Pax in Club: If this airline goes bust what happens to my frequent flyer miles?
Me :yuk: *thinking in my head* If the airline goes bust my last bloody thought is going to be your miles...I will be thinking about how I will pay my bills!

I'm sure the poor crew at MaxJet and Silverjet had pax screaming at them when they got grounded.

yet another one
 

I was working at MAN as ground crew a few years ago, when I walked through T1 to get my lunch. A man came up to me and said 'can you tell me where I parked my car?' Trying to be my usual helpful self and thinking he couldn't find the car parks, I said 'certainly, which car park did you park in?' He replies, 'don't you know?' I did have to tell him, that as I wasn't in the car when he parked it, I would not be able to find it for him. He walked off, and I had my lunch and went back to work.

I wonder if he ever found his car?:p

Not CC but,
 

Many moons ago, having presented the completed loadsheet to the Captain, walking through the cabin of an HS748 older than me, elated at not having to jump out of the forward freight door again......................(H&S not an issue in '91)

Akin to the Pilot going visual with the Fokker I hear,

Excuse me, 'do these planes crass very often'

Me 'Generally, just the once madam'

Killing look from the Purser, many drinks to make up for the comment, but a memory that will last a lifetime...................................

ok i work on the ground. I was boarding an Easyjet flight and it was raining outside. The passengers dont actually have to walkthat far but i almost laughed when a lady came up to me with disgust on her face saying "dont you provide complimentry umbrellas at all?" i felt like saying to her you do relise your flying easyjet and notba first class, and even then i dont think they have complimentry umbreallas do they??? lol :ugh:

Sitting in the Pink Elephant bus as we returned to LHR to pick up our car. ( Thousands of parked cars, car park divided into coloured zones )

Driver: "Ladies and gentlemen, What colour zones?"

1st pax:"Orange"
2nd pax:"Purple"

My wife :uhoh: "Green!, it's a green VW Golf!"

Many moons ago a friend was cc for a 757 operator, with a rear facing crew seat just behind the trailing edge. It was a regular thing that on engine start-up a PAX would get more than a little nervous (the RB211 can spit out a lot of black s:mad:t on start-up), and states "errr, a errrm, the engines on FIRE!!!!!"

My friend would look out in all seriousness and calmy state "I think your'e right .... and I'm glad it is ........... (impregnated pause) ........... because if it wasn't we wouldn't be going anywhere"

@Flyboyz_NZ Sorry mate but I couldn't let your non-stop Melbourne-Dubai of 22hours slip through the net :ok: The longest flight is only well not only but it's 18hrs40 on Singapore's Newark-Singapore route
Non-stop flight - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Not sure you C.C. are going to allow ex-F/Deck to post on this thread, but reading tales of pax. behaviour reminds me : the dear old Bristol Britannia 312 had a small cubicle near the front designated as a Gents. toilet, and operating a chocolate box charter inbound from Jamaica about 50 yrs. ago the door opened and a steward crept up to the flt.engineer, who started to smile and wrote in his Tech Log. "Gents Urinal used as Arsenal, pls, clean " The subsequent crew found the note " Rectumfied". Doesn't sound as if much has changed. Miss it.

You're right, we don't carry umbrellas, even for our First pax. We just have a word with God and make sure it's not raining when they board! :E

ExSp33db1rd

You're always welcome to post on our thread, as long as you're saying nice things about us! :p

Jsl

As SLF on a trip from LGW to MSP we were somewhere in the region of Greenland when the lady sitting next to me and who was peering out of the window said "oh look, its a regata". I also peered out of the window. It turned out that she had seen some ice bergs.

Heard at LGW: "Where do I check in?". "Who are you flying with, madam?" "Oh. It's just em"

JSL " You're always welcome to post on our thread, as long as you're saying nice things about us! :p "

What else ! I might tell you what the really nice ones did behind the flight deck door when we had our eyes and hands glued to the sextant for 2 minutes - too !!! but our subsequent retribution would fall in the category of not being nice to you. Happy Days.

Life Vests Deployed
 

Flight inbound to Oahu flying in a westerly direction.

The air traffic controllers in Hawaii tend to move @ island pace. So when it gets busy we get backed up quickly and put into long vectors.

On this particular flight we got vectored past Oahu on our westerly direction and the aircraft was landing east bound on runways 08 & 04.

