Working for JQ we get a range of pax... including those who have been rejected by Greyhound Buslines. Here's what happened during a 9pm flight to Melbourne after CSM made a PA regarding turning the lights down for pax comfort

Bulldog-resembling pax: What did she say?

Me: We are turning down the lights now

Pax: Why would you do that? To save electricity? I can't see my magazine :ugh:

Me: That's right. The electricity bill hasn't been paid and they'll probably cut it off soon, but we're hoping that we land before they do so.

Not to mention the number of times that I have had a lady thrust a baby bottle at me and tell me to 'heat it in the microwave for 1 minute on medium-high'. :8

Skybunny - you don't have a microwave on board??? := What sort of an airline is that? :confused: :cool: ;)
But at least you are lucky - I don't know how many flights I've been on when people wouldn't take anything for their kids along!

Usually shortly after take-off they needed: fresh diapers for their babies, food, bottles with milk (no - not warming up, they didn't take any along as they fully well knew we carry babybottles and babymilk!), the kids meals for the bigger ones, .... :ugh:
And all together and right now... because their kids are the most precious to them ... :hmm:
And then you find one of those little ones in the chiller right before you put the trolley back in - as they are playing hide and seek on the aircraft! := :oh:

Holding over our destination airport and unable to land due to fog. Holding out for that gap in the weather to avoid a divert.

"excuse me.... can i use my mobile to tell my friend i'm going to be late...?????? !!!!!!!!!

I was once handed a packet of super noddles and asked to make them as she didn't like airline food. I explained that i would need a pot, cooker etc to make them and we don't have that onboard, told her to bring a pot noddle next time. :rolleyes:

This happened on a flight the other day:

Female Pax: Have you any sanitary napkins or tampons.

Me: Umm, no, I'm a boy (a cheeky attempt to hide my embarrassment).

Female Pax: (Laughing) I can see that, but you don't have them onboard.

Me: Errm, no, sorry.

10 mins later as I walk past.

Female Pax: Hey, you do have them. They're in the toilets, my husband saw them when he went!

Male Pax (Husband): (Crossly) You should know that lad.

Me: Well, I've never been into the girls toilets on the aircraft before, but what were you doing in there anyway? (Being cheeky again).

Male Pax: Oh shi!t, was that the girls? I didn't see the sign!

Me: Well, how embarassing, you won't do that again will ya? (winking at wife).

Female pax wet herself laughing!

When working for easyJet many moons ago, boarding at AMS;

Pax: Do you have a first class cabin?

Me: Certainly sir, (I opened the fwd toilet door), you have a cabin to yourself!

Me and the first row of pax found it funny anyway!

Hello,

View from the other side (AF from CDG to Mauritius)

Me:(after the lunch)do you have a Cognac please?
Crew:do you know how much you paid your ticket?:uhoh:
Me: (realising at this time ..was surounded by pax with reduced price fare tickets)Certainly...and show my ticket (Full economy fare):)
Crew:I bring you a Cognac in a minute.:E
Comments:how feel satisfied with this kind of answer (the first of course...)

Regards.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :ok: :E

Thats priceless, I love it... :p

I hate the ones who like to make wise cracks.

CC Please make sure your window blind is up please

PA Why will it make it go faster?

CC No but if the engine falls off or blows up you will see it and you can tell the crew.

I have a very plain dulcit Irish Accent...Im from higher middle class part of dublin so for those of you who know will be able to tell for yourself.
But the other morning on approach to LHR some american passenger asked me for directions through the terminal for a connecting flight.

As soon as I finished explaining "Flight Connections" he siddenly stopped me, shouting at me saying that he could not understand me and demanded that I SPEAK AMERICAN!!! I just laughed at him and said he would have major problems in Scotland (thats where he was traveling to) if he didnt understand me!!!!

