Supply Stupidities
Not related to aviation,but when I was posted to Eastern Radar (civil),in 1982,we bought a 2 -year old bungalow about 10 miles from Watton,which had a 'Hygena' kitchen fitted.We wanted a couple of extra base units,so went to the Hygena shop in Norwich,and ordered these,along with a roll of 'Formica' about 4m long,and 10cm wide,with associated double-sided adhesive tape,to fix it to the plinth and cover the joints.The cardboard boxes of flat-packed furniture duly arrived,and when I opened the one containing the tape,which seemed unnecessarily large,there was not one roll,but 2 dozen.Very useful stuff,and I am still using the remaining ones to this day,42 years later!
I went to stores to draw a shoulder-holster for my personal piece, only to be informed that these were “war stocks” and couldn’t be issued. Small outburst remedied that!
I pointed out that if war was declared Germany would become a two way range and those maps wouldn't be of much use.
Still had to get my boss to phone his boss to solve the problem though.
If, to a first approximation, light travels in straight lines, why does the RAF issue right angle torches? 
Note I said "trying".
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I was issued with a natty leather shoulder holster for a heady few days. After that, I tried to return it, but stores were having none of it and it followed me for the rest of my career, I couldn't even hand it in on retirement and I have never needed to play 007 since.
Then there was the time at Gütersloh when I was needed to play with the Harrier Force in Sennelager. It was a coldish German winter so I thought some cold weather gloves would come in handy. I popped into stores on the way to lunch to ask for a pair, only to be told they didn't have any. I carried on to the Mess where I chanced to meet the baby Supply Officer at the front door. I asked him what kind of ship he was running that did not stock cold weather gloves in winter? He promptly took me back to stores, went behind the counter and found a pair my size. Then he asked me who had said there weren't any. I pointed out the guilty party, whereupon he asked me if I could make my own way back to the Mess. I did not ask what happened but after that they seemed to have what I needed,
Then there was the time at Gütersloh when I was needed to play with the Harrier Force in Sennelager. It was a coldish German winter so I thought some cold weather gloves would come in handy. I popped into stores on the way to lunch to ask for a pair, only to be told they didn't have any. I carried on to the Mess where I chanced to meet the baby Supply Officer at the front door. I asked him what kind of ship he was running that did not stock cold weather gloves in winter? He promptly took me back to stores, went behind the counter and found a pair my size. Then he asked me who had said there weren't any. I pointed out the guilty party, whereupon he asked me if I could make my own way back to the Mess. I did not ask what happened but after that they seemed to have what I needed,
A story slightly relating to our friendly blanket-stackers….
In the late 1980s, the decision was made by their Airships that Supply Sqns would no longer be the responsibility of Admin Wg, but would transfer to Eng Wg across the whole air force. At Leuchars, we had an ex-airman MTO with a wicked sense of humour. On the day of the transfer he sent a memo to OC Admin informing him that as the number of officers under his command had fallen to a critical number, he was no longer entitled to his service Metro and was kindly to return it to MT immediately.
OC Admin fell for it completely and much wailing went on in Handbrake House until the jape was revealed!
In the late 1980s, the decision was made by their Airships that Supply Sqns would no longer be the responsibility of Admin Wg, but would transfer to Eng Wg across the whole air force. At Leuchars, we had an ex-airman MTO with a wicked sense of humour. On the day of the transfer he sent a memo to OC Admin informing him that as the number of officers under his command had fallen to a critical number, he was no longer entitled to his service Metro and was kindly to return it to MT immediately.
OC Admin fell for it completely and much wailing went on in Handbrake House until the jape was revealed!
Almost on topic -
During the 70's the poor chap who 'Blew' Canberra Canopies (Hood Coupe in the IPC ) unfortunately died,apparently there was nobody else trained up 
.
After some considerable time canopies became available again,although the first few out of t'factory were limited to day flying only due to distortion/substandard optical checks.
I doubt they were easy to manufacture as they were a 'Double Bubble' with an air gap between inner and outer perspex.
IPC = Illustrated Parts Catalogue
During the 70's the poor chap who 'Blew' Canberra Canopies (Hood Coupe in the IPC
) unfortunately died,apparently there was nobody else trained up .After some considerable time canopies became available again,although the first few out of t'factory were limited to day flying only due to distortion/substandard optical checks.
