Best reply heard?
PPatRoN
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Originally Posted by Descend to What Height?!?
MetManxx Wick, er Descend (????) to What Height ?!?!?!?!?
adr
Originally Posted by Bob Viking
I'm all for funny stories and keeping them short to maintain the comedic impact but your last story about Nimrod AEOs made absolutely b@gger all sense to me. Maybe we could have it translated, or perhaps I'm just not used to listening to Navigators!
BV
BV
A tech crew of more than two tends to complicates life.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Bob Viking, sorry, got distracted.
FALCON is a brevity code (illegal) used by Spams with Dolphin Code being a somewhat cleaner and Brit equivalent. Both have some great put downs.
If I search the loft I might find the Bible, Falcon and Dolphin codes. There are others.
FALCON is a brevity code (illegal) used by Spams with Dolphin Code being a somewhat cleaner and Brit equivalent. Both have some great put downs.
If I search the loft I might find the Bible, Falcon and Dolphin codes. There are others.
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NATO Air Meet 2000 at Karup in Denmark. Day 3 of the war & the weather is truly sh1t for the mass recovery of 40 jets, including a flight of 4 Polish Su-22 Fitters, c/s Spartan:
ATC: "Spartan, turn left 240, descend 3500 ft, report visual with the airfield."
Spartan: "Say again pleeze"
ATC: "Spartan, are you visual with the airfield?"
Spartan: " Err....repeat pleeze"
ATC: "Spartan, if you are visual with the airfield, contact Tower on XXX.XX"
Spartan: "Kryznwsgy za zbigby nye zdavo" (or something equally unintelligible).
Cue every RAF jet on freq: "STOP THAT POLISH CHIT-CHAT!!"
Was laughing so hard I nearly departed....
ATC: "Spartan, turn left 240, descend 3500 ft, report visual with the airfield."
Spartan: "Say again pleeze"
ATC: "Spartan, are you visual with the airfield?"
Spartan: " Err....repeat pleeze"
ATC: "Spartan, if you are visual with the airfield, contact Tower on XXX.XX"
Spartan: "Kryznwsgy za zbigby nye zdavo" (or something equally unintelligible).
Cue every RAF jet on freq: "STOP THAT POLISH CHIT-CHAT!!"
Was laughing so hard I nearly departed....
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Early 90's heard from a Culdrose Jetstream which (late on a friday afternoon) had booked in at cross St Mawgans MATZ at 2000' en route for a Navex to the NE
JS "SMG this is JS, thanks for the MATZ crossing, were now going en route"
SMG (Lady Controller) "Roger that, will you be coming over me on your way back to Culdrose"?
Guffahhh.
JS "SMG this is JS, thanks for the MATZ crossing, were now going en route"
SMG (Lady Controller) "Roger that, will you be coming over me on your way back to Culdrose"?
Guffahhh.
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Radar controller vs Italian 104:
Radar: I123B squawk 3412
104: Squawking 3410, I123B
Radar: 123B, negative that's 3412
104: I123B is squawking 3410, my last digit is broken.......
Radar: I123B squawk 3412
104: Squawking 3410, I123B
Radar: 123B, negative that's 3412
104: I123B is squawking 3410, my last digit is broken.......
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Not so much replies but interesting conversations;
"Ascot xxx request"
"go ahead"
"Have you any idea who got evicted from the Big Brother house this evening"
"None of us have actually seen telly this evening but i'll try and find out for you standby"
"Ascot xxx it's amazing how the jungle telegraph works, none of us have seen telly but the cleaner tells us it was xxx"
"Can you say thank you to the cleaner for us..."
**********
Another; Harriers after a long discussion with Ops [obviously little Britain fans]
"I'm sure they'll tell us in very, very long language when we check in anyway"
"yeeeeeeees"
"if you ask me on a Monday..."
**********
More Harriers after bombing east coast to pieces;
"Lincolnshire is the worst place on earth"
"rest of the country is absolutely perfect"
"poor score again"
"think we're in the wrong job mate"
*********
Harrier Ops call;
"Request out of window wx"
"yea pretty much same all around the UK, we could go to Wales though, it's errr scorchio!"
"Ascot xxx request"
"go ahead"
"Have you any idea who got evicted from the Big Brother house this evening"
"None of us have actually seen telly this evening but i'll try and find out for you standby"
"Ascot xxx it's amazing how the jungle telegraph works, none of us have seen telly but the cleaner tells us it was xxx"
"Can you say thank you to the cleaner for us..."
