Dumb and Dumber: A Tale of Two Unions.

[Leo Hairy-Camel]

Ladies and Gentlemen of the air, the summer season is upon us and, regular as clockwork, the unsavoury minions of IALPA, the Aer Lingus pilot's union and BLAPA, the mutual masturbation society of the Atlantic Barons of Hounslow, are rattling their sabres yet again. In case of the former, I have such a tale to tell as to beggar belief. A story of such consummate stupidity, that even to a seasoned connoisseur of hubris such as myself, it is surely one for the history books. More on that at another time.

In case of the latter, BLAPA, excuse me, BALPA, has rode into town on a white charger, baiting their hooks this time with "dignity and respect". Apparently, we at Ryanair have none, and they claim to deliver it, in exchange for the requisite £1000 fee, of course. What's got 'em all lathered into a frenzy this time is that after years of taking money from Ryanair pilots and doing nothing in return, or in other words, standard operating procedure for all NON-British Airways pilots, they've been persuaded to whip the troops into a frenzy of discontent just as the major money making season comes into view, during the greatest recession to strike our industry since Orville and Wilbur went three-axial at Kitty Hawk.

The good people of BLAPA have even published, in recent days, a terrific five-page extravaganza of what they claim to be able to deliver in return for all those membership fees. It is so riddled with falsehoods and inaccuracies it might well have been produced by the North Koreans, but certain aspects on page 4 can’t go without comment.

This petition is totally confidential and throughout the
recognition process absolutely no personal details will
be shared with Ryanair

This is demonstrably untrue. In BLAPA’s last of many failures when endeavouring to tell British Airways management what they could and couldn’t do to be competitive with Open Skies, previously known as Project Lauren, the ensuing court case in the High Court of England, which found in favour of BA, all names and details of individual BLAPA members were handed over to the judge for consideration and as such are on the public record.

If you feel compelled to join the BLAPA circus, then by all means! Personally, I’d prefer a filthy weekend in Vegas for my £1000 BLAPA subscription, but don’t for a moment believe their lies that you’re protected and anonymous. You aren’t.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, a challenge. I ask for experience based contributions demonstrating the relative merits of BLAPA/IALPA membership, and as their counterpoint, divergent opinion demonstrating their overwhelming destructive potential, either intentional or as is too often observed, incidental.

Over to you.

[Re-Heat]

I don't know exactly to what you refer regarding this particular legal case, but you imply that membership details can be freely Googled online. This is not the case. Court records are expensive items to purchase, and even if such details were disclosed to the judge in the case, are not necessarily required to be part of the court record that can be recovered by transcript.

I shall leave it to others to glide through your other numerous inaccuracies.

[rubik101]

I thought you'd gone fishing?

[Cloud Bunny]

What a load of tosh. Posts like this really are encouraging, they really are shi**ing themselves over this aren't they? Excellent. Keep those signatures coming boys and girls!! One day this will be a proper airline!

[thebeast]

all names and details of individual BLAPA members were handed over to the judge for consideration and as such are on the public record.


Sounds very similar to the scare stories being banded around by Ryanair Base Captains....but surely if respect and dignity exists in the company already theres nothing to be afriad of about joining a union anyway


All Ryr pilots sign the petition for sake

[potkettleblack]

I thought you'd gone fishing?

Wasn't it unpaid leave? Oh no thats just their pilots, not management.

[bluepilot]

excellent!!!! by the tone of the post Ryanair are rattled! Long may it continue!

BTW the Ryanair propaganda machine is really showing signs of weakness now by posting this drivel. Its about time the evil Pikey and his cronies got a well deserved kick in the nuts!

[McBruce]

we at Ryanair have none

Couldn't have put it better myself...

[charlies angel]

Just for some accuracy
Year1 BALPA Membership = .5%x basic salary per year,then 66% tax deductible.
Ryr f/o @£30000 pa with a tailwind
Try and keep up with the math Loe
.5% x £30000=£150 per year then reduce by 66% = £50 per year
If you're still keeping up Lee that makes £4 per month
Agreed it will soar to £8 pm in year 2 and then to a probably totally unaffordable £12 pm from year 3 onwards.
Did they use your calculator to put about that us lazy pilots only work 18 hours a week
Before you take your socks off Leroy, if you remember, 900hrs/50 weeks at work as put about by the truthful and respected Ryr head shed.

