Mrs Bloggs 'At Home' Etiquette/Protocols
The DS solution is to wander cooly over to the hostess, whisper in her ear and let her inform the afflicted one, woman to woman.
Reminds me of a New Year's Eve party I attended many years ago - at the home of a girl friend a couple of years younger than me, who had been particularly...'friendly' the previous year, much to my surprise and delight. This year, she was dressed in a clingy jersey cat suit thing (OK, this was the early 1970s....
) . Over swayed the rather inebriated wife of a friend of my parents, who then cornered me..."I like ****'s outfit!" she gushed.
"Yes, she looks lovely", I replied. As indeed she most certainly did.
"She's not wearing a bra", she contined, "But I like her knickers" - and yes, the clinginess of ****'s clothing rather confirmed that she wasn't wearing much else...
. I didn't offer an immediate reply, being rather surprised at such a comment."I'm not wearing any!", she then continued.....
OK, so what would your staff solution be to the situation of being cornered by a pi$$ed old moose with amorous intent - without giving offence? Hell hath no fury and all that.....
How about:
"Really, I didn't know there were any ladies in 42 Commando."
or:
"I assume your fur coat is hanging up somewhere?"
"Really, I didn't know there were any ladies in 42 Commando."
or:
"I assume your fur coat is hanging up somewhere?"
Last edited by Barksdale Boy; 8th Dec 2010 at 07:53. Reason: addition
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The Army DS solution would be to recognise a no win situation, discharge smoke, go into high reverse and withdraw tactically from the battlefield.
Alternatively, you could gaze deep into her eyes and whisper "if you were twenty years younger, my Dear, I would ask you to prove it", and then go into high reverse. Posthumous VC a possibility.
Alternatively, you could gaze deep into her eyes and whisper "if you were twenty years younger, my Dear, I would ask you to prove it", and then go into high reverse. Posthumous VC a possibility.
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I think the following phrase, which has stood me in good stead my entire life, would be ringing in my ears.
"There is no such thing as a bad blow job."
"There is no such thing as a bad blow job."
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Hi O-D,
'Twas first seen (by me, anyway) in the mid '60s as a sketch on TV, with two Chelsea Pensioners sitting on a park bench, when two dolly-birds in mini skirts flounced past.
Dick Emery? Clive Dunn? Anybody remember? I'm an OAP myself now, so the memory cells are ... ¿Que?
'Twas first seen (by me, anyway) in the mid '60s as a sketch on TV, with two Chelsea Pensioners sitting on a park bench, when two dolly-birds in mini skirts flounced past.
Dick Emery? Clive Dunn? Anybody remember? I'm an OAP myself now, so the memory cells are ... ¿Que?
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Good few years ago now, new wife and I attend big function. All the hobs and nobs are in attendance. One hour into proceedings, she had polished off two bottles of Pinot Grigio finest. Alarm bells start to ring, as I overhear her telling a gentleman - 'Yes, it is warm. I am absoutely perspiring in my outfit'.
Three minutes later she projectile vomits into the lap of my bosses, boss.
Taxi anyone
Three minutes later she projectile vomits into the lap of my bosses, boss.
Taxi anyone
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No one has mentioned the fact that if you noticed her trouser zip whilst looking a her cleavage, the poor young lady either was prematurely sagging (big style 
), or needs advice on how to select the proper bra size and style. 'Tis a fact that more than half the female population wear incorrect bra sizes/styles for their shape.
), or needs advice on how to select the proper bra size and style. 'Tis a fact that more than half the female population wear incorrect bra sizes/styles for their shape.
Subtlety never was your strong point, was it Roadster280?
Anyway, to conclude the tale of my Close Encounter with the moose, I was trying to think of some witty riposte such as "Err, well I guess that's some Women's Lib thing". But fortunately I was rescued by the lovely **** who'd spotted my predicament and came over to enquire sweetly of the old bat how her son was getting on at university (thus dropping a subliminal 'old enough to be BEagle's mother, you old trout' hint), before asking me to give her a hand with sorting out some nibbles in the kitchen.
Anyway, to conclude the tale of my Close Encounter with the moose, I was trying to think of some witty riposte such as "Err, well I guess that's some Women's Lib thing". But fortunately I was rescued by the lovely **** who'd spotted my predicament and came over to enquire sweetly of the old bat how her son was getting on at university (thus dropping a subliminal 'old enough to be BEagle's mother, you old trout' hint), before asking me to give her a hand with sorting out some nibbles in the kitchen.
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'Tis a fact that more than half the female population wear incorrect bra sizes/styles for their shape.
Does that knowledge come from personal experience?
BEagle,
Perhaps you could have said something along the lines of; "I think you're a very attractive woman and in other circumstances, I would love us to get together but I'm keeping myself pure for *******".
O-D
Perhaps you could have said something along the lines of; "I think you're a very attractive woman and in other circumstances, I would love us to get together but I'm keeping myself pure for *******".
O-D
you notice that her trouser zip is completely undone.
What MM had done was blunder into a room where 'Charades' was being played and the subject was 'famous newspaper headlines'.
Remember a dozen years ago George Michael was arrested in LA for a 'lewd' act.
It was the Sun wot wrote 'Zip me up before you go go'
Gentleman Aviator
One should always be au fait with the Sun. Knowledge of its contents always helps conversation with the servants or Other Ranks...
DIRECTOR
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maxred
Are you sure wifey was polishing off bottles of Pinot Grigio a few years ago as mentioned and not Chardonnay? Or perhaps you were ahead of your time and introduced PG to the chattering classes
Are you sure wifey was polishing off bottles of Pinot Grigio a few years ago as mentioned and not Chardonnay? Or perhaps you were ahead of your time and introduced PG to the chattering classes