**********
Another; Harriers after a long discussion with Ops [obviously little Britain fans]
"I'm sure they'll tell us in very, very long language when we check in anyway"
"yeeeeeeees"
"if you ask me on a Monday..."
**********
More Harriers after bombing east coast to pieces;
"Lincolnshire is the worst place on earth"
"rest of the country is absolutely perfect"
"poor score again"
"think we're in the wrong job mate"
*********
Harrier Ops call;
"Request out of window wx"
"yea pretty much same all around the UK, we could go to Wales though, it's errr scorchio!"
Jeez....
I can't believe nobody has come up with the story of the US warship and the unknown radar contact yet!
I'd post it myself but my version might differ slightly from the real truth after many re-tellings and embellishments!
BV
I'd post it myself but my version might differ slightly from the real truth after many re-tellings and embellishments!
BV
Alexmac
Haven't seen a video clip. It made me laugh though. I can't say what the contact was or I'd ruin the story. If nobody tells it soon, I'll tell my version, but don't hang me if it's not quite true to the facts. Not that that would normally stop me!
BV
BV
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South Atlantic late 1990s - about the time the Fast Show was 'de rigeur'. Albert was en route to Monte - the crew have got the ATIS - obviously, 'Metrologicos Scorchio' (which was more than could be said for Islas Malvinas)!
" Montevideo Approach, this is Ascot ~~~~, Buenos Diente "
and on departure,
"Ascot ~~~~ en route, Butros Butros Galli"
Both of which were met with stunned silence initially - I'm sure they thought we were mad.
" Montevideo Approach, this is Ascot ~~~~, Buenos Diente "
and on departure,
"Ascot ~~~~ en route, Butros Butros Galli"
Both of which were met with stunned silence initially - I'm sure they thought we were mad.
Found these by investing in Google's improved profits....
This is a report of a genuine radio conversation between Galicians and North
Americans. It was taken from
the frequencies of the Spanish Maritime Emergency channel 106, on the
Galician coast "Costa Finisterre" on 16 October 1997.
It was only released to the media by the Spanish military authorities in
March 2005.
All Spanish newspapers published the story and all of Spain is laughing
itself silly.
-----
Galician: (Noise in background) ....... This is A-853 calling you. Please
alter your course to 15 degrees South to avoid a collision. You are sailing
directly towards us - distance 25 nautical miles.
American: (Noise in background)......We advise you to alter course to 15
degrees North to avoid a collison.
Galician: Answer Negative. We repeat: alter your course 15 degrees to South
to avoid a collision.
American (another American voice): This is the Captain of a ship of the Navy
of the United States of America speaking to you.
We insist that you alter your course immediately to 15 degrees North to
avoid a collision.
Galician: We see this as not possible nor useful. We recommend that you
alter course to 15 degrees South to avoid a collision.
American: (angry commanding tone): THIS IS CAPTAIN RICHARD JAMES HOWARD,
COMMANDER OF THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER "USS LINCOLN" OF THE NAVY OF THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA, THE SECOND LARGEST WARSHIP OF THE NORTH AMERICAN FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY TWO ARMOURED CRUISERS, SIX DESTROYERS, 4 U-BOATS AND OTHER
SHIPS THAT CAN SUPPORT US AT ANY TIME.
WE ARE ON THE SHORTEST ROUTE TO THE PERSIAN GULF TO PREPARE FOR A MILITARY
MANOUEVER
THAT COULD LEAD TO AN OFFENSIVE OPERATION AGAINST IRAQ.
...... I ORDER YOU TO ALTER YOUR COURSE TO 15 DEGREES NORTH!!!!
IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY WE SHALL FIND OURSELVES FORCED TO TAKE WHATEVER ACTION
IS NECESSARY TO GUARANTEE THE SECURITY OF THIS AIRCRAFT CARRIER AND ENTIRE
STRIKE FORCE.
YOU ARE AN ALLIED STATE, MEMBER OF NATO AND THEREFORE OF THIS MILITARY
FORCE....
PLEASE OBEY WITHOUT DELAY AND GET OUT OF OUR WAY!!!!!!!
Galician: This is Juan Manuel Salas Alcántara. We are two people. With us is
our dog and food, two beers and a man from the Canaries who has already
asleep. We have the support of the transmitter Cadena Dial of la Coruna and the
Maritime Emergency Channel 106.
