anxiety,am I alone
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anxiety,am I alone
Hello everyone, I am(was) an F/o for a regional here in the U.S
Before that I was a flight instructor and a 135 F/o.
I am 24yrs old and I have been flying for 7 years.
A little over one year ago while i was a CFI i began feeling discomfort in flying. The discomfort began when, while flying as a pax in a light twin I saw some things going on up front that really troubled me. From that day on I felt a light 'something is wrong' feeling. As time progressed this feeling went from a constant 'something wrong' to a more acute 'Anxiety/panic'
feeling, and from introspection, I noticed it localized itself to occur on calm clear days(oddly enough). I could fly in a sigmet and be cool and composed but god forbid it was clear and calm.
I went and saw someone for this anxiety and yes, it did go away but the darn thing creeped back and now its here again and its bad.
Today, after 7 years of flying and deteriorating health, I made the decision to quit flying. I am doing this for my passengers, they dont deserve someone upfront that is less than 100% and I am doing this for myself.
so here I am, all my work as a pilot is over...now the question is. Am I alone? are there other pilots who felt this?
thanks for listening gang, I am sure the responses will be constructive and objective.
Before that I was a flight instructor and a 135 F/o.
I am 24yrs old and I have been flying for 7 years.
A little over one year ago while i was a CFI i began feeling discomfort in flying. The discomfort began when, while flying as a pax in a light twin I saw some things going on up front that really troubled me. From that day on I felt a light 'something is wrong' feeling. As time progressed this feeling went from a constant 'something wrong' to a more acute 'Anxiety/panic'
feeling, and from introspection, I noticed it localized itself to occur on calm clear days(oddly enough). I could fly in a sigmet and be cool and composed but god forbid it was clear and calm.
I went and saw someone for this anxiety and yes, it did go away but the darn thing creeped back and now its here again and its bad.
Today, after 7 years of flying and deteriorating health, I made the decision to quit flying. I am doing this for my passengers, they dont deserve someone upfront that is less than 100% and I am doing this for myself.
so here I am, all my work as a pilot is over...now the question is. Am I alone? are there other pilots who felt this?
thanks for listening gang, I am sure the responses will be constructive and objective.
Psychophysiological entity
There has been quite a lot on this type of problem in the past. One of the threads was "Panic attacks" I think. Run some searches on this or depression etc. You could also search under my screen name / medical if all else fails.
The folk on this forum were very supportive, and I'm sure will be again.
It would help if we knew the nature of the trigger for this problem.
The folk on this forum were very supportive, and I'm sure will be again.
It would help if we knew the nature of the trigger for this problem.
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DON'T worry Trentino.... there are millions of people similarly afflicted. There is nothing wrong with you and it's just a matter of learning to control the situation. As I'm sure you were told, deep, slow breaths will help immensely. Exercise helps too - if you're not fit then get going on some jogging or, as I do, use an indoor running machine.
Do take further professional advice because this can be fixed without drugs, although it will take some strong willpower by you and it'll be a while before it is fixed for good. You are not "ill", it's just that you are noticing bodily reactions which you wouldn't normally and you are worrying about them. This just makes them worse.
Listen to an air traffic controller who has been through it big time - you WILL be OK.
Good luck..
Do take further professional advice because this can be fixed without drugs, although it will take some strong willpower by you and it'll be a while before it is fixed for good. You are not "ill", it's just that you are noticing bodily reactions which you wouldn't normally and you are worrying about them. This just makes them worse.
Listen to an air traffic controller who has been through it big time - you WILL be OK.
Good luck..
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thanks for the reply guys. Looking back, I see I didnt give enough info on what I believe started this.
around one year ago, I was a pax in a light twin. While in cruise I was relaxing, reading a book when suddenly we began some pretty violent maneuvers. Maneuvers that all of us have seen one time or another while training, they were nothing I would call acrobatic. I 'felt' them to be about +1.5g's to 0.0g's. with heavy banking and pitching. After these maneuvers stopped, I felt I couldnt catch my breath and actually experienced my first anxiety attack.
Those maneuevers, it turns out, where just the guys up front 'messing around'
Because of those maneuvers I have completely lost trust in whoever I fly with. When I flew with my students, letting them have the controls was very hard but manageable because I was next to them. As a passenger in a jet, just recently, the anxiety generalized itself there too. I somehow lost trust in those guys too and have this anxious feeling they will pull the same stunt.
