Sort of fits in this thread...

Exchange between NASA controllers and Apollo 11 just before the Eagle takes off from the moon to come home:

NASA: "Our guidance recommendation is PNGCS, and you're cleared for take off"
Buzz Aldrin: "Roger, understand we are number one on the runway"

HD, I think you need to freak out too :ok:

Was watching Airplane last week and that was one of the jokes. Made me chuckle anyway, so thought I'd share it with the pprune faithful.

I know its an old joke but as far as I know its not been used on this thread and the title of the thread is NOT "New or current ATC humour" anyway. :D

He he

Not really my experience, but I heard it at work...

The atco was vectoring for ILS. The ac was given the intercept heading with instructions to report established on the loc.
The ac went straight through and the pilot reported:
"We are going through the loc, but correcting"
Apparantly too much, he overshoots again.
Finally when established the atco asks: "What happened there?"
Pilot: "I'm sorry, I am a bit high on speed".

Apologies if this has been posted before but dont have time to check every page !!

An old one I remember being reported I think in the Daily Telegraph. BA (BEA?) Trident inbound to Heathrow running low on fuel requests priority approach.

Controller: BA XXX confirm your endurance

Trident (mishearing the request): Well I'm with the Prudential and the Trident is with Lloyds I think.

Flying back to Rotterdam from Biggin Hill in my little 152 on Sunday, I overheard another SEP informing London Info that he'd be climbing to FL1000. We all wish him luck.

Air traffic to jet about to establish on the localiser:-

ATC- Speedbird XXX can i turn you on at 3 miles?

Jet- Madam, you may certainly try..

---

ATC- piper can you turn left and report your heading?

Piper- 340, 341, 342, 343...

---

ATC- Speedbird XXX, you are number 3 of 2 for the approach..

Jet- thats ok, 5 out of 3 pilots cant count!

---

ATC- Globemaster, can you just confirm the reg/callsign of your wingman?

Globemaster- erm.. Sir we are a 1 aircraft flight...

Silence...

ATC- Ooh you have traffic :)

---

On a more serious note i know of a pilot who called up Manston tower asking to land immediately, when asked to elaborate he said there was 17 tons of TNT onboard, and the aircraft was on fire!

I see the Piper pilot also can't tell left from right....

Attentive as always, Scooby Don't! :E:D

Rubbing it in
 

Apparently the Qantas flight from EGLL yesterday was allocated squawk 2121 and asked to repeat it at every handover...:D

(And before anyone complains, shamelessly ripped from a post on Flyer...)

Nice try, but this squawk is allocated to Amsterdam :)

they had to specially request it be reallocated for the day, but this did happen :ok:

Probably all the way to the London FIR boundary

Code allocation is computer generated, google ORCAM if you want to know more; anyway, apart from a few tossers:suspect: who gives a :mad: for cricket?

ALL of Oz....rather "more" than a few.........
bb

Mistaken Identity
 

My callsign is C-FUCH.

Some years ago:

Me: "Lethbridge Radio, this is Charlie Fox Uniform Charlie Hotel"

Lethbridge (female operator): "Charlie Fox Uniform Charlie Kilo, Lethbridge"

Me "Was that a Feudian slip madam?"

Lethbridge: Silence.

And:

Me: "Palm Beach Departure, Charlie Fox Uniform Charlie Hotel with you out of two thousand"

PBI: "Charlie Fox Uniform Charlie Kilo, roger, climb an maintain 5 thousand"

Me: "Charlie Fox Uniform Charlie HOTEL, up to 5"

PBI: "Charlie Fox Uniform Charlie Kilo, proceed direct Freeport"

Me: "Direct Freeport, and before we part company, I'm determined you're going to get my callsign right"

PBI: "Uniform Charlie Kilo, roger"

Female voice on PBI frequency: "I'm his supervisor, and he sure is going to get it right Sir"

Another German One
 

ATC: "Lufthansa 123, Preston" (Yes, it wasn't yesterday)

Silence

ATC: "Lufthansa 123, Preston Airways, do you read?"

Silence

ATC: "Lefthansa 123, this is Preston Airways on 123 decimal 4, how do you read?"

Silence, then

Unknown: "Vi haff vays off making you tokk"

Okay, Google didn't help me with this one, so I gotta ask...

Something to do with Cricket and a bowl of ashes I think. England won the series 2-1

ex-egll

Whilst on the topic of Qantas...

''Speedbird XXX, give way to the Qantas A380 right to left''

''Roger, we'll give way to the block of flats... Speedbird XXX''

Last month I was doing MACC North Tac when Leeds ring, the Planners busy so I answered:

" Hi Leeds, Manch North"
" Hi Manch, can you tell BEExxx thats just departed that after him we did a runway inspection and found a dead plumber on the runway! We think its him thats done it" - I just laughed, then they say "Its a bird by the way"

So, I try and collect myself for 4000ft of the BEE's climb before saying:
"BEExxx message from Leeds, they've found a dead plumber on the runway and they think its you thats killed him"
"Ahhhhh BEExxx roger, we'll take a look when we land", then 5 seconds later he goes "I'd have expected a Sparkie but not a plumber"
By this time we're all laughing so I reply:
"That'll teach him for digging up the drains at the wrong time"

Few minutes later its time to chuck him
"BEExx contact manchester, 128.050"
"Roger, 128.050, we'll try not to kill anymore tradesmen enroute"
Im pissing myself by now and squeek out something along the lines of
"It's the chippies you've got to watch, they're lethal"

Then 30 secs later Leeds ring:
"Tell the BEE it wasn't him that killed the plumber it was someone else"

We tried explaining it to West but it all got too much

Watch out for joiners at Wallasey ...