Always best to fetch one of your collegues and ask them to help this passenger "who seems to have forgotten who he/she is................!"

MR XxX :p

Not a complaint, but a question i had asked to me last night!!!!

"Excuse me, where is the southern cross?"

(a well known Australian star formation)

"I'm sorry sir, once we've crossed the border into the next state, unfortunately you can't see it anymore, it is unfortunately only in the skies above WA!"

(I didn't say this, but would've loved to!)

an explanation was given that its a bit hard to find a star formation out of an aircraft window, especially if you haven't been looking for it in the first place!

paxing home one time in J class, passenger behind me had asked a F/A for something and after not receiving it roughly 5 minutes after asking, he stopped the F/A mid service and said,

"Excuse me, can i ask you a question? Do you have Alzheimers disease?"

I couldn\'t believe it, soooooo close to turning around and giving him a piece!!!!

Thankfully the F/A explained to him, that his request for seconds will be met after the service is complete as there are still people that haven\'t received anything!!!!

This one was told to me from a stewardess on a medical diversion....
In the middle of the dinner service a passenger in first class became very ill. While the passenger was being attended to by some of the crew, a nearby passenger asked "I hope the cheese board is not delayed!"

Just last week, a young 18ish year old was complaining of sore ears on the decent into MEL. Cabin had been secured but we hadn't been doubled dinged to sit down and he jumped out of his seat and ran to the rear of the a/c, the crew down the back told him to sit down and they would come to him. They did and gave him the usual brenclear (I was amazed that we had some) and some ice.

Minutes later his call bell went off and as I got up from L1 and went to see him, as I got to him the Captain had doubled dinged us to sit down, the man next to him unrelated to him asked me quite seriously, "Can u just ring the Captain and tell him to slow down". I informed him that we couldn't (as the landing gear came down!) and he demanded to know why I wasn't going to, I simply said, "That if there wasn't a fire in the cabin or a safety issue it wasn't an emergency".

Sorry I couldn't help it, I will be on annual leave in 3 weeks - I think I need to recharge!!! I did go back to him with a brenclear in hot water, fixed him up, and explained to his mate (I was a tad less stressed out standing during our landing) and explained why I couldn't in more detail, I may as well have been banging my head against the galley!!!!

God bless all the "interesting and unique" pax in the world.......



Another one, don't you hate it when you have a paxing sector (as your about to start a four sector day, min rest, etc) or even on a red eye and you find a spare seat on the isle to have a controlled 20min sleep and the pax at the window decides that he/his wants to have a chat with you!!!

Or when your crew is sitting down the rear of the a/c, cabin lights down and asleep (they are just having a rest) and a arrogant pax who comes from the Pacific (love all expect this particular man) and starts winging for 45mins about his travel agent and the fact he couldn\'t read his itinerary properly and had to pay $50 each for his family to get on our flight - lucky us, the $50 should have gone to us!!!

Oh and he stinks of stale cigarettes (from the pack he smoke prior to flying with us from PER to SYD (winds were good, thank goodness), oh and starts talking about getting arrested for beating up some poor bugger and starts telling the crew what he would like to do to the poor Ground crew who was just doing their job.

Thanks for starting this thread, I had a trip from the south of hell, can you tell!!! Hee, hee.:sad:

Thanks to everyone who has responded to this thread, I did not expect it to spark the interest that it has! Hope that its given you all a bit of light reading and entertainment :ok: :E

Keep them coming folks, I am sure there are more out there that we get on a frequent basis?

Cheers ;)

I just LOVE those people that are intent on standing next to you waiting for the toilet while you're trying to sit and have your break, eating etc, even after you've told them to queue in the aisleway (security reasons) and they only move back a foot. C'mon people, give us some space!!!!!!!!!!!! I neer realised, lonliness is sometimes sooooo nice!!!!

"Whats that scent you are wearing?"

