A personal one I was on the receiving end of:

It's early in the morning on a cold wet winters day and I'm walking up the hill to SHQ. Coming the other way is a very senior officer who is not looking like a ray of sunshine.

At the appropriate distance I saluted and said "good morning sir" to which I received the reply "Just the salute airman, I don't want a bloody weather forecast..."

"F*ckin' Hell!"

"Yes, Bloggs, you probably will..."

Some bosses are like clouds: the minute they disappear, the day suddenly gets BRIGHTER!

...or the boss who claimed to have the "helicopter effect" i.e. the ability to hover over a problem and see the way through it. His staff referred to the "glider effect". Someone getting higher and higher by going round in circles over a lot of hot air.

The week's wider events have reminded me of one from the 80s:

"These people have all the attributes of a dog."









"Except loyalty.'

A certain Sqn Cdr was known as "Pigeon", as you practically had to throw stones at him to get him to fly.......

I have experienced the "seagull effect" boss: arrives, makes a great deal of noise, sh*ts all over everything, and flies away...

TWB

Tern Hill Toilet Wall:
"Its no good standing on the seat
the crabs in here can jump 6 feet
And if you think that's f8€King high
Go next door, those B@stards fly!

On a 6442:
"I've thought about this airman's positive properties and have concluded that he can ride a bicycle!"

On the Line:
"...not me Chief. I'm engines waiting for a Bowser."
And
"Focking Focker is Focking Focked!!"

twb3. I think in the case of the "seagull" boss, you actually have to throw stones at him to make him fly.

Harrier sqn graffiti: SEngO for Pope, he would be no good, but at least he would be in Rome.
Underneath: He could tell you the volume of a jam jar, but doesn't know how to get the lid off.

"Can't make decision to the point that he won't tell you the time without involving someone else"

twb3, you forgot to include "steals everything he can,".

Australian cricket captain to team who insulted British cricket captain, standing at his elbow.

"Right! Which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard??!!!"

Not coming from the military world (I got a proper job after leaving school) don't bite. Worked with plenty who did, they used to come out with some strange and funny sayings.

Let's get of sticks and give it a blow, can we get the aircraft of jacks and take it out for an engine run.

Let's get some toys and make some noise, get some tools and go for an engine run.

Took me some time to work out what they were on about.

Australian cricketer Rod Marsh to Ian Botham. "Hows your wife and my kids" to which the reply was " The wife is fine but the kids are retarded"

Everyone who comes to this office brings us joy.
Some when they arrive - some when they leave!

Similar to trying to read your post then?.

Similar to a question to Shane Warne: "Warnie, why are you so 'kin fat?" Reply: "Every time I banged your mother, she gave me a biscuit!" Withering!

CG

There must be a word for a disfunctional memory [like mine] that remembers who, when and where a brilliant phrase first is registered. The same memory fails spectacularly where it matters, of course.

Examples:

so poor he doesn't have a pot to piss in [passenger, Brighton Station, c. 1956]

Scarce as rocking horse **** [Forecasters' Course c. 1960]

Built like a brick ****house [Air Trafficker, RAF Leeming, c. 1965]

Like **** off a shiny shovel [Corporal fireman, RAF Guetersloh, c. 1970]

Goodness me, langleybaston...
You can remember who and when - yet, after all this time, you've yet to work them out?
I think we should sit down and have a chat .. over a pint and, your shout, of course. :cool: