Suggested RT Calls Please
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Suggested RT Calls Please
Can someone suggest an appropriate RT call for this situation, please?
I was doing a land-away (with instructor) at a fairly busy GA aerodrome. When leaving, we were cleared to a taxiway, we arrived, did the power checks and called "Ready for departure." The tower cleared us to lineup for departure. We began rolling along the 30m of taxiway to the runway. No problem so far.
But then two male pheasants entered the taxiway. As we approached, they confronted each other and began a cock-fight.
I said something like "I wouldn't take out life insurance on them" or something smartarse, and then, "They are going to move, aren't they?" I kept going, assuming that a large shredder on the front of the plane and a lot of noise would distract them from each other. However, they kept at it. As I was about hit them, the instructor slammed on the brakes (quite right - could be a long wait getting the prop checked out). We stopped, trying to see over the nose, but aware that we were cleared to lineup and someone else had called turning final.
Eventually, the fight moved to the side, they went past under the wing (I assumed that they could do limited damage to the undercarriage), we were on the runway and away, asap. I looked back and they were still fighting.
For some reason, this situation does not appear in the CAA RT handbook. If we had had to delay, I'd like to know what would the correct call would be? "Tower, unable to proceed, cock in prop?"
Any suggestions? (Or even better, what's the best RT call you have ever heard?)
I was doing a land-away (with instructor) at a fairly busy GA aerodrome. When leaving, we were cleared to a taxiway, we arrived, did the power checks and called "Ready for departure." The tower cleared us to lineup for departure. We began rolling along the 30m of taxiway to the runway. No problem so far.
But then two male pheasants entered the taxiway. As we approached, they confronted each other and began a cock-fight.
I said something like "I wouldn't take out life insurance on them" or something smartarse, and then, "They are going to move, aren't they?" I kept going, assuming that a large shredder on the front of the plane and a lot of noise would distract them from each other. However, they kept at it. As I was about hit them, the instructor slammed on the brakes (quite right - could be a long wait getting the prop checked out). We stopped, trying to see over the nose, but aware that we were cleared to lineup and someone else had called turning final.
Eventually, the fight moved to the side, they went past under the wing (I assumed that they could do limited damage to the undercarriage), we were on the runway and away, asap. I looked back and they were still fighting.
For some reason, this situation does not appear in the CAA RT handbook. If we had had to delay, I'd like to know what would the correct call would be? "Tower, unable to proceed, cock in prop?"
Any suggestions? (Or even better, what's the best RT call you have ever heard?)
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CAVOK,
As one who has given the boys in the tower a few chuckles during my career due to some 'unique' radio calls resulting from some 'unique' situations, I reckon your own suggestion would have been quite sufficient
l_b
As one who has given the boys in the tower a few chuckles during my career due to some 'unique' radio calls resulting from some 'unique' situations, I reckon your own suggestion would have been quite sufficient
l_b
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A few years ago at a well known military ATC school, a young female student encountered an aborted take-off. The phrase that paid was:
"How do I abort on the runway?"
Precious
"How do I abort on the runway?"
Precious
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I particuarly like. ."Golf, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Golf, Romeo, Romeo?"
and
PA28 at the hold, Shed on finals. . . . ."Cherokee AB - Ready for departure"
"Cherokee AB, I can't get you off until I get my Shorts down"
and
PA28 at the hold, Shed on finals. . . . ."Cherokee AB - Ready for departure"
"Cherokee AB, I can't get you off until I get my Shorts down"
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Not remotely PC, but I've always liked
[quote]. .Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." . .Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" . .Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." . .Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" . .Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop." . .<hr></blockquote>
Sadly I doubt it's true... <img src="smile.gif" border="0">
[quote]. .Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." . .Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" . .Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." . .Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" . .Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop." . .<hr></blockquote>
Sadly I doubt it's true... <img src="smile.gif" border="0">
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Saw one on pprune some time ago, went something like this -
Twr. G XX cleared transit the zone Y to Z not above 2000', you have fokker XX traffic 3 miles east, left to right 2500'
. .A/C. Tower, been waiting years for this, cleared transit the zone Y to Z not above 2000'and got that fokker in sight.
Twr. G XX cleared transit the zone Y to Z not above 2000', you have fokker XX traffic 3 miles east, left to right 2500'
. .A/C. Tower, been waiting years for this, cleared transit the zone Y to Z not above 2000'and got that fokker in sight.
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Like em!
To answer your question CAVOK if I had aborted the take off i would have just said, "G-XX abandoning the take off due to bird activity on the runway", however in your particular situation, I think a plain english example would have done the trick.
Rusty.
To answer your question CAVOK if I had aborted the take off i would have just said, "G-XX abandoning the take off due to bird activity on the runway", however in your particular situation, I think a plain english example would have done the trick.
Rusty.
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Remember reading in a Mag about a female controller talking to a Virgin airliner, something along the lines of....