The flight attendant rings us to inform us that 2 passengers obviously got scared that they saw the island of Oahu past their window thought our aircraft was in some sort of imminent danger or that we were flying towards japan grabbed their life vests put them over their heads and deployed them.

US TSA Security Screeners are really stupid
 

I guess from time to time the US National Guard (I hope i got the right branch of the military...u get the picture) patrols airports in military BDU's and what clearly appears to be M16 rifles.

As they pass from the non secured area to the secured area the TSA Security Screener's made the above military personnel place their firearms in the bin for scanning!!

These people are BRAIN DEAD

Precisely ! What EXACTLY are they scanning for !!!:ugh:

Dutyfree
 

LHR-MIA
American pax 'excuse me sir, when do you do the dutyfree service?'
Me-'straight after the meal service, madam'
American pax 'when's the meal service?'
Me-'just before the dutyfree'
American pax 'oh Thanks'
:ugh:

wol123
I guess you answered that way because you didn't know. You could have asked one of your more intelligent colleagues.

s37

its known in England as sarcasm

Its the same when pax ask as soon as we are boarding what time we will arrive in the destination, most of the time they ask when we are late, but occasionally when the flight is on time

Pax: When will arrive in xxx
Me: *hours *min (flight time) after we take off

Sarcasm works sometimes, off they go all happy knowing what they wanted!

I recall sitting next to two people who are scared of flying. And both shared details of how, why and what will go wrong with this plane on this flight. The CC as usual where checking we were wearing our seatbelt's these two refused to, instead the continuously asked the member of crew for the belts similar to what the flight deck has. Cabin crew attempted to explain over and over that it was impossible to provide these. And they kept syaing why do passengers get these pieces of crap and the crew get decent belts. The CC responded with "They need us to be alive to account for the crash and defend the company. Passengers however will bad mouth the company".

Not really funny but what can you do.

"its known in England as sarcasm"

It's known everywhere as "superiority syndrome"

FYI Sarcasm: Noun, The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

That's from an ENGLISH dictionary.
s37

Oh please climb down from your hobby horse for a few minutes, Shack37 and come and join us mere mortals having a good old moan! As has already been pointed numerous times on this thread, it is generally a light hearted look at some of the strange things people will say and do and I think you'll find it includes things we've all done, from passengers to ground staff to hosties to pilots. I could fill an entire thread with some of the stupid things I have said and done, as I'm sure, most of us could. If you can tell me that you've never got upset, said something stupid or used sarcasm in your entire life, then well done. You are obviously a saint and heading straight for the top table when your time is up. Otherwise, please let us have our moment!

Thanks

Jsl

P.S. If you are indeed a saint, any chance of a free pass to the said top table? ;)

Roles reversed. Senior cabin attendant asks junior to cover door 3L as her station. 10 mins later senior attendant finds junior attendant had covered door 3L with a blanket.:ugh: Dont forget who pays YOUR salary.:ugh:

Uh, Uh, i know!!! I'm being told everyday:} : It's the pax!:}

Rgds,
ATS

Read it again sevenfourseven.

For the record, I hope that junior attendent was offloaded immediately as, while it may be quite funny, no one with such a lack of basic knowledge should be allowed to continue flying as crew!

Jsl

Jet set Lady, No she continues to fly for the self proclaimed 'Worlds favourite' Airline.:confused:

I never get tired of this one:
flightcrew: tea white one sugar please.
cc: with milk?
flightcrew: :ooh:

British Collins dictionaries say sarcasm is:

[ues of] bitter or wounding ironic language.

sevenforeseven,

I don't know what to say. I think the official term would be "gobsmacked"! How on earth did this crew member manage to make it on line in the first place? I know it probably doesn't help but if I had seen this, she wouldn't have touched the floor on the way out of the aircraft and back to the training school! :suspect:

Joe H

Sorry! Habit I'm afraid. Guilty as charged! :(

Jsl

British dictionary?
 

I think you will find there is no such language as British, and it is therefore an English dictionary. I havn't actually looked this up, because when I went to get the book it said "Oxford English Dictionary" on the front in giant letters, which I took to be authority enough.

On the other hand, when I moved to North Carolina, I was had the following conversation with a nice lady from South Carolina. "Honey, where are you from?" Me.. " I am from Liverpool in the UK" She "Your accent is so lovely and your english is so good, what language do you speak there?" Me.. "well, I am English" She "I know that.." and continued to wait for me to tell her what language we spoke.

