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JOKES PLEASE (for our Young Flyers - steady now!)

Military Aviation A forum for the professionals who fly military hardware. Also for the backroom boys and girls who support the flying and maintain the equipment, and without whom nothing would ever leave the ground. All armies, navies and air forces of the world equally welcome here.

JOKES PLEASE (for our Young Flyers - steady now!)

Old 1st Nov 2003, 17:22
  #21 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Tracy Island
Posts: 532
Two punk girls walking down the road thumbing a lift when a police car goes speeding past, lights flashing nee naw nee naw etc etc.
One punk girl turns to the other and asks" Have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz before?"
The other punk thinks for a moment "No, but I've been swung by the tits a few times"
Tada
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Old 2nd Nov 2003, 00:13
  #22 (permalink)  

Yes, Him
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: West Sussex, UK
Posts: 2,689
Two ducks flying over Belfast.
One says:"Quack, Quack".
T'other replies "I can't go any feckin quacker."




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Old 2nd Nov 2003, 08:35
  #23 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Gilligans Island
Posts: 115
Two roads sat in a bar, the door opens and one road says to the other "Now we are in trouble" other road says "why?" " Well the local Cyclepath has just walked in"

I Thank You!
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Old 2nd Nov 2003, 20:44
  #24 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 11
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

What's brown and sticky?

A stick



Er, that's it
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Old 2nd Nov 2003, 21:43
  #25 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Tracy Island
Posts: 532
What do you call a Deer with no eyes?
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I've no idea!

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
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A flat Miner!
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Old 2nd Nov 2003, 23:28
  #26 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 737
What do you call a man with four bits of wood on his head?






I don't know









But Edward Woodward would
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 05:04
  #27 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Lincs
Posts: 85
What's got 5 legs and lives on a farm?


Paul, Heather & Bea McCartney!


Paul McCartney is buying Heather a plane for christmas. He told her that she'd have to use a razor on her other leg like all the other girls.
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 15:28
  #28 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Tracy Island
Posts: 532
After his daughter asked for a cowboy outfit for her birthday, the Sultan of Brunei is in negotiations to buy the RAF.
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 16:45
  #29 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: waterskiing 2 miles behind the ac...
Posts: 12
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?







Still no idea
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 17:25
  #30 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Tracy Island
Posts: 532
The singing fish duo...........................wait for it..........

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Pike and Tina Tuna

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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 17:36
  #31 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: uk
Posts: 1,627
What do you call a man in a raincoat?


Mac.


What do you call a man in two raincoats?


Max.


What do you call a man in two raincoats standing in a cemetry?









Max Bygraves.
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 17:56
  #32 (permalink)  
FFP
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 806
A clean Joke . Aviation Related. For Kids . Christmas theme even !

Santa is doing his last minute preparations for the big night. Just as he's tightening the last of the restraining straps for the presents, he gets a tap on the shoulder from a man in a suit. He turns around, somewhat stunned, and asks

"Can I help you ?"

" Yes Mr Claus, I`m Mr Smith from the CAA. I've come to inspect both your sleigh and licences. You know, just to confirm MPNS, RVSM compliance etc"

Santa lets out a huge laugh. He can't beleive it !! Him !! Santa !! Being checked !! It's ludacris !!!

" But I`m Father Christmas !! I've done this for years and years. This has never happened before !!"

The CAA man shows no sympathy . After arguments about the sleigh and equipment and licences they come to a compromise .

" We'll go and do a check ride and if all's well after that then you can go"

So Santa gets the reindeers ready, all set to go. The CAA man gets in, with a couple of Elfs.

Just as Santa starts his take off run, the CAA man pulls out a shotgun from under his coat.

" OI " shouts one of the elfs " You can't bring that on here !!"

" Shhh ! " says the CAA man

" I'm going to give him an engine failure after take off !!!"

(FFP is available for birthdays, christenings, weddings and all special occassions.)

Thank you. I'm here all week. . . . .
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 18:49
  #33 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Lincs.
Posts: 157
Whats the difference between a Fireman and a Soldier??



Have you tried to dip a Fireman into an egg!!



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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 18:59
  #34 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Suffolk
Age: 61
Posts: 97
Cool

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? - Cliff.

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum? - Warren.

What do you call a man with a car on his head? - Jack.

What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head? - Russell.

What do you cal a man with a hotel on his head? - Norman Tebbit.

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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 19:42
  #35 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 76
Two cows grazing in a field, one turns to the other and says 'so, what do you reckon about this mad cow disease then?'

'Who cares' says the other cow, 'I'm a helicopter'.


Paul McCartney's bought his wife a plane for her birthday.

She'll still use Immac for the other leg though............


And one for after the watershed:

What's a pizza delivery boy and a gynaecologist got in common?

They can both smell it, but they can't eat it!
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 20:56
  #36 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Oxfordshire
Posts: 37
Wee Jock,

Call that a joke!??

Clearly, in matters of good taste you have few equals; I suspect that Mr Tebbit, his invalid wife, and others would agree.
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Old 3rd Nov 2003, 22:52
  #37 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 21
If you can't take the RAF you shouldn't have joined a joke.....
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Old 4th Nov 2003, 02:37
  #38 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Red Red Back to Bed
Posts: 541
2 Eggs in a frying pan. Sausage gets added to frying pan.

"Blimey its hot in here" says sausage.

"Wow, look at that" says first egg ...... "a talking sausage!"
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Old 4th Nov 2003, 08:14
  #39 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,217
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs getting screwed by a buck. (or whatever a male deer is!)

Still no F*cking idea
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Old 4th Nov 2003, 09:42
  #40 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Scotland
Posts: 4
Talking

2 Business men are sitting on an airliner bound for New York when 1 turns to the other and says

"I hear that the number of airmisses in on the increase"

The second one turns back and says

"How do you know that?"

"Oh, I read it in the paper" says the first man

"I didn't know they had papers on this flight" says his companion.

"Oh, they don't" replies the first man again, looking out of the window, "but they do on that flight over there"
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