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Worse case of worms \ lice* I’ve ever seen

* other infections available.

You said bring zer bangers, how vos I to know you meant firevorks.

The world's clumsiest mohel shows the results of bris ceremonies gone awry.

- Ed

"Now you zee, ze coloured vuns are bigger zan ze vhite vuns. Any hooker vill confirm."

Ladies , my super power is the sausage .

If Some super markets could get away with horsemeat in pies for years it is no wonder Shergar was never found , but you can be assured the mystery meat in these treats never ran in the Grand National .

"I am likely to go bang at any moment!" "Are you sure you are wearing a real suicide vest, Fritz?"

A sure fire winner in the next session of "Hide the Sausage!"!

When the boys had a whip-round to send Pierre back from the front for a damned good porking, this was not what they expected.

On my God, here comes Frank and his furters

Playing pin the tail on the donkey with the prisoner was the highlight of the week.

Sorry Blackadder, the underpants on the head and pencils up the nose were much more plausible than being hamstrung.

When the NAAFI wagon was u/s, Jacques stepped up to the plate.

On his way back from a magnificent victory in the FA Cup Kiltrash celebrated with a big bang feast

You want a pizza? What the **** is that ??

Deep Fried ? No I only do Mars* Bars that way..
* other high fat heart attack inducing snacks, for the male off, are available

Tug of war anyone? Nah, not fussed on pulled pork!

I saw all the empty casings, and said "why not"?

Have they been smoked?
Not yet, but I've been skinning these bad boys all night.