I doubt they were easy to manufacture as they were a 'Double Bubble' with an air gap between inner and outer perspex.
IPC = Illustrated Parts Catalogue
Last edited by longer ron; 16th Jan 2024 at 08:00. Reason: dejargonising :)
In the late 60s I was working in the supply squadron at RAF Fairford when it was operating two aircraft types Hercules and Concorde! One day one of our SNCOs came across a box that had just been delivered which was, unusually, covered in labels. Further examination revealed that it was a piece of test equipment which was scaled for use by every Hercules operating base and had, according to the labels, indeed been to every Hercules unit at least once, including overseas bases such as Changi and Akrotiri. Trying to understand what was going on we discovered that the culprit was the RAF’s supply central computer which as soon as a unit posted receipt of the item sent an issue order to despatch it to another location before it was possible to issue it internally to the user. As a result, this piece of test equipment had been in perpetual transit for months possibly years and had not been for a sharp eyed SNCO might have continued to travel the world for many more years.
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Kinloss, winter, mid 60's. Stores run out of de-icing fluid for the Shackleton, which had a system of pumping the fluid out of porous strips on the leading edge of the wings and tailplane.
Supply Officer could not understand why there was not enough. He had (allegedly) looked in the Autumn at how much had been used in the previous quarter and ordered accordingly for the next quarter.
Presumably to him it was just another Section/ Ref. No.
Supply Officer could not understand why there was not enough. He had (allegedly) looked in the Autumn at how much had been used in the previous quarter and ordered accordingly for the next quarter.
Presumably to him it was just another Section/ Ref. No.
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
280SU Cyprus, top of mountain with up to 26ft of snow in winter and prolonged sub-zero temperatures.
Mid-1970s and post invasion and rundown, MT section puts in order for usual winter anti-freeze. Signal comes back in reply from UK, “Please explain request for anti-freeze in a sub-tropical climate”.
Raised almost as much of a laugh as when the army brought up all their new diesel trucks up to the leave centre, parked them overnight, and all their engine blocks froze and split overnight…
Mid-1970s and post invasion and rundown, MT section puts in order for usual winter anti-freeze. Signal comes back in reply from UK, “Please explain request for anti-freeze in a sub-tropical climate”.
Raised almost as much of a laugh as when the army brought up all their new diesel trucks up to the leave centre, parked them overnight, and all their engine blocks froze and split overnight…
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BFT Cranwell in the late 70s, and a shortage of 'Bags, Navigation'. An edict was issued requiring any BFT student with a nav bag, to which we were apparently not entitled, to return them to stores ASAP so they could be re-issued to the Nav students who really needed them. One of my mates dutifuly took his bag back and handed it over, despite having added his initials in big black letters on the front flap. A few days later, said easily identifiable bag was seen being toted round the Stn in the flying-gloved hands of OC Supply Flt, a young Fg Off. A suggestion of some percussive counselling from the aggrieved previous owner was substituted for some more professional advice from the chap's boss, which seemed to do the trick as the bag was not seen again.
Like Mogwi, I also ran into the leg restraint garter buffoonery when North Luffenham was unable to provide during pre-Hawk kitting. Stores at Valley: "Can I have a set of leg restraints, please?" "Just a moment, sir..." And then: "Sorry, we only have one left, we can't do a pair." When I asked why they only had one, I was told it was a supply process designed to ensure a re-order. In reply to my next and obvious comment, he told me that they didn't know there was only one left until I asked for a set!
Falklands, F4 detachment at Stanley. The engineering system had correctly decided it would be better to do Minor* servicings in theatre than return aircraft to the UK. The supply system was informed of the requirement for the apropriate toolkit and, shortly thereafter, most F4 sqns were short of tools as they had been recalled and sent south. Why the suppliers thought it would be a good plan to send 9 Minor toolkits so that we could do all the aircraft at once is anyone's guess.
Falklands RTB, handing in those items issued in theatre, which included sea boots and the steel tortoise helmets (remember those?). My nav had unfortunately misplaced his tortoise, but the problem was easily fixed. I went first, and handed over my helmet and then the boots, which were stowed some distance apart. As the storeman took my boots down the counter to the boot section, my nav reached forward and retrieved my helmet from the rack. Storeman arrives back and is handed 1 helmet and 1 pair of boots. A very satisfying result!
