You can if it's an MGB fuel pump. (Also see, "Why do the Brits drink warm beer?"

Very true Drag, during my stint, 1964_1986, we tore each other up for a**e paper. I have seen tears shed at the crewroom bridge school, but at the end of the day we all drank together and woe betide any outsiders who tried to have a pop.

you can't polish a turd.......but you can sprinkle a little glitter on it!
MD:ok:

From a very clever young lady at work, after we'd been subjected to an hours boring earbashing from a senior manager: "Can you tell us what you just said?"

If it doesn't fit, doesn't force it.
Find out why it doesn't fit.
...
Then force it.

From my days in the MN -

If it moves - oil it
If it doesn't move - paint it
And if it moves when you paint it - salute it!

I was brought up with a variation of that (and I suspect there are many) ...

If it moves salute it.
If it doesn't move, pick it up.
If you can't pick it up, paint it.

In appreciation of an attractive woman.
"She can piss on my fish and chips."

What were that great sledge exchange between Warney and Richards?
Warney - after Richards misses a delivery "Can't you hit it mate? It's big and it's red."
Richards after smacking a six off the next delivery "Okay mun, now I've fokking hit it, you go an fokking find it..."

More on the cricket sledging.....

'So ******, why are you so fat?'

'Because every time I make love to your wife she gives me a biscuit!'

(Can't remember who said to who)

More cricket.

Javed Miandad (iirc) to Merv Hughes "You look like a fat bus conductor".

Next ball, clean bowled, stumps in all directions, Merv to Javed "Tickets please!"

Sorry - I know I've been posting a lot tonight but had to share this.
Son has just returned from a week with the RAAF Air-Cadets in Townsville.
One of the squadrons there has a mascot - a wedgetail eagle with the rank of Warrant officer - so the bird gets called sir.
He got demoted to Corporal a while back tho - cos he shat on the parade ground.

He was probably just busted to Flight Sergeant for that, Tartare.
He was taken down to Corporal for neglecting to direct an Airman to clean it up.

Whilst sitting on the pan a Basra some colleagues said...

"Here comes Tomahawk!"

"why do you call him that."

"you can see him coming, but there f@@k all you can do about it!"

"I can beat that. We used to have a boss called paveway..... we had to follow him building bridges"


and the classic parade ground saying!!

Drill Sgt leans in and places his stick on the shoulder of an airman in the second rank " there is a piece of sh*t on the end of this stick" the airman replies "Its not on this end!"

Another parade ground saying, Halton early 60's. Drill sergeant to apprentices' being taught how to march - '' May your ear 'oles turn to arse'oles and sh*t over your collar''

It didn't help with the marching....

Had a Drill Sergeant at the Towers called Malcolm P.....s - finest line in bellowed obscenity I ever heard - was posted as a discip sgt to MCTC Colchester.

Written on a toilet wall many years ago

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Spent a penny,
Only farted.

622 - it was Robert Key to Adam Gilchrist and he didn't say "make love"!

1.3, thanks for that...and I was keeping it clean :)

"I will be with you, whatever"

Bastard :mad: !!