"£1000 a year to join BLAPA,it's ' true I tell ya it's true."
Have a lie down love

[PENKO]

Leo, a thousand words, a million rants, yet still I have no idea what you are talking about. Your title has no relation to your post. You promise us a story but all you come up with is a judge who knows who is in BALPA.

Blimey.

[Zippy Monster]

Leo, in the words of the inimitable Mrs. Richards from that episode of Fawlty Towers,

"...what ARE you talking about, you silly little man?"

[FreeBird1106]

to quote your own self Leo, un-ingbelievable, never let the facts come in the way of Molly's and the union busters little script, innit?

As explained above, BALPA's membership is nowhere close to your figure. Actually, I tell you what, I really wish it was £1,000 pa. That would actually mean that a skipper in RYR would be earning £100,000+ basic.. nice one clown!!

What's your alternative then? Send those new cadets to BRK, with good old Uncle Dec' locking them in with the only "authorised" accountants, you know, his buddies with their 3% cut on your gross salary for fictional and dodgy services? So, let me have a look, according to you the F/O's are paid £7K a month, £84,000 pa, wow, not bad... so 3% of that will be going to DD Ltd, for the modest sum of £2,520 !!!!!!

You're a total lunatic my friend. Lunatic, lunatic, where did I hear this before? That's right, it's coming back now... 2003, STN, my pigeonhole, signed by WB (or.. was it signed?)... it also talked about that filthy weekend in Vegas, you guys have an obsession with filth..

You wouldn't just be using the same old tune again, would you? Surely you're paying those union busters enough money for them to come up with something new, no?

https://www.balpa.org/RyanairPetition.aspx

[Doug the Head]

Dumb and dumber?

Undermining unions, undercutting T&C's of other airlines, and then thinking you are king of the hill.

How dumb can one get...?

T&C's are relative I suppose, just like intelligence...

[Dunhovrin]

Leo Hairy Camel: I'm Clearly A Hoe.

Sorry couldn't resist. Err.. Charlie's Angle: 66% Tax Deductible means you get the tax back on 66% of your fees ie 40%(ish) of £100 not £100. But otherwise I concur.

[the grim repa]

True Colours

Now we are getting just a glint of the camels true colours,the bullying,intimidation and barefaced lies.As we have long known,he is no other ther the "mad mullah from mullingar" himself,desperate to prevent his eeeeevil little empire from facing the union across the table.Maybe you could put up your diatribe about "joining the taliban" rather than join BALPA that we had from you a few years back.

Tha tactic is blatant ryanair with the help of its union busting consultants that they pay so much money to.The attempt is to INTIMIDATE and BULLY.Attack the young lambs by telling them it is going to cost an arm and a leg to join an association,(or if union recognition is imposed then all contracts will revert to 1984 levels).wheresas the truth is that under union recognition it will cost the company to pay proper terms and conditions.

The next tactic is to tell flight crew we can find out who you are (and we will come and get you).Newsflash,i am here over 10 years and they ain't even got close to me.They cannot find out identities,it is more of their lies.

Await more of leo's BULLYING and INTIMIDATION tactics,we in ryanair have seen this many times when the company is ****ting themselves.It is now being made public,because they khow that pprune is effective in spreading the truth and they want to shut all avenues of communication for pilots.

"who do you think you are kidding mr leo,if you think we are on the run"?

Master stroke petition,tic toc,tic toc.

[Whitstle_Blower]

Leo-Hairy-Camel-Toe

You have to love the total arse that comes out this guy's mouth!


So, how many of the BA pilots that were involved in your story sacked after the being 'publicly identified'?
Your statement about details being passed to the judge, and becoming public knowledge afterwards are total rubbish! Think of any major court case where someone's information is classed as 'sensitive'. No one finds out who these people are.
If these are public knowledge, YOU show us the proof. You put a list of ALL PILOTS that were on the document handed over to the judge into ALL the pilot's pigeon holes in the UK bases. I can tell you know, I know at least 20+ people in BA, and I know who, and how many of them signed. So it will be interesting to see if this happens.

(Re-Heat - It doesn't matter how much it costs to get a copy of the transcripts. If there was to be any useful info on there, like the list of names, then Ryanair management would spend that little bit of money, but most likely steal it, and publish it anoymously of course into general circulation to try and scare the pilots.)

