in the CP.
I think Col Jim Orde was the CO at the time. He had previously been my OC and I will never forget him getting me out of the Scots guards nick on Christmas day 79 after the guard found me in the orderly officers bunk trying to use his phone to order a taxi.
I will also never forget being in the Scots guards nick the night reg and I shot mick douglas in the arse with an air rifle while i was on ROPS for being accused by their adjutant of stealing a breadroll from the kitchen i was cleaning - but thats another story.
Thanks for all the contributions so far, keep em coming. Voting takes place at the end of the month, so get your stories in print. Mega prize to be won.
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Our steely eyed & very dapper young Lieutenant is barely out of the box when he lucks out on a short stint in Belize.
Off solo in his hydraulic palm tree he cruises past an island & spots a gaggle of babes sunning themselves on an otherwise deserted beach.
Cue the impromptu flying display! A few flick flacks, a wing-over (sort of) & a couple of fast low fly-bys waving to the babes & our ace is back to his task with not a care in the world.
On return to base late in the day he is perplexed at finding himself feet together explaining to the OC exactly where in his Auth 'display flying' was listed???
Miles of empty beaches & sea... how the hell was he spotted?
....Our hero had encountered the greatest intelligence gathering organisation this side of the Stasi... Of all the luck, he'd displayed to the Wive's Club beach outing, organised by the OC's wife :o(
(PS.. see u at Helitech mate if you're still working for RR)
Off solo in his hydraulic palm tree he cruises past an island & spots a gaggle of babes sunning themselves on an otherwise deserted beach.
Cue the impromptu flying display! A few flick flacks, a wing-over (sort of) & a couple of fast low fly-bys waving to the babes & our ace is back to his task with not a care in the world.
On return to base late in the day he is perplexed at finding himself feet together explaining to the OC exactly where in his Auth 'display flying' was listed???
Miles of empty beaches & sea... how the hell was he spotted?
....Our hero had encountered the greatest intelligence gathering organisation this side of the Stasi... Of all the luck, he'd displayed to the Wive's Club beach outing, organised by the OC's wife :o(
(PS.. see u at Helitech mate if you're still working for RR)
Join Date: Apr 2000
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The antichrist strikes back.
There was the ugly Lynx A/C Comd (the antichrist) whilst trooping in the Emerald Toilet, happened to look back into the cabin just as a bored but inquisitive squaddie unplugged one of the headset leads from the roof to see what it was. Quick as a flash, the ugly one cried "I have control" and then promptly flew it as if the mighty Lynx was totally out of control. The cries of "put it back!" from the distressed pilot meant the the other 5 pax took it on themselves to reconnect the obviously important lead as quickly as possible. They were fighting each other as they struggled against each other's efforts. The poor sod who unplugged the lead never knew what hit him as his former buddies let him know what they thought of his attempt to kill them all!
Join Date: Apr 2000
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Must be time for the Chipmunk stories....
Prior to a solo sortie PC had arranged to meet his mate 4k over Salisbury for some serious air to air. At the appointed time, PC spots his prey, dives out of the sun and commences the 'dagga, dagga, dagga' noises as he swoops down on to the unsuspecting Chipmunk, except, as he closes he notices the rear canopy is whitewashed.......
(Wrong cab and this one, since it's doing IF, will have a QFI on board!)
Later, with his heels together and beret on, he was asked by the CFI why he was making 'dagga, dagga, dagga' noises over the R/T.
PC reckoned his promising career in aviation was already over and so had nothing to loose by saying "I was too close for missiles and so had to go to guns"
Prior to a solo sortie PC had arranged to meet his mate 4k over Salisbury for some serious air to air. At the appointed time, PC spots his prey, dives out of the sun and commences the 'dagga, dagga, dagga' noises as he swoops down on to the unsuspecting Chipmunk, except, as he closes he notices the rear canopy is whitewashed.......
(Wrong cab and this one, since it's doing IF, will have a QFI on board!)
Later, with his heels together and beret on, he was asked by the CFI why he was making 'dagga, dagga, dagga' noises over the R/T.
PC reckoned his promising career in aviation was already over and so had nothing to loose by saying "I was too close for missiles and so had to go to guns"
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Up here, but not for long
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March 1980, 662 were taking 6 brand new Lynx back to Munster. We stopped at Calais for fuel and coffee and were back in the aircraft about to depart when a voice on the UHF chat (Bob G) said "I cant move the collective, I think it's jammed" Quick as a flash the Boss says "right everybody get ready to lift, No 6 shut down, grab your kit and leg it to No 5 as quick as you can" Bob and Zip (I think) jump in the back of my cab and the boss calls for take-off which is granted. By now Bob's aircraft was sitting in an ever-spreading pool of hydraulic fluid. As we cross the airfield boundary air traffic guy says "ay Army, you have left one behind!" Oh how we laughed