You Know You Are In Africa When.....
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........SAR don't go to the scene of a downed aircraft because "it's the will of god"
.......SAR is initiated fron SA, because THEY noticed the ELBA. not the country the aircraft went down in (even the operator didn't notice they were an aircraft short)
(thankfully no fatalities in either 'incident')
.......You crest the hump of the runway on takeoff, and come face to face with two vehicles parked on one side. After scraping paint off their roofs with a rapid rotation, getting a “sorry, I did ask them to move” from the tower…..who can clearly see they hadn’t
What fun we had there
.......SAR is initiated fron SA, because THEY noticed the ELBA. not the country the aircraft went down in (even the operator didn't notice they were an aircraft short)
(thankfully no fatalities in either 'incident')
.......You crest the hump of the runway on takeoff, and come face to face with two vehicles parked on one side. After scraping paint off their roofs with a rapid rotation, getting a “sorry, I did ask them to move” from the tower…..who can clearly see they hadn’t
What fun we had there
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...when a C310 involved in ostrich-egg smuggling (remember when that was all the rage?) prangs on takeoff out of an unlit strip at night and is then literally hacked into pieces, stuffed down an old well and the hole camoflaged with branches, so's to avoid blowing the whistle on the lucrative little sideline business 
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When on short final, a different aircraft is cleared to land.
When radio traffic gets too busy, ATC simply don't say anything.
After receiving taxi clearance, ATC asks you to repeat number on board, destination, level and fuel because they missed ALL of that information the first time you gave it.
You have been delayed because they have no receipt book.
Having not been cleared to land, you fly the flare right down the runway while ATC have a long-winded discussion with another aircraft 100nm away.
Buzzing the strip to clear it of animals you count at least 4 species.
All in the last 2 weeks
God I love africa!
When radio traffic gets too busy, ATC simply don't say anything.
After receiving taxi clearance, ATC asks you to repeat number on board, destination, level and fuel because they missed ALL of that information the first time you gave it.
You have been delayed because they have no receipt book.
Having not been cleared to land, you fly the flare right down the runway while ATC have a long-winded discussion with another aircraft 100nm away.
Buzzing the strip to clear it of animals you count at least 4 species.
All in the last 2 weeks
God I love africa!
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When radio traffic gets too busy, ATC simply don't say anything
....When ATC screw up your call sign, every call. Over, and over, and over again - usually when there's a similar call sign on freq, then when it's all totally screwed up.....all attempts to control cease.....and then silence.
Join Date: Apr 2007
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Going into Angola
Tower:"Join overhead for a right downwind 27"
Us overhead runway:"Just confirm runway 27 is in use. Windsock (like an iron pipe) is indicating 09"
Tower:"Yes yes, I say again 27!!! Windsock unserviceable"
Us with no traffic (well reported anyway) around for miles:"Negative sir, cannot comply, request 09"
Tower:"Eeeeahhhhhhhhh....."
Us after long silence:"Tower ZS-ABC......Tower ZS -ABC....."
Silence....
Tower:"Join overhead for a right downwind 27"
Us overhead runway:"Just confirm runway 27 is in use. Windsock (like an iron pipe) is indicating 09"
Tower:"Yes yes, I say again 27!!! Windsock unserviceable"
Us with no traffic (well reported anyway) around for miles:"Negative sir, cannot comply, request 09"
Tower:"Eeeeahhhhhhhhh....."
Us after long silence:"Tower ZS-ABC......Tower ZS -ABC....."
Silence....
Join Date: Jul 2008
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...when your license comes back from the Authorities with your name and details but someone else's photo... 
...4 days before writing your ATP exams you still don't know whether or not you have been accepted to write...
...the Air Law suddenly changes and the Authorities say it has been that way for 6 months already...
...when quering why you have been given the totally oposite and definately wrong information about your exams, the excuse is "they are new here"...
How boring would African Aviation be without all variable, day to day suprises...
...4 days before writing your ATP exams you still don't know whether or not you have been accepted to write...
...the Air Law suddenly changes and the Authorities say it has been that way for 6 months already...
...when quering why you have been given the totally oposite and definately wrong information about your exams, the excuse is "they are new here"...
How boring would African Aviation be without all variable, day to day suprises...
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Flying in Africa can even silence noisy Americans !
