You can if it's an MGB fuel pump. (Also see, "Why do the Brits drink warm beer?"

Very true Drag, during my stint, 1964_1986, we tore each other up for a**e paper. I have seen tears shed at the crewroom bridge school, but at the end of the day we all drank together and woe betide any outsiders who tried to have a pop.

you can't polish a turd.......but you can sprinkle a little glitter on it!
MD:ok:

From a very clever young lady at work, after we'd been subjected to an hours boring earbashing from a senior manager: "Can you tell us what you just said?"

If it doesn't fit, doesn't force it.
Find out why it doesn't fit.
...
Then force it.

From my days in the MN -

If it moves - oil it
If it doesn't move - paint it
And if it moves when you paint it - salute it!

I was brought up with a variation of that (and I suspect there are many) ...

If it moves salute it.
If it doesn't move, pick it up.
If you can't pick it up, paint it.

In appreciation of an attractive woman.
"She can piss on my fish and chips."

What were that great sledge exchange between Warney and Richards?
Warney - after Richards misses a delivery "Can't you hit it mate? It's big and it's red."
Richards after smacking a six off the next delivery "Okay mun, now I've fokking hit it, you go an fokking find it..."

More on the cricket sledging.....

'So ******, why are you so fat?'

'Because every time I make love to your wife she gives me a biscuit!'

(Can't remember who said to who)

More cricket.

Javed Miandad (iirc) to Merv Hughes "You look like a fat bus conductor".

Next ball, clean bowled, stumps in all directions, Merv to Javed "Tickets please!"

Sorry - I know I've been posting a lot tonight but had to share this.
Son has just returned from a week with the RAAF Air-Cadets in Townsville.
One of the squadrons there has a mascot - a wedgetail eagle with the rank of Warrant officer - so the bird gets called sir.
He got demoted to Corporal a while back tho - cos he shat on the parade ground.

He was probably just busted to Flight Sergeant for that, Tartare.
He was taken down to Corporal for neglecting to direct an Airman to clean it up.

Whilst sitting on the pan a Basra some colleagues said...

"Here comes Tomahawk!"

"why do you call him that."

"you can see him coming, but there f@@k all you can do about it!"

"I can beat that. We used to have a boss called paveway..... we had to follow him building bridges"


and the classic parade ground saying!!

Drill Sgt leans in and places his stick on the shoulder of an airman in the second rank " there is a piece of sh*t on the end of this stick" the airman replies "Its not on this end!"

Another parade ground saying, Halton early 60's. Drill sergeant to apprentices' being taught how to march - '' May your ear 'oles turn to arse'oles and sh*t over your collar''

It didn't help with the marching....

Had a Drill Sergeant at the Towers called Malcolm P.....s - finest line in bellowed obscenity I ever heard - was posted as a discip sgt to MCTC Colchester.

Written on a toilet wall many years ago

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Spent a penny,
Only farted.

622 - it was Robert Key to Adam Gilchrist and he didn't say "make love"!

1.3, thanks for that...and I was keeping it clean :)

"I will be with you, whatever"

Bastard :mad: !!

Written on a toilet wall
"I hate Graffiti"
Some one had written underneath- "I hate all Italian food"

We had a chap we called Brad - because he was a small boring tool.

One of our bosses was a guy called Malcolm Hunt - this was quite a while before the American Pie films. - Yes you guessed. If he was out in the main office and his phone rang.... Telephone call for Mal....

On the MODSAP team in Riyadh in 1990, one of the branch officers was named
Mike Hunt. I don't know how he ever forgave his parents.....

We had a new young bloke come into our unit..
His surname was Paatz.
Well, of course, his rank was .. Private.
True!

In the Officers' Mess main toilet at RAF Finningley, where there was a gap between the bottom of the loo door and the floor, somebody has scratched: 'Beware limbo Dancers'.

Old Duffer

ahhh Freddie Trueman . . . .

That great man of the game FST of Yorkshire said of a visit to play in India that not even bowels of concrete could slow the passage of the food on offer. . One of his memorable stories (and he had a million of them)
concerned the English bowler Alf Gover . In India in I think 1948 with the Honourable Lionel Tennyson his captain .
India won the toss and batted. Gover opened the bowling,. As FS told it Gover paced his run up and declared it good. Turning he started his long run in arms and legs going like pistons .. . he passed his crease increasing speed down the pitch past the startled batsman on strike. He brushed aside third man and dodged two more leaving the field to enter the pavilion still at a cracking pace . . . After a minute or two the captain decided to see what had happened to Gover. He goes into the dressing room . . Gover. .. . where are you Gover? I'm in the ****house sir. What are you doing in there Gover? I've shat my pants sir. . . . Oh thats a pity Gover. Could we have the ball back now .. we want to get on with the game.

Another one ..
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Another toilet wall one.

The person it refers to was a rugby playing Foreman.

Someone wrote "Boris walks on water" in red. Some wag wrote "Ha ha, the bastrad sank" in green underneath.

Haven’t laughed so much in ages ! Brilliant, gentlemen - keep it going.

How to motivate a difficult OS student ? 240 volts or a banana………

Just sayin’……….. :oh:

Bog Wall.

I am considering flagellation, necrophilia and bestiality, would I be flogging a dead horse?

I'm pretty sure it was Eddo Brandes to Glenn McGrath.

According to a popular brand of search engine the above is correct !


...and reminded me of another one:


Rod Marsh : “So how’s your wife & my kids?”
Ian Botham : “The wife is fine but the kids are retarded”

Of course I'll still love you in the morning..................

Don't carry the rifle (SLR) by the carrying handle!

Good one.
Very thoughtful of them to add a 'carrying handle' - but I don't recall us ever really using it.

My favourite from an Aussie exchange engineer, " I had a hard on so big I didn't have the skin left to blink".

And another from nerd school:

There are only 10 types of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.

Repetition. XEng.

See post 10011110

(158 for those in the latter category above)

Wow, I worked with a Flt Lt Ted Gibson in Air Support Command Ops RAF Upavon 1971/72.
He was a supreme dispatcher of the frothy stuff and a serial cigarette poacher. He could be a bit prickly until he got to know you.
GGR

Getting back to the OP:
"I was in uniform when you were in liquid form!"

Should have reminded one of my Cathay instructors of that - perhaps not :)

You spend the first few minutes of your life trying to get out and the whole of the rest of it trying to get back in.