Told you that pilot's watch was too damn heavy...

“Is he in there? Speak to us, Hoskins!”

“Last time I fly with an overweight Observer ... bloody nagging ballast.”

“No problem ... the R.E.8 can take a lot of ... ouch.”

Kiltrash thinks 'well I seem to have run out of ideas this time'

How many pilots does it take to buff it out?

“Sorry, old chap, I think VSTOL is somewhere in the future.”

“OK, who stole the motor?”

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....c6ad0eba10.jpg[

Take the cylinders out of my kidneys
The connecting rod out of my brain...

Ah, I think I can see what the problem is...

“Well, that’s buggered our 9-ship display team idea.”

"I can tell you here and now that it was pilot error."

Yeah ... blame Sam, as usual.

"Not a laptop in sight - passengers were so much more obedient in those days."

The cockpit voice recorder, aka Observer, said “Pull Up ... Pull Up ... eeeekkkk ... Pull UP ... aaargh. “

"Look, if we can fold the plane up, we can store more of them on a carrier."

"The pilot says there was an uncommanded movement of the elevator that pitched the plane earthwards."

He says he had a bird strike,

Yes, but it was in a nest!

Q.3.. If it takes 6 men to examine the wreckage in 5 minutes, how long will it take 8 fitters and riggers to repair it? Show all working.

Unsure of how to credit this kill, the Deutsche Luftstreitkräfte gave everyone ein Punkt.

From deep inside the wreckage....groan anyone get his number? No it was a black Range Rover with no plates ..

I have had a great idea for a new ride at the Theme Park

Well that's one way to land after your retirement flight sir.

"Welcome to Brokeback Mountain".

"Have you crashed Sir, or do you always land like that?"

Well in a few years time we wont need to guess what happened, there will be several visual recording devices to record every event for later inspection, what do you think Mr Bellingcat?

Erm Sir surely you did not sign for the aircraft in this condition? Well yes I did, and don't call me Shirley

...and can you remember what happened to the wing walker ?

"I know they say belt and braces, but I would say to tight on the belt and braces"

"Bloody EU, it should read max centre stores 1000lb bomb, not 1000kg bomb"

"Well Sir it's 50/50. Half of the aircraft wants to fly with you again, the other half has decided against it."

Ha ha funny init Sir, they say there is always someone in a worse situation than you,

Think we have proved the new automatic opening hanger doors are not as fast as Bae promised

Well when we repair him, for £2.3/6p he will be a crime fighting hero. Don't leave any bits behind Hoskins, I'm sure they go somewhere.

When Harry and Meghan tried to sneak away to Canada, they found that the Crown Jewels were a little too heavy to take along.

"Ok, can you have the back half despatched to Canada, I will catch up with the front half when I return"

Wonderjet
 

On the morning of its scheduled maiden flight, optimisation of the Scruggs WonderJet was proceeding apace...

Well, as long as it was only Cognitive Impairment, then...

Stop standing around and get me back in the air, you grubby little people! This machine costs 550 farthings an hour, you know...

As Hoskins strode off towards the Registration Tent, the Welcoming Committee at the RAF Speke Fly-In quickly got to work...