Gives a whole new meaning to the concept of Eau Du Toilet (toilet water)

:E

I always save seats 1E & F for wchr pax and put signs on the tray tables which read, "THIS SEAT IS RESERVED. PLEASE DO NOT SIT HERE". If only I had a pound for everytime someone's asked me if they can sit there!

I remember a few years ago and a business class pax complained that the scrambled eggs served to her were not cooked properly and we all know what happens when you overcook scrambled eggs on a flight don't we???? Nobody likes green eggs!!!:ugh: :yuk: :eek:

What about when they complain to you about how far away the gate is from security/check in? Like thats your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get this one whenever we have a delay situation caused by the late arrival of the operating aircraft and a PA has been made to this effect.

Pax - Excuse me, is this flight boarding?

Me - No, we have a slight delay today, due to the late arrival of the operating aircraft, as soon as the aircraft is here, we will board you as soon as all incoming pax are off the aircraft and we have completed the cleaning and our safety checks.

Pax - You dont understand - I need to be on that flight.

Me - (turn and point towards EMPTY aircraft bay) - as you can see, there is no aircraft here yet, so we will have a delay in boarding - whilst we await the arrival of the aircraft

Pax - but is says on my boarding pass - we will be boarding at this time.

Me - as I have just explained to you blah blah blah (repeat myself for like the 5th time)

Pax - Are you listening to me - I need to be on that flight!!!!!!!!!!!

Me - Look, see down there - no plane - you cant get on it, if its not here, please take a seat and I will personally escort you to the aircraft once we have an aircraft to board.

Pax - you could have just told me that in the first place.

God love em!!!!!!!!!!

Princess!!!
 

Sinala, you may have had this one...

On our flights, just as a courtesy, we tell pax where there seat is, i.e. "8A, that's a window seat, eight rows down on your right :)" Simple and helpful, one would guess.

Well not so long ago I had this "lady" and her snotty-nosed 16-17 y/o Britney-Worshipping daughter get on board. I told them both "10 A+B, that's the window and centre seats on your right, 10 rows down".

Daughters smart-@$$ reply: "Yeah, I do know how to count to 10!"

My reply: Sure, counting's one thing, but do you know your left from your right?!"

Can't stand that "Whatever" attitude!


That's my piece...:mad:

:eek:

Could'a fooled me, lady!

:E

I heard a great story about a demanding women who was hassling the cabin crew every 10 mins as she wanted something for her throat. Eventually after several throat sweets, tots of whisky etc etc the cabin crew finally sorted the problem out. "For your throat madam" announces the flight attandent as she presents the women with an empty plate and a sharp steak knife

it was more of a question......
 

A rather "precious" lady on a flight to NCE asked one of my colleagues if the bread for the sandwiches was organic, she wasn't happy when she was told that it wasn't!!

I had a pax ask me what juices we had available on the trolley, I replied with the standard, "we have orange, tomato or apple juice madam". Yes you guessed it, she asked if we had pineapple juice, "no I'm sorry, we don't have that" ....."oh ok, do you have mango juice?"....
:rolleyes:

This isn't a strange request, but it's soooo funny! Anyway, we were flying over Windsor Castle, and this lady goes to me "Excuse me, excuse me, why did the Queen build Windsor castle soooo close to London Heathrow?? It must be sooooo noisey!" To which I replied, the Queen actually didn't build Windsor castle, and it was there long before aircraft even existed, let alone Heathrow! To which this lady was genuinely suprised at!!!! Hmmmm, and they think we're stupid?!?!?!

Brilliant topic Sinala, very entertaining and it certainly kept me amused during my shift.

Reminds me of a story my uncle told me as a child.

He was a businessman and used to travel a lot. Once when he was travelling on a Viscount (remember those) in the 1960's, the elderly gentleman seated next to him summoned the young hostie.

"Excuse me miss, could you tell the pilot to switch off one of those big fans as I am feeling a bit cold"

The old ones are definitely the best.!!!!

:ok: :ok: :ok:

New one!!!
 

