Apocryphal SWO stories out there.......
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Od Lamb Like cpl
Krystal - you have just reminded me of how a system set up to offer other airmen a lift eastwards from Brawdy at weekends came crashing down thanks to said cpl. The plan was for those with cars (mainly techies) to inform the Gen Offfice of proposed travel plans and a list was then displayed to allow the lowly paid mortals to hitch a lift and share petrol costs. It worked well until said cpl had the intricacies of the system explained to him and as soon as he started calling the would be drivers - surprise surprise - they all had to cancel their travel plans. System died within a week!
RAF Nicosia c. 1962 had Mr Smith as SWO ....... routinely changed complete kit lunch-time.
A gentleman, not one for shouting, but very effective.
A good friend of the Guide Captain [Mrs lb as above] and the Scoutmaster [lb the metman], and helped a great deal with essential camping infrastructure such as a daily bowser and a few jankers walahs to dig 'oles.
I learned then that the SWO and the MTO were key allies in the struggle for survival.
A gentleman, not one for shouting, but very effective.
A good friend of the Guide Captain [Mrs lb as above] and the Scoutmaster [lb the metman], and helped a great deal with essential camping infrastructure such as a daily bowser and a few jankers walahs to dig 'oles.
I learned then that the SWO and the MTO were key allies in the struggle for survival.
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In those days, films came in reels, and during a change of reels, one of our loadies whispered to his companion that the film was good, but it was a pity that the roaring fire was flickering on the screen. The ever-present RSM heard this, looked around the Mess and addressed his oldest and most experienced Sergeant, "Sergeant MacDonald, go and stand in front of the fire, so that our guests can enjoy the film to the full." Our heroes didn't catch the end of the film but slunk off back to their tents.
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Only two spring to mind.... 
Late eighties at Lossie, while bimbling back onto camp I got to watch the SWO go to 80,000ft in no time as 8 Sqn towed a couple of safety raisers accross HIS grass and proceeded to rob the gate guard of its rudders as they had less life than any on the line! Something along the lines of "I don't car who authorised it!.... Did they give you permission to cross MY grass!"
And one I chortle about from time to time even now, Bruggen in the early nineties I came out of SHQ behind the SWO to see a scruffy airman in dirty overalls, and no beret, hands in pockets, merrily scuffing along the road. SWO bellows at 200db "AIRMAN"! Airman jumps, points at SWO, jaw drops, points at SWO and yells "SWOman!", then legs it of through the woods towards 17Sqn as fast as can be.... priceless! Never seen a human get as red faced without suffering heart failure!
Late eighties at Lossie, while bimbling back onto camp I got to watch the SWO go to 80,000ft in no time as 8 Sqn towed a couple of safety raisers accross HIS grass and proceeded to rob the gate guard of its rudders as they had less life than any on the line! Something along the lines of "I don't car who authorised it!.... Did they give you permission to cross MY grass!"
And one I chortle about from time to time even now, Bruggen in the early nineties I came out of SHQ behind the SWO to see a scruffy airman in dirty overalls, and no beret, hands in pockets, merrily scuffing along the road. SWO bellows at 200db "AIRMAN"! Airman jumps, points at SWO, jaw drops, points at SWO and yells "SWOman!", then legs it of through the woods towards 17Sqn as fast as can be.... priceless! Never seen a human get as red faced without suffering heart failure!
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I've posted this one before, but I think it's worth a 2nd showing.
Finningley 1975.
100 Airmen, post breakfast, walking to work down the main drag.
1 LAC minus beret.
SWO 'Johnny' Walker appears on Guardroom verandah.
"STAND STILL". 100 Airmen freeze.
"YOU, AIRMAN. WHERE'S YOUR HEADDRESS?" 99 Airmen breathe a sigh of relief.
In a quavering voice the young LAC replies "I don't have to wear it Sir. I have a chit".
"THEN WEAR THE F***ING CHIT THEN" bellows the SWO.
99 Airmen fall about laughing.
Finningley 1975.
100 Airmen, post breakfast, walking to work down the main drag.
1 LAC minus beret.
SWO 'Johnny' Walker appears on Guardroom verandah.
"STAND STILL". 100 Airmen freeze.
"YOU, AIRMAN. WHERE'S YOUR HEADDRESS?" 99 Airmen breathe a sigh of relief.
In a quavering voice the young LAC replies "I don't have to wear it Sir. I have a chit".
"THEN WEAR THE F***ING CHIT THEN" bellows the SWO.
