The UK/US gap
TAC Int Bloke
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Location: UK
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The UK/US gap
Crabby, over on the other place (ARRSE) reported this credo he’d been exposed to whilst on loan to the US Army:
Feeling a little queasy I had a go at a parody, those that know me know that no-one in their right mind would let me near a Herc, let alone try and fix one, however
I am a gash ‘Guin.
I am a scruff and a member of A watch.
I serve the brews unless I can jif the LAC.
I will not be beaten by obsolete technology or lack of spares, this ******* Herc will fly ,I am too bloody minded to admit defeat.
I will never quit – until it’s past 4:30pm –unless it’s another rush job for the blokes sausage-side.
I will never leave a Ginsters pie or Kit-Kat behind.
I might look undisciplined, physically and mentally soft and half-trained. I haven’t got a war face –don’t be fooled – being a Rock isn’t everything.
I always notionally know where my gun is, I may even clean it from time to time.
I am an expert and I am a professional – and that annoys my boss, 'cos he can't do without us.
I stand ready to complain about deploying, but will help the winged elite engage, and destroy the enemies of HRH Liz if asked nicely- **** them all, gollies/towel-heads/dagos to a man.
I am a gate guardian at times, and it pisses me off.
I am technically part of the British military, and therefore am not allowed to lose wars even if I’ve got a note.
I am a gash ‘Guin.
Others in a similar vein are welcome
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and live the Army values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and live the Army values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.
I am a gash ‘Guin.
I am a scruff and a member of A watch.
I serve the brews unless I can jif the LAC.
I will not be beaten by obsolete technology or lack of spares, this ******* Herc will fly ,I am too bloody minded to admit defeat.
I will never quit – until it’s past 4:30pm –unless it’s another rush job for the blokes sausage-side.
I will never leave a Ginsters pie or Kit-Kat behind.
I might look undisciplined, physically and mentally soft and half-trained. I haven’t got a war face –don’t be fooled – being a Rock isn’t everything.
I always notionally know where my gun is, I may even clean it from time to time.
I am an expert and I am a professional – and that annoys my boss, 'cos he can't do without us.
I stand ready to complain about deploying, but will help the winged elite engage, and destroy the enemies of HRH Liz if asked nicely- **** them all, gollies/towel-heads/dagos to a man.
I am a gate guardian at times, and it pisses me off.
I am technically part of the British military, and therefore am not allowed to lose wars even if I’ve got a note.
I am a gash ‘Guin.
Others in a similar vein are welcome
Last edited by Maple 01; 22nd Jun 2006 at 09:48.
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Location: Temporarily missing from the Joe Louis Arena
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I am a Stacker.
I work here because McDonald's didn't have any vacancies.
I serve the 'customer' as long as it doesn't get in the way of my internet surfing.
I occasionally do some work.
I occasionally manage to do it right.
I finish at 1700 (1200 on a Friday).
I'm afraid you can't have that as someone else might need it.
I know the JSP cover to cover and manage to remember enough to allow myself Gucci kit but have temporary amnesia when non-stackers are involved.
Its no good pointing because USAS says its not there.
I know packs of biscuits or slabs of beer grease the supply wheels.
I did a bit of time of TSW, living in muddy holes isn't big or clever.
I guard my stores with my life, I paid for this kit you know?
I am a Stacker.
I work here because McDonald's didn't have any vacancies.
I serve the 'customer' as long as it doesn't get in the way of my internet surfing.
I occasionally do some work.
I occasionally manage to do it right.
I finish at 1700 (1200 on a Friday).
I'm afraid you can't have that as someone else might need it.
I know the JSP cover to cover and manage to remember enough to allow myself Gucci kit but have temporary amnesia when non-stackers are involved.
Its no good pointing because USAS says its not there.
I know packs of biscuits or slabs of beer grease the supply wheels.
I did a bit of time of TSW, living in muddy holes isn't big or clever.
I guard my stores with my life, I paid for this kit you know?
I am a Stacker.
