I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
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Halton in the fifties, the junior entry's first church parade. They file into the church, some of them for the first time in their lives, a few finding the atmosphere unfamiliar and slightly bewildering.
From the doorway, a typical drill-instructor corporal supervises the apprentices slowly filling the pews.
A sudden and loud bark from the corporal.........." you at the front, YES YOU,
get your 'at off in the 'ouse of gawd, you hignorant little c**t "
(absolutely true, I was there !)
From the doorway, a typical drill-instructor corporal supervises the apprentices slowly filling the pews.
A sudden and loud bark from the corporal.........." you at the front, YES YOU,
get your 'at off in the 'ouse of gawd, you hignorant little c**t "
(absolutely true, I was there !)
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Luqa, Malta in the middle sixties, Greece and Turkey doing a lot of sabre rattling at each other so everyone fairly busy keeping an eye on developments.
In the mess, 39 squadron engineer officer proclaims, I've got twelve Canberras, nine are fully serviceable and six are flying.
Rather dour 38 squadron flight commander responds " I've got eight Shackletons, none are serviceable, all are flying !"
In the mess, 39 squadron engineer officer proclaims, I've got twelve Canberras, nine are fully serviceable and six are flying.
Rather dour 38 squadron flight commander responds " I've got eight Shackletons, none are serviceable, all are flying !"
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Following the couple of Halton stories, a bleak winter morning on1Wing in 1968, the Wing WO, known to the disrespectful apps as Fu Mancho ( remember him?) on parade, his favorite dislikes were bandsmen and apps wearing shoes, on spotting a bandsman in shoes,
"Oi you ladee, where's your boots?" ( hi pitch)
Small defiant voice from the middle of the band,
" Cobblers Sir"
Small things that lightened the gloom.
Regards,
om15.
"Oi you ladee, where's your boots?" ( hi pitch)
Small defiant voice from the middle of the band,
" Cobblers Sir"
Small things that lightened the gloom.
Regards,
om15.
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The new Station Commander (as he used to be called) decided to smarten everybody up a bit. The order was published and circulated reminding everyone they were in a military service.........hats would be worn on heads and not tucked under epaulettes........ hands would NOT be thrust into pockets.........boots and shoes would be clean and polished.......etc, etc.
Driving around the station in his Standard Vanguard he passed between two hangars and was outraged to see an airman slouching along, hands in pockets and hat stowed.
The Station Master stopped his car and to get the attention of the offending airman leaned on the car horn BEEEP.......BEEEP.....BEEEEEP
From out of both hangars poured a stream of airmen, caps under epaulettes, scruffy boots and shoes, large mugs in hand looking for the Naafi wagon.
Driving around the station in his Standard Vanguard he passed between two hangars and was outraged to see an airman slouching along, hands in pockets and hat stowed.
The Station Master stopped his car and to get the attention of the offending airman leaned on the car horn BEEEP.......BEEEP.....BEEEEEP
From out of both hangars poured a stream of airmen, caps under epaulettes, scruffy boots and shoes, large mugs in hand looking for the Naafi wagon.
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Flt Sgt "Bog Brush" Holt
This fearsome NCO was at Cranditz in the early 60s. Unimpressed by our drill, especially the noises we were not making by striking the woodwork of our rifles, he remarked "Pathetic, Gentlemen! I could make more noise rattling my goolies in a Jamjar!" Voice, hidden within the ranks, "You couldn't get your goolies IN a jamjar"
Last edited by A2QFI; 20th Sep 2006 at 06:14.
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Told me by an old Royal Corps of Transport (Rickshaws, cabs and taxis) mate....
Officer to Sgt Major looking at assembled ranks, 'Srnt Major, can't you find something useful for these men to do, or at least **** them about a bit'
"Yes sir, **** them about a bit, yes sir, understood sir"
Sgt Major to troop..
"Companyyyyy, Shun!
"Hats off, hats on, hats off, hats on!" "Staaaaand easy"
Sgt Major to Officer...
"Men now fecked about sir."
Officer... "Well done Srnt Major, carry on"!
Officer to Sgt Major looking at assembled ranks, 'Srnt Major, can't you find something useful for these men to do, or at least **** them about a bit'
"Yes sir, **** them about a bit, yes sir, understood sir"
Sgt Major to troop..
"Companyyyyy, Shun!
"Hats off, hats on, hats off, hats on!" "Staaaaand easy"
Sgt Major to Officer...
"Men now fecked about sir."
Officer... "Well done Srnt Major, carry on"!
Cosford in the early 60's.
New lot of Boy Entrants being indoctrinated by DI Cpl.
