Merged: Funny Stuff You've heard in skies
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: The World
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Remember in the last decade of the last millenium (f.ck that makes me feel old!) they started naming reporting points after some controllers around NZ. Anyway, they had the BROWN hold (on the NR-WO track) after a previous NR ATCO and MOOSE on the NR-RO track I think after a Canadian arrived at NR...well shortly before the Canadian left another reporting point (and en-route hold) called BEAVER turned up...this lead to clearances like....
"ABC hold the BEAVER"
"DEF Climb in the BEAVER"
"GHI go down in the BEAVER"
"JKL precautionary hold your BEAVER"
...and replies like...
"ABC is holding a BEAVER"
"DEF established in the BEAVER"
"GHI is that Fokker in the BEAVER?"
etc. etc. etc.
"ABC hold the BEAVER"
"DEF Climb in the BEAVER"
"GHI go down in the BEAVER"
"JKL precautionary hold your BEAVER"
...and replies like...
"ABC is holding a BEAVER"
"DEF established in the BEAVER"
"GHI is that Fokker in the BEAVER?"
etc. etc. etc.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: oz
Age: 39
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an aircraft stil on the circuit runway at jandakot and the following aircraft sent around:
alpha bravo charlie goround
going round alpha bravo charlie youre f#*^$%g kidding
with the downwind call the pilot apologised to tower and said it was for the preceding aircraft!!
alpha bravo charlie goround
going round alpha bravo charlie youre f#*^$%g kidding
with the downwind call the pilot apologised to tower and said it was for the preceding aircraft!!
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: 41,000'
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Inbound to Perth one weeknight a braz was on minimum fuel and received holding instructions from ML CEN.
Braz: ML CEN, ABC, do you have a landing time for us, we need to land by 55 as we're low on fuel
ML CEN : ABC, we have a landing time of 54 for you its locked in.
Braz: Lock it in, thanks Eddie!
ML CEN: (laughing)
Braz: ML CEN, ABC, do you have a landing time for us, we need to land by 55 as we're low on fuel
ML CEN : ABC, we have a landing time of 54 for you its locked in.
Braz: Lock it in, thanks Eddie!
ML CEN: (laughing)
In a Metro going into Wagga Wagga, and just clipping through the bottoms of the clouds.
Tower asks, "Are you visual?"
"Excuse the expression, but I'm in & out of bottoms."
Tower asks, "Are you visual?"
"Excuse the expression, but I'm in & out of bottoms."
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: C9-H6-N2-O2
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It's an Ozzie thing, K.C. Sorta like "shut the Taranaki gate" would get a few strange looks over here in Oz
"Eddie" was a B-grade presenter with a B-grade show. The only person worse is that O'Keefe fella
"Eddie" was a B-grade presenter with a B-grade show. The only person worse is that O'Keefe fella
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Up Top
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This very fine morning
(on short final)
VHABC: Tower, vhabc confirm displaced threshold is in use?
Tower: Ahh, affirm, there is about fifty trucks on the runway.
(on short final)
VHABC: Tower, vhabc confirm displaced threshold is in use?
Tower: Ahh, affirm, there is about fifty trucks on the runway.
Last edited by Schmoostyler; 11th Sep 2008 at 09:46.
Also heard at Coolly years ago, a lighty on the lighty taxiway ...
"Coolly Tower this is ABC, request intersexual departure."
"Coolly Tower this is ABC, request intersexual departure."
all hearsay...
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Alice Springs
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Silence
One night, a long time ago, I was flying a Baron for the RFDS, and we were bringing a VERY pregnant lady into town. Sometimes those ladies just won't wait, and this was one of those times.
Soon I called flight service and asked them to ammend the number of people on board from three to four.
This was followed by a very long silence before I got a reply.
Soon I called flight service and asked them to ammend the number of people on board from three to four.
This was followed by a very long silence before I got a reply.
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: FNQ
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Sitting on the bay the other morning getting ready to depart and heard on company frequency an exchange between aircraft (A) and Company (C) that went something along the lines of.....
A: xxx Ground just wondering on the delay, we are still waiting on the caterers......
C: Your CSM thought the bread rolls were not the right ones and sent them away although we have checked and the bread rolls WERE infact correct. Inlight of current policy though the CSM has no right to delay departure due catering and s/he will have to wear this delay.
A: Oh ok sounds like a bit of a bun flight then
(to which my skipper and I lost it!!!