I am a Kipper Fleet crewmember
I am obese & full of bulls*$t
I serve my crew the rations that OC Catering supplies
I will always eat the curry first
I will never accept salad sandwiches or UHT milk
I will never sleep when there is food in the galley
I will never leave an unopened packet of crisps or a half-eaten pie
I am disciplined & trained as a proficient chef & hold a food handlers certificate
I always ensure that the aircraft’s oven works before take-off, but never, never clean it
I am an expert on getting my wife to go out dressed as a tart
I stand ready to collect rations & throw stale pies at the enemy when all the out of date sonobouys & torpedo’s have been used up
I am the guardian of the Kipper Fleet traditions, but can’t recall exactly what my job is
I am a Kipper Fleet crewmember
I am obese & full of bulls*$t
I serve my crew the rations that OC Catering supplies
I will always eat the curry first
I will never accept salad sandwiches or UHT milk
I will never sleep when there is food in the galley
I will never leave an unopened packet of crisps or a half-eaten pie
I am disciplined & trained as a proficient chef & hold a food handlers certificate
I always ensure that the aircraft’s oven works before take-off, but never, never clean it
I am an expert on getting my wife to go out dressed as a tart
I stand ready to collect rations & throw stale pies at the enemy when all the out of date sonobouys & torpedo’s have been used up
I am the guardian of the Kipper Fleet traditions, but can’t recall exactly what my job is
I am a Kipper Fleet crewmember
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Location: Scotland
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I am a Scribbly.
I am an Office-Warrior and what is a team?
I serve myself and live the AP3392 values.
I will always place myself first.
I will never accept responsibility.
I will never do anything productive, therefore have nothing to quit.
What is a fallen comrade?
I am bone-headed, physically unattractive and mental, trained and proficient in my office-warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, particularly my wrists.
I am an expert at looking busy and I am a professional avoider of productive work and responsibility.
I stand ready to deploy other people to engage and destroy the enemies of HMTQ, though my only experience of close combat is back-stabbing.
I am a guardian of the cash.
I have been replaced by a computer.
I am an Office-Warrior and what is a team?
I serve myself and live the AP3392 values.
I will always place myself first.
I will never accept responsibility.
I will never do anything productive, therefore have nothing to quit.
What is a fallen comrade?
I am bone-headed, physically unattractive and mental, trained and proficient in my office-warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, particularly my wrists.
I am an expert at looking busy and I am a professional avoider of productive work and responsibility.
I stand ready to deploy other people to engage and destroy the enemies of HMTQ, though my only experience of close combat is back-stabbing.
I am a guardian of the cash.
I have been replaced by a computer.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newcastle
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I am an MOD Civil Servant
I am non gender specific
I am trained in Equal Opportunities
I am untouchable
I do not cooperate
I watch the clock
I am aroused by my relatives
I have/need a form for everything
I am fecking useless
I am an MOD Civil Servant
I am non gender specific
I am trained in Equal Opportunities
I am untouchable
I do not cooperate
I watch the clock
I am aroused by my relatives
I have/need a form for everything
I am fecking useless
I am an MOD Civil Servant
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Lincs
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I am an RAFP LAC/Acting Cpl/Unpaid
I am a scuffer and although I am supposed to be a member of a team, I am quite willing to sell anyone up the river given the opportunity
I serve myself and OC Plod to generally get in the way of getting things done
I will always place the mission to nail anyone for breach of SyOps whilst merrily surfing for porn under the auspices of 'auditing'
I will never accept defeat unless there are more Rocks than Scuffers
I will never quit trying to look like a real policeman
I will never leave a fallen comrade unless faced with an unlruly mob in the bop
I like to be disciplined, physically and mentally, trained and proficient in my tasks and drills - barrier up, barrier down
I always maintain my arms, my laser speed detector and my abilities to spot an open window at 40 paces
I am an expert prosecution witness and I am professional in writing witness statements 'to save time'
I stand ready to deploy to cushy locations, engage in ATSy, and place tamper-proof labels on aircraft prior to pushing off on the p**s, or to defeat enemies of the United Kingdom in close combat whilst playing Blackhawk Down on the PS2
