Thick passenger comments
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: East of Runway 21
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I think what Blackace meant was that the crew member gave the impression they owuld have the middle section (between the two aisles) to themselves, hence it not making a difference where he went... it would have ben lcearer if the crew member had said they had a whole row ACROSS the aisles for the family, but would need some to go left and some to go right, depending on where they are sitting....
ANYWAY... when I see pax with babies, small kids, large families etc, I always try to give as clear directions to their seat as possible... the extra few seconds taken to explain saves SOOOO much time trying to round up errant pax who have gone the wrong way
ANYWAY... when I see pax with babies, small kids, large families etc, I always try to give as clear directions to their seat as possible... the extra few seconds taken to explain saves SOOOO much time trying to round up errant pax who have gone the wrong way
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: MELBOURNE
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On a very long flt LAX to MEL i was serving breakfast
ME: Would u like the continental breakfast or mixed grill ?
PAX to her husband BOB BOB they have mixed Squirrel!
Being very hypoxic at this stage of flt...i gave then their Mixed Squirrel.... they were over the moon, i am sure that they would have thought they were experiencing a typical Australian breakfast.
Another flt....MEL to LAX i was making small talk to a couple of PAX. I asked them what part of Australia they enjoyed the best....they said they loved Aukland. I refuse to correct them when they are that stupid.
Gotta love the middle aged american pax.
ME: Would u like the continental breakfast or mixed grill ?
PAX to her husband BOB BOB they have mixed Squirrel!
Being very hypoxic at this stage of flt...i gave then their Mixed Squirrel.... they were over the moon, i am sure that they would have thought they were experiencing a typical Australian breakfast.
Another flt....MEL to LAX i was making small talk to a couple of PAX. I asked them what part of Australia they enjoyed the best....they said they loved Aukland. I refuse to correct them when they are that stupid.
Gotta love the middle aged american pax.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: luton UK
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i did a flight to Nice and when we landed a pax asked me where we were?!? i said Nice and he said are you sure? i really had to try and stop myself laughing. I informed him that we were definatley in Nice and was that where he wanted to go, he said yes but i didn't look like Nice to him!!! weird!!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Neverland
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I had a female pax asking me to ask the captain to lower the engine noise as it is disrupting her sleep! This has happened twice to me. Both were female pax. Do people think before talking
? That engine is what keeps you up there darling!
? That engine is what keeps you up there darling!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: LGW
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Loony Log
Im starting training for CC in a couple of months, can't wait to be back in the land of the mad and the sad!!
I used to work for a cross channel ferry company and we used to keep a Loony Log at reception where we recorded the classics of the day; the crew used to love reading it.
PAX "How long is the crossing?"
ME "Five and a half hours sir"
PAX "Is that in English or French time?"
Der....
We used to have a cinema on board and showed recently released films but they were in English with no subtitles. One day a French guy came to the desk and asked in very broken English....
PAX "What films you show today?"
ME "Rob Roy and 101 Dalmations" [shows how long ago this was!]
PAX [clearly not understanding] "Er...en Francais?"
ME "Rob Roy et cent et un dalmations" [hardly any different from English]
PAX "OK Merci!"
Bless!
These threads have just reminded me of what Im going to have to look forward to...I cant wait!!!
I used to work for a cross channel ferry company and we used to keep a Loony Log at reception where we recorded the classics of the day; the crew used to love reading it.
PAX "How long is the crossing?"
ME "Five and a half hours sir"
PAX "Is that in English or French time?"
Der....
We used to have a cinema on board and showed recently released films but they were in English with no subtitles. One day a French guy came to the desk and asked in very broken English....
PAX "What films you show today?"
ME "Rob Roy and 101 Dalmations" [shows how long ago this was!]
PAX [clearly not understanding] "Er...en Francais?"
ME "Rob Roy et cent et un dalmations" [hardly any different from English]
PAX "OK Merci!"
Bless!
These threads have just reminded me of what Im going to have to look forward to...I cant wait!!!
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Horsham UK
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OK dumb comments...was travelling home from Grandma Rimmer's funeral a few years back the route was a short hop fron one side of Houston to the t'other EFD-IAH then onwards back to blighty. The first leg was being operated using an ATR42 (not that important).
