So last night, I'm sitting on my crewseat for landing and the guy next to me asks the question, " will the flight be longer going home?" to which I said, Yep, it will be about 40 mins longer actually, the old fella nods agreeingly and says to his wife! "told you it will take longer, its common sence dear, the earth will be spinning the wrong way"

Taxi

Here's a few classics that have happened to me.

1. I was standing at doors 5 on the jumbo and this girl in her early twenties that I obviously don't know and have never seen before in my life rushes upto me and goes "Have you seen my dad???" (Like I'm gonna know what her dad looks like!)

2. Me: Would you like tea or coffee sir?
Pax: Yes please
Me: Tea or coffee sir?
Pax: Yes
Me: Would you like tea, or would you like coffee??!!??!!??!!

3. My personal favourite...We were handing out landing cards on arrival into London, and gave the usual announcement about how you don't need to fill one out if you've got a European Union passport, and this American lady asks me in all seriousness "So how do I become a member of this European union group?"

4. On our saftey video they instruct the passengers to tie their life jackets in a double bow at the side, and this guy looks at me all confused and goes "What's a double bow" I go "Well it's a bow, then another bow again!" And his wife goes "See!! I told you so!" Pure genius! :)

On a 35 min Jersey with 45 in club. Desperately trying to give all at least a sip of tea or coffee when flight crew gave the "10 mins to landing". Having heard this, the pax in the next row said "I'll have my tea later please." Did she expect me to follow her to the terminal with my teapot poised????
:confused: :confused:

Landed in Ireland one night a few years ago and taxi-ing/just on stand, a pax grabs my skirt as I'm walking down the aisle and points to the IFE screen which admittedly had been playing up most of the flight and is reading 34,000ft or something...
"Can you explain the meaning of this?" Gestures at the screen and is very sniffy,
Me, smiling, thinking she's joking "Sorry about that, its not been working well all flight...."
Her:"Well, its NOT good enough, I am finding it terribly distressing"
Me, looking blankly at her "Er...well, if you look out the window you can see the ground and the airbridge being attached"
Her "I am very, very upset about this, how can it still be saying we are in the air? I'm complaining..."
Me: "Erm,....ok"

D'oh!

Um ....... this is actually correct. The reason that transatlantic westbounds take longer than eastbounds (40 mins being a common value) is that the winds invariably blow from North America to Europe, and the reason for this is due to the rotation of the earth. The technical name for this is the Coriolis Effect.

What's so amazing about pouring tea and coffee? ;)
[armour on] :E

Welllll... Actually the general circulation of winds arises from the global redistribution of heat from warm low latitudes to cold high latitudes, driven by the development of surface pressure gradients. Wind blows from high to low pressure regions, although airflow is deflected by the Coriolis force as a result of the Earth's rotation, and tends to follow more east-west trends rather than north-south trends. (Largely plagiarized)

In the Northern Hemisphere the mid-latitude winds prevail from the west and in the Southern Hemisphere the mid-latitude winds prevail from the east. So it takes longer to go from east to west in the Northern Hemisphere than it does the Southern Hemisphere. ('bout the same either way on the equator)

It takes significantly longer to fly from Brisbane to Perth (east to west) than it does Perth to Brisbane (west to east) - the jetstreams across Australia are generally (big generalisation here) west to east


Erm sorry for thread drift! :O

Dang! You caught me! The explanation is not as simple as I sugested--
Please refer to http://gpc.edu/~pgore/Earth&Space/GPS/wind.html for a better explanation. (But it is not as easy as the winds flow in the direction of the Earth's rotation).

I'll go back to my pilot's boards now--I was just curious!

Contrary to the stereotype so sadly perpetuated, I'm an American who delights in listening to an Irish, British, or Scottish accent, and would never demand for any of you to "speak American!". Believe me, I can't stand these rude obnoxious types either, and we're not all like that over here!! :ugh:

I work for Ek and I had someone on my last trip ask if the seats on the right side of the plane have more leg room.

I tried to explain to them that we have the same amount of seats/rows on both sides and that the plane is the same length on both sides and that the person on that side with leg space maybe just has shorter legs.

They however did not believe me so they said that on there next flight the are going to request to sit on the right.

Haha 747newguy not a problem at all - everyone is welcome here :ok: :ok:

Not about dumb pax.
 

Finish collecting trays after supper service. Lights dimmed, returning to galley with last full cart. There is a hair piece caught in the door of cart. Walk back down the aisle looking for bald pax. Find him sound asleep...... definitely him as the double sided tape bits still attached to scalp. Gently place the toupe back on his head. Next morning during B'fast I notice he is happily eating his breakfast, except in the dark I had put the hairpiece on back to front.
No further comment !

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why?
 