We are going nowhere since we are speaking to you from the land. We are in
lighthouse A-853 Finister, on the Galician Coast. We have no (Expletive Deleted)ting idea of
where we rank in the Spanish Lighthouse Service.
And you can take whatever steps you consider necessary and which you find
sexy to guarantee the safety of your
(Expletive Deleted)ting aircraft carrier, but you are about to split open your ship on the
coastal reefs of Galicia, and on these grounds we urge you, and wish once
more to issue a heartfelt plea that it is the best, the healthiest and cleverest
move for you and your people, to alter your course to 15 degrees South to
avoid a collision.
Similar breakdown of communication :-)
An (alleged) conversation between the US and Canada in the Atlantic,
October 1995
America This is the US Navy. We are on course to collide with you.
Suggest you alter course 15 degrees to the north.
Canada We suggest you move YOUR course 15 degrees south.
America This is the US Navy. We have one aircraft carrier, two
destroyers, two cruisers and several support vessels. Repeat suggestion
that you adgust course 15 degress to the north.
Canada We repeat suggestion that YOU adjust YOUR course 15 degrees to
the south.
America This is your last chance. If you do not adgust your course 15
degrees to the north we will use deadly force to make sure you do.
Canada This is a lighthouse. Repeat again suggestion to move your course
15 degrees south. Your call.
This is a report of a genuine radio conversation between Galicians and North
Americans. It was taken from
the frequencies of the Spanish Maritime Emergency channel 106, on the
Galician coast "Costa Finisterre" on 16 October 1997.
It was only released to the media by the Spanish military authorities in
March 2005.
All Spanish newspapers published the story and all of Spain is laughing
itself silly.
-----
Galician: (Noise in background) ....... This is A-853 calling you. Please
alter your course to 15 degrees South to avoid a collision. You are sailing
directly towards us - distance 25 nautical miles.
American: (Noise in background)......We advise you to alter course to 15
degrees North to avoid a collison.
Galician: Answer Negative. We repeat: alter your course 15 degrees to South
to avoid a collision.
American (another American voice): This is the Captain of a ship of the Navy
of the United States of America speaking to you.
We insist that you alter your course immediately to 15 degrees North to
avoid a collision.
Galician: We see this as not possible nor useful. We recommend that you
alter course to 15 degrees South to avoid a collision.
American: (angry commanding tone): THIS IS CAPTAIN RICHARD JAMES HOWARD,
COMMANDER OF THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER "USS LINCOLN" OF THE NAVY OF THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA, THE SECOND LARGEST WARSHIP OF THE NORTH AMERICAN FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY TWO ARMOURED CRUISERS, SIX DESTROYERS, 4 U-BOATS AND OTHER
SHIPS THAT CAN SUPPORT US AT ANY TIME.
WE ARE ON THE SHORTEST ROUTE TO THE PERSIAN GULF TO PREPARE FOR A MILITARY
MANOUEVER
THAT COULD LEAD TO AN OFFENSIVE OPERATION AGAINST IRAQ.
...... I ORDER YOU TO ALTER YOUR COURSE TO 15 DEGREES NORTH!!!!
IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY WE SHALL FIND OURSELVES FORCED TO TAKE WHATEVER ACTION
IS NECESSARY TO GUARANTEE THE SECURITY OF THIS AIRCRAFT CARRIER AND ENTIRE
STRIKE FORCE.
YOU ARE AN ALLIED STATE, MEMBER OF NATO AND THEREFORE OF THIS MILITARY
FORCE....
PLEASE OBEY WITHOUT DELAY AND GET OUT OF OUR WAY!!!!!!!
Galician: This is Juan Manuel Salas Alcántara. We are two people. With us is
our dog and food, two beers and a man from the Canaries who has already
asleep. We have the support of the transmitter Cadena Dial of la Coruna and the
Maritime Emergency Channel 106.
We are going nowhere since we are speaking to you from the land. We are in
lighthouse A-853 Finister, on the Galician Coast. We have no (Expletive Deleted)ting idea of
where we rank in the Spanish Lighthouse Service.
And you can take whatever steps you consider necessary and which you find
sexy to guarantee the safety of your
(Expletive Deleted)ting aircraft carrier, but you are about to split open your ship on the
coastal reefs of Galicia, and on these grounds we urge you, and wish once
more to issue a heartfelt plea that it is the best, the healthiest and cleverest
move for you and your people, to alter your course to 15 degrees South to
avoid a collision.