And with regards to your £1000 to be part of BALPA. Are you having a laugh. That would mean basic salary of well over £100,000. Seriously. Maybe the Base Captain of STN, with his constant memos telling Line Captains to 'bend the rules' to get his fuel bonus up, might be on that, but then again, all the old Irish boys stick together.

I don't actually think you know what you are talking about, or you have anything to do with Ryanair management. If so, prove you are that irritating Irish, former cornershop running, ex-KPMG (and you wonder why they do all the vote auditing!!??) muff-haired tool. Make something public on here just before it is announced to the world by media or the amazing internal (vanishing) memo system.
Besides, I thought you were away laying Tarmac on someone's drive? Did you get the dodgy job done early?

www.balpa.org/RyanairPetition.aspx - Ryanair

Trades Union Congress - - Brookfield

[SD.]

Any publicity is good publicity.

Even if it is Micko spurting bull about BALPA, at least it's got the pprune community talking about the petition again.

[Speevy]

So Mol are you so much worried?
I would say almost you look almost terrified!
Otherwise why would spend so much time on this forum trying to stop the unstoppable..

Good luck to all you guys in FR, let's hope you succeed this time!

This is only the beginning..

Speevy

[Leo Hairy-Camel]

Tailwind lands downwind. Dwarf fails again.

Well Good Evening, Whisleblower, and what a pleasure it is to make your acquaintance in particular.

If so, prove you are that irritating Irish, former cornershop running, ex-KPMG (and you wonder why they do all the vote auditing!!??) muff-haired tool. Make something public on here just before it is announced to the world by media

Ok, WB, you asked for it.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a struggling, once proud Irish Airline called Aer Lingus. Aer Lingus plodded along for years and years, sucking furiously on the teat of the Irish state, immune for such inconveniences as fiscal responsibility and competition. The pilots had a union, called IALPA, lead by a no-neck, polyester Dwarf called Evan Cullen. Perhaps you've heard of him?

The flight attendants had a union, the baggage handlers had a union, the check in staff had a union, heck even the catering division had a union. The catering division is especially noteworthy because, when the catering division was done away with due to unrestrained cost that tested the limits of even Aer Lingus' bountiful management, the union insisted that all those workers turn up, and get paid for doing, wait for it, absolutely nothing at all.

Then, one horrible day, the government sold off a large chunk of Aer Lingus and said that it would have to pay its own way in the rude, snooty and hurtful world of commercial real politic, a strange and foreign concept to those 'workers' at Aer Lingus who had, for years, grown fat whilst protected by a giant latex condom called SIPTU.

Meanwhile, across the car park at Dublin Airport, was a small, squat white building, much much smaller than the grand and imposing facades of Aer Lingus head office that towered above it. It has the word "RYANAIR" in big blue letters across one side of it. Ryanair, sadly, is a company not blessed by the great latex condom of SIPTU, and though some of the Ryanair pilots were members of the Aer Lingus union, not much ever happened. Ryanair got on with the job of making money and taking tens of millions of passengers profitably around Europe and gave jobs to thousands of pilots who would otherwise be flipping burgers and driving taxis, or eating dog in South Korea. Aer Lingus, meanwhile, lost money like a drunken sailor and prepared for the launching of its stock on the open market, pleased that the public would thrill to owning a small piece of such a great, Irish success story as Aer Lingus and the great latex condom of SIPTU that had, for years, protected it.

But then, the unthinkable happened! The evil sorcerer who runs Ryanair made a lightning raid on the Aer Lingus stock on day one, and commenced proceedings for an hostile take over at €2.80 a share. The no-neck polyester Dwarf of IALPA fancied himself as a match of the evil sorcerer at Ryanair and the pair famously met on an Irish television show where the Dwarf was eaten for breakfast and made out as the fool his mammy had always told him he'd become, in front of millions and across the world. This was too much for the little Dwarf, though, and when partially recovered from his resultant quivering rage, he hatched a cunning plan. A plan of such cunningness, that the evil sorcerer would be thwarted in his attempt to take over Aer Lingus, and better still, Mullingar Mandrake would be made to rue the day he's exposed the Dwarf on the tellie, and called him a failed pilot.

Hell hath no fury like a Dwarf Scorned.

The Dwarf summoned all his eager pilots together by the light of a full moon one night and said, "Listen lads, we've gotta stop this O'Leary, or well all completely , roit! I started dis ting called TAILWIND as a moity stroocture to stop da coont in his tracks, like." The Dwarf was glowing with rage, and so the pilots all listened as he went on.