Like Mogwi, I also ran into the leg restraint garter buffoonery when North Luffenham was unable to provide during pre-Hawk kitting. Stores at Valley: "Can I have a set of leg restraints, please?" "Just a moment, sir..." And then: "Sorry, we only have one left, we can't do a pair." When I asked why they only had one, I was told it was a supply process designed to ensure a re-order. In reply to my next and obvious comment, he told me that they didn't know there was only one left until I asked for a set!
Falklands, F4 detachment at Stanley. The engineering system had correctly decided it would be better to do Minor* servicings in theatre than return aircraft to the UK. The supply system was informed of the requirement for the apropriate toolkit and, shortly thereafter, most F4 sqns were short of tools as they had been recalled and sent south. Why the suppliers thought it would be a good plan to send 9 Minor toolkits so that we could do all the aircraft at once is anyone's guess.
Falklands RTB, handing in those items issued in theatre, which included sea boots and the steel tortoise helmets (remember those?). My nav had unfortunately misplaced his tortoise, but the problem was easily fixed. I went first, and handed over my helmet and then the boots, which were stowed some distance apart. As the storeman took my boots down the counter to the boot section, my nav reached forward and retrieved my helmet from the rack. Storeman arrives back and is handed 1 helmet and 1 pair of boots. A very satisfying result!
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When MOGWI snr was de-mobbed in 1946, he rather wanted to keep his “lucky” Irvin flying jacket. He noticed that any returned jackets that were not serviceable were being burnt on a bonfire, behind stores. Queue a quick, night raid on the smouldering heap, which supplied an unserviceable jacket that could be duly returned into the system, instead of his “old friend”.
I still have it!
Mog
I still have it!
Mog
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I still have a brand new nav bag in my wardrobe. I had replaced the old one, because with almost twenty years of use, it had big holes in the bottom corners.
However not long after, I decided with three months to go signing up to another seventeen years as “Spec Aircrew”, that I’d really had enough of being a pawn in aspirational Chiefs of the Air Staff’s careers, so I gave up and took my 38 point option to become a civvie.
Never got to use the nav bag and stores wouldn’t take it back.
However not long after, I decided with three months to go signing up to another seventeen years as “Spec Aircrew”, that I’d really had enough of being a pawn in aspirational Chiefs of the Air Staff’s careers, so I gave up and took my 38 point option to become a civvie.
Never got to use the nav bag and stores wouldn’t take it back.
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Some of you may remember (early 70's IIRC) a story in Air Clues of a storeman who was badly injured using 'incorrect' equipment in 'the stores'. It seemed this particular unit had some high level shelves, but had fallen foul of the 'not entitled' edict when asking for a ladder to reach the upper levels; however, having been a Bomber Command station of long standing, it still had a stock of Lancaster boarding ladders, so an enterprising storeman had started using one, which had eventually become normal practice in the stores. Now these ladders had steel feet (very slippery) and a small hook at the top to go over the door rim. Of course, along came a new young airman who was tasked to get something off the top shelf - and you know where this is going.
Needless to say after the subsequent BoI the unit solved the lack of correct ladder by ordering a whole load of very expensive 'low level' shelving and then having to move to a larger building to get it all in.
Needless to say after the subsequent BoI the unit solved the lack of correct ladder by ordering a whole load of very expensive 'low level' shelving and then having to move to a larger building to get it all in.
C stores
While at Laarbruch and suffering from a shortage of towbars we also worked the supply system by ordering a selection of C stores which when assembled resembled a Tornado tow bar.
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Posted into RAF Bruggen and as the new boy on the Sqn I was told I was going on a MaxiMash exercise playing casualties at RAF Wegberg.
Depression set in until I arrived and we all were gathered together and told the ropes., pointing to several tents we were informed we would dress the part and old clothing had been provided to be torn, so wounds, protruding bones, fake blood etc could be added to make up realistic casualties etc.
Entering the tents we were all astonished to find them filled with uniform returns, probably from the whole of the Army and RAF, flying boots, jackets, combat kit, shirts, the whole nine yards, it was like Christmas at the sweetie shop, everyone’s kit bags fair bulged with the gathered loot and little of it made it to the exercise..
I became a dab hand recycling worn kit through clothing stores thus insuring enough returned kit for the next exercise.
Back at work they couldn’t understand why I volunteered for the next one.
…
Depression set in until I arrived and we all were gathered together and told the ropes., pointing to several tents we were informed we would dress the part and old clothing had been provided to be torn, so wounds, protruding bones, fake blood etc could be added to make up realistic casualties etc.
