Merged: Funny Stuff You've heard in skies
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Oz
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Coming in to Cairns from the south behind the great big mountain at about 500ft AGL in a Partial Aviator. and after being told to say when I have the runway in sight. As I round the mountain
Me:"TWR", I have the runway Visual"
TWR: "I should hope so you are VFR"
Me: "Well even though I am VFR the visibility is not that great that I can see through the mountain!"
Laughs all around!
Cheers
CB
Me:"TWR", I have the runway Visual"
TWR: "I should hope so you are VFR"
Me: "Well even though I am VFR the visibility is not that great that I can see through the mountain!"
Laughs all around!
Cheers
CB
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Great Southern Land
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A few years ago I was heading south from Palm Beach to Long Reef to start a Victor 1. Sydney Approach was talking to another lighty (let's call him VH-ABC) and the following transpired:
Approach: "ABC I have heavy traffic departing 34L so I need you to hold. Do you know Chatswood?"
ABC: "Approach Roger I live there"
Approach: "ABC that's great - maintain 1500, direct Chatswood and orbit your house"
Unknown: "Say HI! to mum"
Approach: "ABC I have heavy traffic departing 34L so I need you to hold. Do you know Chatswood?"
ABC: "Approach Roger I live there"
Approach: "ABC that's great - maintain 1500, direct Chatswood and orbit your house"
Unknown: "Say HI! to mum"
Was talking with a friend on the company frequency, and he had a bad habit of using the wrong radio at the wrong time.
We were talking about getting the company to do maintenance on the planes, and it was pretty much up to just one guy, who was hard to extract any work approvals from.
So Fred (pysodonym) says, "I've done everything except call Ted a c**t to get this thing fixed!"
Followed by ...
"Oh s**t, that was on area ....!"
This isn't isolated - Another one was in a queue late one night trying to get out of Sydney in an MU-2, and someone ahead of him asked what the delay was as nothing much seemed to be happening. Thinking he was on company, he said, "There's someone f***ing taxying in Melbourne is there?"
"No, they're on final and you are on tower frequency!" replied the tower.
More if I remember them.
We were talking about getting the company to do maintenance on the planes, and it was pretty much up to just one guy, who was hard to extract any work approvals from.
So Fred (pysodonym) says, "I've done everything except call Ted a c**t to get this thing fixed!"
Followed by ...
"Oh s**t, that was on area ....!"
This isn't isolated - Another one was in a queue late one night trying to get out of Sydney in an MU-2, and someone ahead of him asked what the delay was as nothing much seemed to be happening. Thinking he was on company, he said, "There's someone f***ing taxying in Melbourne is there?"
"No, they're on final and you are on tower frequency!" replied the tower.
More if I remember them.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Here and Everywhere
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This happened to me at YMMB after landing during a CPL training NAV
Me: MB ground, requesting clearance to cross 35L
Tower: Cleared to cross 35L, how may people on board?
Me: 2 PAX on board.
Tower: There is something on the taxiway can you please grab it??
Me: Yeah no worries.
----Stopped the plane, instructor got out and grabbed the object------
Tower: What did you find??
Me: A sun shade with a picture of a plane on it
Tower: Be my guest to keep it.
Me: Thanks I'll drop it off at the tower later.
My $2 worth............
jnr380
Me: MB ground, requesting clearance to cross 35L
Tower: Cleared to cross 35L, how may people on board?
Me: 2 PAX on board.
Tower: There is something on the taxiway can you please grab it??
Me: Yeah no worries.
----Stopped the plane, instructor got out and grabbed the object------
Tower: What did you find??
Me: A sun shade with a picture of a plane on it
Tower: Be my guest to keep it.
Me: Thanks I'll drop it off at the tower later.
My $2 worth............
jnr380
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Australia
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Not sure if it's true, but a well told story here:
Back in the day, Air NZ flight crossing over Cook Strait..
TWR: "Air NZ ABC, state current position"
ANZ: "Yeah Air NZ ABC, we're overhead the Cook Strait Ferry"
TWR: "Air NZ ABC, could you be a litle more specific please?"
ANZ: "um, sure, we're overhead the funnel..."
Back in the day, Air NZ flight crossing over Cook Strait..
TWR: "Air NZ ABC, state current position"
ANZ: "Yeah Air NZ ABC, we're overhead the Cook Strait Ferry"
TWR: "Air NZ ABC, could you be a litle more specific please?"
ANZ: "um, sure, we're overhead the funnel..."
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Oz
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ABC “DEF where are you”
DEF “xx DME on the xxx radial at xxxx feet”
ABC “Nar; I’m off your left wing… where are YOU?”
pilot of ABC sits up from laying in the isle!
Recently in PH:
TWR “ABC behind the 146 and the metro, line up”
ABC “behind the gas chamber and pencil of death line up ABC”
Thanks VeeTail, I still have a giggle at that one.
DEF “xx DME on the xxx radial at xxxx feet”
ABC “Nar; I’m off your left wing… where are YOU?”
pilot of ABC sits up from laying in the isle!
Recently in PH:
TWR “ABC behind the 146 and the metro, line up”
ABC “behind the gas chamber and pencil of death line up ABC”
Thanks VeeTail, I still have a giggle at that one.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Sydney & Asia
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Hercules: Air Force 123 heavy, at the outer marker
TWR: Air Force 123 heavy, clear to land
----break---
TWR: Cessna 26 Tango, C130 on final, line up behind that aircraft
From an over ambitious student at the holding point
Cessna 152: Line up behind C130...ummm....errrr... 26 Tango Heavy
TWR: Air Force 123 heavy, clear to land
----break---
TWR: Cessna 26 Tango, C130 on final, line up behind that aircraft
From an over ambitious student at the holding point
Cessna 152: Line up behind C130...ummm....errrr... 26 Tango Heavy
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: A Kitchen in Southpark
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Overheard a few years ago:
TWR: Be advised, many seaguls in vacinity of runway.