99 Airmen fall about laughing.
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I'm not afraid of the SWO (well maybe a little) #3
In my (probably) final offering on this thread, I would like to nominate WO Danny McCarthy (SWO Valley early 80's, Gutersloh late 80's) as the best I saw in my time.
This splendid Irishman had it all; style, panache, wit & fairness. His repartee & banter would make a Toledo rapier seem as sharp as a banana. With such attributes he was able to discipline the Licentious Soldiery in a firm but intelligent fashion, without indulging in the mindless tosh that some his bretheren did.
One day at Valley, I answered the 'phone only to instantly hear the old Irish song 'Oh Father O'F**** (my name) you've a wonderful way with ye". Now honestly, how many of you have been serenaded by the SWO?
HB
This splendid Irishman had it all; style, panache, wit & fairness. His repartee & banter would make a Toledo rapier seem as sharp as a banana. With such attributes he was able to discipline the Licentious Soldiery in a firm but intelligent fashion, without indulging in the mindless tosh that some his bretheren did.
One day at Valley, I answered the 'phone only to instantly hear the old Irish song 'Oh Father O'F**** (my name) you've a wonderful way with ye". Now honestly, how many of you have been serenaded by the SWO?
HB
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In Salalah, circa 1972, a DCI(?) came out authorising the use of black umbrellas in inclement weather. Can't recall the number now but could then and some of us bought them from the local souk in hope of inspiring rain. On repat to Wattisham I was arriving, in Best Blue as per, in pouring rain so I hoisted my brolly and soldiered on. The SWO, a WO Basten (surely a misspelling) went ballistic and demanded to know by whose authority I was carrying an umbrella in uniform. I answered "Sir, by the authority invested in me by DCI xxx." He said he had never heard of such an instruction and I told him that I could not be held responsible for his ignorance. Our relationship went downhill from that point although he did concede, later and with some grace, that I was correct.
I was a JT then and though a techie till demob I ended up as SWO on 2 of my last 3 postings by virtue of being the only WO on the units.
I was a JT then and though a techie till demob I ended up as SWO on 2 of my last 3 postings by virtue of being the only WO on the units.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
endplay, did Gan have a SWO?
We arrived in a thundestorm, or rather as one approached. As our wg cdr descended the steps a WO greets him (what not the stn cdr?
). The WO is attired in shirt and shorts with flip flops rather than shoes and is carrying an umbrella and no hat. (In those days we wore hats around aircraft).
The wg cdr duly b*ll*cks the WO for being improperly dressed and was highly irked not to have been met by an officer of similar rank. At that moment the storm broke.
The WO opened his umbrella and escorted the wg cdr to the crew bus. The apron was 2 inches deep in water which was bouncing to about knee height.
Not another word about dress was mentioned.
We arrived in a thundestorm, or rather as one approached. As our wg cdr descended the steps a WO greets him (what not the stn cdr?
). The WO is attired in shirt and shorts with flip flops rather than shoes and is carrying an umbrella and no hat. (In those days we wore hats around aircraft).The wg cdr duly b*ll*cks the WO for being improperly dressed and was highly irked not to have been met by an officer of similar rank. At that moment the storm broke.
The WO opened his umbrella and escorted the wg cdr to the crew bus. The apron was 2 inches deep in water which was bouncing to about knee height.
Not another word about dress was mentioned.
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Slightly off topic
I recall the name as being the SWO at Benson in around 1977/8. He replaced or preceeded a WO Benstead (ex Lanc AG and very scary man) and I had the pleasure of his company every Thursday afternoon carrying an "ersatz" coffin from the back of a 4-tonner and placing it into the back of a bin wagon. At the time Benson was the nominated unit unit for the repatriation of any royals etc who died whilst overseas. I think it was called Op "Haze" or something similar, anyone else remember it?
Apochrypal SWO story no, good memories for a now aging WO; definitely.
The SWO, a WO Basten (surely a misspelling)
Apochrypal SWO story no, good memories for a now aging WO; definitely.
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'Haze' is correct. The original was written for the occasion of the repatriation of the Duke of Windsor. I had to re-write it in 92 and it became Operation Overstudy because The Queen's Flight were operating 146s and we were all getting a little concerned about the Queen Mum. Little did I know that the next time it was to be used was for Princess Diana (TQF having moved in the meantime to Northolt); hence my claim to fame having been involved in Princess Diana's first military engagement as Parade Commander (Hon Air Cdre at Wittering) and her last (Op Overstudy author).
There was a suite maintained in the Officers' Mess at Benson for any of the Royal party who were likely to stay overnight and it was called the Haze Suite. Funnily enough they didn't change the name to the Overstudy Suite when the Op Order changed.
