Toilet Humour
 

Written on a toilet wall cubicle at Halton.

RADAR demo on other wall

Written on the opposite wall.

RADAR demo on other wall

When observing an overweight WRAF squeezed into uniform "Ten pounds of **** in a five pound bag"
The feeling of dehydration after a heavy night on the booze, "my mouth feels like the inside of a ****smugglers rucksack"
" I heard your mother keeps cage birds?" eh? I heard she's had a c##k or two!

As my fellow ATC Instructor would tell the students headed to town on a Friday night, "Go ugly early Shagger and avoid the midnight rush,"

MJG

My police daughter on first issue of a ladies' size truncheon.

"Yes, but where does the battery go?"

On asking why a Herc pilot was called "Sledge" I was told it was because he always got pulled by dogs......

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing".

March the guilty barstward in
 

My mate Rick (RIP) was volunteered for a station parade. During the full ‘Dress Rehearsal’ they had an inspection by the parade commander who stopped at Rick and said.

“Are those your best shoes airman?”

Rick replied
“No sir”

Inspecting officer-
Why didn’t you wear your best shoes airman?”

Rick
“Didn’t think you’d like em sir”

Inspecting officer-
“Why not airman?”

Rick
“Cos they’re Brown Suede Sir” :D

I too thought it was a tall tail until our new W/Cdr OC Engineering walked into the office saw Rick and said “Still got those Brown Suede Shoes Chief?”

What about:

"fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

Copy one persons work, that's plagiarism. Copy 2 people's work, that's research.

Shiny 10 - I can imagine that as a line for Baldrick in Blackadder

Re #204
DFF - Don't Fcuk Fatties. As used frequently by an Army guy in our office.

His mate was nick named Cattle Prod **bb as when they went to grab a granny he always went for the oldest and ugliest one as he knew she would be most grateful.

Seen on flying school WC wall....Pilots with short Pitots please taxi closer to gate.

:) - many years ago - whilst on a 12 month gliding holiday in zimbabwe (with occasional work breaks on Hawk T60's)
I owned an Austin Apache (cute little car,basically austin 1100 with triumph front and back end glued on) - 3 of us driving from Gwelo up to Salisbury,very hot day and on the way back the SU electric fuel pump packed up - the only way we got home was to pull the rear seat back out and get the rear seat passenger to keep clouting it with a jacking handle :) (pump was mounted in the boot).

One of the earliest scribblings I saw in the RAF was a flight safety poster on inside of bog door proclaiming ' Promote Flight Safety' - and scrawled underneath it was ' By not Fokin Flying' :)

Next time someone starts to hack you off just say, "we're going to play a little game now, it's called the f*£%-off game; you go first".

Always open to input from those of lower rank or status, in fact some of their ideas have been my best ideas however there also comes a point where the single issue lunatic needs to be put in his place. This is normally achieved quite successfully with "We're going to play a game of paper, scissors, rank. I'll go first......"

Same with the MGB, only the electric fuel pump was in the far right behind the seats and under the deck above the batteries (yes, two six-volt to provide a 12-volt system), so the driver (left side) could reach back and whack the deck with the knock-off hammer to break the contacts free.

"He doesn't know if he is punched, bored or countersunk"

We had a Sub Lt on the BOC course after me called Leathers, short for leatherman cos he was a tool for all occasions.


Actually he was a pretty decent guy, unfortunately lost his life in the Lynx crash off Plymouth searching for a man over board that turned out to be a false alarm..

To the person annoying you

"f@ck off.....and when you've f@cked off, f@ck off some more."