Ctr: “Virgin 030 decend to FL100 and turn left to Willy...(starts giggling....) sorry, Willow.”. .Acft: “Freudian slip.”. .Another Acft: “Virgins and willies dont mix.”. . <img src="tongue.gif" border="0">
Ctr: “Virgin 030 decend to FL100 and turn left to Willy...(starts giggling....) sorry, Willow.”. .Acft: “Freudian slip.”. .Another Acft: “Virgins and willies dont mix.”. . <img src="tongue.gif" border="0">
Tower - take off abandoned. Nearly had a cock on my chopper. Or rather two cocks on my aircraft's chopper.......
Landing our wonderful but very old Vickers Funbus one night, a fox nipped across the runway narrowly missing us: "Tower, be advised that there's a fox on the runway - and it's probably a few pounds lighter than when it started to cross" "Why - have you hit it?" they asked. "No - but I rather feel that it might have jettisoned some of its cargo on the way across!"
Another time: "Tower, have the bird scarers been out? Because there's a flock of a lot of them down by the threshold of 26!!"
Landing our wonderful but very old Vickers Funbus one night, a fox nipped across the runway narrowly missing us: "Tower, be advised that there's a fox on the runway - and it's probably a few pounds lighter than when it started to cross" "Why - have you hit it?" they asked. "No - but I rather feel that it might have jettisoned some of its cargo on the way across!"
Another time: "Tower, have the bird scarers been out? Because there's a flock of a lot of them down by the threshold of 26!!"
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Or heard in the Mcr low level route one day......
"Mcr App G-xxxx"
"G-xxxx standby, we're just changing the controllers"
(Other unknown aircraft) "Shouldnt be too long, they're using Pampers....." (for non-UK ppruners, a well known brand of disposable nappies/diapers)
... but back to the actual occurrence, how about
"aborting takeoff due to an unpheasant experience"
"Mcr App G-xxxx"
"G-xxxx standby, we're just changing the controllers"
(Other unknown aircraft) "Shouldnt be too long, they're using Pampers....." (for non-UK ppruners, a well known brand of disposable nappies/diapers)
... but back to the actual occurrence, how about
"aborting takeoff due to an unpheasant experience"
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Just raked through my store of humorous ATC exchanges for a relevant one, which I've attached (plus several others that amuse me!!) <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> . .__________________________________________________
Leaving Palo Alto on Friday. A Citabria had just landed: PAO: 85 Uniform, Taxi to position and hold. Me: Position and hold, 85 Uniform. Citabria: Umm, Tower, there's a dead seagull on the right side of the runway near the windsock. PAO: Roger. 85 Uniform, cleared for takeoff. Watch for a dead seagull on the right side of the runway. Me: 85 Uniform, Dead seagull traffic in sight. A little later, the Citabria was downwind when I heard: PAO: Citabria 123, cleared to land 30. Caution - there's a buzzard trying to eat the seagull on the runway.. .__________________________________________________
Heard in the Bay Area yesterday: BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet." Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude." BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!" Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved.". .__________________________________________________
My favorite ATC story involves an old-timer who would get rather excited when it got busy. It seemed as if he would think up zingers at home and use 'em at some convenient moment. Anyway, he's working USA553 westbound and is about to turn him over to Cleveland... Controller: USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.6. Controller: USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.6! Controller: USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen! Pilot: Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!. .__________________________________________________
Anyway, I heard these two on the air this week: (Scene 1: it's night over Las Vegas, information hotel is current and Mooney 33W is unfamiliar and talking to approach control) Approach: 33W confirm you have hotel. 33W: Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International. Uhhhmm, we don't have a hotel room yet. approach control was laughing too hard to respond. The next several calls went like this: Approach: United 5, descend to FL220. United 5: United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either.. .__________________________________________________
Heard last weekend at Palo Alto while I was inbound from Leslie Salt: PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, traffic is a Cherokee just entering downwind from the left 45." Mooney 23D: "Uhhh, tower, 23D...only traffic I see is a Cessna." Pause... PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, follow your traffic directly ahead, an, um, inverted Cherokee just abeam the numbers." <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> . .__________________________________________________
Extracted from the UK CAA GASIL (general aviation safety info leaflet) Dec 1991. Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?" Airline Captain: "Madam, you can try.". .__________________________________________________
Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself" . .__________________________________________________
Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement" AC: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?" Tower: "At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".. .__________________________________________________. .I went out to do some touch and goes today, and the ATIS ended with a slight twist...... "...altimeter 29.93. VFR departures advise ground control of destination and altitude and you play golf." Coincidentally, I called up right behind a KC-10 that was getting ready to go. The exchange was; "Wilmington ground, Cessna 54360 at ISO (the FBO ramp) with about a 14 handicap, request tee time for the pattern." [delay.....squelch breaks with laughter.......] "Cessna 360 taxi to runway 24 behind the 10 iron, number 2 for takeoff, he's a scratch golfer." Seems that the controller (a trainee) wasn't privy to the ATIS tagline, and his supervisor got a BIG kick out of all this.. .__________________________________________________. .During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxi way; you turned right on "Delta." Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right."