"Right you lot, on Saturdays you will take your bedding outside to air it, and if it's raining you can do on Friday night!"
New lot of Boy Entrants being indoctrinated by DI Cpl.
"Right you lot, on Saturdays you will take your bedding outside to air it, and if it's raining you can do on Friday night!"
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Discip sergeant to bedding store corporal,
"at 08.00 tomorra, the duty horficer wants to do a one-'undred-percent check on the bedding "
"But sarge, we ain't got an 'undred sets of bedding...."
"Alright, I'll put 'im off - but let me know when you have"
"at 08.00 tomorra, the duty horficer wants to do a one-'undred-percent check on the bedding "
"But sarge, we ain't got an 'undred sets of bedding...."
"Alright, I'll put 'im off - but let me know when you have"
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Many [many] moons ago, I was at the bus stop outside R.A.F.Buchan, when the Saish pulled up in his Standard Vanguard to ask if I wanted a lift. Raising my LEFT arm in acknowledgement, I got into the car [I ran the modelling club, and the Staish's son was a member]. Unfortunately I was seen by the Flt Sgt......"You DON'T salute with your left hand "....Me..."I wasn't saluting the Boss, I was waving" 
watp,iktch
watp,iktch
Gentleman Aviator
'Tis the season to remember BoB Cockers Ps.
On one occasion at Aldergrove I remember being at the door of the dining room to receive guests. They had been met in the foyer by the Staish and the highly paid help, and then walked along the corridor to the dining room by the baby pilots to meet their hosts.
Baby pilot arrives with Distinguished Military Looking Middle Aged Man in Suit.
Baby P: Sqn Ldr Teeters,may I introduce Major Gerald H*******
DMLMAMiS: Actually it's Major General H*******!!
Baby P:
On one occasion at Aldergrove I remember being at the door of the dining room to receive guests. They had been met in the foyer by the Staish and the highly paid help, and then walked along the corridor to the dining room by the baby pilots to meet their hosts.
Baby pilot arrives with Distinguished Military Looking Middle Aged Man in Suit.
Baby P: Sqn Ldr Teeters,may I introduce Major Gerald H*******
DMLMAMiS: Actually it's Major General H*******!!
Baby P:
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Often told tale about Paddy Bandon, known to many as 'The Abandoned Earl', as he arrived at an Officers' Mess bar in Egypt in WW2 with a small entourage - a little the worse for a few weeks of dusty, desert living - and ordered a round of drinks. Tatty shirts, generally unkempt appearance, you get the idea.
Smart army officer strolls up in high dudgeon. "I'm Major the Honourable Twitters; you chaps are scruffy and not in keeping with mess dress standards and you should leave at once."
Paddy replies: "And I'm Group Captain the Earl of Bandon. I outrank you on both counts and you can f***K off in fine pitch!".
Smart army officer strolls up in high dudgeon. "I'm Major the Honourable Twitters; you chaps are scruffy and not in keeping with mess dress standards and you should leave at once."
Paddy replies: "And I'm Group Captain the Earl of Bandon. I outrank you on both counts and you can f***K off in fine pitch!".
Last edited by GlosMikeP; 20th Sep 2006 at 10:59.
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Just like when the RAAF Police pushed in to the bagpipe audience in the street in downtown Penang and acosted the obviously oldest person there - in a white shirt and tie of course - "who are you?"
"Wg Cdr T*****, who are you?"
Depart RAAF P.
"Wg Cdr T*****, who are you?"
Depart RAAF P.
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As were on a BoB theme at the moment, i found this posting on another forces site. Thought you might appreciate it so I have copied it here.
"My golf club, Prince's in Sandwich, Kent celebrated it's centenery this year and the son of it's designer and first secretary was a famous WW 2 fighter ace and Walker Cup player, Wing Commander "Laddie Lucas"
A plaque has been placed on the course nearto the location where Laddie crash landed his spitfire after being damaged during an engagement over France.
Briefly, he was returning from a mission to Lille in France and heading back to RAF Manston near Ramsgate. He had been hit in the engine and wing by a Messerschmit 109 at 17,000 feet over Le'Touquet. He had smoke in the cockpit and the Merlin engine sounding extremely rough! Half way accross the Straits of Dover, his engine packed in and he thought that he might have to ditch.
He saw the outline of the Guilford Hotel in Sandwich Bay and then the club house of Prince's Golf Club where he was born and grew up. He decided that he had enough height to carry out a forced landing and knowing the course picked his spot and landed smoothly "just out of bounds" in a marsh at the back of the old ninth green!