Years ago flying back from JHB to a city called "Salisbury" in a country named "Rhodesia" in an Air Rhodesia Viscount just a couple of weeks after one had been taken out the sky by a Sam7, I was sat next to a very mouthy American.
"Godamn place this Africa, only here because my company sent me, how you can sit on an old crate like this is beyond me"
At this point all the cabin and nav lights go out.
My American friend pushes attendant button.
Air hostess arrives "Yes Sir may I help you ?"
"Why have the godamn lights gone out, fuse blown I suppose ?"
"No Sir it is a safety procedure to make us less vunerable to a terrorist guided missile attack"
American looks at me "She takin' the p***"
"No she is dead serious - they got one of these two weeks ago"
Silence all the way home !!
"Godamn place this Africa, only here because my company sent me, how you can sit on an old crate like this is beyond me"
At this point all the cabin and nav lights go out.
My American friend pushes attendant button.
Air hostess arrives "Yes Sir may I help you ?"
"Why have the godamn lights gone out, fuse blown I suppose ?"
"No Sir it is a safety procedure to make us less vunerable to a terrorist guided missile attack"
American looks at me "She takin' the p***"
"No she is dead serious - they got one of these two weeks ago"
Silence all the way home !!
To renew your licence you send off all the necessary paperwork and logbook. When renewed you receive the licence and logbook back but the logbook has a wonderful coffee cup stain on the inside last page!
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Good Vibs
Lucky to get yours back! Many licences have been seen under the table legs to keep them balanced. Whatever happened to the goog old sticky bun deposits and coke stains that all our documents came back from CAA with. You could identify the person handling your licence by the deposits!
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Received my Botswana licence with the following:
Night Rating (Aeroplane):
"The holder of this licence is entitled to act as pilot of command of a helicopter carrying passengers by night"
Night Rating (Aeroplane):
"The holder of this licence is entitled to act as pilot of command of a helicopter carrying passengers by night"
Join Date: Jan 2008
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..the street lights are on all day but switched off at night...
..ILS in Beria works fine for the 364 days of blue sunshine,- the 1 day there is fog or heavy rain its off the air...
..ILS in Beria works fine for the 364 days of blue sunshine,- the 1 day there is fog or heavy rain its off the air...
Join Date: Dec 1999
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Three aircraft (same type) crash on same field in 3 days and for the same reason - shock-cooled engines trying to haul gross overloads of Chat into the sky.
Overloaded dope flights continue unabated.
Pax ask, "Why don't you go to sleep like your colleague does? We'll wake you when we see the coast!"
Pax ask, "Why does the red light not come on when you get 20 miles from the airfield. It always does when *** is flying..."
Flyer states, "Fully insured, properly maintained British Public Transport aircraft for hire". Aircraft referred to is on a private C of A. (It ain't just Africans doing this...)
Overloaded dope flights continue unabated.
Pax ask, "Why don't you go to sleep like your colleague does? We'll wake you when we see the coast!"
Pax ask, "Why does the red light not come on when you get 20 miles from the airfield. It always does when *** is flying..."
Flyer states, "Fully insured, properly maintained British Public Transport aircraft for hire". Aircraft referred to is on a private C of A. (It ain't just Africans doing this...)
Join Date: Jul 2000
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Flying a C401 into Masvingo (Fort Vic) on Christmas Eve MANY years ago.
Me "I'll orbit 15 miles north of the field and let the thunderstorm (that's sitting right on top of the runway) clear, then I'll come in for 18"
Tower "Aish, it's ok, come in and land, the wind is ahh SH1T..."
Me "Masvingo, what's the problem?"
Silence....
Again
Me "what's the problem?'
Tower "Aish, the tower has been hit by lightning and it came up the telephone and hit me..."
Me "Like I said, I'll hold north of the field 'til the weather clears.."
Me "I'll orbit 15 miles north of the field and let the thunderstorm (that's sitting right on top of the runway) clear, then I'll come in for 18"
Tower "Aish, it's ok, come in and land, the wind is ahh SH1T..."
Me "Masvingo, what's the problem?"
Silence....
Again
Me "what's the problem?'
Tower "Aish, the tower has been hit by lightning and it came up the telephone and hit me..."
Me "Like I said, I'll hold north of the field 'til the weather clears.."
Join Date: Feb 2000
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Mostly in Angola.....some of my experiences.....
- You wonder why you were shot at by the local police and get told that you were driving down a one way street. Street signs? Nada
- You get pulled over by the cops at two in the morning and the competition is to see who is more pissed the cop or you....
