I am a Kipper Fleet crewmember
I am obese & full of bulls*$t
I serve my crew the rations that OC Catering supplies
I will always eat the curry first
I will never accept salad sandwiches or UHT milk
I will never sleep when there is food in the galley
I will never leave an unopened packet of crisps or a half-eaten pie
I am disciplined & trained as a proficient chef & hold a food handlers certificate
I always ensure that the aircraft’s oven works before take-off, but never, never clean it
I am an expert on getting my wife to go out dressed as a tart
I stand ready to collect rations & throw stale pies at the enemy when all the out of date sonobouys & torpedo’s have been used up
I am the guardian of the Kipper Fleet traditions, but can’t recall exactly what my job is
I am a Kipper Fleet crewmember