Similar breakdown of communication :-)
An (alleged) conversation between the US and Canada in the Atlantic,
October 1995
America This is the US Navy. We are on course to collide with you.
Suggest you alter course 15 degrees to the north.
Canada We suggest you move YOUR course 15 degrees south.
America This is the US Navy. We have one aircraft carrier, two
destroyers, two cruisers and several support vessels. Repeat suggestion
that you adgust course 15 degress to the north.
Canada We repeat suggestion that YOU adjust YOUR course 15 degrees to
the south.
America This is your last chance. If you do not adgust your course 15
degrees to the north we will use deadly force to make sure you do.
Canada This is a lighthouse. Repeat again suggestion to move your course
15 degrees south. Your call.
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Spitfire vroooming to Cranwell for air day, mistakes Waddington for Cranwell, doesn't believe the controller who points out he's vroooming the wrong direction. So pilot reports initials at Waddington -
Contoller: Roger, read the numbers on the runway.
Pilot: 03.
Controller: We haven't got a 03. You're at Waddington.
The rest is totally superflous.
Contoller: Roger, read the numbers on the runway.
Pilot: 03.
Controller: We haven't got a 03. You're at Waddington.
The rest is totally superflous.
Navy S-2 pilot lines up and calls ready for takeoff Runway 15 at Smith Reynolds airport in my hometown at the end of the annual airshow. Tower clears said Stoof for departure Runway 15. (The main ILS served runway)
Loud roar of big recip engines....nose of Stoof rears up with acceleration...
Tannoy carrying the ATC radio chat sounds...
Tower.....Navy S-2, confirm you are using RWY 15!
S-2 Pilot....Roger Tower....Navy XXX rolling on RWY 15
Tower...Navy, you see the large red brick building at the end of the runway?
S-2 Pilot....Affirm Tower....brick building in sight!
Tower....Navy that is the Fairchild Hiller Factory building at the end of runway 18....the runway marked by those large white X's at each end.
S-2....After a sudden decrease in noise and acceleration....tail of Stoof now very much higher than at any time thus far...."(Expletives heard!)"
Loud roar of big recip engines....nose of Stoof rears up with acceleration...
Tannoy carrying the ATC radio chat sounds...
Tower.....Navy S-2, confirm you are using RWY 15!
S-2 Pilot....Roger Tower....Navy XXX rolling on RWY 15
Tower...Navy, you see the large red brick building at the end of the runway?
S-2 Pilot....Affirm Tower....brick building in sight!
Tower....Navy that is the Fairchild Hiller Factory building at the end of runway 18....the runway marked by those large white X's at each end.
S-2....After a sudden decrease in noise and acceleration....tail of Stoof now very much higher than at any time thus far...."(Expletives heard!)"
Originally Posted by Bob Viking
I can't believe nobody has come up with the story of the US warship and the unknown radar contact yet!
BV
BV
Mid 70s, JMC?, conducting intermitent radar sweeps, radar identifies riser, radar off, home to datum, searchlight on, USS Nimitz!
That the one?
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was just reading on another forum about an accident that one of the first B-36's to visit britain had, he landed 2 miles short of the runway in a frozen snow covered field, apparently the radio messages went along the lines of....
Controller: "You are two miles to touchdown, on centreline"
Pilot: "I have landed." A slight pause , then: "My isn't your field rough!"
Controller: "You are two miles to touchdown, on centreline"
Pilot: "I have landed." A slight pause , then: "My isn't your field rough!"
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radar: Spitfire G-xx squawk 1234
spit: Sorry sir, negative transponder.
radar (puzzled, watching 7000 leaping across screen exactly where Spit says he is, at Spit speeds & same level): Are you sure you don't have a transponder? If not, there's traffic very close by, same height & speed.
Spit: hang on, I'll look...(lengthy pause).
Spit (very surprised): Bloody hell, I've found one! What was that squawk again?
spit: Sorry sir, negative transponder.
radar (puzzled, watching 7000 leaping across screen exactly where Spit says he is, at Spit speeds & same level): Are you sure you don't have a transponder? If not, there's traffic very close by, same height & speed.
Spit: hang on, I'll look...(lengthy pause).
Spit (very surprised): Bloody hell, I've found one! What was that squawk again?
