You Know You Are In Africa When.....
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: the last house on the left
Posts: 111
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
... ground control gives you taxi instructions, and once you are holding short, they inform you wind has changed so taxi to the other end of the runway now
... the VIP government convoy en route to the airport shuts down all the roads so that they can fly through traffic. there's hundreds of officers involved in securing the roads... "VIP coming"... oh yeah, not for another 15 minutes as it turns out... thanks for wasting my time.
... the VIP government jet starts up, and taxis out at tortoise speed for take-off, while you've got 3 airplanes in a holding pattern waiting for the legendary VIP departure before they are cleared to land
... CAA published airport coordinates and runway headings may vary +/- 3 miles & 30 degrees
... the VIP government convoy en route to the airport shuts down all the roads so that they can fly through traffic. there's hundreds of officers involved in securing the roads... "VIP coming"... oh yeah, not for another 15 minutes as it turns out... thanks for wasting my time.
... the VIP government jet starts up, and taxis out at tortoise speed for take-off, while you've got 3 airplanes in a holding pattern waiting for the legendary VIP departure before they are cleared to land
... CAA published airport coordinates and runway headings may vary +/- 3 miles & 30 degrees
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bear Island
Posts: 598
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
When you are asked to keep high speed due traffic, then orbit at high speed due traffic.
When you have conflicting turboprop traffic 25 miles behind having disappeared of TCAS 10 minutes ago and being asked to hold for sequencing (behind a turboprop that you passed 10 minutes ago who is no.1)
Being held on the stand for 10 minutes engines running having requested startup while a turbo is given start clearance with his doors open
Given heading and altitude restrictions after departure because the turboprop is
100kts slower than the jet traffic behind it
now go to point one and start again...
every day
for ever.
When you have conflicting turboprop traffic 25 miles behind having disappeared of TCAS 10 minutes ago and being asked to hold for sequencing (behind a turboprop that you passed 10 minutes ago who is no.1)
Being held on the stand for 10 minutes engines running having requested startup while a turbo is given start clearance with his doors open
Given heading and altitude restrictions after departure because the turboprop is
100kts slower than the jet traffic behind it
now go to point one and start again...
every day
for ever.
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: South Africa
Age: 87
Posts: 1,329
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: CT
Age: 54
Posts: 32
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
...the K-Loader sinks into the tarmac so deep that it can no longer lift pallets...
...More townspeople cross the runway (much faster than going around the airport!) in a day than fly to/from the airport as passengers.
...The APU is Inop, so you need an air start. But the tug is attached to your GPU, so they take that away when the tug goes to fetch the air start cart....
...More townspeople cross the runway (much faster than going around the airport!) in a day than fly to/from the airport as passengers.
...The APU is Inop, so you need an air start. But the tug is attached to your GPU, so they take that away when the tug goes to fetch the air start cart....
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 17
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
When you're pulled over by the police and given a fine of 200. You go into the police station and pay the fine of 200. The fine is then reduced in front of you to 100 and you are given a receipt for paying an amount of "100ONLY" the full 200 then leaves the room with the officer
Last edited by byronmc; 31st Mar 2013 at 06:12.
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In transit
Age: 70
Posts: 3,052
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
...........when you are stopped as you round a blind hairpin bend on a rutted dirt road at walking pace, with a precipice to your side, by three Africans lying across the road who tell you they are policemen and they are fining you for exceeding the speed limit. You offer to go the police station and they tell you it doesn't work like that, white honkey ..... so you give them 5 rand each and a tin of flat warm Coke, and they wave you off, grinning from ear to ear! (Transkei, 1980)
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: FL510
Posts: 81
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You are issued a departure clearance to follow 300 radial from LV VOR until 15 NM, while the VOR and DME are notam'd : ON TEST DO NOT USE.
Same goes for the approach: cleared for an ILS while the approach chart clearly specifies VOR and DME REQUIRED.
Gotta love that place.
Same goes for the approach: cleared for an ILS while the approach chart clearly specifies VOR and DME REQUIRED.
Gotta love that place.
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: LOS YUL DNMM
Posts: 63
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Africa africa at the mention of that name
AFRICA, AFRICA at the mention of that name i feel lucky to be a part of her heritage. She is not poor but been looted. Her infrastructures are mismanaged by people in leadership positions.You know you are in Africa when a corrupt leader or government official on seat runs for public office instead of resigning honorably.Nevertheless Africa is beautiful and she is my pride....I so love this continent
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: FL510
Posts: 81
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Nop, FOOL. Was cleared for the ILS Z, while it should have been a Y as it's the only procedure currently approved for the ILS 16.
Jack, check MP.
Jack, check MP.
Last edited by Valmont; 20th Apr 2013 at 22:25.
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In transit
Age: 70
Posts: 3,052
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
......when a private charter flight lands at a military base without permission and no alarm bells ring..................
Está servira para distraerle.