C: (without missing a beat) Well s/he should not delay due catering and will have to cop the delay, I have cancelled the order now and you can continue.....etc etc
(bit of a shame when O.T.P is taken THAT seriously!!!)
A: xxx Ground just wondering on the delay, we are still waiting on the caterers......
C: Your CSM thought the bread rolls were not the right ones and sent them away although we have checked and the bread rolls WERE infact correct. Inlight of current policy though the CSM has no right to delay departure due catering and s/he will have to wear this delay.
A: Oh ok sounds like a bit of a bun flight then
(to which my skipper and I lost it!!!
C: (without missing a beat) Well s/he should not delay due catering and will have to cop the delay, I have cancelled the order now and you can continue.....etc etc
(bit of a shame when O.T.P is taken THAT seriously!!!)
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The High Seas
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Arr.
The other day I be hearin':
DEVL01: "**** Radio, Devil One, Request"
no response, so a few seconds later.
DEVL01: "**** Radio, Devil One, Request"
still no response.
VH-ABC: "**** Radio, ABC"
Radio: "ABC go ahead"
VH-ABC: "**** Radio, for your information, the Devil has been trying to contact you."
Unknown voice: "Did you eat the forbidden doughnut?"
Arr.
The other day I be hearin':
DEVL01: "**** Radio, Devil One, Request"
no response, so a few seconds later.
DEVL01: "**** Radio, Devil One, Request"
still no response.
VH-ABC: "**** Radio, ABC"
Radio: "ABC go ahead"
VH-ABC: "**** Radio, for your information, the Devil has been trying to contact you."
Unknown voice: "Did you eat the forbidden doughnut?"
Arr.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: FNQ
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Ooh La La The French
Inlight of the arrrogance of the french, heard the following a while back which still brings a smile to my face and those on the air that day..
An Air France B747 was following another airline A340(XYZ), which was ahead and of course being an A340, wasnt climbing nor cruising the quickest for that matter....XYZ was assigned FL310 and AF was assigned FL280...
AF: Centre just confirm that XYZ is operating on all 4 engines
CTR: AF please say again
XYZ: AF, we are a french build aircraft after all(in his best french)....
We all lost it after that, im sure the crew in XYZ were on the ground too, although Im sure AF didnt see the funny side of that one....
An Air France B747 was following another airline A340(XYZ), which was ahead and of course being an A340, wasnt climbing nor cruising the quickest for that matter....XYZ was assigned FL310 and AF was assigned FL280...
AF: Centre just confirm that XYZ is operating on all 4 engines
CTR: AF please say again
XYZ: AF, we are a french build aircraft after all(in his best french)....
We all lost it after that, im sure the crew in XYZ were on the ground too, although Im sure AF didnt see the funny side of that one....
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Canada
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A long time ago. Midnight sun charters (fly the punters a non-stop route up north and return in June when the sun never sets up there). Leave YVR at midnight and at 02:00 we are basking in the Arctic sun. Open flightdeck (told you it was a long time ago); Einstein comes up, looks at the sun and declares "well that isn't the same sun we have at home!"
Captain and I are temporarily incapacitated.
Captain and I are temporarily incapacitated.
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After an aborted scenic due to rather severe turbulence my big tough looking passenger with shaved head, earings and tatoos:
"I don't mind going on a scary show ride... but when I think I'm gonna F^@#*N DIE!!!"
He flew with me again the following day and even gave a $30 tip.
Pax: "So where is the aeroplane?"
Me (pointing to the lonely 172): "It's just there!"
Pax: "That thing? But it only has one engine!!?"
Pax: "Who's the copilot?"
Me: "You can be my copilot"
Pax: "What happens if something goes wrong?"
Me: "You will be the first to know about it!"
Pax: "My son used to hang glide... he really loved flying!"
Me: "Oh yeah... so he doesn't fly any more?"
Pax: "... he was killed three years ago"
Me: (Silence)
"I don't mind going on a scary show ride... but when I think I'm gonna F^@#*N DIE!!!"
He flew with me again the following day and even gave a $30 tip.
Pax: "So where is the aeroplane?"
Me (pointing to the lonely 172): "It's just there!"
Pax: "That thing? But it only has one engine!!?"
Pax: "Who's the copilot?"
Me: "You can be my copilot"
Pax: "What happens if something goes wrong?"
Me: "You will be the first to know about it!"
Pax: "My son used to hang glide... he really loved flying!"
Me: "Oh yeah... so he doesn't fly any more?"
Pax: "... he was killed three years ago"
Me: (Silence)