What a :mad: Passenger ...I said the same thing before , They should learn some manner's

hotels
 

sort of like the hotel i am in just now

its peak season and ppl come in asking for rooms

we say we´re full and they ask..

but not even half board or bed and breakfast!!

apaddy - American spoken in the days of yore was very much similar to Irish! Heard the accent on Newfoundland or some of the islands off the eastern seaboard?

More Olde Irish/English than 'American'!

Hope the obnoxious twerp tried his attitude on some characters in a dodgy pub in Glasgow. He won't be out of hospital yet!

Revenge of the SLF - on the SLF!
 

My wife and I were passengers on a Southwest Airlines flight from Houston to Phoenix AZ a few summers ago - lots of thunderstorms, delays, extra security checks, more delays, typical gawdawful airline experience.

We were determined not to let it get us down, partly because through a bit of sweet-talking the gate agent upgraded us to first class, seats 1A and 1B, YES!

Anyway, when we finally boarded, the cabin crew was obviously (as you say over there) knackered, so we told them that WE would do the passenger greetings for them, go sit down and relax. Surprisingly, they said go for it - so we did - and every person who got on the airplane after us was greeted with "Thank you for flying Southwest! We're glad to have you on board!"

Well it seems the person sitting in 1E was not very happy about all this - he KNEW the weather was crappy solely and specifically for HIS personal discomfiture, and this was all Southwest's fault - and the idea that anyone at all could have a good time - my wife and I, and the two exhausted stews, was just too much for him. He rolled his eyes in disgust each time we greeted anyone (about 90 people), and each time he did, the stews (and we) had to restrain ourselves from laughing - we all knew he couldn't stand it, and we were quite deliberately baiting him with each progressively cheerier greeting. (The passengers loved it, too, and the pilot and co-pilot were also in on it.)

Finally everyone was on board and we were ready to go. I turned to the cabin crew (whose dispositions had by now considerably brightened) and said, "OK, we're all set, and I'm ready to fly the airplane now - do you need to see my pilot's license?"

"Mr. Happiness" about died - turned white as a sheet, the two stews broke out laughing - and we were treated ROYALLY for the entire flight - and somehow they were always just too busy to get Mr. Happiness so much as a glass of water. He was first off the airplane, too.

This is a true story . . . and I do have a pilot's license, but not for the big iron.


Best Regards,

Echo Mike

EchoMike - best story I've read for ages. Sounds very Southwest too!

Once upon a flight-
Announcement "Ladies & gentlemen, just to make you aware that we have completely run out of sandwiches, sorry for the inconvenience"
10 seconds later- PAX next to me, when cc asked what he would like to eat: 'what sandwiches have you got?'
CC: Sorry sir, as we have just announced- we have completely run out'
PAX: what none atall?
CC: No, not one left.
PAX: Not even a plain one?
CC: No, no sandwiches whatsoever.
PAX: well im not happy about this atall.
CC: very sorry sir
PAX: can't you even make me one, or give me one from the crew's supply?
CC: er.. no because there isnt any bread or filling and we crew do not have any either...sorry!
PAX: (turns to me) We are paying their wages and they cant even find a spare sandwich...

LOL

I might sound like a dim pax now but:

Why do the window blinds have to go up on landing?!

Just curious...:)

It's to accustomise your eyes etc. to the conditions outside. In the event of an accident where the pax have to disembark quickly, they won't suffer from things such as night blindness.

Any help?

Aha thankyou so much:ok:

sarcasm
 

it's sarcasm, given the first post about "thick" passengers

This is a GREAT STORY
 

Good story here. I have one as well. I was cc with a young beautiful woman (of color) Omaha to Chicago. She was getting a lot of "looks" and a negative vibe from many of the passengers, so as the position one flight attendant, I made an announcement upon arrival at Chicago : "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to inform you that this is the last flight for one of our flight attendants today, D. Edwards. She is pursuing her doctorate at the University of Chicago in International Studies and Communications."
You should have seen how sugary sweet and congratulatory the passengers got towards my coworker as they deplaned. Ms. Edwards and I became great friends and we always had a laugh on how we pulled one over on those rascals...