OK, now that everyone here believes im a certified nut
I must add that I am completely rational and generally a calm and understanding person. The rational part of me knows that everything will be ok up there, the anxious part feels otherwise.
I know I will get over this, I just hope that I havnt caused too much damage to myself.
around one year ago, I was a pax in a light twin. While in cruise I was relaxing, reading a book when suddenly we began some pretty violent maneuvers. Maneuvers that all of us have seen one time or another while training, they were nothing I would call acrobatic. I 'felt' them to be about +1.5g's to 0.0g's. with heavy banking and pitching. After these maneuvers stopped, I felt I couldnt catch my breath and actually experienced my first anxiety attack.
Those maneuevers, it turns out, where just the guys up front 'messing around'
Because of those maneuvers I have completely lost trust in whoever I fly with. When I flew with my students, letting them have the controls was very hard but manageable because I was next to them. As a passenger in a jet, just recently, the anxiety generalized itself there too. I somehow lost trust in those guys too and have this anxious feeling they will pull the same stunt.
OK, now that everyone here believes im a certified nut
I must add that I am completely rational and generally a calm and understanding person. The rational part of me knows that everything will be ok up there, the anxious part feels otherwise.
I know I will get over this, I just hope that I havnt caused too much damage to myself.
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Trentino;
You've finally discovered that many of us go through these stages in life. I had a nervous breakdown in 1997. When I returned to work on regaining my medical I found some real a
holes in the company who thought it could never happen to them. But , there were a surprising number who laughed and joked about it with compassion and understanding because it had happened to them.
VH
You've finally discovered that many of us go through these stages in life. I had a nervous breakdown in 1997. When I returned to work on regaining my medical I found some real a
holes in the company who thought it could never happen to them. But , there were a surprising number who laughed and joked about it with compassion and understanding because it had happened to them. VH
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Trentino,
That anxiety vs rationality thing is, for me, the worst aspect of this illness. You know it's not rational and yet can't stop feeling anxious; how does that work?! My symptoms have seen me not getting on any form of public transport so I can certainly sympathise.
I'm currently on anti-depressants and awaiting an outpatients appt for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I'm advised can be very effective (it might be worth asking your GP if this is an option but the waiting list here is 9-10 months). My GP also suggested alternative therapies. I was very sceptical but have quite taken to reike which, if nothing else, gives me an hour of excellent relaxation. I think it may be helping - I enjoy it so I'm sticking with it. I also try to exercise which is supposed to help - I go swimming cos I find it relaxing too. Finally, Zinc supplements are also said to help.
Hope I've not been telling you too much stuff you don't already know. I've suffered a fair few illnesses in my time - hey, I even contrived to die once! - but anxiety is easily the worst thing that's happened to me (well I wasn't aware of the dying thing at the time; ignorance was bliss!) precisely because I've always been driven by logic and rationality and then something really irrational struck me down. I hope it's some consolation to you that, having taken steps to reduce stress in my life (along with meds etc) I'm now feeling a lot better and more contented. Good luck to you - and remember you are by no means alone.
That anxiety vs rationality thing is, for me, the worst aspect of this illness. You know it's not rational and yet can't stop feeling anxious; how does that work?! My symptoms have seen me not getting on any form of public transport so I can certainly sympathise.
I'm currently on anti-depressants and awaiting an outpatients appt for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I'm advised can be very effective (it might be worth asking your GP if this is an option but the waiting list here is 9-10 months). My GP also suggested alternative therapies. I was very sceptical but have quite taken to reike which, if nothing else, gives me an hour of excellent relaxation. I think it may be helping - I enjoy it so I'm sticking with it. I also try to exercise which is supposed to help - I go swimming cos I find it relaxing too. Finally, Zinc supplements are also said to help.
Hope I've not been telling you too much stuff you don't already know. I've suffered a fair few illnesses in my time - hey, I even contrived to die once! - but anxiety is easily the worst thing that's happened to me (well I wasn't aware of the dying thing at the time; ignorance was bliss!) precisely because I've always been driven by logic and rationality and then something really irrational struck me down. I hope it's some consolation to you that, having taken steps to reduce stress in my life (along with meds etc) I'm now feeling a lot better and more contented. Good luck to you - and remember you are by no means alone.