The weather was interesting we are talking uber Texas size summer super cell - I mean this system was 'kin HUGE. Had looked at the weather report before setting off and the weather radar was painting red over the entire area...
Anyway the 'terminal' at Ellington is (was) basically a portacabin and staffed on the this particular day by a lone and very young lady - no joke it being a Saturday this kid was probably still at high school or a most just started college....
Along comes this woman pax...New Yorker with a "I'm very busy and extremly important" attitude (you've seen the type) who on hearing about the wx related delay (now to get the full flavour of the situation you have to remember that at this point the sound of rain/hail on the roof is making normal conversation difficult and the wind gusts are making the whole terminal/porta cabin affair wobble and creak) just absolutely rips into this poor check in kid...mean really rips within minutes the kid is in tears...
Well standing nearby (everywhere is nearby in this building) I think 'well this is a bit unfair'
Up I step... "May I be of some assistance?" kid looks up, eyes wet with tears
I turn the the gorgon pax and enquire mildy "Do you know much about aviation?"
I then explain that given the current weather (which she may have noticed) it would be folly to attempt any kind of aviation and furthermore given the size of the storm I suspected that nothing much would be moving up at Bush either so she most likey wouldn't miss the connection and in anycase there are loads of flights between Bush an Newark so why worry etc...
Well the gorgon isn't having that and starts to wind up again....(at this point my sense of humour begins to fail...just been to a funeral etc etc)
So I fix her with my hardest stare...one I learnt from Grandma Rimmer actually (Aunty Rimmer who was there reckoned it was exactly like G'ma's)
"Madam two things I was taught as spotty sprog pilot ...1) it is better to be 30 minutes late in this world than 30 years early in the next and 2) Do not fly your aeroplane into a thunderstorm....it £ucks your plane and then YOU DIE!!!" Now you may have a death wish but I'm sure those people don't (indicating other pax) and what is more if those two (indicating flight crew sitting on a/c even comteplated flying right now they would be in danger of losing their medicals - for being clincally insane. Finally none of this (indicating check-in agent) is her fault...I suggest you sit down and shut up"
Dragon defeated and ripple of applause from other pax...
Just can't abide bullies...stupid bullies are worse...
The weather was interesting we are talking uber Texas size summer super cell - I mean this system was 'kin HUGE. Had looked at the weather report before setting off and the weather radar was painting red over the entire area...
Anyway the 'terminal' at Ellington is (was) basically a portacabin and staffed on the this particular day by a lone and very young lady - no joke it being a Saturday this kid was probably still at high school or a most just started college....
Along comes this woman pax...New Yorker with a "I'm very busy and extremly important" attitude (you've seen the type) who on hearing about the wx related delay (now to get the full flavour of the situation you have to remember that at this point the sound of rain/hail on the roof is making normal conversation difficult and the wind gusts are making the whole terminal/porta cabin affair wobble and creak) just absolutely rips into this poor check in kid...mean really rips within minutes the kid is in tears...
Well standing nearby (everywhere is nearby in this building) I think 'well this is a bit unfair'
Up I step... "May I be of some assistance?" kid looks up, eyes wet with tears
I turn the the gorgon pax and enquire mildy "Do you know much about aviation?"
I then explain that given the current weather (which she may have noticed) it would be folly to attempt any kind of aviation and furthermore given the size of the storm I suspected that nothing much would be moving up at Bush either so she most likey wouldn't miss the connection and in anycase there are loads of flights between Bush an Newark so why worry etc...
Well the gorgon isn't having that and starts to wind up again....(at this point my sense of humour begins to fail...just been to a funeral etc etc)
So I fix her with my hardest stare...one I learnt from Grandma Rimmer actually (Aunty Rimmer who was there reckoned it was exactly like G'ma's)
"Madam two things I was taught as spotty sprog pilot ...1) it is better to be 30 minutes late in this world than 30 years early in the next and 2) Do not fly your aeroplane into a thunderstorm....it £ucks your plane and then YOU DIE!!!" Now you may have a death wish but I'm sure those people don't (indicating other pax) and what is more if those two (indicating flight crew sitting on a/c even comteplated flying right now they would be in danger of losing their medicals - for being clincally insane. Finally none of this (indicating check-in agent) is her fault...I suggest you sit down and shut up"
Dragon defeated and ripple of applause from other pax...