Oh My Gawd
 

ROTGLMAO This is way too priceless !

I Apologize For All American Ignoramusae
 

Unfortunately the good of many is ruined by just the rude few...

Not so much comment as action
 

After a particularly hard landing in GOA on a 73/200 the oxy masks dropped from a sizeable chunk of the rear PSUs. Those that had a mask grabbed it, those without were clutching across the aisle at the spares. I was looking out the window at the terminal, thinking there goes the rest of my day. :*

retraction
 

Actually having just read that I retract it. At least they listened, true the delay was massive, but better a few hours late in this life than half a lifetime early into the next

Except for the "first class" setting :confused:
Could it have been Continental?

Have to see if I can find the stubs
 

Have to go look and see if I can find the old ticket stubs or ask my wife what airline it was - I hate flying around in other people's airplanes. I'm pretty sure it was Southwest, but I *am* sure we got 1A and 1B!

Best Regards,

Echo Mike

On a SYD-HKG flight on Saturday:

Female customer of Asian origin is passed out on floor. Myself and CSM get oxygen and try to make her come to. She keeps coming to then passing out again.

She eventually comes to and is completely delerious. Hypoxic I guess. Anyway this woman grabs CSMs head and starts yelling -

"I don't have a pulse, I don't have a pulse!"

"I am not breathing."

"I am in shock."

Of course no medical situation is funny though I totally laughed when this lady is telling us she doesn't have a pulse! :ugh:

AND FOR THICK CABIN CREW COMMENTS -

On an American domestic flight I overheard two flight attendants talking about how another colleague knew a passenger.

FA1 - "Shelly knows 2D."
FA2 - "Who is Tudy?"
FA1 - "No. 2D."
FA2 - "Shelly knows a Tudy?"
FA1 - "No. The person at 2D"
FA2 - "The person is a Tudy? What?"
FA1 - "The passenger AT 2D!"
FA2 - "Where is Tudy? You're not making any sense."

That ACTUALLY happened! It would seem sometimes we are far too quick to pass ourselves off as the smarter ones!

The two women looked remarkably like Miss Goldie and Blue Bonnit Onit from this clip!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F1Bqy3oXCQ

Cheers EM --
Don't waste time digging up stubs on behalf of a pedant like me. It occurred to me later that it might have been America West (Phoenix hub), but it hardly matters. A very entertaining story.
OK, back to lurking.

Soy decaf Latte
 

Skybunny, I'm sure many of us can sympathise with that particular scenario! How many times, can I guess, have you also been asked for a skinny latte during service???
I've become very talented at making cappucino machine noises in the middle of the cabin as i vigorously stir their sache of instant coffee:rolleyes:

These are so funny to read! Im gonna get my thinking cap on and have a think of some Ive come accross..

ah ha, I remember a time, going out with the dreaded "Juice and water"...

"Would you like Juice or Water sir?"
Passenger says nothing but stares at the juice and water like I've just spoken swahili to him
"Juice or water Sir?"
Passenger still staring in a daze...
so I said "Sir! are you staring at my Jugs!"

Also, why do passengers never know how to open the toilet doors even though it says "Push" in big letters on the front? why do they insist on opening the ashtrays instead???

And when Im in the loo (yes crew do actually go to the toilet like every other human being) that someone insists on trying to open the door then knocks very loudly?? hello! surely the "Engaged/Occupied" sign tells you somoene is in there? pah.

Some priceless tales. Thanks to all for their contributions.

This one I picked up on a coach into London. Heading east down the M4 (motorway, freeway, autobahn, etc...) out to our right was a heavy on approach to 09 at LHR.

Our distance from said aircraft, the speed of the coach and the approach speed of the aircraft gave the illusion that the aircraft was hardly moving. Two elderly ladies sat across the aisle from me:

"Look at that plane over there. It's not moving."

They both watched intently for a few moments.

"Oh yes...........you're right. It must have to wait there for permission to land."