My last night in the RAF was spent in the Haze Suite before I buggered off to Oz.
There was a suite maintained in the Officers' Mess at Benson for any of the Royal party who were likely to stay overnight and it was called the Haze Suite. Funnily enough they didn't change the name to the Overstudy Suite when the Op Order changed.
My last night in the RAF was spent in the Haze Suite before I buggered off to Oz.
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Sisemen,
Thankyou. Now you have mentioned it I do recall the Duke of Windsor's name and health being mentioned every now and again; usually in hushed tones by a VO who came along to inspect the "erks carrying a box" every once in a while.
Thankyou. Now you have mentioned it I do recall the Duke of Windsor's name and health being mentioned every now and again; usually in hushed tones by a VO who came along to inspect the "erks carrying a box" every once in a while.
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A couple of examples from Ballykelly, late 60's
Practice AOC's parade a bit of a shambles and SWO screams at his runner who's directing operations "call out the time Sgt. *******". Said Sgt looks at watch and in best parade ground voice replies "0945 hours SAH" SWO terminates conversation with "get off my parade you thick Irish chap".
After a fun night in the Pig's Bar one was invited to enjoy the company of the duty RAFP until next morning. Coincidentally the SWO held a snap inspection of the troops as they waited to board transport to the tech site. Those who lacked the required standard were duly lined up in the guardroom to make their excuses. From the comfort and safety of my cell I witnessed the following exchange.
SWO...airman, your shoes are almost white, explain!
SAC....my feet sweat a lot sir which dyes the leather.
SWO...Very good and original excuse lad and I'd let you off if your hat badge wasn't such a dark green colour.
Practice AOC's parade a bit of a shambles and SWO screams at his runner who's directing operations "call out the time Sgt. *******". Said Sgt looks at watch and in best parade ground voice replies "0945 hours SAH" SWO terminates conversation with "get off my parade you thick Irish chap".
After a fun night in the Pig's Bar one was invited to enjoy the company of the duty RAFP until next morning. Coincidentally the SWO held a snap inspection of the troops as they waited to board transport to the tech site. Those who lacked the required standard were duly lined up in the guardroom to make their excuses. From the comfort and safety of my cell I witnessed the following exchange.
SWO...airman, your shoes are almost white, explain!
SAC....my feet sweat a lot sir which dyes the leather.
SWO...Very good and original excuse lad and I'd let you off if your hat badge wasn't such a dark green colour.
During the sweltering summer of '76 I was based at Bawtry. The AOC gave permission for dress rules to be relaxed and we were allowed to discard ties and roll up our shirt sleeves. One day I had to travel across to Finningley for some admin matter and on checking in at the guardroom I was approached by the SWO who took exception to my appearance. When I explained the AOC 1 Group's missive he reminded me in no uncertain terms that Finningley was not part of No.1 Group and I was sent packing to the mess to scrounge a tie before the CO spotted me.
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Goudie
Interesting to hear that the story has been repeated. It certainly is authentic - I was there. I can't confirm the name of the fireguard sergeant, but he certainly was ordered into position.
Interesting to hear that the story has been repeated. It certainly is authentic - I was there. I can't confirm the name of the fireguard sergeant, but he certainly was ordered into position.
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I was at RAF Swinderby in Feb 1975 and had the pleasure of having JC as my DI he may have been a B*****d to all other flights but we had some great fun at all other flights expence. He just had to look at you and you could see everyone check their buttons ties etc. I now use a similar technique and it still works making the person feel they have done something wrong. As said previously JC and Sgt Petrie always wanted to win the flight challenge and thankfully for me 19 flight did. All the best to JC and I wonder if he did make SWO. JC's nickname for me was "Spewy" but that's another story for a 17 year old underage drinker.
Went to RAF Spittlegate closing dance where Mud the pop group played long time ago but great memories until the next day and the rest of my time at Swinderby.
Went to RAF Spittlegate closing dance where Mud the pop group played long time ago but great memories until the next day and the rest of my time at Swinderby.
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I'm surprise nobody has mentioned Dave Lunnan. He was a DI at Halton for a while and identified from behind by a patch of white hair just above his collar. He became a proper 'old school' SWO who guarded His grass with a passion.
I'm surprise nobody has mentioned Dave Lunnan. He was a DI at Halton for a while and identified from behind by a patch of white hair just above his collar. He became a proper 'old school' SWO who guarded His grass with a passion.
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Was he a Yorkshire bod with a tash and ran the football or rugby bar at Halton??