I am a guardian of freedom of thought but not an example of the practice
I am an RAFP LAC/Acting Cpl/Unpaid
I am a scuffer and although I am supposed to be a member of a team, I am quite willing to sell anyone up the river given the opportunity
I serve myself and OC Plod to generally get in the way of getting things done
I will always place the mission to nail anyone for breach of SyOps whilst merrily surfing for porn under the auspices of 'auditing'
I will never accept defeat unless there are more Rocks than Scuffers
I will never quit trying to look like a real policeman
I will never leave a fallen comrade unless faced with an unlruly mob in the bop
I like to be disciplined, physically and mentally, trained and proficient in my tasks and drills - barrier up, barrier down
I always maintain my arms, my laser speed detector and my abilities to spot an open window at 40 paces
I am an expert prosecution witness and I am professional in writing witness statements 'to save time'
I stand ready to deploy to cushy locations, engage in ATSy, and place tamper-proof labels on aircraft prior to pushing off on the p**s, or to defeat enemies of the United Kingdom in close combat whilst playing Blackhawk Down on the PS2
I am a guardian of freedom of thought but not an example of the practice
I am an RAFP LAC/Acting Cpl/Unpaid
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Too far North - hardly a RAF base that isn't these days...
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I am a navigator
You want to brief at what time in the morning?
Where are my allowances?
Where's my hotel room?
Where's my food?
I am a navigator
You want to brief at what time in the morning?
Where are my allowances?
Where's my hotel room?
Where's my food?
I am a navigator
Not at all....good humour is always funny. I am a fan of Skippy and have often made mock of such things. If one cannot laugh at one's self then there is a problem.
You have heard of the US Marine Rifleman Creed....here is the modern version.
You have heard of the US Marine Rifleman Creed....here is the modern version.
This is my PowerPoint. There are many like it but mine is 7.0.
My PowerPoint is my best friend. It is my life.
I must master it as I master my life.
My PowerPoint without me is useless.
Without my PowerPoint, I am useless.
I must format my slides true. I must brief them better
than the other J-cells who are trying to out brief me.
I must brief the impact on the CINC before he asks me. I will!
My PowerPoint and myself know that what counts in this war
is not the number of slides, quantity of animations, the colors
of the highlights, or the format of the bullets. We know that it
is the new information that counts. We will brief only new information!
My PowerPoint is human, even as I, because it is my life.
Thus I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its fonts,
its accessories, its formats, and its colors.
I will keep my PowerPoint slides current and ready to brief.
We will become part of each other. We will!
Before God I swear this creed. My PowerPoint and myself are
defenders of my country. We are the masters of our subject.
We are the saviors of my career.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy,
but peace (and the next exercise)!
My PowerPoint is my best friend. It is my life.
I must master it as I master my life.
My PowerPoint without me is useless.
Without my PowerPoint, I am useless.
I must format my slides true. I must brief them better
than the other J-cells who are trying to out brief me.
I must brief the impact on the CINC before he asks me. I will!
My PowerPoint and myself know that what counts in this war
is not the number of slides, quantity of animations, the colors
of the highlights, or the format of the bullets. We know that it
is the new information that counts. We will brief only new information!
My PowerPoint is human, even as I, because it is my life.
Thus I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its fonts,
its accessories, its formats, and its colors.
I will keep my PowerPoint slides current and ready to brief.
We will become part of each other. We will!
Before God I swear this creed. My PowerPoint and myself are
defenders of my country. We are the masters of our subject.
We are the saviors of my career.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy,
but peace (and the next exercise)!
Last edited by SASless; 21st Jun 2006 at 16:44.
I am Noo Labour
I am self-serving, a team of one
I serve myself and live by dubious values that change depending on the situation.
I will always place my own career first.
I will never accept defeat, never quit. I will squirm and lie my way out of every fight.
I will never leave a fallen comrade unless his death allows us to bury bad news.
I am ill-disciplined, morally manoeuvreable, trained and proficient in my lying ba
rd tasks and drills.