"I hope they don't have to wait too long".

It was said with such concern and sincerity my companion and I laughed so much we cried.

Ahh, but F_H, if you're taking too long in there to beautify yourself, I may just let myself in from the outside anyway.... some of us pax do have a little more knowledge than you'd like, especially those of us who are engineers!

Tee hee, you know me too well! lol...

Here it goes..

My mate had this pax on a turnaround that wanted to get double his money's worth on freebies, he got the toothbrush, playing cards, comb, shaving kit, and anything he could put his hands on.. the pax next to him had asked my mate if she could have a sanitary towel and she gave it to her in a paper bag. This guy started shouting saying 'hang on how come she gets something and I don't you're being racist with me' she tried to explain nicely that its something for the ladies but he kept calling her racist and by this time everyone was giving her bad looks.. so she said 'ok sir i'll be right back'
She handed him the sanitary towel in a paper bag and left him with a smile on his face and went back expecting him to be embarrased for causing all that hassle for a sanitary towel....
However she finds him sitting quitely on his seat with the sanitary towel stuck on his eyes thinking they're eye shades!!!


Another one...

During a turnaround after service... all the pax just keep looking at the toilet door and since they don't speak english and push doesn't give it away we have to open the door everytime for them. This crew got really fed up when he found these 3 men trying to open it by opening the ash tray so he went up to them he told them 'this is how you do it' he opened the ash tray and said OOOOpppeeen whilst pushing the door with his foot 5 mins later we find a group of them saying ooopppeeeenn to the ash tray !!! Kept us entertained!!!

Grrrrrr!
 

Pax pushes call bell at 40,000 ft.
Pax: "Excuse me Madam I'd like to make a complaint reagrding your airline"
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that sir, what appears to be be the problem?"
Pax: "Since the plane took off I can't get a signal on my mobile... See?"
(shows me his phone which indeed had no signal!)
Me: "For :mad: 's sake!!!!!!!!"

1 more....

During meal serice
Me: Would you like to have beef cassrole or chicken with rice?
Pax: Don't you have any burger and chips?
Me: No sorry sir, only beef casserole or chicken wiv rice
Pax: Are you sure?
Me: Yes I'm sure but I will check anyway. (Goes to the galley and back)
Me: No sorry
Pax: But I want burger and chips, what are you going to do?
Me: I tell you what sir, I'll jus pop down to the shops and get you some, I may be some time. (to the amusement of the surrounding pax)
Pax: Its ok. take your time

As SLF on a flight from LHR to the US, the cabin crew were serving Tea & Coffee, and a person 3 rows in front asked for hot chocolate, which was not available.

This roused the interest of the next two rows, who also requested hot chocolate, presumably not listening to the response given to the row before.

When the CC got to me I kept a straight face as I asked for a tall extra hot latte. I could see her blood pressure rising as she tried to politely explain it was just tea or coffee. I couldn't hold back any more and just cracked up laughing, and she almost slapped me with the coffee jug when she realized I was pulling her leg. Luckilly the 3 rows in front missed the joke.

You guys do an amazing job. It takes all sorts to make a world...

computers
 

On a flight to london the other day.

Pax looking at me very confused and frustrated...

Me: something wrong?
Pax: My wireless internet is not working! What the hell is going on?
Pax starts hitting the keyboard, pulling out cables, putting them back in etc etc
Me: sorry madam, wireless internet does not work at 35000ft, however very soon you will be able to connect via our own internet network.
Pax: This is just not good enough, I want my internet to work now.
Me: just walked away....couldnt be bothered explaining all to her again!

Really embarassing, because I even read you guys talking about people opening the toilets with the ashtrays. I flew Emirates to NZ the other week and couldn't find the way to get into the toilet, so I started grabbing at the ashtray thingy and the FA pushed at the door laughed and then he gave me an odd look. I felt like the biggest idiot and thought of Pprune straight away! I guess us SLF are a bit slow, or maybe it's just me!