This feat prompted the golf commentator Henry Longhurst to telegram Laddie congratulating him for his flying skills but not his golf as he had landed out of bounds!
Laddie went onto fly througout the war, particularly in the defence of Malta."
"My golf club, Prince's in Sandwich, Kent celebrated it's centenery this year and the son of it's designer and first secretary was a famous WW 2 fighter ace and Walker Cup player, Wing Commander "Laddie Lucas"
A plaque has been placed on the course nearto the location where Laddie crash landed his spitfire after being damaged during an engagement over France.
Briefly, he was returning from a mission to Lille in France and heading back to RAF Manston near Ramsgate. He had been hit in the engine and wing by a Messerschmit 109 at 17,000 feet over Le'Touquet. He had smoke in the cockpit and the Merlin engine sounding extremely rough! Half way accross the Straits of Dover, his engine packed in and he thought that he might have to ditch.
He saw the outline of the Guilford Hotel in Sandwich Bay and then the club house of Prince's Golf Club where he was born and grew up. He decided that he had enough height to carry out a forced landing and knowing the course picked his spot and landed smoothly "just out of bounds" in a marsh at the back of the old ninth green!
This feat prompted the golf commentator Henry Longhurst to telegram Laddie congratulating him for his flying skills but not his golf as he had landed out of bounds!
Laddie went onto fly througout the war, particularly in the defence of Malta."
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Another one I recall about Paddy, the 'Abandoned Earl'
Air Marshal Bandon landed a Vampire in the early 50s and overshot the end of the runway, going clean through the perimiter hedge. Air Marshal Dick Atcherley, who was then AOC 12 Group, signalled him:
"Congratulations on being the first officer of Air rank to go through the barrier. We heard the bang from here!"
Air Marshal Bandon landed a Vampire in the early 50s and overshot the end of the runway, going clean through the perimiter hedge. Air Marshal Dick Atcherley, who was then AOC 12 Group, signalled him:
"Congratulations on being the first officer of Air rank to go through the barrier. We heard the bang from here!"
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Then there was the another AOC story (forget who it was attributable to)..............The AVM normally arrived at zero-zero feet in his personalised blue meteor, a split arsed circuit, land and commence the inspection.
The parade, facing the runway, were intrigued to watch a venom approach from some distance and perform an immaculate landing sans landing gear.
As the thing skidded to a halt, the fire landrover driver rushed over to the pilot slowly extricating himself and yelled,
" You c**t, the AOC is about to arrive !!!"
" Sergeant," pointing at his epaulettes,"I AM the AOC !!!"
(His meteor had gone u/s and he'd borrowed the venom with which he wasn't very current !)
The parade, facing the runway, were intrigued to watch a venom approach from some distance and perform an immaculate landing sans landing gear.
As the thing skidded to a halt, the fire landrover driver rushed over to the pilot slowly extricating himself and yelled,
" You c**t, the AOC is about to arrive !!!"
" Sergeant," pointing at his epaulettes,"I AM the AOC !!!"
(His meteor had gone u/s and he'd borrowed the venom with which he wasn't very current !)
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Didn't "The abandoned Earl" open a Middle East station new swimming pool by declaring the pool "Now well and truly open" and then diving in in his full regalia including hat and sword ?
But he probably agreed with the sergeant's accurate comment!
I was once chatting in a crew room about an Air Clues article describing how some FR mate in a Swift had flown into trees after some press-on-itis in the 1950s RAFG. "What an utter tit!", I concluded.
"Actually", said a Gp Capt from across the room, "That was me..... But you're absolutely right!"
'twas the splendid Pat King - very nice chap indeed.
I was once chatting in a crew room about an Air Clues article describing how some FR mate in a Swift had flown into trees after some press-on-itis in the 1950s RAFG. "What an utter tit!", I concluded.
"Actually", said a Gp Capt from across the room, "That was me..... But you're absolutely right!"
'twas the splendid Pat King - very nice chap indeed.
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Humour
Heard after a few beers on a friday afternoon SAOEU session:
Whats the difference between a GR3 pilot and a 1000LB GP bomb - the latter isn't retarded!
Whats the diffrence between a GR3 and its driver? The GR3 stops whining when the sorties over!
Not forgetting the A flight nav who flew on the early Grob trials - cos they wanted a representative air cadet!!
Happy days
Whats the difference between a GR3 pilot and a 1000LB GP bomb - the latter isn't retarded!
Whats the diffrence between a GR3 and its driver? The GR3 stops whining when the sorties over!
Not forgetting the A flight nav who flew on the early Grob trials - cos they wanted a representative air cadet!!
Happy days
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