Here's a fresh one for you all...

We 9/10 times board from both the front and rear of the aircraft. It's a simple system and the ground crew try to spell it out as clearly as is possible. If you are in rows 1-15, front stairs. Rows 16 and above, rear stairs.

Tonight whilst Deadheading, during boarding a less than intelligent but very well dressed lady was having trouble getting to her seat from the front of the aircraft against a torrent of pax boarding from the rear. I asked her which seat she was in, she told me 27B. I told her that next time she may be better off boarding via the rear stairs as that would deliver her alot closer to that seat. She looked at me in disgust and said, "All these people want to get past me and it's just not good enough! You should do something about it!"

Lady, if you weren't such an oxygen thief, the problem would never have existed...


Hmmm:mad:

" a joke"
 

an elderly gentleman well into his nineties is about to embark on his first flight ever traveling to see his grandchildren... his daughter who was seeing him off was understandably a bit concerned and explained the situation to the flight attandant and asked if they coulld keep an eye on him.. the f/a said not to worry he would be fine and they would watch out for him...

about an hour into the flight the old gentleman slowly began to lean over to his left into the aisle.. a f/a who noticed this quickly rushed over, straightened him up and proped a pillow under his left arm to support him... he sat there for another 10 minutes and then slowly began to lean over to his right side into the vacant seat next to him... again the f/a rushed over straightened him up and proped a pillow under his right arm so he was now supported fully upright. where he remained for the remainder of the flight.

when he finally arrived at his destination the old fellow slowly made his way up the areobridge to the greetings of his exited grandchildren... "granddad grandad they said how was your first flight...?' "good" he said. then after a slight pause "they wont let you fart though".

It had been a long busy day, I was on my 10th duty hour......

CC: As youre seated at an overwing emergency exit, can I ask you to pop your bag under the seat in front here for take off and landing...
PAX: No it can stay on the seat here.
CC: Sorry Madam, its a safety regulation to ensure your bag is in a secure area, its just for take off and landing.
PAX: Its safe here on the seat next to me.
CC: If youre not happy for it to go on the floor, I'll just pop it in the overhead locker for you (CC leans over).
PAX: (Jutting leg out to stop my grabbing the bag) For gods sake child, when we take off everything goes that way (pointing to the rear), what is your f*ing problem?
CC: (ouch!) Madam, when we crash, everything goes that way (pointing to the passengers heads in front), now I dont have a problem with that but shall we ask the man in front if he has?
PAX: (hands me bag and sits very quietly)

I used to work for a LCC where pax would pay for their drinks and snacks. We provided a menu in their seat pocket, complete with little pictures, descriptions and prices, and made 2 PAs to ask them to decide before we got to them.
This was a 45 minute flight with 3 crew and approx 150 pax to serve, take money, etc..

CC: What can i get for you?
PAX: Do you have drinks?
CC: Yes we have vodka, G&T, brandy, wine, what would you like?
PAX: What do you have?
CC: Heres the bar on these pages (opens up menu with pictures)
PAX: Do you have alcohol?
CC: Yes what do you normally drink?
PAX: Gin, but what do you have?
CC: Its all there in the brochure, we have vodka, gin, beer, brandy, baileys.........
PAX: So you have gin?
CC: Yes madam what would you like with it? (pointing to pictures of mixer cans in menu)
PAX: What do you have?
CC: tonic, orange, lemonade.....(pointing to pictures at same time)
PAX: Do you have tonic water?
CC: Yes madam. So Gin and tonic then?
PAX: If you have it. Oh and what do you have to eat?
CC: Theres a selection just here in the menu madam, including snacks and sandwiches.
PAX: Do you have any crisps or nuts?
CC: Have you got eyes, you lemon?
PAX: Pardon?
CC: I said, would you like ice and lemon?
(at this point I handed her over to my colleague whilst I checked the flight deck!!!)

Should be a security question at check in: "did you pack your brain in your hold luggage?"