Best reply heard?
 

Whats the best, but puzzling reply have you heard or given over the radio to an event.

Quite a number of years ago I was monitoring Architect who at the time was passing some UK forecasts to one of the brave Ascoteers.

Quite clearly the UK was going to be a blanket of fog and after all the forecasts had been passed all I heard was the reply "Thanks, St John's 11 35, Out" to which, like me, our forecaster of doom was in complete bewilderment.

I got home and looked up the reply and rolled around in laughter when I saw the verse "Jesus wept".

I presume you looked it up in CAP 413 ?? :8

Nice touch though !

Major international airport somewhere in Germany, usual chatter on the clearance frequency.
German pilot pipes up requesting clearance in German 'Lufthansa yak yak yak bratwurst etc'
Controller replies (in English mit accent) stating that transmissions must be made in English.
Pilot replies ' I am a German pilot, sat in a German owned plane, flying for a German airline, at a German airport, why can't I speak German?'

English public school accent comes on frequency 'Because we won'

God bless.

Gata Radar girlie fighter controller to stroppy Lightning pilot during Turk invasion:

"Shutup or I'll hit you with a 707".

Overhead Bosnia, circa 1994. Warning tx on Guard ...
Gallant F3 Nav: "Unknown ac at pos xx.xxxN xx.xxxE, you are in violation of UN Resolution 413, land immediately or you will be engaged"
... pause ...
F3 Nav: "Unknown ac at pos xx.xxxN xx.xxxE, you are in violation of UN Resolution 413, land immediately or you will be engaged"
... pause ...
Helicopter Pilot: "Can you repeat the position please?"
F3 Nav: "Posn xx.xxxN xx.xxxE"
Helicopter Pilot: "No, that's not us!"
... the note in my logbook simply says "bugger".

For reasons best known to herself, one of my colleagues once responded to an F3 with the perplexing statement: "Buchan strange".

Maybe we are...

Brand new Nimrod MR2 on approach to Kirtland Air Force Base in the middle of the New Mexican desert.

Controller: Request aircraft type.
MR2: Nimrod, a 4 jet maritime patrol aircraft.
Controller (after long pause): Are you lost?:}

Not exactly a reply, but during the Nimrod MR1 days we used to fill the Fishery protection role using callsign Watchdog. The role also required us to call any oil rigs we passed during our waaderings around the North Sea. A titter was always raised when we called the Rough field -

"Rough, Rough this is Watchdog"

Childish I know, but it was a long time ago!

Tutor in the Circuit at Benson:
Female Stude: "U10 Down....Oh Fcuk there's a huge chopper in front of us!"
Tower: (Pregnant Pause)
Puma: "Its a helicopter actually" :hmm:

As a stude on hold(79 or 80), I was lucky enough to snag a trip to Nellis with 30 Sqn, who were shepherding a bunch of Jags there. Great trip. The Training captain flew the last leg- can't remember his name. Most unlikely steely-eyed pilot- short, bald and portly. Might have been a Davies? Call went approx:

Herc: Nellis, Ascot 1234, C-130, etc etc
Nellis:State your service sir
Herc: Royal Air Force, Ascot 1234
Nellis: Which Royal Air Force sir?
Herc: THE Royal Air Force
Nellis (pause) Roger Ascot 1234, clear land etc etc

It was priceless, and he then went on to perform the greasiest greaser you could wish for. On the packed flight deck was a boyish Bill Pixton, new spare Jag pilot. He was gobsmacked by the slippery arrival. Me: didn't know any better.

CG

New Nimrod Mk 1, stateside, when asked what a Nimrod was gave the usual bullsh*t speil.

Moments later, civ aircraft who had heard the original question but missed the reply came up and asked for a repeat. Quick as a flash a Panam aircraft chipped in.

"It is the UK's state of the art anti-submarine warfare aircraft DUMMY."

Well we think it had a state of the art crew.

Back in the states, '93-ish, as our C-130 fleet had been upgraded to SCNS & we were now RNAV equipped. On long route back from McChord RTB Little Rock in the middle of the night,

ATC: "Horse XX, you're cleared present position direct Little Rock."
C-130: "XX center, we'll fly our flight planned routing."
ATC: "It says you're RNAV equipped..."
C-130: "We are, but our nav is asleep!":}
ATC: "....err...roger."

As a young Co, I thought that was the most brilliant call I'd ever heard from a Capt!:D

Taxying out for 09R at LHR a few years ago, a BA 744 on the south side was going on at length about an engine fault.

Eventually he said:
"We've discussed our problem with the engineers and they have advised us that if we shut down and restart the engine it might cure the problem. Where would be the best place to do this?"

The lady on GMC replied as quick as a flash (and vehemently): "GATWICK!"

YS

Another Beautifull day over the Persian Gulf on guard freq>

US Warship:
" Unidentified A/C sq 3602 postion xxxx N yyyy E on course 275 spead 135 Kts Alt 4500 Ft- This is a US Warship operarting in international waters - identify yourself and state your intentions!

Helicopter: with an accent believed to be Canadian.
"Good Morning Guys! This is Helicopter EP-H_ _ My intentions are to find a girl, buy a house and settle down - how about yourselves?"::E

US Warship: very long pause:
"Thank you Sir. US Warship out."

Me: Quid ??, what type of service do you require?
Quid: Uhhhh, the full service please.

Me: Quid ??, what type of service do you require?
Quid: 4 Tonnes of fuel and a screenwash

Me to Tornado: Request POB
Tornado: One and a half.

I guess either the nav was on a diet or it was a bad sortie? :p

Every Pilot's dream radio call
 

Flying home to Kunsan one day, KAL flight XXX was on 6-9 mile final. KAL flew Fokker 100's into the field 3-4 times a day up to Seoul (yes, prior to Inchon).

ATC: "Viper 12, KAL 123 on 6-9 mile final for 36"

Me: "Tally the Fokker"

'Unidentified aircraft position xxxx, this is Royal Navy warship - you are approaching my exclusion zone. Turn away or you WILL be engaged'

'Royal Navy warship, this is Ascot xxxx, if you park your boat a mile from the runway I am about to land on, what the hell do you expect? Pratt.'

(HMS Ark Royal parked herself in the middle of Episcopy Bay during GW1, 1 mile from the threshold of rw 10 at Akrotiri, and promptly promulgated a 5nm 5000ft exclusion zone...)

Early 90s, Boscombe Comet on 1st trip to USA in many moons -
ATC (can't remember which): "CS XXX say type"
Comet "Hawker Siddely Comet"
ATC "Yes, but what type?"
Comet "HS Comet, a miltary 4 engine jet"
ATC "Is this a prototype or something"
Comet "No sir, the worlds 1st jet airliner"
ATC "Oh, you'll be a Boeing then" !!!!!!!

Maybe Nutcracker 43 can shed some light on this one!