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??".
The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am". Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?". .__________________________________________________
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.
Leaving Palo Alto on Friday. A Citabria had just landed: PAO: 85 Uniform, Taxi to position and hold. Me: Position and hold, 85 Uniform. Citabria: Umm, Tower, there's a dead seagull on the right side of the runway near the windsock. PAO: Roger. 85 Uniform, cleared for takeoff. Watch for a dead seagull on the right side of the runway. Me: 85 Uniform, Dead seagull traffic in sight. A little later, the Citabria was downwind when I heard: PAO: Citabria 123, cleared to land 30. Caution - there's a buzzard trying to eat the seagull on the runway.. .__________________________________________________
Heard in the Bay Area yesterday: BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet." Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude." BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!" Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved.". .__________________________________________________
My favorite ATC story involves an old-timer who would get rather excited when it got busy. It seemed as if he would think up zingers at home and use 'em at some convenient moment. Anyway, he's working USA553 westbound and is about to turn him over to Cleveland... Controller: USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.6. Controller: USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.6! Controller: USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen! Pilot: Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!. .__________________________________________________
Anyway, I heard these two on the air this week: (Scene 1: it's night over Las Vegas, information hotel is current and Mooney 33W is unfamiliar and talking to approach control) Approach: 33W confirm you have hotel. 33W: Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International. Uhhhmm, we don't have a hotel room yet. approach control was laughing too hard to respond. The next several calls went like this: Approach: United 5, descend to FL220. United 5: United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either.. .__________________________________________________
Heard last weekend at Palo Alto while I was inbound from Leslie Salt: PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, traffic is a Cherokee just entering downwind from the left 45." Mooney 23D: "Uhhh, tower, 23D...only traffic I see is a Cessna." Pause... PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, follow your traffic directly ahead, an, um, inverted Cherokee just abeam the numbers." <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> . .__________________________________________________
Extracted from the UK CAA GASIL (general aviation safety info leaflet) Dec 1991. Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?" Airline Captain: "Madam, you can try.". .__________________________________________________
Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself" . .__________________________________________________
Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement" AC: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?" Tower: "At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".. .__________________________________________________. .I went out to do some touch and goes today, and the ATIS ended with a slight twist...... "...altimeter 29.93. VFR departures advise ground control of destination and altitude and you play golf." Coincidentally, I called up right behind a KC-10 that was getting ready to go. The exchange was; "Wilmington ground, Cessna 54360 at ISO (the FBO ramp) with about a 14 handicap, request tee time for the pattern." [delay.....squelch breaks with laughter.......] "Cessna 360 taxi to runway 24 behind the 10 iron, number 2 for takeoff, he's a scratch golfer." Seems that the controller (a trainee) wasn't privy to the ATIS tagline, and his supervisor got a BIG kick out of all this.. .__________________________________________________. .During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxi way; you turned right on "Delta." Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right."
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??".
The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am". Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?". .__________________________________________________
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.
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I once heard a call from an pilot with a broad Scotish accent calling:
"routing from Fairoaks to Sevenoaks via Five Oaks"
...a tree spotter perhaps?
and heard of something in the lines of:
BA Pilot: Munich tower, Speedbird xxx request taxi for departure to LHR. .Tower: Speedbird xxx, hold at gate. .Lufthansa Pilot: Munich tower, Lufthansa xxx request taxi for departure to LHR. .Tower: Cleared taxi to runway via taxiways x,y,z. .BA: Tower, is this favouritism?. .Luft: Ve German pilots get up early in zee morninks & put our towels on zee runway.
I don't know if it's true, but I hope it is.
"routing from Fairoaks to Sevenoaks via Five Oaks"
...a tree spotter perhaps?
and heard of something in the lines of:
BA Pilot: Munich tower, Speedbird xxx request taxi for departure to LHR. .Tower: Speedbird xxx, hold at gate. .Lufthansa Pilot: Munich tower, Lufthansa xxx request taxi for departure to LHR. .Tower: Cleared taxi to runway via taxiways x,y,z. .BA: Tower, is this favouritism?. .Luft: Ve German pilots get up early in zee morninks & put our towels on zee runway.
I don't know if it's true, but I hope it is.
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I heard a great one whilst on a trip back to Newcastle from Heathrow on a British Airways flight.
When we landed at newcastle, the pilot said to the passengers over the PA "Thankyou for flying with british airways. We hope youve enjoyed your ride as much as weve enjoyed taking you for a ride"
When we landed at newcastle, the pilot said to the passengers over the PA "Thankyou for flying with british airways. We hope youve enjoyed your ride as much as weve enjoyed taking you for a ride"
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When a poor unsuspecting student on finals said "intructions to land" Some heartless git procedded in a very sarcastic tone " settle her at 65, now select full flap, thats it...Rnwy 27 ,280 at 15,just land"(end of transmission)