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Great to know im not alone with this. I feel very cheated and robbed with this feeling. All my life I worked to be a pilot, it was actually my first and only job ( I know, Ive been lucky!) and now its gone.
I am in quite a bind now as to what I can do for a living I dont think/know what else I am qualified to do. Does anyone have suggestions about this? I thought about being a ground instructor, maybe start my own company as the main ground instructor.
Any suggestions?
thanks!
I am in quite a bind now as to what I can do for a living I dont think/know what else I am qualified to do. Does anyone have suggestions about this? I thought about being a ground instructor, maybe start my own company as the main ground instructor.
Any suggestions?
thanks!
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Hello Trentino,
I went through a period of anxiety attacks. Not nice to say the least. As has been said before it is helpful to identify the cause of the problem i.e. to much stress, etc and then rectify this. I am no expert but I suspect that you are more uncomfortable on “calm clear days” because you have less of a workload and your mind then begins to focus on anxiety. Does that make sense?
“what can I do for a living”
Ok, this may seem a million miles away at the moment, but I’d recommend being a pilot. I had anxiety before I became a pilot, while saving up for my training. At the time I thought all was lost and I would never be able to fly. However, after time I recovered. I then passed my Class1 medical, PPL and am now studying for my ground exams.
In summary I’d get help and get sorted. You won’t recover overnight but in time you will. Once recovered I see no reason why you couldn’t return to flying and put all this behind you.
P.s. Before anyone asks, no MikeLewis is not my real name.
I went through a period of anxiety attacks. Not nice to say the least. As has been said before it is helpful to identify the cause of the problem i.e. to much stress, etc and then rectify this. I am no expert but I suspect that you are more uncomfortable on “calm clear days” because you have less of a workload and your mind then begins to focus on anxiety. Does that make sense?
“what can I do for a living”
Ok, this may seem a million miles away at the moment, but I’d recommend being a pilot. I had anxiety before I became a pilot, while saving up for my training. At the time I thought all was lost and I would never be able to fly. However, after time I recovered. I then passed my Class1 medical, PPL and am now studying for my ground exams.
In summary I’d get help and get sorted. You won’t recover overnight but in time you will. Once recovered I see no reason why you couldn’t return to flying and put all this behind you.
P.s. Before anyone asks, no MikeLewis is not my real name.
Trentino, I've got to applaud your selflessness in addressing your problem, and stopping flying, for the sake of your passengers.
Its a fine line between when a normal reaction to stress, becomes a phobia/ anxiety problem.
Sometimes people forget that flying aircraft, is a serious business, with potentially disasterous consequences if we mess up. I'm not sure if your fears are indeed that irrational.
From the replies on here, it doesn't sound like your alone. Go and re-visit your therapist, and have a read about CBT/ NLP.
good luck to a speedy recovery.
Its a fine line between when a normal reaction to stress, becomes a phobia/ anxiety problem.
Sometimes people forget that flying aircraft, is a serious business, with potentially disasterous consequences if we mess up. I'm not sure if your fears are indeed that irrational.
From the replies on here, it doesn't sound like your alone. Go and re-visit your therapist, and have a read about CBT/ NLP.
good luck to a speedy recovery.
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Hey there guys..thanks for all the support so far.
I do feel great to know that others experience this..although
I wish no one did. MikeLewis, if I may ask, what 'symptoms' did you experience when you had your anxiety attack?
I, for example, would experience tightness of my throat, Like someone was choking me, dizziness and an overall fear from those symptoms. There were many times however when I flew that I did not experience the attacks and really enjoyed my job.
I will begin seeing a doctor shortly, but unfortunatly I live in a country where healthcare is a luxury, I need to work for a period of time in a job(if i ever find one) and work for my medical coverage.
When I did see the doctor previously for this, my anxiety attacks definatly diminished, but because I had some slow flying months(I wasnt always flying) I could not cement the therapy for it to take effect and my anxiety resumed.
I just decided to take a few years away from flying and come back to it when the 'wounds have healed' ............
and now, just to recap, others who have had anxiety,what were your symptoms,thoughts, and when did they occur most frequently?
I do feel great to know that others experience this..although
I wish no one did. MikeLewis, if I may ask, what 'symptoms' did you experience when you had your anxiety attack?
