Apocryphal SWO stories out there.......
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Age: 78
Posts: 389
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Story Ben Harborn Hereford
Ben You wait here when the duke of edinburgh comes through tell me
Airman Yes sir
Car with flag, man leaps in front, car stops. man knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Senior type No I am the AOC
Airman OK Mate you can go
Car with bigger flag and stars man leaps in front car stops man knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Very senior type No I am the Cin C
Airman OK mate you can go
Bigger car with two flags and lots of stars, leaps in front, knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Extremely senior royal gent Yes I am
Airman I should bugger of mate the SWO is after yer
Airman Yes sir
Car with flag, man leaps in front, car stops. man knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Senior type No I am the AOC
Airman OK Mate you can go
Car with bigger flag and stars man leaps in front car stops man knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Very senior type No I am the Cin C
Airman OK mate you can go
Bigger car with two flags and lots of stars, leaps in front, knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Extremely senior royal gent Yes I am
Airman I should bugger of mate the SWO is after yer
Cunning Artificer
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: The spiritual home of DeHavilland
Age: 76
Posts: 3,127
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Chief Tech Watson walks out of breakfast and short cuts across the parade ground (which on an RAF Station would be the main car park). Unfortunately this station shares its domestic site with the Army.
The RSM bellows out “STAFF SERGEANT!” but Chiefy carries on, oblivious, reading a newspaper as he goes.
The RSM repeats the call “STAFF SERGEANT!!” and Chiefy carries on…
The RSM now double marches himself round the perimeter of the parade ground (knees up, Mother Brown…) and intercepts Chiefy Watson at the far side of the parade ground.
“When I call you, Staff Sergeant, you come to me, AT THE DOUBLE!” “UNDERSTAND?”
“I’m not a Staff Sergeant, Sir. I’m a Chief Technician.”
“If you was in the Army, you’d be a Staff Sergeant!!!”
“If I was in the Army, I’d be a bloody Colonel.” “Sir”.
The RSM bellows out “STAFF SERGEANT!” but Chiefy carries on, oblivious, reading a newspaper as he goes.
The RSM repeats the call “STAFF SERGEANT!!” and Chiefy carries on…
The RSM now double marches himself round the perimeter of the parade ground (knees up, Mother Brown…) and intercepts Chiefy Watson at the far side of the parade ground.
“When I call you, Staff Sergeant, you come to me, AT THE DOUBLE!” “UNDERSTAND?”
“I’m not a Staff Sergeant, Sir. I’m a Chief Technician.”
“If you was in the Army, you’d be a Staff Sergeant!!!”
“If I was in the Army, I’d be a bloody Colonel.” “Sir”.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Tennessee - Smoky Mountains
Age: 55
Posts: 1,602
Likes: 0
Received 1 Like
on
1 Post
Apocryphal indeed.
"Don't you salute RAF officers in the Army, Private?"
"No Sir, we don't have any".
Anyway, the RSM was doing the Chief a favour, promoting him like that to Staff Sergeant.
"Don't you salute RAF officers in the Army, Private?"
"No Sir, we don't have any".
Anyway, the RSM was doing the Chief a favour, promoting him like that to Staff Sergeant.
Scene AOC's Parade (remember them?)
Parade WO (formerly of The Queen's Colour Squadron) executes crisp but slightly eccentric drill manoeuvres.
AOC: That's not how we do that in the Royal Air Force.
WO: If it's good enough for Buckingham Palace, it's good enough for RAF Lossiemouth, Sir!
Batco
Who introduced his fiancée to parents whilst Captain of the Tower Guard.
Parade WO (formerly of The Queen's Colour Squadron) executes crisp but slightly eccentric drill manoeuvres.
AOC: That's not how we do that in the Royal Air Force.
WO: If it's good enough for Buckingham Palace, it's good enough for RAF Lossiemouth, Sir!
Batco
Who introduced his fiancée to parents whilst Captain of the Tower Guard.
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Darwin,N T
Age: 76
Posts: 3
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Cottesmore SWO
I believe the Polish SWO at Cottesmore in the early 70's was my father, Master Pilot B J (Bob) Adamek. Could be recognised by the mo and the big Afghan hound. He started in '44 flying Wimpeys and did his last flying tour in Sharjah in '71 I believe. Sadly passed away in '94.
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Back to the fold in the map
Posts: 382
Likes: 0
Received 3 Likes
on
1 Post
long story ...but worth telling.