I keep reading about the ashtrays on toiletdoors. Why, pray are they there at all, smoking on flights has been banned for years?

Maybe the aircrafts are still in circulation from the time when you could smoke on board, or they still put them on for private hire where it is allowed?

either way I think there should be a sign saying "this does not open the door" tee hee.

In Australia at least they are a "no go" item. On the 744 if a certain number are missing [2 or 3 I think] the aircraft cannot legally be despatched.

Really? what the ashtrays are a no go item? How come? Just incase you do get a secret smoker and they dont put it in the bin?

^^^^^^^^10/10 correct^^^^^^^^^^^

Thanks for the 10/10 but i'd rather a gold star!

Sorry I didnt mean to sound dumb!! Just I've not heard of that before being from the UK we dont have the same requierments... or if we do I've not been told of it before as its just taken for granted that they are on all planes and its not something we have to know about. Its certainly not in our SEP manuals, but thankyou for your marking Im sure it will come in handy with my recurrent!

Though it is not in the SEP manual, it was discussed in my training course at EasyJet. I would much rather a pax put it out there, than straight into the toilet bin.

God yeah I totally agree, and understand why this is, just that
Ive been flying for years and its Just not something I had heard or been told before in training that they are a "no go" item on board... suppose becuase its an engineering issue at the airlines I worked/work for.

Enough of making me out to be stupid, this is after all about stupid pax comments, not stupid Flying_Hostie comments, and trust me there are a few of them! lol
x

Thick Pax 1-
Pax: Wandering around rear toilets of 747 (row 68)looking bewildered and lost
Crew (me): Madam, you look lost
Pax: I cannot find my seat
Crew: Can you remember your seat number?
Pax: Yes, 14A
Crew: Oh, you are in Business class?
Pax:Yes
Crew: Well, business class is at the front of the plane
Pax: Which way is the front of the plane?
Thick Pax 2-
Crew announcement (me again): Please follow the white lines on the tarmac to our aircraft, parked directly outside the terminal. It is the only white jet out there today. Please do not board the red jet as it is not our aircraft. Again, please board the white jet. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me before proceeding out onto the tarmac
First passenger to board: Which one is the white jet??
Me: Um, the white one.
Pax: oh. (pax proceeds through gate)

Same thing...
 

I was asked the same thing on a flight EDI-LCY a few days ago, I told the pax of course she could have her coffee later its called Starbucks.

Drugged and Groggy
 

Very entertaining thread this. Been flying all over the world (as SLF) and heard my share of stupidity. But I ask you to consider the following: some passengers actually use sleeping pills on long flights (I do) or use tranquilizers to fight anxiety (not me, but I know quite a few people who do). Both these will cause pax to become slightly groggy and might even cause them to be unable to answer even a simple question like "Coffee of Tea?"

(Linguistically the answer to the (incorrectly phrased) question "would you like coffee or tea?" actually can be "yes"...)

Add to this a lot of pax who find themselves in a strange - and for some frightening - environment and I feel you should reconsider your qualifications about their intelligence. Although (as with CC) some will be idiots, rude, inconsiderate or clueless.

Flying with a CC that has a good sense of humor does make the flight considerably more tolerable.

Flying Hosty

You will be amazed at what stops A/C from getting airborne. They can get airborne with certain bits of unserviceable navigation kit etc etc, but some things such as the correct number of serviceable loos are a no go item.

And thats in the UK!!

Md83???
 

I appreciate this a/c is not commonly used within the uk, it is mainly operated by the greeks, turkish and swedish (although it is US made!)... If your not familiar with it, the aft jump seat is forward facing on the aft entrance door (very rear of the a/c, centre of the a/c looking down the aisle!) the airstairs actually drop from the tailcone of it... the aft toilets are left and right of this door, at the very rear, and the aft galley is situated a/c left behind row 28 to about row 32 ish (it's not big!)... looking rear there is a 'lavatory occupied' sign placed on the bulkhead of the aft galley a/c left, to give the pax a heads up!, however... at least 10 x per sector...

"Toilet sir/madam??? at the very back!!!!"

Seeing people pushing the bulkhead thinking a door will pop open out of no where does make me chuckle!!!!

Safety Demo... CC at row 1, row 23(o/wings) and row 31 (side of the rear galley to show the last 2 rows) lady at row 30....

Excuse me... I couldn't see any of that! I think you should have somebody stood just here!

Me... Did you hear the announcement madam???

PAX... not really, I was trying to find my Mints for take off...

Me... Ok Madam... bare with me!

(at this point I completed the safety demo myself, just for this pax alone, and asked loudly... did you see it that time Madam???) She was a little flushed in the cheeks but hey, if you can't be bothered to pay attention, then don't complain!!!!