You return, 24 hours after ordering it, to collect your Nigerian passport at the traffic lights at Hyde Park shopping centre. On returning home and upon closure inspection you discover that the obverse of the frontispiece has a fancy coat of arms on it and a screed which reads:
Her Britannic Majesty's
Secretary of State
Requests and Requires
etc and so forth.
?
Her Britannic Majesty's
Secretary of State
Requests and Requires
etc and so forth.
?
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Time travelling, see you last week...
Age: 45
Posts: 21
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
HAHAHA!!! I love reading these!!! Makes me so happy to know that I am NOT alone!!! So here's a couple:
...The immigration officer takes your passport and demand to see the original of your visa (which was arranged through your company) and when you get that to him, he demands to see the proof of payment...
I just sat down and said: "Have a good night, apparently I'm sleeping here?" Then miraculously my passport reappeared and I was told to please leave the office and allowed into the country.... 
This one was my own fault for having a trusting nature: when you give the driver $5 to buy sugar and lo and behold: a 300 gram pack of sugar costs exactly $5...
...The immigration officer takes your passport and demand to see the original of your visa (which was arranged through your company) and when you get that to him, he demands to see the proof of payment...
I just sat down and said: "Have a good night, apparently I'm sleeping here?" Then miraculously my passport reappeared and I was told to please leave the office and allowed into the country.... This one was my own fault for having a trusting nature: when you give the driver $5 to buy sugar and lo and behold: a 300 gram pack of sugar costs exactly $5...
Last edited by Bosotter; 10th May 2013 at 09:42.
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: In transit
Age: 70
Posts: 3,052
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
1) When you get a parking ticket in 'Harare' 20 years after the so-called 'liberation' and the country is now called Zimbabwe, but on the back of the parking ticket it says : "Please make cheques payable to 'City of Salisbury' "
2) When you present yourself at the immigration booth at Hosea Kutako (WDH) international airport and the female official is sleeping, snoring loudly. You knock on the window a couple of times, and you are ignored, you knock louder, no response, and you say 'excuse me' several times, successively louder and louder and then a bundle of rags lying sleeping on the floor next to the booth gets up and says : "I am a policeman and don't shout at my colleague" and this results in an argument where the 'policeman' takes you into a 'charge office' and tells you to sit down, and you don't because the seat is so thickly encrusted with grime and food relics and God knows what else. He then tries to give you a lecture, this 16 year old snotty-nosed machine-gun toting kid in rags, about 'how we behave in Africa' and I tell him I've lived in Africa longer than you've been alive ........... and I get escorted to my flight across the tarmac and the seat I've been allocated, 23A, doesn't exist because the aircraft used for the short hop down to Cape Town only has 15 rows .............
2) When you present yourself at the immigration booth at Hosea Kutako (WDH) international airport and the female official is sleeping, snoring loudly. You knock on the window a couple of times, and you are ignored, you knock louder, no response, and you say 'excuse me' several times, successively louder and louder and then a bundle of rags lying sleeping on the floor next to the booth gets up and says : "I am a policeman and don't shout at my colleague" and this results in an argument where the 'policeman' takes you into a 'charge office' and tells you to sit down, and you don't because the seat is so thickly encrusted with grime and food relics and God knows what else. He then tries to give you a lecture, this 16 year old snotty-nosed machine-gun toting kid in rags, about 'how we behave in Africa' and I tell him I've lived in Africa longer than you've been alive ........... and I get escorted to my flight across the tarmac and the seat I've been allocated, 23A, doesn't exist because the aircraft used for the short hop down to Cape Town only has 15 rows .............
When ...ATC regulates Witches Flights
Broomstick-flying witches to be brought down in Swaziland - Times LIVE Witches flying broomsticks in Swaziland above 150 meters will be subject to arrest and a hefty fine of R500 000, civil aviation authorities said, according to a report. Witches’ broomsticks are considered similar to any heavier-than-air transportation device that is airborne, reports The Star. “A witch on a broomstick should not fly above the [150-metre] limit,” Civil Aviation Authority marketing and corporate affairs director Sabelo Dlamini told the newspaper. No penalties exist for witches flying below 150 metres. The report said it was hard to say how serious he was, but witchcraft isn’t a joking matter in Swaziland, where the people believe in it. The statute also forbids toy helicopters and children’s kites from ascending too high into the country’s airspace. Dlamini was asked by the Swazi press to explain the country’s aviation laws following the arrest of a private detective, Hunter Shongwe, for operating a toy helicopter equipped with a video camera, of which he boasted using to gather surveillance information similar to the way a drone aircraft operates. The detective was charged with operating an unregistered aircraft and for failing to appear before his chief to be questioned by traditional authorities about his toy drone, the first of its kind in Swaziland. Swazi brooms are short bundles of sticks tied together and do not have handles. Swazi witches are known to use them to fling potions about homesteads – but not for transport.