Not quite about SWOs (although one of the protagonists did act as the SWO on occasion). I had the dubious pleasure of being the OiC the Sgts Mess at one of the northern radar stations. The Rock Ape WO at the time was a charming Southern Irishman - charming but hard as nails. The other protagonist was the WO Officers Mess manager who was a nasty piece of work - employed his wife as one of the Batty's simply so she could tell him what was happening around the Mess and he would then use that information to his advantage. He and I never got on for reasons that were not apparent to me. Anyway, as OiC I was invited to the Sgt Mess Summer Ball - which I duly attended. The said Officers Mess WO was absolutely harry ****ers by about 1930 and placed himself in the foyer to the Mess to be rude and obnoxious to the late comers - especially any lady that appeared. Thinking that this was not on - I took him to one side whereupon he simply gave me a mouthfull and offered to take me outside and "sort me out". Discretion deserted me and I saw an opportunity to "teach this oaf" a lesson, so I was halfway out of my jacket when a hand appeared on my shoulder - said Rock Ape. "I'll sort this out Sir" - look, what's that over there"? I turned momentarily and heard the sound of a breaking nose. Imagine my surprise when I look back to see the inert form of the obnoxious WO being dragged through the doors into the kitchen, with his nose spread all over his face. "Shall we go for a beer Sir" says my new found hero! So PM, I suspect you are not reader of this august forum but, wherever you are - "God Bless You".
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Often in Jersey, but mainly in the past.
Age: 79
Posts: 7,811
Received 137 Likes
on
64 Posts
I do recall the SWO at Waddington in the early 80s, although sadly not his name. I persuaded him that the Guardroom floor was shiny enough, and that perhaps a good use of defaulters would be to clear litter and other FOD out of the ankle wire surrounding the V-Force dispersals.
Tiptoeing between the wire, picking up cr@p by hand, in a Linconshire winter may have sorted out a few serial offenders. Anyway, there was always roadsweeping as the easy option, which was his preference ...
But Flight Safety prevailed.
Tiptoeing between the wire, picking up cr@p by hand, in a Linconshire winter may have sorted out a few serial offenders. Anyway, there was always roadsweeping as the easy option, which was his preference ...
But Flight Safety prevailed.
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 82
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
RAF Marham, mid seventies. It was decided from on high that the 55 Squadron SNCOs were to form a separate flight on the AOCs parade. Come practice day the SWO had chalked three sets of lines on the dispersal to make it obvious to us participants that on the ‘right dress’ we would be given a bit of help.
So on the order ‘right dress we all shuffled into position and got ourselves all lined up.
The SWO then wandered down the line to check on our dressing.
Stopping behind me he asked that I get my toes on the line to match everyone else.
When I pointed out to him that my feet were quite short and all around me had big feet and therefore it would be better if we all placed our heels on the line, the titters from the assembled caused him to have a hissy fit.
I missed the next practice parade by being on a standby duty, but the assembled did say that he spent a long time looking for me.
So on the order ‘right dress we all shuffled into position and got ourselves all lined up.
The SWO then wandered down the line to check on our dressing.
Stopping behind me he asked that I get my toes on the line to match everyone else.
When I pointed out to him that my feet were quite short and all around me had big feet and therefore it would be better if we all placed our heels on the line, the titters from the assembled caused him to have a hissy fit.
I missed the next practice parade by being on a standby duty, but the assembled did say that he spent a long time looking for me.
Last edited by papa_sierra; 30th Jul 2013 at 19:13.
Binbrook Jun 81 -1215 (ie lunchtime). SWO, WO PSF and others looking down the road to the main gate as several black cars swept in, "Did not know there was a funeral today" says the SWO in his Irish lilt, with an edge because no one told him about the "funeral" - at which point the SWO suddenly got the picture "F//@@ing Hell - it's Part 1 Taceval". All hell breaks out.
Remember the day well as on going to the OM for a post taceval beer, I had a phone call to say my Mum was on her way out. Made Northwood in 3 hours, and with 10 minutes to spare. Interestingly we learned a casualty handling lesson - we practised getting messages "out", but not "in" - my brother had been trying to get me since 1400 but the system could not tell the operator where I as an individual was located so could not get the call to me. Hey, ho.
Remember the day well as on going to the OM for a post taceval beer, I had a phone call to say my Mum was on her way out. Made Northwood in 3 hours, and with 10 minutes to spare. Interestingly we learned a casualty handling lesson - we practised getting messages "out", but not "in" - my brother had been trying to get me since 1400 but the system could not tell the operator where I as an individual was located so could not get the call to me. Hey, ho.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 32,993
Received 2,893 Likes
on
1,238 Posts
Jack Holt gets a mention in this months Flypast, apparently parts of the film High Flight was filmed in a hangar there, although no one can confirm it and Jack Holt was but a discip Flight Sergeant.
Anyway I digress, Jack was looking out of the window when he sees a slovenly airman ambling past, quick as a shot he opens the window an bellows out Aaaaaairrman, smarting yourself up... To which the reply comes I am an actor. Jack wasn't having any of it and replies that while he was wearing the uniform of the RAF and representing the Queen, he WILL smarten himself up and wear it with pride, which the unfortunate actor did.