ABC: Roger
TWR: Car 4, any luck moving those seaguls yet?
CAR 4: Not yet... will let you know.
ABC: Have you tried $2 worth of chips!
TWR: Be advised, many seaguls in vacinity of runway.
ABC: Roger
TWR: Car 4, any luck moving those seaguls yet?
CAR 4: Not yet... will let you know.
ABC: Have you tried $2 worth of chips!
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On the old AirNorth night freight run 'someone' would land at Katherine on the southbound leg and fax a copy of the crossword from the NT News to Adelaide FS.
Top of climb on departure would be "Adelaide, Whisky Mike Papa (position etc) and.......what have you got for 1 Across?"
Well it kept me awake.
Top of climb on departure would be "Adelaide, Whisky Mike Papa (position etc) and.......what have you got for 1 Across?"
Well it kept me awake.
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Enroute
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Heard of this one - Pilot on approach was told by tower to keep a look out for a small fokker plane, to which he replied "I have the little fokker in sight!"
Another was an ex WW2 Lancaster pilot now flying for BA on approach into Berlin, must have been back in the day coz he asked Berlin tower for a bearing to the airport and the tower replied "Haven't you flown into Berlin before?" To which the Lanc Pilot replied "Yes, I have flown into Berlin twice, but it was at night and all the lights were out." Gotta love bomber Pilots.
Another was an ex WW2 Lancaster pilot now flying for BA on approach into Berlin, must have been back in the day coz he asked Berlin tower for a bearing to the airport and the tower replied "Haven't you flown into Berlin before?" To which the Lanc Pilot replied "Yes, I have flown into Berlin twice, but it was at night and all the lights were out." Gotta love bomber Pilots.
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Australia
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ABC is a C150.......
Reminds me of flying into Wellington last year:
TWR: "ABC continue approach, runway 16, number 1, maintain 90 knots to 300 feet"
ME: "continue approach 16, number 1 - and I'll try to speed up..."
poor little 152...
Join Date: Aug 2003
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A FA come over the PA just before landing not that long ago when I was paxing to start work and said:
“The captain has just lowered the landing gear for your comfort, can everyone please make sure your seatbelts are fastened, etc etc.”
Thanks for that Captain it was very comfortable with the wheels down.
“The captain has just lowered the landing gear for your comfort, can everyone please make sure your seatbelts are fastened, etc etc.”
Thanks for that Captain it was very comfortable with the wheels down.
Join Date: May 2003
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Thanks for that Captain it was very comfortable with the wheels down.
A mate was departing Melbourne Terminal Area in an Archer into a fairly stiff Nor'wester was asked by ATC if he was a helicopter!!!!
And a student pilot (who clearly couldn't remember the technically correct call) on return from a solo nav years back:
VH-XXX: YY Tower, XXX, Westgate bridge, I'm comin' in!
YY Tower: Roger XXX, we'll be ready for ya!
Heard at a foggy capital city this very morning on tower freq:
Taxying aircraft: "Good morning ladies and gentlemen.... ahhh"
Quick as a flash:
TWR: "Well good morning to you sir!"
Had a giggle, we've all (almost) done it.
Anothery from my training days back in the mid 90's when I was heading south coastal around Longreef for Victor 1 in a single. I had just made the required call when someone heading the other way responded to my call with:
"Hey is that an Archer based at A**s Av at BK?"
Me: "Yeah, why?"
"Oh nothing. Last time I flew that machine it dropped a valve."
I almost was going to inflate the lifejacket right then and there.....
Taxying aircraft: "Good morning ladies and gentlemen.... ahhh"
Quick as a flash:
TWR: "Well good morning to you sir!"
Had a giggle, we've all (almost) done it.
Anothery from my training days back in the mid 90's when I was heading south coastal around Longreef for Victor 1 in a single. I had just made the required call when someone heading the other way responded to my call with:
"Hey is that an Archer based at A**s Av at BK?"
Me: "Yeah, why?"
"Oh nothing. Last time I flew that machine it dropped a valve."
I almost was going to inflate the lifejacket right then and there.....
Join Date: Oct 2004
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I believe this is my old boss's claim to fame:
Sometime in the middle of the night on ML centre..
ABC Gees I'm F*****G bored!!
ML cen Aicraft that just called, identify yourself immediately!
ABC I said I was bored, not F*****G stupid!!
Sometime in the middle of the night on ML centre..
ABC Gees I'm F*****G bored!!
ML cen Aicraft that just called, identify yourself immediately!
ABC I said I was bored, not F*****G stupid!!
Bugsmasherdriverandjediknite
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Bai, mi go long hap na kisim sampla samting.
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Heard a VFR pushbike taxi at FTZ once. 
also heard about twenty minutes of a stuck mike from center in the same area.
Hey Mike, I dunno whats wrong with it......... was working fine then I get nothing....... Piece of sh1t. come and have a look......I dunno, its stuffed like everything else.
Had me in stitches for half an hour.
also heard about twenty minutes of a stuck mike from center in the same area.
Hey Mike, I dunno whats wrong with it......... was working fine then I get nothing....... Piece of sh1t. come and have a look......I dunno, its stuffed like everything else.
Had me in stitches for half an hour.