I love this job, I get to dress up in all sorts of stuff, it's just like my old nanny's dressing up box, yesterday I was an Indian.

Hey, have you heard the one about WRAC's? apparently you screw them up against a wall, geddit WRAC's....racks?.

The PM goes to support the local Conservative Candidate in the bye election ...who responded with " Do I not need this? "

Trooper reading the PM's latest tweet, Congratulations to Le Pen for a stunning victory in the Presidential Election and he looks forward to closely working with her one on one...

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....78f9a5b7c9.jpg

So I had a beer in the mess earlier and there was an old shilling in the bottom of my tankard, what does that mean?

Tell you what guys, these pockets are brilliant. You can get a couple of bottles in each of them.

Have you anything in a Hi-Viz?

You get the meat and I'll throw some napalm on the barbie.

“is there some cake, Major?”

Only later after the PM was Tasered was it discovered the wires sticking out his pockets were a previous soldier's April Fool

Boris WAS surprised when Pfc Sky produced the DNA Paternity test that proved he IS her father

What? Tomorrow is Tuesday, so I have to meet that awful woman again....ffs....

I must NOT laugh, I MUST NOT laugh! My pictures showing he has no trousers on will be worth a fortune!

Well no stores did not have a beret to fit my head, you know Brain the size of a Planet.
or
What, wear a beret? You know just how much this coffured hair style costs, do you think money grows on trees??

Ah, so your the one that's been complaining about the state of the Married Quarters on your Base, care to come into the bedroom and we can discuss what your needs are while your husbands in Ukraine..

Ah, Captain, you have NOT answered a direct question put to you by your Prime Minister, well done would you like a position in my Cabinet??

"What are we here for?"
"Tanks, Prime Minister."
"You're welcome, but, what are we here for?"

The GMB Presenter FINALLY gets a interview with the Prime Minister but only after joining the 1420 Hussars

I'd rather you didn't stand at ease Dear, or the Mail on Sunday will infer something from it.