I, for example, would experience tightness of my throat, Like someone was choking me, dizziness and an overall fear from those symptoms. There were many times however when I flew that I did not experience the attacks and really enjoyed my job.
I will begin seeing a doctor shortly, but unfortunatly I live in a country where healthcare is a luxury, I need to work for a period of time in a job(if i ever find one) and work for my medical coverage.
When I did see the doctor previously for this, my anxiety attacks definatly diminished, but because I had some slow flying months(I wasnt always flying) I could not cement the therapy for it to take effect and my anxiety resumed.
I just decided to take a few years away from flying and come back to it when the 'wounds have healed' ............
and now, just to recap, others who have had anxiety,what were your symptoms,thoughts, and when did they occur most frequently?
Psychophysiological entity
It is my unqualified opinion that the tight throat and the dizziness have the same root cause. Yes it's all part of the same problem, but also well down the process, the spasms are part of a common reaction.
A lot of people do not realise just how tight some of these muscles can get...very, very unpleasant. You are certainly not alone in these symptoms either, and yes, they will go away.
A lot of people do not realise just how tight some of these muscles can get...very, very unpleasant. You are certainly not alone in these symptoms either, and yes, they will go away.
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Trentino,
You are not alone. I dug back through the Pprune archives and retrieved a post I made on a very similar topic many moons ago. (Well, I'm allowed to plagiarise my own words aren't I?)
This is not at all uncommon, especially among pilots in their late twenties and early thirties, will even admit to suffered a twinge or two of it myself in that age bracket. Seen it countless times to varying degrees in airline trainees of mine. The worst case I saw was a captain friend on 'heavies' who abandoned his career because of it, became so sick of himself in his self imposed grounding that he went back to airline ops and became chief pilot of a national carrier!
The one odd common thread in all cases was that the sufferers seemed to be of above average intelligence and flying ability.
Now the good part - In each and every case time was the healing factor, never less than a few months, and never more than 2 or 3 years. During a lengthy attachment which I had in training, the company's consulting psychologist referred a few deeply troubled souls to a hypno-therapist, this seemed to achieve good results.
Hang in there, do the responsible thing and stay on the ground if it really is all a bit too much for the moment, time is a great healer for this problem.
IT WILL PASS!
Regards,
Old Smokey
You are not alone. I dug back through the Pprune archives and retrieved a post I made on a very similar topic many moons ago. (Well, I'm allowed to plagiarise my own words aren't I?)
This is not at all uncommon, especially among pilots in their late twenties and early thirties, will even admit to suffered a twinge or two of it myself in that age bracket. Seen it countless times to varying degrees in airline trainees of mine. The worst case I saw was a captain friend on 'heavies' who abandoned his career because of it, became so sick of himself in his self imposed grounding that he went back to airline ops and became chief pilot of a national carrier!
The one odd common thread in all cases was that the sufferers seemed to be of above average intelligence and flying ability.
Now the good part - In each and every case time was the healing factor, never less than a few months, and never more than 2 or 3 years. During a lengthy attachment which I had in training, the company's consulting psychologist referred a few deeply troubled souls to a hypno-therapist, this seemed to achieve good results.
Hang in there, do the responsible thing and stay on the ground if it really is all a bit too much for the moment, time is a great healer for this problem.
IT WILL PASS!
Regards,
Old Smokey
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Hello Trentino. I'm sorry you have had such a bad run with the anxiety symptoms. As you can see above, there are a few people who have experienced similar symptoms and that must be a bit of a comfort to know you are not on your own. It's a bit unfortunate that you are not in a position to get some professional help. Anxiety and Panic symptoms are very similar to some physical disorders and that's one of the main reasons for attending a general practioner, so that you can be screened for other conditions.
So assuming all that has been checked out.
A large part of overcoming anxiety is self-education on how and why anxiety occurs. Much of that you can do yourself. A number of good web sites that might assist, as well as some good publications.
http://familydoctor.org/137.xml
Some of the publications by Paul Wilson are pretty good, especially if you trying to manage it on your own. www.calmcentre.com
Dr Ainsley Mears -" Life Without Stress", as well as anything else by her you can get hold of.
"The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by J. Edmund.
"Beyond Anxiety - Step by Step Guide to Lifetime Recovery" by J. Edmund and D. Bourne
Have a look around for relaxation cd or tapes. Often available over the net or in Alternative Medicine shops.