Just can't abide bullies...stupid bullies are worse...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: London
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When I was working or BMI this gave me a good laugh:
Pax: Excuse me how much does a vodka and coke cost?
Me: Our service is complimentary madam.
Pax: So how much does it cost?
Me: Madam, a complimentary service is one that doesnt cost anything.
Pax: Ohh I`ll just have a coke then.
Is it the altitude that causes this kind of premature dementia or what??
Pax: Excuse me how much does a vodka and coke cost?
Me: Our service is complimentary madam.
Pax: So how much does it cost?
Me: Madam, a complimentary service is one that doesnt cost anything.
Pax: Ohh I`ll just have a coke then.
Is it the altitude that causes this kind of premature dementia or what??
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Open Window Blinds On Landing
IT'S ALSO SO THAT IN EVENT OF GROUND EMERGENCY OR IF YOUR LUCKY ENOUGH TO KEEP A/C IN ONE PIECE AFTER CRASHING/DITCHING EMERGENCY SERVICES CAN SEE IF SEATS ARE STILL OCCUPIED FROM OUTSIDE A/C 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland. (No, I just live here.)
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From a SLF viewpoint, I do know that I go in to a Zen-like state on long-haul flights. The monotony, the drone of the engines, the lack of control, being treated like a sheep: if you want to ask me a question requiring more than a yes-or-no answer, you can almost hear the gears grinding inside my skull. Baa!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Land of Smiles
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A couple of CC gems
I have spent 32 years in commercial aviation - all of it on the ground, I only fly as a SLF. For the last 8 years I worked for the trade association and spent about 44 weeks a year flying between one foreign place or another. I never calculated the flight hours or miles, but sometimes I did more hours in a week than would be legal for crew! I just want to add my thanks to the CC - although I have experienced some bad as well as the many good.
Just a couple CC announcements stick in my mind though:
Scheduled British Carrier
"The captain has turned on the seatbelt lights, please switch off all electronic equipment, stow your table and return your seat to its most uncomfortable position......."
German Charter Carrier
"Above your seat you will find your reading light switch and the crew emergency call button....."
Just a couple CC announcements stick in my mind though:
Scheduled British Carrier
"The captain has turned on the seatbelt lights, please switch off all electronic equipment, stow your table and return your seat to its most uncomfortable position......."
German Charter Carrier
"Above your seat you will find your reading light switch and the crew emergency call button....."
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Auckland
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This was a real blonde moment ,I actually said it.
On my very first flight over the international dateline which was an all night flight I said to the ISM (inflight service manager) have we crossed the dateline yet and her response was have a look out the window as it glows in the dark and I abliged...
On my very first flight over the international dateline which was an all night flight I said to the ISM (inflight service manager) have we crossed the dateline yet and her response was have a look out the window as it glows in the dark and I abliged...
Join Date: May 2006
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I personally think call bells should be reserved for emergencys only. Pressing it because you fancy another gin is pure laziness! Fair enough if you're sat in the window seat with two sleeping strangers next to you and you're parched, but when you're sat directly behind a water fountain, and you press your call bell for a glass of water...
I answered a call bell the other day where the guy asked for a glass of water, I went and got it and mentioned there was a water fountain directly in front of the bulkhead he was sitting at so if he wanted any more water he could fill his cup up. He told me he knew there was a water fountain there - he couldn't be bothered to get it himself!!! That's what I was there for!!!
On a trip to the lovely Barbados, a very lovely man pressed his call bell to demand I completed his immigration and customs forms for him. When I said I wouldn't, because I didn't know his name, address etc, I didn't have a clue what he was taking into the country with him, it was probably illegal, he went mental and demanded to see the supervisor. Along he came and when Mr Lovely ranted at him too, he told him he didn't have time to listen to any more of his grief because he had to go and complete his own customs form!! Mr Lovely did not have a lovely look on his face after that.
Some days you really love your job.
With regards to thick passenger comments, I've had so many.
"I know this plane is due to land at LHR, but I need to make my way to LGW once we've landed and don't know how to get there. Do you think the captain would mind quickly dropping me off?"