- You are stopped by a 10 year old kid wielding an assortment of weapons who demands "Cigaro" from you...and you think he shouldn't be smoking at his age!!!
- You get told not to walk off the paved surface at an airport including the "International" one as it's mined.
- You rescue a whole lot of 'UN' personnel in your Kingair that has room for 10 or so...and you end up taking out 18
- You leave an airstrip the day before Christmas with 20 or people in your Grand Van as noone wants to stay in the war ravaged town over this time.And you get pressured to take more!
- The UN forgets to tell you that there is a battle going on at the airfield of intended landing. You fly overhead in your van to witness full scale 'war' and artilllery shaking the van from its rivets! Thanks guys!
- You hear of a UN C130 doing a spiral decent only to have 50 rounds put in it from soldiers on parade asdjacent to the airstrip...!!!!
- You spiral decend your Kingair into Saurimo only to have an Antonov 32 suddenly fill your windshield. Radio calls....what radio calls!
- You sit on the tarmac for two hours due to imminent landing of VIP then get told the VIP has not even left his point of departure yet...aaargh!
-The security guard employed to guard your house can sell you an assortment of weapons for $100
- Tracer bullets fill the night sky whilst on final approach into Luanda at night....
- At one of the outstations you get told that a braai is being prepared and whilst braaing what looked like meat you get told that the pig you are about to eat was slaughtered just behind you and the goat met his end where you were standing. Not a meter or so away from the braai
- You pay $500 to turn the runway lights on and $500 to turn them off again...
- You walk through the streets of Kinshasa (crazy!!) with your jeans around your neck as they're slightly wet and get acosted by a local cop demanding why you have no clothes on. You go around the corner to witness street kids with less clothes on than you have!
- Kids begging at your aircraft with both engines running.
- Russian Ilushyians flying the wrong way round in the holding pattern and then stating that you were in the wrong.
- Walk into an IL76 to pay crew their salaries and get offered Vodka to drink 1 hour before they and yourself are scheduled to fly.
- Your UN rep on the ground sells tickets for your flight to non UN affiliated locals because he can.
- UN staff in the city get danger pay for sitting in an office. You have to visit war ravaged towns with not even a flak jacket!!!!
- Calved up goats horses and pigs lie next to your aircraft wating to get loaded. You say no to the loading and a boxing match ensues.
- Half the bags you load into your 'Executive' Kingair stink of fish. You yell 'Nao Peche nao peche" and wonder why they look at you in total amazement!
- You wonder why you were shot at by the local police and get told that you were driving down a one way street. Street signs? Nada
- You get pulled over by the cops at two in the morning and the competition is to see who is more pissed the cop or you....
- You are stopped by a 10 year old kid wielding an assortment of weapons who demands "Cigaro" from you...and you think he shouldn't be smoking at his age!!!
- You get told not to walk off the paved surface at an airport including the "International" one as it's mined.
- You rescue a whole lot of 'UN' personnel in your Kingair that has room for 10 or so...and you end up taking out 18
- You leave an airstrip the day before Christmas with 20 or people in your Grand Van as noone wants to stay in the war ravaged town over this time.And you get pressured to take more!
- The UN forgets to tell you that there is a battle going on at the airfield of intended landing. You fly overhead in your van to witness full scale 'war' and artilllery shaking the van from its rivets! Thanks guys!
- You hear of a UN C130 doing a spiral decent only to have 50 rounds put in it from soldiers on parade asdjacent to the airstrip...!!!!
- You spiral decend your Kingair into Saurimo only to have an Antonov 32 suddenly fill your windshield. Radio calls....what radio calls!
- You sit on the tarmac for two hours due to imminent landing of VIP then get told the VIP has not even left his point of departure yet...aaargh!
-The security guard employed to guard your house can sell you an assortment of weapons for $100
- Tracer bullets fill the night sky whilst on final approach into Luanda at night....
- At one of the outstations you get told that a braai is being prepared and whilst braaing what looked like meat you get told that the pig you are about to eat was slaughtered just behind you and the goat met his end where you were standing. Not a meter or so away from the braai
- You pay $500 to turn the runway lights on and $500 to turn them off again...
- You walk through the streets of Kinshasa (crazy!!) with your jeans around your neck as they're slightly wet and get acosted by a local cop demanding why you have no clothes on. You go around the corner to witness street kids with less clothes on than you have!