The books above should be available on Amazon.com
cheers
Hawk
So assuming all that has been checked out.
A large part of overcoming anxiety is self-education on how and why anxiety occurs. Much of that you can do yourself. A number of good web sites that might assist, as well as some good publications.
http://familydoctor.org/137.xml
Some of the publications by Paul Wilson are pretty good, especially if you trying to manage it on your own. www.calmcentre.com
Dr Ainsley Mears -" Life Without Stress", as well as anything else by her you can get hold of.
"The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by J. Edmund.
"Beyond Anxiety - Step by Step Guide to Lifetime Recovery" by J. Edmund and D. Bourne
Have a look around for relaxation cd or tapes. Often available over the net or in Alternative Medicine shops.
The books above should be available on Amazon.com
cheers
Hawk
Last edited by Hawk; 25th Feb 2005 at 01:19.
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Hi Trentino,
The good news is that the anxiety you are feeling is treatable.
My girlfriend is a Clinical Psychologist at the Maudsley in London and has given me some details that may be of interest.
The CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) model has the greastest evidence base for treating anxiety and results are very, very good.
NLP (neuro linguistic programming) is not something that is recommended and is not used by healthcare professionals.
The Priory has a specialist department dealing in pilot anxieties and is run by one of our friends (I cannot name him for obvious reasons)
He deals exclusively with professional pilots and their anxieties using CBT and has an outstanding reputation.
They may be able to help you with this.
Please understand that there are many different forms of psychological treatment and therapy many of which are unsuitable and have little evidence base supporting treatment of this kind of anxiety (psychodynamic for instance) so choosing the correct treatment is very important.
Don't write off a hard won career for what is a manageable, treatable state of mind.
I wish you all the best and please feel free to pm me if you need further information.
The following link may get you started.
Link
Apologies, I just noticed that you are not UK based.
It may be worth asking your Doctor if he can refer you to an agency who's Psychologist uses the CBT model.
The good news is that the anxiety you are feeling is treatable.
My girlfriend is a Clinical Psychologist at the Maudsley in London and has given me some details that may be of interest.
The CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) model has the greastest evidence base for treating anxiety and results are very, very good.
NLP (neuro linguistic programming) is not something that is recommended and is not used by healthcare professionals.
The Priory has a specialist department dealing in pilot anxieties and is run by one of our friends (I cannot name him for obvious reasons)
He deals exclusively with professional pilots and their anxieties using CBT and has an outstanding reputation.
They may be able to help you with this.
Please understand that there are many different forms of psychological treatment and therapy many of which are unsuitable and have little evidence base supporting treatment of this kind of anxiety (psychodynamic for instance) so choosing the correct treatment is very important.
Don't write off a hard won career for what is a manageable, treatable state of mind.
I wish you all the best and please feel free to pm me if you need further information.
The following link may get you started.
Link
Apologies, I just noticed that you are not UK based.
It may be worth asking your Doctor if he can refer you to an agency who's Psychologist uses the CBT model.
Last edited by Go Smoke; 26th Feb 2005 at 14:45.
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Go Smoke...good references. See also Depression thread above. (RET).
Trentino, Neuro Linguistic Programing is used by psychiatry and psychology professionals. The very good work of Richard Bandler, a pioneer in psychology. Anything you can find on him is a good start.
cheers
Hawk
Trentino, Neuro Linguistic Programing is used by psychiatry and psychology professionals. The very good work of Richard Bandler, a pioneer in psychology. Anything you can find on him is a good start.
cheers
Hawk
Last edited by Hawk; 1st Mar 2005 at 08:01.
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I find it interesting that about 1325 people viewed this topic..that is one of the most viewed topics on the medical and health forum at the moment...very interesting indeed...so many people feel this but only 15 replies.
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Hi Hawk,
Sorry for the late response - I haven't had comp access for a couple of days.
NLP is a useful tool in areas such as coaching, mentoring, work place management, personal development etc. but is not a tool that is used in the treatment of mental health.
As an indicator, it is not offered on the NHS anywhere.
Richard Bandler is not actually a clinical psychologist (in fact, I don't even think he is a psychologist) The difference between the two being about a further 6 years training and a doctorate!
A Psychologist cannot treat people for mental health issues however, they can perform reasearch task.