Anyway I digress, Jack was looking out of the window when he sees a slovenly airman ambling past, quick as a shot he opens the window an bellows out Aaaaaairrman, smarting yourself up... To which the reply comes I am an actor. Jack wasn't having any of it and replies that while he was wearing the uniform of the RAF and representing the Queen, he WILL smarten himself up and wear it with pride, which the unfortunate actor did.
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Age: 78
Posts: 389
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Pace Stick
Ben Harborne (SWO Hereford) holds pace stick 1 mm from mans nose and shouts "there is a bloody fool at the end of this stick"
Man replies "not this end Sir"
Exit stout party
Man replies "not this end Sir"
Exit stout party
Not too long ago at a Rotary Base in Shropshire, SWO see's a Cpl walking with an SAC, said Cpl did not have a Beret on. SWo to SAC young man what do you think the punishment should be for not wearing your beret', SAC 1000 lines by hand 'I must wear my Beret when leaving the Mess', SWO great idea Cpl have 1000 lines in my office tomorrow. It was a tense shift for the rest of the day, it was funny though.
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Often in Jersey, but mainly in the past.
Age: 79
Posts: 7,811
Received 137 Likes
on
64 Posts
KPax ... my Boarding School had some nasty variations on Lines.
1. You had to purchase the special, yellow, lined paper from the Prefects' Common Room.
2. You were only allowed 7 words per line, so writing "I Must .. etc" 25 times down the page didn't work ... they made sure there was +/- 7 words in wot you rote!
3. Usually when you handed it in, the b****** just tore it up without checking ... buy who takes that chance?
1. You had to purchase the special, yellow, lined paper from the Prefects' Common Room.
2. You were only allowed 7 words per line, so writing "I Must .. etc" 25 times down the page didn't work ... they made sure there was +/- 7 words in wot you rote!
3. Usually when you handed it in, the b****** just tore it up without checking ... buy who takes that chance?
Contrary to expectation and the general impression I seek to create at every opportunity I am not in fact a bull elephant
The line usually set by my English master, Jim Golland, who went from being Head of English at Harrow County to ditto at Harrow School. A fine scholar, a great historian of Pinner and an absolute gentleman. Thanks Jim.
You might suppose that I remember it so well from 60 odd years ago because I wrote it so often. You might not be wrong!
The line usually set by my English master, Jim Golland, who went from being Head of English at Harrow County to ditto at Harrow School. A fine scholar, a great historian of Pinner and an absolute gentleman. Thanks Jim.
You might suppose that I remember it so well from 60 odd years ago because I wrote it so often. You might not be wrong!
In my time as an RAFVR(T) officer, one of the most efficient men I ever met was the Station FS at North Luffenham in 1991, a Northern Ireland gent whose name escapes me (Brian?) and who I believe may have gone to St Athan as SWO at a later point. If either the Annual Camp Commandant or I went to him with a problem, his immediate reply was "Sir, you do not have a problem; I have a problem". Always immaculate, legend had it that he had a different pair of shoes for each day of the week, more of which shortly. I have two overriding memories of him that week.
The Camp Comm and I were talking to him just inside a building entrance which overlooked the main drag to the JRM. An airman walked past with his hands in his pockets, not having seen said FS. "Excuse me sirs", said the FS at which point a roar was emitted at the unfortunate airman, who had no idea where the voice had come from. Cue arms and legs flying in all directions...
This FS had a distinct like for Asbach brandy and one of our "braver" instructors, an Adult Warrant Officer who was known for his ability to consume a few decided he was going to try to and out drink him. The next morning at 8.00am the FS appeared, not a hair out of place, shoes immaculate as always, ready for the day. Cue the appearance of a translucent AWO, barely in touch with reality, volunteering to do my turn as Duty Officer as he was on the fragile side of fragile. The Camp Comm, later to become OC Wing was less than impressed...
I've often wondered what happened to the FS as he was a top bloke.
The Camp Comm and I were talking to him just inside a building entrance which overlooked the main drag to the JRM. An airman walked past with his hands in his pockets, not having seen said FS. "Excuse me sirs", said the FS at which point a roar was emitted at the unfortunate airman, who had no idea where the voice had come from. Cue arms and legs flying in all directions...
This FS had a distinct like for Asbach brandy and one of our "braver" instructors, an Adult Warrant Officer who was known for his ability to consume a few decided he was going to try to and out drink him. The next morning at 8.00am the FS appeared, not a hair out of place, shoes immaculate as always, ready for the day. Cue the appearance of a translucent AWO, barely in touch with reality, volunteering to do my turn as Duty Officer as he was on the fragile side of fragile. The Camp Comm, later to become OC Wing was less than impressed...
I've often wondered what happened to the FS as he was a top bloke.