Some think Europe is a country!
 

sat across the aisle from an american couple on a train trip to Venice, they noticed we were speaking English and came over to ask a question:

Them: can we get a taxi to our hotel from the railway station?
Us: a water taxi , depending where it is
Them: how do you mean ... water taxi?
Us: there are no cars in Venice. You walk or you catch a boat.
Them: do you think we could get a bus to our hotel then?
Us: there are no cars, or buses, in Venice. You walk or you catch a boat
Stunned looks, and more explanations. In the end we escorted them to a water taxi at the station. Probably cost them a bit but I didnt think the could negotiate the public transport.

Somehow (to their credit) they got out of the US and within 30mins of arriving in Venice without actually knowing what the place was about. Not sure what was motivating the visit.

Not quite Stupid Pax comment but still aviation themed, we had a visitor to the Ops room, commercial banker, allegedly inteligent, anyway during his visit there was a rwy change - he questioned the reason for this with the serious comment i assume they do that to save wear and tear on the tarmac, It was hard for the entire ops room to keep from bursting in to laughter,anyway we managed to stay profesional maintain straight faces and explain the basics to him.

Mind Control
 

PAX: "Excuse me my TV is telling me to kill you!"
CC: "Oh that's OK. Do not be alarmed."
SOUND EFFECT: repeated stabbing sounds




A RECENT NOTICE TO CREW:
Following a recent reset of the IFE system, what could be perceived as
'threatening messages' appeared on the screens. An example of one of the possible
messages is "System going down", a few lines of text followed by "Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill".

These messages are part of the IFE reboot/reset software and cannot be changed. Engineering are liaising with Panasonic regarding this matter and are working to reduce the number of reboots/resets, however should you need to reboot the IFE system, the following PA should be made:

"Ladies and gentleman, due to the problems some of you are experiencing with the entertainment system, we have to shut it down and restarted it. This should take about 30 minutes and we apologise for this temporary inconvenience. During this time, some of the text messages displayed on your screen may appear as threatening. Please do not be alarmed. The messages relate to the shutting down of the system. Thank you for your patience and understanding."

When resetting the IFE at inidividual seats, the CCM should provide similar
advise to the customer before starting the reset procedure.




Perhaps our engineers have stumbled over Panasonics long term secret plan of mass murder by using mind control on our passengers!:=

Well if we are moving on to non-pax, but still watching aircraft :

At our skydiving club :

Spectator 1 : "What height do you jump out at ?"
Me : "12,000 feet"
Spectator 1 : "Can you still breathe ?"
Spectator 2 : "Well yes, the aircraft is pressurised"
Spectator 1 : "Ah, of course".

Later in the clubhouse was told this was by no means the first time someone had said this.

Nice hot, thermally type of day, bouncing around on approach, loads of crosswind, even more 'positive' arrival than normal for a Q400.

Female pax, with voice like a Daily Mail editorial, advises cabin crew; "Well, there was no need for that sort of landing - they get paid enough money."

Yes there was, and no we don't. :hmm:

PAX: "Excuse me Miss, can I change this bottle of water, this water is very dry"
CC: :hmm:

pax yesterday. "Why has my seat been changed?" me maybe we have had an aircraft change since you checked in on line. Her "well it's the same aircraft you always use." me "yes but we have variants of each type and the seating is slightly different on each" Her in the tone of Anne Robinson " ooh aren't you knowledgable" me "yes madam i've been here for nine years." About to walk away when she announces it's very inconvenient. I take another look at her ticket and say "it must be awfuly inconvenient to have to walk an extra 3 rows down the cabin" and left it at that. daft mare. However thru the flight she was quite nice. Talk about mood schwing over nowt. But she was a plat card holder. we had upgrades a go go in c class. I can imagine she was stuck down the back for being a bit of a madam at check in. :ugh::ugh:

Apparently boss of UA was on one of his flights. He observes a pax giving a crew member a hard time demanding an upgrade.

He approaches pax, introduces himself and asks if he can help.

Pax continues to demand so boss asks if can see tkt pls.

Tkt produced for a Y class lower fare.

Boss says...I will give you a full refund......now get the F~~~ off my airplane