I have a couple of friends who are absolute Richard Bandler devotees and I can see that the motivational work and personal progression modules that he offers are very useful in their lives and have indeed helped them however, as a treatment for mental health then NLP should not be used.
Regards,
GS
Sorry for the late response - I haven't had comp access for a couple of days.
NLP is a useful tool in areas such as coaching, mentoring, work place management, personal development etc. but is not a tool that is used in the treatment of mental health.
As an indicator, it is not offered on the NHS anywhere.
Richard Bandler is not actually a clinical psychologist (in fact, I don't even think he is a psychologist) The difference between the two being about a further 6 years training and a doctorate!
A Psychologist cannot treat people for mental health issues however, they can perform reasearch task.
I have a couple of friends who are absolute Richard Bandler devotees and I can see that the motivational work and personal progression modules that he offers are very useful in their lives and have indeed helped them however, as a treatment for mental health then NLP should not be used.
Regards,
GS
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Trentino,
Why do you find it interesting that about 1325 people viewed this topic, making it one of the most viewed topics on the medical and health forum at the moment, and with only 15 replies?
Because it's VERY VERY COMMON, that's why!!!!
And why only 15 replies? - Because most people won't admit to it, we're all supposed to be macho Chuck Yeager types, aren't we?
I have observed it in numerous other pilots, typically at the Senior First Officer / Junior Captain stage, and, oh yes, within myself at the stages described.
I have also observed that for these same pilots, and myself, that it eventually went away in it's own good time, every time.
Nowadays, I look forward to a few anxiety creating situations to arouse my levels of alertness to normal.
Keep on keeping on,
Old Smokey
Why do you find it interesting that about 1325 people viewed this topic, making it one of the most viewed topics on the medical and health forum at the moment, and with only 15 replies?
Because it's VERY VERY COMMON, that's why!!!!
And why only 15 replies? - Because most people won't admit to it, we're all supposed to be macho Chuck Yeager types, aren't we?
I have observed it in numerous other pilots, typically at the Senior First Officer / Junior Captain stage, and, oh yes, within myself at the stages described.
I have also observed that for these same pilots, and myself, that it eventually went away in it's own good time, every time.
Nowadays, I look forward to a few anxiety creating situations to arouse my levels of alertness to normal.
Keep on keeping on,
Old Smokey
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Trentino.
I have been suffering Anxiety for the last 6 months. To support the views of other posters, yes it is starting to subside slowly but surely.
I am in my early thirties and like to think of myself as of being above average intelligence and flying ability
My Anxiety began when I had panic attacks while flying single pilot ops. On two occasions I departed with pax only to return as my anxiety was so high I thought I was going to die and kill everyone onboard. I fobbed off to my employer that I was sick with the flu etc.
I have had an absolutely horrible time of it. I have been to a Psychologist and I practise Meditation , yoga and relaxation which I have found to be very beneficial. At present I am flying in a two crew envirnment, however I still am sometimes very anxious about flying single pilot as per my prior events.
The most important thing I learned was that your anxiety is your creation, something that you made up all by all your own thoughts.
I have found hard exercise and healthy eating helpful. I have also found that St. John's Wort (a herbal thing) was good.
I greatly sympathise with your predicament as it is a truly awful thing to suffer.
It is great to read others and to realise that I am not alone either.
All the best and take care
I have been suffering Anxiety for the last 6 months. To support the views of other posters, yes it is starting to subside slowly but surely.
I am in my early thirties and like to think of myself as of being above average intelligence and flying ability
My Anxiety began when I had panic attacks while flying single pilot ops. On two occasions I departed with pax only to return as my anxiety was so high I thought I was going to die and kill everyone onboard. I fobbed off to my employer that I was sick with the flu etc.
I have had an absolutely horrible time of it. I have been to a Psychologist and I practise Meditation , yoga and relaxation which I have found to be very beneficial. At present I am flying in a two crew envirnment, however I still am sometimes very anxious about flying single pilot as per my prior events.
The most important thing I learned was that your anxiety is your creation, something that you made up all by all your own thoughts.
I have found hard exercise and healthy eating helpful. I have also found that St. John's Wort (a herbal thing) was good.
I greatly sympathise with your predicament as it is a truly awful thing to suffer.
It is great to read others and to realise that I am not alone either.
All the best and take care