I always maintain my excuses and have many for use in all situations.
I stand ready to deploy thousands of young men and women on dubious operations to get my Noble Prize.
I am ready to engage with and destroy the enemies of the Noo Labour in close combat in the Press and Briefing Rooms.
I am a guardian of MY career and MY way of life.
I am a 2-faced lying cheating basard hell bent on ruling a once great country through the principles of divide and conquer.
I am Noo Labour and this is my spin.
Noo Labour: si quam primum vos operor non successio, recubo quod recubo iterum
I am self-serving, a team of one
I serve myself and live by dubious values that change depending on the situation.
I will always place my own career first.
I will never accept defeat, never quit. I will squirm and lie my way out of every fight.
I will never leave a fallen comrade unless his death allows us to bury bad news.
I am ill-disciplined, morally manoeuvreable, trained and proficient in my lying ba
rd tasks and drills.I always maintain my excuses and have many for use in all situations.
I stand ready to deploy thousands of young men and women on dubious operations to get my Noble Prize.
I am ready to engage with and destroy the enemies of the Noo Labour in close combat in the Press and Briefing Rooms.
I am a guardian of MY career and MY way of life.
I am a 2-faced lying cheating bas
ard hell bent on ruling a once great country through the principles of divide and conquer.I am Noo Labour and this is my spin.
Noo Labour: si quam primum vos operor non successio, recubo quod recubo iterum
Last edited by Melchett01; 21st Jun 2006 at 23:20.
Stargazing
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I am a retired Very Senior Officer
I have bullied and back-stabbed my way to the top.
I really thought JPA was a good way to get rid of the Administrators
And no-one was more surprised than me when EDS offered me a job!
I stand ready to continue to interfere in the RAF
Until someone tells me it's their trainset now and to get a life.
What do you mean, everyone hated me?
I am a retired Very Senior Officer
I have bullied and back-stabbed my way to the top.
I really thought JPA was a good way to get rid of the Administrators
And no-one was more surprised than me when EDS offered me a job!
I stand ready to continue to interfere in the RAF
Until someone tells me it's their trainset now and to get a life.
What do you mean, everyone hated me?
I am a retired Very Senior Officer
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hove
Age: 72
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I am a police controller.
I am a seated shiny warrior and should be a member of a team.
Sod the people of my police area but the controller rules, OK?
I will always pass the crap job to anyone daft enough to accept it..
I accept defeat as long as the crap job is not back on my queue.
I will never quit in passing the buck.
I will never leave a fallen police officer but everyone else can sink or swim.
I was disciplined and now I'm mental through dealing with lying idiots proficient in nicking things.
I always maintain my arms, legs and stomach in a large bulky frame.
I am an expert in telling people that they will not see a officer today.
I stand ready to tell policemen where to go, and to get away with it.
I am free and can't stand the American way of life.
I am a police controller.
I am a seated shiny warrior and should be a member of a team.
Sod the people of my police area but the controller rules, OK?
I will always pass the crap job to anyone daft enough to accept it..
I accept defeat as long as the crap job is not back on my queue.
I will never quit in passing the buck.
I will never leave a fallen police officer but everyone else can sink or swim.
I was disciplined and now I'm mental through dealing with lying idiots proficient in nicking things.
I always maintain my arms, legs and stomach in a large bulky frame.
I am an expert in telling people that they will not see a officer today.
I stand ready to tell policemen where to go, and to get away with it.
I am free and can't stand the American way of life.
I am a police controller.
TAC Int Bloke
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: UK
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Two points:
1. Skippy - assuming it's the same Skippy who had a list of 213 things he was no longer allowed to do - is a true national hero
2. The link just triggered the internet fun police alarm, so I can't view it at work and am expecting a visit from the Cyber-crime boys shortly!
1. Skippy - assuming it's the same Skippy who had a list of 213 things he was no longer allowed to do - is a true national hero
2. The link just triggered the internet fun police alarm, so I can't view it at work and am expecting a visit from the Cyber-crime boys shortly!