- Kids begging at your aircraft with both engines running.
- Russian Ilushyians flying the wrong way round in the holding pattern and then stating that you were in the wrong.
- Walk into an IL76 to pay crew their salaries and get offered Vodka to drink 1 hour before they and yourself are scheduled to fly.
- Your UN rep on the ground sells tickets for your flight to non UN affiliated locals because he can.
- UN staff in the city get danger pay for sitting in an office. You have to visit war ravaged towns with not even a flak jacket!!!!
- Calved up goats horses and pigs lie next to your aircraft wating to get loaded. You say no to the loading and a boxing match ensues.
- Half the bags you load into your 'Executive' Kingair stink of fish. You yell 'Nao Peche nao peche" and wonder why they look at you in total amazement!
Last edited by beechbum; 30th Jul 2008 at 09:31.
Join Date: Mar 2005
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...when it's such a great way to see a wide variety of Russian military equipment, most of it wreckage (Angola). BMP's, Mi24's, Mig 21's cut to pieces with machetes and axes for metal. Awesome! Just watch the unpaved surfaces, you gotta love those little mines.
Edit: OK, I removed the one ' but the others are staying, dammit!
Edit: OK, I removed the one ' but the others are staying, dammit!
Last edited by Shrike200; 31st Jul 2008 at 07:01.
Join Date: Feb 2000
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Heard of two guys going through Africa in their Lear. Upon asking for the latest weather at their destination they were given 10 oktas of cloud at 5000ft. Puzzled the two pilots looked at each other..
"Confirm 10 oktas at 5000ft?"
"Affem" said the controller. "Yesterday it was 8 oktas but today..eh..its much worse, it is now 10 oktas."
You gotta love it.....
"Confirm 10 oktas at 5000ft?""Affem" said the controller. "Yesterday it was 8 oktas but today..eh..its much worse, it is now 10 oktas."
You gotta love it.....
Join Date: Feb 2005
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You know you're in africa when -
- "Station calling Kinshasa!"
- "next report over the pool" later figured out it was the river
- $700 landing and Nav fee for a helicopter (Douala)
- Paying landing fees is more of a negotiation
- ATC goes quiet with more than 1 aircraft approaching Benguela
- 'Pothole' is a loose term, describing mountainous terrain used as roads
- you're not used to driving faster than 40km/h
- your stomach needs time to adjust to the food at home...
- all your clothes are paper thin from being stone-washed
- all your clothes have several room numbers written on them and scratched out, cause you been to so many different places
- you only take enough luggage, so you can carry it all yourself
- you carry all your money hidden on your person, at all times...
- you carry 20 photocopies off all your documents
- your yellow fever card is stapled to your passport
- land a helicopter in a deserted spot, and 10 minutes later there is a crowd around you(kinda tough when you landed due to last night's stew)
- there's more aircraft wrecks around the strip than ever visited the apron
- the local CAA inspector doesn't understand why there's no clearly marked emergency exit on a small helicopter
Some good ones comming through. A sense of humour is a must for this line of work...
PS. - you carry a toilet roll in your flight bag
- "next report over the pool" later figured out it was the river
- $700 landing and Nav fee for a helicopter (Douala)
- Paying landing fees is more of a negotiation
- ATC goes quiet with more than 1 aircraft approaching Benguela
- 'Pothole' is a loose term, describing mountainous terrain used as roads
- you're not used to driving faster than 40km/h
- your stomach needs time to adjust to the food at home...
- all your clothes are paper thin from being stone-washed
- all your clothes have several room numbers written on them and scratched out, cause you been to so many different places
- you only take enough luggage, so you can carry it all yourself
- you carry all your money hidden on your person, at all times...
- you carry 20 photocopies off all your documents
- your yellow fever card is stapled to your passport
- land a helicopter in a deserted spot, and 10 minutes later there is a crowd around you(kinda tough when you landed due to last night's stew)
- there's more aircraft wrecks around the strip than ever visited the apron
- the local CAA inspector doesn't understand why there's no clearly marked emergency exit on a small helicopter
Some good ones comming through. A sense of humour is a must for this line of work...
PS. - you carry a toilet roll in your flight bag
Join Date: Dec 1999
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BMP's, Mi24's, Mig 21's cut to pieces with machete's and axes for metal.
Africa, reliable but never consistent!