Top Tips 3
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 151
Likes: 0
From: GONE BY 2012
1. Tracer can be seen by you and the enemy.
2. 'Outgoing!' is usually preceeded by 'incoming!'.
3. Your equipment has been manufactured by the lowest bidding contractor.
4. The phrase 'over by Christmas' has no sell by date.
On a lighter note:-
Never assume the follow-me vehicle and the marshaller at large middle eastern airfields have actually seen the obstruction by the port wing.
When s*itting in the aircraft toilet ensure blue bag or fluid present.
Air Traffic services in-theatre may be provided by persons who have no grasp of the English language, have poor eyesight and hearing, suffer from co-ordination problems, probably haven't done an area radar course and will try to hold you off or vector you and your crew over the latest TIC/SAFIRE event.
Keep up the good work!
Living the Dream
2. 'Outgoing!' is usually preceeded by 'incoming!'.
3. Your equipment has been manufactured by the lowest bidding contractor.
4. The phrase 'over by Christmas' has no sell by date.
On a lighter note:-
Never assume the follow-me vehicle and the marshaller at large middle eastern airfields have actually seen the obstruction by the port wing.
When s*itting in the aircraft toilet ensure blue bag or fluid present.
Air Traffic services in-theatre may be provided by persons who have no grasp of the English language, have poor eyesight and hearing, suffer from co-ordination problems, probably haven't done an area radar course and will try to hold you off or vector you and your crew over the latest TIC/SAFIRE event.
Keep up the good work!
Living the Dream
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 420
Likes: 12
From: Emptying the litter bin
As an aside, a mate of mine, years ago, was diagnosed with a heart murmur, understandably he was worried to death, but what cheered him up immensely were the hangar guys who passed him daily mumbling 'murmur, murmur' under their breath.
DONT under any circumstances ask for a sausage bap for Breakfast.
A] You'll only get porridge - without salt or sugar
B] The nurses will then take great delight in letting you know how good the bap they had for breakfast was.
Thanks to all at Ninewells for the treatment I did receive
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 1,062
Likes: 0
From: in my combat underpants
When you have spent 3 years at uni whooping it up with the other young and beautifuls, then passed 'Cranners' with flying colours, don't go into dinner on day 1 of your hold at a big unit and ask the Pilot Officer (in refined tones) "What are you holding for then?"
That might just make the 2 x Flt Lts at the end of the table almost choke on their dinner, remind the fresh Fg Off that non-graduates also joined the RAF, the said Plt Off had been there for a couple of years and they had also had the honour of being SPOs etc etc etc. Sustained banter. Chips on shoulders, but oh so beautifully balanced. They (sort of) looked after me.
That might just make the 2 x Flt Lts at the end of the table almost choke on their dinner, remind the fresh Fg Off that non-graduates also joined the RAF, the said Plt Off had been there for a couple of years and they had also had the honour of being SPOs etc etc etc. Sustained banter. Chips on shoulders, but oh so beautifully balanced. They (sort of) looked after me.
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 115
Likes: 0
From: Gilligans Island
If you are looking for a posting try your tried and tested escape strategy from a well known multi national Tornado unit?
Hope you are as well as can be expected, and don't forget to keep your own copy of the accident report and who it went to, it may prove useful in the future..........
Rgds
Rat, sinking ship, deserting for the use of.
Hope you are as well as can be expected, and don't forget to keep your own copy of the accident report and who it went to, it may prove useful in the future..........
Rgds
Rat, sinking ship, deserting for the use of.
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 473
Likes: 0
From: England
On return from a det pop in to see the new boss. You feel a little bemused by his "you've just been on holiday for 4 months, and now you want leave too?" tone.
Don't on any account leave his office and vocalise your inner thoughts on the 'tosser' to the admin guy without checking your 'six'.
Don't on any account leave his office and vocalise your inner thoughts on the 'tosser' to the admin guy without checking your 'six'.
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 183
Likes: 0
From: Wilts
When your AOC askes you whether his comment on 'bla blah blah' hit the right note at the Ladies guest night last friday, dont respond, I'm sure it did boss but I was too busy watching Lord Craig fall asleep!
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 154
Likes: 0
From: Rural Somerset
Mr C said;
When you have spent 3 years at uni whooping it up with the other young and beautifuls, then passed 'Cranners' with flying colours, don't go into dinner on day 1 of your hold at a big unit and ask the Pilot Officer (in refined tones) "What are you holding for then?"
That might just make the 2 x Flt Lts at the end of the table almost choke on their dinner, remind the fresh Fg Off that non-graduates also joined the RAF, the said Plt Off had been there for a couple of years and they had also had the honour of being SPOs etc etc etc. Sustained banter. Chips on shoulders, but oh so beautifully balanced. They (sort of) looked after me.
I am so glad they (sort of) looked after you...........because you sound like a complete buffoon and probably needed looking after. I take it because you are a grad then you think everyone else has a chip on their shoulders???
Grads????? Lighthouses in the desert spring to mind.
Tip No 7: Never trust Grads............they have been tainted and turn into Mr C.