As for a/c problems...let's just say after an engine failure in DLM, I have benn taken to the transit lounge by ground staff to explain to PAX why we need minimum rest (165 people shouting at you is not fun :ouch: )

And I've been lost over German airspace with no autopilot, no anticollision systems and no weather guidance (don't know the technical term) a 3hr flight from KLX took 5 hrs! had to be escorted back to home territory by fighter planes, the ground agents were taking the michael when we got back due to ("flightno"... where are you?, "flightno", please respond!")
I've only been flyin for 6 months, already learned 3 AOC's, had many a Medical Emergency, a 10 minute decent (ok, I appreciate on a smaller a/c this is acceptable.. but 2 minutes later a Thomsonfly 75 had to perform a go-around cos it couldn't stop in time) twin engine failure, manual landing while sat in the f/d with the f/o shouting sh:mad: t, sh:mad: t, sh:mad: t! all the way down. 2 Cpts arguing cos one was 74 trained and it was ok to land with 3 white lights (MD83.. not advisable), a burst tyre on landing... Oh and David Bellamy on one of my flights (looking more and more like santa everyday!) Am I jinxed do ya think? Should I give it up as a bad Job??? I'm starting with Silverjet in a month... No liquids on board my flight I tell ya! :)

PAX check-in their brains!
 

Seriously, I think PAX check-in their brains along with their bags when they travel, or maybe its just the lack of fresh air? And what is it with traveling internationally without a bloody pen?!
I wonder, does it get worse on budget airlines?

Anotherthing:

I Know about the loos, im not that stupid! lol... it was the ashtrays we were talking about. x

Walking down the aisle with a bowl of apples, "What "variety" of apples are they"? American pax

Walking down the aisle with a bowl of apples, "What is that"? (Na ni)? A bowl of bananas honey, what do you think they are?

I'm sorry but I am extremely tollerant but this one cracked me up. Apples look no different in Japan than anywhere else (except for the GM brands that look and taste so OH....... so perfect). but an apple will always look like an apple.

Perfectly reasonable question imho...If you offered me an apple and it was a "golden delicious" I would refuse(they taste cr*p).

As for travelling without a pen...God knows what the current regulations regarding carrying ANYTHING these days are(and this from an air traffic controller who gets grief for trying to carry soup onto the airfield!!)...I would hope that the airline would carry pens. Other than that I am enjoying the thread:ok:

errrrrrrm...........

Am I missing something? Whats wrong with that? Could have been Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, or Cox or Braeburn etc etc etc? Maybe I'm missing something.....:confused:

Oh please
 

I wonder what you guys would be like in a hospital (as a patient). Would you appreciate nurses and doctors saying you were stupid, just because the experience is unnerving or maybe even scary for you?

I mean: it is ok having a laugh about funny misconceptions or strange questions, but don't mistake it for proof that you yourself are a superior being of sorts, because you're not. Probably as many thick CC's per 100 as passengers. There just more pax than CC on board, so you notice it less... ;)

Possibly, quite possibly, the pax has pens in their briefcase but this has been taken and stored elsewhere in the cabin because the overheads were already filled up with the cabin crew's rollaboards.

Touche ! :)

Folks please please please don't get your knickers in a twist over what is clearly a bit of harmless therapy for those of us who spend our lives in the air... If you have a valid concern to voice re Cabin Crew attitudes, the thread entitled (funnily enough) "Cabin Crew Attitudes" is the ideal spot to do so :ok:

You mean at your airport they actually let you airside with soup in the first place??!!!! I'm coming to work at your place!!!

No need to worry. I appreciate venting. There was a smiley.

But some here aren't just venting, they mean it. Correct me if I am wrong... They need a little grounding :8

I too can have a good laugh about all the stupid things passengers say and do during all my flights as a pax. But I will still keep in mind all the things I said here earlier.

Just last week, one hour into flight, I'm wiping a guys tray table because his tea has spilt during tubulence. As I'm doing this he looks at me dead pan and says...."there's turbulence, we must be flying, the plane is in the air!" I looked at him and smiled....and then realised he was totally serious.....

How some people get by in life honestly astounds me, let alone travel internationally on their own.

RaverFlaver :)

Few years ago, short staffed at split gate operation; I'm boarding a 737 off airbridge with crew waiting at gate stairwell & a/c steps. PA clearly states the plan & first 30 or so pax let through the gateroom door to turn LEFT & DOWNSTAIRS to waiting a/c. Some time later, look outside to check progress with the boarding at the a/c only to see crew still standing at foot of steps with no pax looking up to me. I stop boarding & run down to find 30 or so pax strapping in or stowing handbaggage on a longstop a/c parked on the bridge, unpowered & completely dark! They had actually gone through two closed doors to get to the a/c then taken off the safety belt from the door to board.

LOL - well you can't knock them for their ingenuity and our society's penchant for self serve! heheheh