"Yez have arl gotta hand over da yoyos to stop dat coont O'Leary. Oyl be takin' €55 touzan from da captains, and terty foiv touzan from da eff-ohs, so I will. Yez have arl gotta pony up da yoyo's, and dem dat don't will be sent to in' Coventry, right, so ' hand it over."

And the pilots did. Those that could got the funds straight away, for Aer Lingus was nothing if not a generous employer, and others mortgaged their houses. What the Dwarf didn't tell the pilots though, was that even after all this lolly was gathered together, the Dwarf was short of what he needed to make an impact on the '', something the poor little Dwarf had been embarrassed with all his life and so he struck a dreadful bargain with the devil of leveraged financial instruments.

Still with me, Whistleblower? It gets more interesting from here, so you might want to look away. After laying down all the pilots hard earned savings as 20% of the total he needed to penetrate deep, deeeeeeep within the recesses of the evil sorcerer, he borrowed the rest, the 80% of the rest, and then bought shares in Aer Lingus at various prices in the high €2 mark, and rested back on his tiny haunches, satisfied that he'd stopped the sorcerer once and for in' all.

The first hostile take over failed and the Mandrake of Mullingar, the evil sorcerer slinked back to his white building and got on with making money and hiring loads of pilots, some of whom were straight out of flight school. For days and days, all you could hear was the tiny, high-pitched giggles of the self-satisfied Dwarf who'd slayed wicked Mandrake with his cunning, cunning plan.

But then, the share price dropped. And dropped and dropped and dropped. It seems the markets didn't know about the power of the great latex condom of SIPTU. "Stupid share market", said the Dwarf.

The market dropped and the Aer Lingus pilot’s investment in themselves became more and more worthless. Oh well, it was only €55,000 per captain and €35,000 per FO. Not that much at the end of the day. Isn't that right, Whistleblower. Unfortunately, the thing about leveraged investments, or margin investing, as the Dwarf and all the pilots were soon to discover, is that the bigger the margin, the bigger the responsibility when it all goes pear-shaped, and pear shaped it DID go.

Mandrake made another hostile bid for Aer Lingus, which was slowly consuming itself within the protective custody of the great latex condom of SIPTU, offering €1.40 this time, and just like the first attempt, it was at a great premium to the market price. Alas, Mandrake failed again and again the Dwarf giggled, even though by this time his was sitting on cumulative losses of over €67.2 million of other people's money.

These days, the shares are worth €.56 cents and the banks who loaned the Dwarf all this money to skewer Mandrake, wanted it back because, out of nowhere, all the money left the world and those that had lent it in the good times, wanted it all back now. All the pilots, all of them, have now been forced to sign personal guarantees involving their houses and other assets they'd spent a lifetime accumulating in the hope that one day, the Aer Lingus share price will rise back up to the high €2 mark so they can break even and look forward to a retirement free of worry.

Asked whether there'll be a third attempt, Mullingar Mandrake was heard do say. "Nah, 'em. Let 'em burn."

Aer Lingus, rather bravely, put the great latex condom of SIPTU on its board, and feeling left out, the Dwarf approached the late, lamented Dermot Mannion, one-time CEO of Aer Lingus, and said he too wanted a seat on the board. Mr. Mannion wiped away his tears after a time and smiled down upon the Dwarf and asked if he was on crack.

Evan Cullen has presided over the greatest betrayal of trust and has personally engineered the greatest financial ruin of represented pilots in the history of organised labour. Evidently dissatisfied with this blistering apotheosis of failure, he has in recent days, personally contacted the head of the Large Cases Division of the Irish Revenue Commissioners, and dropped all the contract pilots who work for Mandrake of Mullingar, up to their nostrils in shyte.

All this from the head of a pilot union, ladies and gentlemen, who seeks to reassure you of the benevolence of BLAPA/IALPA whilst pleading for your support under the guise of giving you all a free suppository of 'dignity and respect' and at the same time, blowing a whistle, as I'm sure the dwarf might well put it, on fellow pilots to the Irish tax office.

Will that do for now, Whistleblower?

There's more, of course, but that is a story for another day.

[Spartacan]

>>and gave jobs to thousands of pilots who would otherwise be flipping burgers and driving taxis, or eating dog in South Korea.<<

MOL, will you tell us just one thing about yourself please? Why do you choose to work in an industry where you quite obviousy have no respect for your colleagues?