When you have spent 3 years at uni whooping it up with the other young and beautifuls, then passed 'Cranners' with flying colours, don't go into dinner on day 1 of your hold at a big unit and ask the Pilot Officer (in refined tones) "What are you holding for then?"
That might just make the 2 x Flt Lts at the end of the table almost choke on their dinner, remind the fresh Fg Off that non-graduates also joined the RAF, the said Plt Off had been there for a couple of years and they had also had the honour of being SPOs etc etc etc. Sustained banter. Chips on shoulders, but oh so beautifully balanced. They (sort of) looked after me.
I am so glad they (sort of) looked after you...........because you sound like a complete buffoon and probably needed looking after. I take it because you are a grad then you think everyone else has a chip on their shoulders???
Grads????? Lighthouses in the desert spring to mind.
Tip No 7: Never trust Grads............they have been tainted and turn into Mr C.
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 65
Likes: 0
From: UK
When at an overseas RAF unit, don't believe the first answer you get when you ask for the number for the bowser pool. After many rings of the phone (and you cursing that the bowser pool is suposed to be manned 24/7) the phone is answered by the stashie's wife who has just got out of the bath to answer the phone. Much merriment all round.
Joined: May 1999
Aviation Qualifications: ATP+Mil
Posts: 27,398
Likes: 857
From: Quite near 'An aerodrome somewhere in England'
1. When stuck on New Year's Eve QRA at Wattisham, don't think it's a top idea to ring you oppos on Battle Flight at Wilders at midnight to wish them a Happy New Year......without first remembering the time zone difference!
'twas 'BK' who did it! And the response he got from Wildenrath was less than thankful...."It f*cking was an hour ago, you c***!" was the response from the other end of the Red Phone.
2. When the Staish has pinched your trip (again) and has taken his driver flying for a few hours in the Vickers FunBus, leaving his sun roof open and the keys in his pocket, don't try to be kind when the TEMPO1317 025CB 2000SHRA turns up on cue by taping some black polythene over the gap without first checking what type of sticky tape you've used....
"How the f*** do we get it off again", was MT flight's later query.
3. NEVER let a navigator drive the hire car!
'twas 'BK' who did it! And the response he got from Wildenrath was less than thankful...."It f*cking was an hour ago, you c***!" was the response from the other end of the Red Phone.
2. When the Staish has pinched your trip (again) and has taken his driver flying for a few hours in the Vickers FunBus, leaving his sun roof open and the keys in his pocket, don't try to be kind when the TEMPO1317 025CB 2000SHRA turns up on cue by taping some black polythene over the gap without first checking what type of sticky tape you've used....
"How the f*** do we get it off again", was MT flight's later query.
3. NEVER let a navigator drive the hire car!
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 268
Likes: 0
From: UK
1. Never accept a challenge to a game of 'fans' in Cyprus.
2. Don't believe you are going home until you walk through your front door.
3. Never rely on MT
4. There are two theories to arguing with women, Neither one works.
5. You can make any lie believable by starting it with the words "In America".
2. Don't believe you are going home until you walk through your front door.
3. Never rely on MT
4. There are two theories to arguing with women, Neither one works.
5. You can make any lie believable by starting it with the words "In America".
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 77
Likes: 0
From: Firmly grounded, thankfully
Tip-top Tips
1. Everything has a pK of 1 if it hits you.
2. Waking to find that you re-painted your cabin in an interesting shade of 'red wine' reminds you that you may have over-done it the night before
3. Asking the Flight Commander (Lynx) where he was 'in-the-picture- obviously-taken-from-the-helicopter' makes you look like an idiot
4. Never go to sea in anything that doesn't have at least two gas turbines and two stewards
5. Deciding, at 4 in the morning, to get navigationally curious (after a skinfull) is not a good reason to climb 9 decks and ask the Officer of the Watch (PMT girl) "where are we", whilst munching cheese you stole from the HODs fridge (Scapegoat!)
6. Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6
7. 'Tis a dumb idea to go down with a full magazine - (according to SO19..)
2. Waking to find that you re-painted your cabin in an interesting shade of 'red wine' reminds you that you may have over-done it the night before
3. Asking the Flight Commander (Lynx) where he was 'in-the-picture- obviously-taken-from-the-helicopter' makes you look like an idiot
4. Never go to sea in anything that doesn't have at least two gas turbines and two stewards
5. Deciding, at 4 in the morning, to get navigationally curious (after a skinfull) is not a good reason to climb 9 decks and ask the Officer of the Watch (PMT girl) "where are we", whilst munching cheese you stole from the HODs fridge (Scapegoat!)
6. Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6
7. 'Tis a dumb idea to go down with a full magazine - (according to SO19..)
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 14
Likes: 0
From: Spain
On a holding post in Ops at Gutersloh with a grand total of 5 minutes in the RAF never bother to call the Staish when you get a phone call telling you that 2 VIP 'packs' are arriving in half an hour. (That's interesting I thought as I walked out of said Staishes office that the military the use of PAX for real people)........