Entering the tents we were all astonished to find them filled with uniform returns, probably from the whole of the Army and RAF, flying boots, jackets, combat kit, shirts, the whole nine yards, it was like Christmas at the sweetie shop, everyone’s kit bags fair bulged with the gathered loot and little of it made it to the exercise..
I became a dab hand recycling worn kit through clothing stores thus insuring enough returned kit for the next exercise.
Back at work they couldn’t understand why I volunteered for the next one.
…
Last edited by NutLoose; 17th Jan 2024 at 00:46.
Grippers.
Slight thread drift. 1969, ex-Blanket Stacker, Gripper, I've got it, you try and get it, whatever, now a Mover. Posted to U.K.M(ovements) A(nswer) to the (Muppet) S(how). Issued with a pair of matt black wellies. They gave up on me last year.
alt
alt
RAF C130K u/s at Dulles with a duff ASI. Send home fora new one.Box duly arrives and when opened contained a clock ! Crew back to the hotel' Next box arrives is opened and found to be empty.! Crew back to the hotel. Finally the correct item did arrive. I would have loved to eardrop on the conversations that went on back at Lyneham.
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RAF C130K u/s at Dulles with a duff ASI. Send home fora new one.Box duly arrives and when opened contained a clock ! Crew back to the hotel' Next box arrives is opened and found to be empty.! Crew back to the hotel. Finally the correct item did arrive. I would have loved to eardrop on the conversations that went on back at Lyneham.
Ordered a Capt. seat armrest for A319...box arrives feeling suspiciously heavy. Opened to reveal large pitot head with large label attached with BIG RED letters saying... "SCRAP "
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Cannot remember which Tornado unit I was on at the time, but some bright spark saw gearbox oil in the RAF supply network and being clever and resourceful decided that gearbox oil must be for vehicles and as the Army had control of vehicle consumables the item was duly transferred to Army control, so one less item to be stored and managed by the RAF supply chain.
On ordering some oil for the Wing Sweep Actuator Gearboxes for said Tornado I was informed that item was Army controlled and for vehicle use only, on asking who had decided this, no answer forthcoming, and were they aware that a Tornado aircraft was now grounded by this daft notion, silence from other end, it took a while for some clever people to try and get ground use oil back into the RAF supply chain so it could be issued and used for the only ‘vehicle’ it was used in.
While on deployment with 18 Squadron we ordered a part and two of us were dispatched to pick it as it was weekend and supply were unable to deliver within the timescale required, On turning up Saturday morning we were met by a young lad who said they could not locate item as the stores computer was down, we said “why not use the Kardex system”, to which his response was “what is that”, when explained that it was the supply chain manual backup he had no idea as he was never told about it, luckily we knew where it was and just hoped it was being kept updated, it was and we were soon on our way back to our lovely field.
On ordering some oil for the Wing Sweep Actuator Gearboxes for said Tornado I was informed that item was Army controlled and for vehicle use only, on asking who had decided this, no answer forthcoming, and were they aware that a Tornado aircraft was now grounded by this daft notion, silence from other end, it took a while for some clever people to try and get ground use oil back into the RAF supply chain so it could be issued and used for the only ‘vehicle’ it was used in.
While on deployment with 18 Squadron we ordered a part and two of us were dispatched to pick it as it was weekend and supply were unable to deliver within the timescale required, On turning up Saturday morning we were met by a young lad who said they could not locate item as the stores computer was down, we said “why not use the Kardex system”, to which his response was “what is that”, when explained that it was the supply chain manual backup he had no idea as he was never told about it, luckily we knew where it was and just hoped it was being kept updated, it was and we were soon on our way back to our lovely field.
Kinloss, winter, mid 60's. Stores run out of de-icing fluid for the Shackleton, which had a system of pumping the fluid out of porous strips on the leading edge of the wings and tailplane.
Supply Officer could not understand why there was not enough. He had (allegedly) looked in the Autumn at how much had been used in the previous quarter and ordered accordingly for the next quarter.
Presumably to him it was just another Section/ Ref. No.
Supply Officer could not understand why there was not enough. He had (allegedly) looked in the Autumn at how much had been used in the previous quarter and ordered accordingly for the next quarter.
Presumably to him it was just another Section/ Ref. No.