Merged: Funny Stuff You've heard in skies
 

Thought we needed a 'Funny stuff from the GA skies' Section on here to lighten things up!!

Was doing a Scenic flight the other day and we're flying across the Buccaneer Archipelago on a crystal clear day, the passengers staring in awe at the scenery while i'm pointing out all the features along the way, when one particularly chirpy passenger pipes up and asks me: "So how many Crocodiles are there in the Kimberley?"
Thinking I must have heard wrong I asked them to repeat the question, to which again they asked the same thing, to which I replied completely straight faced "Four, there are four crocodiles in the Kimberley" Which seemed to satisfy said passenger.....much to the amusement of all others on board!!

Heard this one recently, without doubt the dumbest thing I have heard from GA in while.:ok:

"Lets face it joining base may not be standard, but it makes perfect sense to avoid unneccessary turns and the inherent collision risk with 16 aircraft coming from the north to join a rwy 11 approach. At the end of the day this isnt Sydney, its the bush, and you cant follow everything u learnt in your big city flight schools with gold braid and unrealistic veiws on aviation."

On short finals recently to Rwy 01 YBTL in the V35B (BE35).

Twr: XXX, behind the Beech 350 on finals, line up behind and hold.

Dr :cool:

:D:D:D:D:ok:.... Well said Corowacomet! That one rates as one of the stupidist things I've heard too.

morno

Yeah but not in the sky, so kinda off topic...

I just look forward to the time when I will have the wisdom and experience of russianthru_thesky, master of the Kimberley skies and all winged vehicles which grace them. What a day that will be. Next he will be telling us: "I know the flight manual says it can't be done but the weight and balance limitations are just guidelines." Seriously though russkie I'm eagerly awaiting your forthcoming front-pager in FlightSafety, just hoping you're alone or your boss recognises his mistake before it gets that far.
The Comet.

Heard this one over the P.A. flying QF Singapore to Perth Tuesday night!

Clearly she was a battle hardened hoastie who couldn't care at all, the whole flight her announcements were painful and very unprofessional. Clearly she was making them up as she went.

Her classic was

'' Ladies and err gentlemen, err I have switched on umm the entertainment system.
Please umm refrain from using the entertainment controller err because umm it interferes with the entertainment system.

Go figure

What the ????
 

This really happened....

Tower: ABC, do not acknowledge, clear to land runway left

Pilot: ( In Korean accent ) Do not acknowledge, clear to land, ABC :ugh:

This is a true story a collegue once had happen to him,
He landed the skiplane up on a glacier on a particularly clear day, got the punters out on the snow and was explaining that they were standing on about a 100m layer of snow, while under that was about 900m thick of ice. After the speil one particularly vigilant American Lady comes up to him and says:
"Goddamn its a nice day up here. Tell me, does you ever get bad weather up here?"
To which he replied, straight faced as ever, "Well as I was saying we are standing on a 100m layer of snow, which has a 900m layer of compacted ice beneath it, so it would be safe to say that at times the weather can be a tad inclement"

Carowa

I think Russian was quoting a stupid phrase he had heard not having a go at you.... well thats how I read it..

though I did like Master of the Kimberley Skies

a few very similar to what has been said:

After taking some passengers on a charter-
"so are you going to fly commercially one day?"

After landing at YAYE from a scenic-
"So have you found Lasseters Reef yet?"

"If I had- I wouldn't be telling you! And I most certainly wouldn't be flying this aircraft."

Nice one, I think everyone has had one variation of the "Do you someday dream of being a commercial pilot" They just dont see us Ag boys as commercial pilots :suspect:

A good one after coming back from the fijords one day on a typical arctic winters day with cloud and crap everyday:
Called up base on the HF and asked what the cloud was doing to see if there was a hole over the lake to sneak back through the clouds.
Our flight clerk jumps on the radio and obviously didnt quite think out what she was trying to say replied "Its clear in the clear bits" (not gonna comment on her hair colour here)

Wouldnt be able to quote them, but most of the Foreign students radio calls around YPCK and YMAV are amusing to say the least... :} :ugh: :E

Turbz :ouch:

Heard from Nomad waaaaay out over ocean on radar patrol

"Um..port chip lights come on ops normal ..call again at three-zero"

Later...

"Um..ooer..starboard chip lights just come on"

Quick as a flash from company AC...


"Can I have yer car?"



:p
was that you Simon ?

Connair
 

Coming back to Alice Springs from the rock in a lightie one day, and a Connair DC3 was outbound from Alice for the rock. He was not much higher than me, and after he passed overhead I called to advise that I had seen him pass. He replied " were we right over the top, or out to one side?" I replied that they were right over the top, to which he replied "Oh good, we are on track"

After giving a departure call out of Phillip Is.to Melbourne on a particularly nice summer evening.
Melbourne FS: "NBM, area QNH 1013.Is it nice out?
NBM: Sure is. So nice I might leave it out!

In the run-up bay overheard a pilot advise tower there was some sort of debris on the runway. Thought it might be a dipstick. Car 5 goes out to investigate.
Tower : Car 5, can you spot that debris near the threshold? Might be a dipstick.
Car 5 : It's not a dipstick, although one might have been involved. It's a fuel dipper.
Tower : Roger.
Car 5 : I won't say who it belongs to on air, don't want to embarrass them.
Tower : Roger.
Car 5 : Yeah, it belongs to Alpha-Bravo-Charlie, but as I said, I don't want to embarrass them.
Tower : Good idea.

Joyflight in Tigermoth this morning in the clear blue (fairly chilly) skies over the Gold Coast hinterland...

"Is there a heater in this thing?"

...made me laugh(which warmed me up a bit).

'866'

On company frequency:

xxx, Where are you mate?

xxx, umm, I'm sitting up the front, in the left hand seat picking my nose...

xxx, haha, very funny, so what's your position??

xxx, well, I'm the Cheif Pilot for xxxxAir...what's your position?:p

After taking a German airline pilot flying in a Tigermoth, during which time he flew it for a while, poorly, he says, "How do you know you are straight and level without an artificial horizon?"