Of course not. It's no bother.
Midflight over the atlantic - "My son wants to visit the pilots in the cockpit". Sorry sir, but nobody is allowed to visit the flight deck any more. "Why not???" Well sir, in the climate we live in these rules have had to be put in place. "DOES MY SIX YEAR OLD SON LOOK LIKE A TERRORIST TO YOU?!?!?"
He actually shouted at the top of his voice at me! Incredible.
My current favourite from a new yorker coming back to London from JFK. "I've left my book in my bag, would you get it for me?" Me thinking their bag was in the overhead said of course, and I aksed which bag was their's. I was then handed the receipt thing you get for your checked bag. This passenger seemed to be under the impression all you have to do is nip down a flight of stairs to the hold... Anyway, when I said no, I was unable to get their book for them FROM THE HOLD, they went mad demanding to know why I said I could in the first place!
Whatever.
Rant over
My
I answered a call bell the other day where the guy asked for a glass of water, I went and got it and mentioned there was a water fountain directly in front of the bulkhead he was sitting at so if he wanted any more water he could fill his cup up. He told me he knew there was a water fountain there - he couldn't be bothered to get it himself!!! That's what I was there for!!!
On a trip to the lovely Barbados, a very lovely man pressed his call bell to demand I completed his immigration and customs forms for him. When I said I wouldn't, because I didn't know his name, address etc, I didn't have a clue what he was taking into the country with him, it was probably illegal, he went mental and demanded to see the supervisor. Along he came and when Mr Lovely ranted at him too, he told him he didn't have time to listen to any more of his grief because he had to go and complete his own customs form!! Mr Lovely did not have a lovely look on his face after that.
Some days you really love your job.
With regards to thick passenger comments, I've had so many.
"I know this plane is due to land at LHR, but I need to make my way to LGW once we've landed and don't know how to get there. Do you think the captain would mind quickly dropping me off?"
Of course not. It's no bother.
Midflight over the atlantic - "My son wants to visit the pilots in the cockpit". Sorry sir, but nobody is allowed to visit the flight deck any more. "Why not???" Well sir, in the climate we live in these rules have had to be put in place. "DOES MY SIX YEAR OLD SON LOOK LIKE A TERRORIST TO YOU?!?!?"
He actually shouted at the top of his voice at me! Incredible.
My current favourite from a new yorker coming back to London from JFK. "I've left my book in my bag, would you get it for me?" Me thinking their bag was in the overhead said of course, and I aksed which bag was their's. I was then handed the receipt thing you get for your checked bag. This passenger seemed to be under the impression all you have to do is nip down a flight of stairs to the hold... Anyway, when I said no, I was unable to get their book for them FROM THE HOLD, they went mad demanding to know why I said I could in the first place!
Whatever.
Rant over
My
Join Date: Mar 2007
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On a trip out to the US a few years ago, my mother was asked on boarding whether she would want to eat lunch on board.
To which she replied "Ooo fish" and wandered off to her seat leaving a rather bemused CC behind her
(My sister then informed her that they hadn't asked WHAT she wanted to eat and she got rather embarrassed. Scary thing was, she was only 50 or so and not deaf in the slightest)
To which she replied "Ooo fish" and wandered off to her seat leaving a rather bemused CC behind her
(My sister then informed her that they hadn't asked WHAT she wanted to eat and she got rather embarrassed. Scary thing was, she was only 50 or so and not deaf in the slightest
)
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Coming back from FCO to DXB, in the menu there was a type of fish which had an italian name.
This pax from oz land:
'Excuse me Miss'
me: Yes Sir?
pax: Where is this fish from?
me with my best smile: From the sea sir. This fish is from the sea
This guy looked at me blanked and then he started laughing, coudn't stopped going on and on 'ah ah ah this fish is from the sea' for 3hours!
Oh boy!
This pax from oz land:
'Excuse me Miss'
me: Yes Sir?
pax: Where is this fish from?
me with my best smile: From the sea sir. This fish is from the sea
This guy looked at me blanked and then he started laughing, coudn't stopped going on and on 'ah ah ah this fish is from the sea' for 3hours!
Oh boy!